For: Sassyluv - something silly!
I'm cheating here - this is from a story I've been working on between chapters of 'World Enough & Time'. I'm not 100% sure if I'll publish it, but if I do, it won't be until it's completed. So, this is pre-romance ;-)
The Code
Hermione sat in the corner of the lunch room on the fourth floor, one hand on her forehead to hold her head up and the other clutching her favourite blue willow cup which was currently filled to the brim with a steaming concoction of coffee and Pepper-Up.
"This is just foul," she grumbled, eyeing her companion with a suspicious scowl. "You knew it would react terribly with the coffee, didn't you! And you gave it to me all the same! Why aren't you drinking it? I bet you took that yummy one you haven't bothered to patent yet."
Utterly unperturbed, Severus smirked and tapped his nose. "You could've had the 'yummy' one if you had stayed on the couch like I asked."
Hermione scoffed. "Why? Just to hear you shagging the goddess with legs up to her armpits? Gods. I have morals, you know."
"Piffle. Are you jealous?"
"Not on your life," she said, finishing off the drink in one large sip and covering her face with a grimace. "Nnnnnngh. Severus – please don't give me that ever again. And don't keep up with what's-her-name."
"You're a real Debbie Downer this morning, aren't you?"
"Bugger off."
"Don't say such obscene words, say 'pardon, darling'," Severus instructed her with a wolfish grin. "And anyway, I won't be 'keeping up' with her. Nothing even happened."
"Oh?" Hermione perked up and tapped her fingernails on the table. "Well that's good. What went wrong? Did she realise that you're not a billionaire? Or were you too snarky?"
"Not snarky enough," he said, shuddering as he adjusted the collar of his robes. "She wanted me to wear the D.E. mask."
"No!" Hermione squawked and gave a very unladylike snort. "Well, good. She was a bit dull."
"Dull? Not dull, not in the least, but just… entirely too much. And you shouldn't look so happy about it. At least I'm getting out there."
"Psch. Everyone knows that when one is lonely, their best friends aren't allowed to get into functional relationships. It's the code. We have to be lonely together, until we finally find people who will put up with our idiosyncrasies enough to shag us senseless every second night."
"And we are supposed to do this simultaneously? I can't wait around for you, Granger." Severus gestured for her to stand and they cleaned their coffee cups before both shrunk them and put them into their pockets. Cleaning charms were all well and good, but one learnt quickly to never share drinking vessels at the Ministry. Hermione bent down and adjusted the band on her sensibly low heeled black pumps, then wriggled around until her skirt was back in place.
"Just wear robes, Hermione," Severus drawled. "Enough of this pottering around looking like a Muggle secretary."
"Leave off!" She looked down at her dark blue blouse and pencil skirt. "I look very smart. This is all the rage on the High Street."
"Precisely why you shouldn't be wearing it," he remarked dryly. Hermione scowled again and marched past, huffing when two long strides had him catching up with her in time to open the door and wave her out into the corridor. Really! What else was an intelligent, all right looking witch in her thirties to do? She'd even taken to wearing makeup most days, yet still there were no wizards beating down her door. Bloody grumps, the lot of them. Speaking of…
"You tell me what I should wear, Severus. Go on. I know your robes are bringing in the witches by the thousands each day."
"At least I present a consistent image. No one will ever expect me to change for them."
"Mmm yes, but have you even bought new robes since taking this job? We've been here for ten years, and I know that you're wearing the pair you spilt coffee on during our first joint task!"
Severus bought his sleeve up and inspected it. "You can't know that. There's not even a mark here!"
"Ha!" Hermione crowed and elbowed him in the side. "You see? Sad sods, both of us. We'll never find blokes – or birds – looking like we do."
"Then I won't find one," he said vehemently, pausing yet again to open the door for her as they entered the offices of the Department of the Magic Research Committee.