Chapter 5

I was so completely enraptured in their life-stories that I didn't notice when the two missing members returned and were listening to our conversation until they started to comment on their own life-stories, adding a missing detail or certain thought where they thought necessary. The brawny one I was sure was Emmet at first sight, it's the other, the honey blond one that held my attention. I could see with my human eyes in the dim light the multiple scars that I immediately identified as the shiny crescent bite marks of vampire teeth. The story answered my question of why so many vampires would have attacked just one. My mind tried to focus on the intellectual conversation that followed, but Jasper, the honey blond, was stuck to the forefront of my mind. Why was I so interested in this vampire? I stared shamelessly at the distant vampire trying to label this odd pull that I had towards him, when he locked eyes with me. In just that second, I understood why my breath had hitched and my heartbeat sped, but I refused to acknowledge it. I stood up stiffly.

"I have to go." I left without another word to my confused hosts. Though I didn't turn around to check, I knew that Jasper's eyes followed me all the way out and wondered at my confidence to my own claim.

I stared after the retreating girl in shock. What had she just felt when we made eye contact? What had I experienced in that second? Certainly not something I felt towards every other human. I felt more than thirst when I saw her so human face. I saw beyond the fact that she was human. She was beautiful. Her jet black, wavy long hair held back by a black hair band; her dark-chocolate brown eyes; her high, proud cheekbones; her smooth, round cheeks that lead to a small proud chin. Her full, royal lips that had turned down in a grimace before she turned; the regal way she walked with such a delicate human frame; how her lovely cream skin held paper thin fragility; her long, lovely lashes, the curious quirk in her eyebrow-I could go on forever about her limitless beauty. I realized once again that Alice was right. My love for her had never felt this intense... and for that I felt horrid. I had never loved Alice as I was supposed to. I failed as a man. I became selfish. A monster. A vampire. I turned away from the beautiful retreating figure, gauging her feelings as I did. Confusion. Realization. Horror. But the emotions that cowered the rest were wonder, amazement, LOVE. My palm met with my forehead in quiet shock. She felt what I did in that same moment. And she didn't like it. She didn't want to fall in love with me, a vampire, a monster. As the door opened, I felt her fear grow as she took in the darkness outside. The unknown frightened her. I stood up without realizing, wanting to calm her fears, to protect her from it. I was about to take a step forward, but I stopped myself. NO. I will not chase after her. I have no right to claim her nor does she wish it. I turned on my heel and sped out the back door and into the surrounding forest before she had even closed the door. My thoughts continued to wheel in my head until one particular thought occurred to me. Why can't I just watch her from a distance? Why couldn't I just protect her from the shadows, without her knowing? I would get nothing in return for I deserved none, but she gets the protection and sense of security she so richly deserves. Our kind destroyed her life, though I don't deserve to, I owe it to her to protect her, as one of the vampires that hurt her, as one of the monsters of her nightmares. Even as I was thinking this, my legs had already started moving towards the whirl of emotions I already recognized as Athena Ortiz. I was sickened by the excitement I felt at going to see her, to just catch a glimpse of this human, this girl. I have fallen into a deeper and much warmer abyss than I have ever fallen into in my existence. This is true love.

My hands shook as I revved my snowmobile and flipped on the strong lights, making the first mile ahead of me visible. Darkness, unknown, danger! I shook my head and revved once more before opening my eyes and speeding forward. I just fell in love with a vampire, with a monster! I clamped down the tears that threatened to overflow at this horrible thought. That's not true. My snowmobile dangerously skidded left when the thought ran through my mind. Not true? How? Why?

Because you fell in love with Jasper Whitlock, Jasper Hale, not a monster.

But still a vampire! my mind argued back at this calm voice.

A good one. Didn't you just see that they are good to the core? They don't kill humans.

But they still crave it!

And they suffer for it. You're letting your hate towards those responsible fall to all their kind, even the ones that have humanity, even the one you just fell in love with.

I don't love him!

Yes, you do and you know it. You also know that he loves you in return and that he is suffering even now because of it.

Why would he suffer for love of me? That makes no sense.

If you calmed down and thought about it, it would. Remember the story of his life, the way he turned into a vampire, what he had to go through being the honorable man he was. He does not believe that a monster like himself deserves a pure love.

He doesn't!

Stop that! My thoughts were interrupted by the sudden blur that appeared in the corner of my eye and swerved sharply to the right when I saw that a deer had just jumped right in front of me.