"I'm sorry to drop by this late, Jeannie," said the Joker as he entered Jeannie's house. "I didn't know if you'd still be up."
"Oh, I don't…sleep very well anymore," she murmured softly. "Not since you…um…went missing. I kept lying awake thinking I'd hear the key turn in the lock, or the phone ring, and it'd be your voice on the other end. And tonight…it was," she said, beaming at him. "You've come home at last, Jack."
He didn't respond – just looked around the small but cozy house. "You lived here long?" he asked.
She nodded. "We bought it after we were married," she murmured. "Seems a long time ago now. But for the first time in ages, it finally seems like my home again," she whispered, gazing at him with tears in her eyes. She wiped them away. "Sorry…where are my manners? You want a drink, baby?"
"Yeah. Whatcha got?" he asked.
She went over to a cabinet. "I kept your favorite scotch for you, just in case you ever came back," she murmured, pulling out a bottle. Joker looked at it in surprise.
"Yeah…this is my favorite scotch," he said slowly.
She smiled. "Nice some things don't change," she murmured, pouring a glass for him.
He took the drink and sipped it as silence descended on them. "Just you here?" he asked at last.
"Yeah," she said quietly. "I'm still a married woman, so…y'know. It wouldn't have felt right to…live with anyone else. I could never break my wedding vows by cheating on you..." She looked up at him suddenly. "Sorry, baby, I didn't mean that the way it sounded. I wasn't accusing you of anything…you didn't remember you were married, after all, so you can't be blamed for having another girl…"
"Leave her outta this," said Joker quietly. "This ain't got nothing to do with her."
He sipped his drink again and laughed. "I actually came over expecting to see a couple kids the spitting image of me or something. We ain't got kids, right?"
"No," she said, staring at the floor. "No. I can't…conceive." She looked up at him. "We found out shortly after we were married. You told me it wasn't my fault and not to worry about it. And then you made a joke. You always knew how to make me laugh, Jack, even when things were bad," she whispered. "That's when it mattered most. I've missed that so much."
She wiped tears from her eyes again. "Sorry…I shouldn't cry. It's in the past, and there's nothing I can do to change it. It's just been so lonely since you left, Jack," she said, gazing at him.
"Ever thought about getting a cat?" he chuckled. "I know a dame who swears by 'em."
She looked at him. "It's so weird for me to think about you as the Joker, Jack. The guy who fights Batman, the terrifying, insane, murdering supercriminal…you've changed so much from the man you were."
"Well, it's weird of me to think about being this guy Jack," laughed Joker. "Tell me about him."
"Tell you about Jack?" she whispered. "Well…sure, baby. You were…the sweetest guy in the whole world. We…um…met at a dance. I was always pretty shy, but you came over to me and asked me to dance and…you were just so charming. And funny. I guess some things don't change. Anyway, you kissed me on the dance floor, right there in front of everyone. You said you were sorry for embarrassing me, but if you hadn't kissed me, you'd have exploded trying to fight it, and you assured me I wouldn't have wanted to be responsible for anything like that."
She smiled at him. "You asked me to marry you on top of the ferris wheel at the state fair, and you said if I refused you, you'd have to jump off because you'd have nothing left to live for. And I agreed because I wouldn't have wanted to be responsible for anything like that. I guess your jokes were always kinda morbid, but you didn't mean them, baby. You meant them to be sweet. You never would have hurt anyone. I think you just…got confused after your accident. Forgot that…that real pain and death wasn't funny. Stopped being able to tell the difference between a joke and reality."
"Maybe," he agreed, taking a sip from his drink. They were silent again. "So what's the game, toots?" he asked at last. "Even if I was this guy Napier, why would you want me like this? Unless you got a thing for clowns!" he chuckled.
She stared at him. "You're my husband," she murmured. "I want you no matter what you look like. That doesn't matter, Jack. All that matters is that we're together again, after all these years. You've come home to me. And you won't…leave me again, will you, Jack?" she asked quietly, gazing at him.
He finished his drink. "Ain't that simple, toots," he muttered. "Even if it's all true, I can't just give up my life and return to being a sweet, nice guy. It ain't who I am anymore. I got other commitments now."
"You mean her, don't you?" asked Jeannie, coldly. "Your little floozy…"
"I told you to leave her outta this," interrupted Joker. "I actually meant the Bat. How bored would he be if I just gave up the crime gig and returned to being a devoted husband? Couldn't do that to the poor kid, or to me. I get bored, Jeannie. That kinda life wouldn't satisfy me anymore."
"I wouldn't…satisfy you?" she whispered.
"Look, I'm sure you're a real nice dame," said Joker, nodding. "Attractive too, I ain't gonna lie. There must be a lotta guys who'd want a pretty gal like you. Why don't you go find one? Your husband, even if he was me, ain't coming back. He's dead."
"He's…not, Jack," she whispered, tears in her eyes. "He's standing right in front of me. Do you have any idea how much I've suffered since you left? Do you have any idea what it's like to lie awake every night and hope against hope that the man you love isn't dead? To realize with each passing year how slim that hope is until you just wish it would die? But that's the annoying thing about hope, Jack. It doesn't die. Even when you pray it would, so you'd be outta pain, it makes you cling on. And seeing you, right in front of me, home again, as you always should've been…it finally makes the pain go away, Jack."
"I don't wanna hurt you, Jeannie," he murmured. "You seem like a sweet kid, and if I really am Jack Napier, I loved you once. I loved you enough to marry you. And because of that, I'm trying to let you down gently. I want to do the right thing by my wife, if that's what you are."
He lay his hands on her shoulders. "I want you to forget about me," he murmured. "Or if it helps you, remember me as I was. But think of me as dead now, Jeannie. Pretend I am dead. Because I can't remember anything about you, or me, or my life before I was the Joker. And I ain't gonna try to relive that past. It's gone forever."
"You think I can just pretend, like some sort of game…" she began.
"Like a joke," he interrupted, smiling. "Because that's all life is, Jeannie. One big joke."
He tilted her chin up. "Now smile for me, baby. And let me go."
"No, Jack, please don't leave me!" she cried desperately, throwing herself into his arms. "I don't wanna be alone again!"
She sobbed, gazing up at him through tear-stained eyes. "You gotta remember me, baby," she whispered. "Please. Please come back to me, Jack."
She shoved her mouth onto his suddenly, kissing him passionately. Joker returned the kiss, trying to remember if she had kissed him before, trying to remember anything about this past relationship, this past life, where he was Jack Napier, where he had married Jeannie, where they had gone on their honeymoon and looked so happy in that picture…
"Stay with me tonight, Jack," she murmured, drawing away at last. "Let me be with my husband again, after all these years. Please?"
He nodded slowly. "Yeah, Jeannie. All right."
She beamed happily, taking his hand and leading him into the bedroom.