Chapter Five

Sirius had been watching the strange muggle television shows while Brielle played on the floor. She pulled herself into a standing position on the coffee table. She squealed in delight which captured Sirius's attention. He smiled. "Hey there, what do you think you're doing?" He said. "Are you trying to walk? You're not even a year old yet! Stop growing up so fast!"

Sirius looked over his shoulder to make sure Remus wasn't watching him. Remus had temporarily moved in with them because he had not been able to afford his apartment this past month. That was the excuse he gave Sirius at least. He was sure that Remus just wanted to be around Brielle. He also had noticed that Remus had developed a little bit of a separation anxiety from Sirius. He supposed that that was what happened when you only had one true friend left. In reality, it was easier having Remus around. Sirius enjoyed having someone that he could hold a conversation with that didn't throw up on him afterwards. Also, having someone else change a few diapers was an added benefit.

After establishing that Remus was not watching him, Sirius got up and walked over to the baby. He went to detach her hands from the table before he felt a sharp swat to his backside and a stern voice snapped "Sirius Black, you better not knock that baby over!"

Sirius turned around and stared incredulously at Remus. "Did you just slap my ass, Remus?" He demanded.

Remus bit his lip. "You were going to knock her over." He snapped. "You'll scar her for life and she'll never want to walk!"

"Did you just slap my ass?" Sirius said again.

Remus glared at Sirius. "You were going to push her down!"

"Remus John Lupin, did you just slap my ass?"

"It got you to stop didn't it?"

"You slapped my ass!"

"You were going to knock that poor baby on hers!"

"I don't care what your reasons were, you slapped my ass!"

"Sirius-"

"No, I don't want to hear your defenses! That is my personal space! What on earth gave you the idea that it was okay to smack my ass?"

"Sirius"

"No, I'm revoking your speech privileges."

"SIRIUS, STOP, LISTEN, SERIOUSLY!"

Sirius stopped and looked at him, cocking his head to the side like a confused puppy. "Is that some kind of pun?" He asked.

"No! Brielle's standing on her own!" Remus said and turned Sirius around.

Brielle was standing, very shakily all by herself. Sirius's mouth dropped open. She smiled and giggled. Sirius had this urge to knock her over again which was diminished with Remus administering another smack to his ass. "Remus, I swear I'll kill you if you touch my ass again."

"Don't you knock her down!"

"Damn it, Remus, I'm not going to!" Sirius snapped. He knelt down on the floor and held out his arms to Brielle. "Come here, sweetheart. Come to daddy."

Brielle took a shaky step and fell back on her butt. She looked up at Sirius and began to whimper. "No, it's okay, you can do it." He said and picked her back up. He set her on her feet and waited until she got her balance and then let her try again. She took one step forward and balanced herself again. She took another step towards him. Two more and she was in his arms. "Good girl! You did so good, I'm so proud of you!" Sirius congratulated her as he cuddled her. Though, there was a touch of sadness in his voice. Remus was nearly certain that no one but himself would be able to catch it.

….

Sirius stared at the pictures he had setting on the bed in front of him. One was a picture taken of Rowena and Ryan holding Brielle shortly after her birth. The other contained Remus holding infant Harry with himself, James and Lily by his side. Sirius sighed shakily and turned them over. He looked over at the photo of himself and Brielle that he had on his bedside table. In the picture, she was about five months old and he had her in his lap. She went from reaching for the camera to looking up at Sirius. Sirius's eyes never left Brielle.

A single tear slid down Sirius's cheek and he angrily pushed the photo frames off the bed. They fell with a loud thunk.

"Sirius?" Remus's voice questioned. A loud crack came from outside his door. Remus had apparated there and pushed the door open.

"Remus, if you wake that child up, I'll beat your ass." Sirius threatened.

"You were always hostile when you were upset." Remus said softly. "Never wanted to let anyone close enough to comfort you, I was the only one who saw through it."

"I don't know what you're talking about Remus. I'm fine." Sirius snapped.

Remus crossed the room and placed a comforting hand on Sirius's shoulder. "Tell me what's wrong."

Sirius couldn't keep a damn thing from Remus. The man had some power over him, opening his gates and allowing his ridiculous emotions to take over and come flooding out. He looked up at Remus with teary eyes. "Everyone leaves, Remus." Sirius said quietly. "Everyone leaves me."

"What are you talking about? I'm still here."

"You'll leave me too…"

Remus gathered Sirius in a hug then. "Never." He said. The word was more than just that. It was a promise.

That single word seemed to have a direct line to Sirius's tear ducts because he began to sob uncontrollably. "B-B-Brielle… Sh-sh-she's growing up too f-f-f-fast. She's going to be w-w-walking and then r-r-r-running and then she's going to go to H-H-H-Hogwarts and f-f-f-find some really st-st-st-stupid and unf-f-f-fit boy and f-f-f-f-fall in love and I'm going to have to k-k-kill him and then sh-she's going to hate me and then I'll never s-s-s-see her again." He bawled. "And James, Lily, Rowena, Ryan… how many people have to die… and Harry… where is Harry? Are they taking care of him? I d-d-d-don't want her to g-g-gr-gr-grow up… it's too quick… I want her to need me… no one will need me anymore when she doesn't…"

Remus rubbed Sirius's back. "She'll always need you, Sirius. You're her father." Remus said consolingly. "Someone will always need you. I need you. You're my best friend. You're my only best friend. You're her only father. And you will get Harry. And when you do, you will be his only Godfather."

Sirius took a deep breath, but continued to sob. His arms then wrapped themselves around Remus. "That wouldn't be true if James were here."

"Sirius Black, you are and have always been my best friend." Remus said forcefully. "You always will be."

"Promise?"
"Forever."

"Can I knock Brielle over next time she walks?"

Remus chuckled. "I don't care if that does make you feel better, no you can't. She'll think she's done something wrong and will no longer want to learn." He said.

Sirius sniffled. "She's growing up so fast." He said pulling away from Remus.

"It only seems that way now. Wait until she hits her terrible twos. It'll seem like ages before she grows older." Remus said. "She'll need you then, to teach her right from wrong. She'll need you to teach her how to ride a broom. She'll need you to tell her that all men are ass holes and she should never date until she's sixteen. She'll need you to be there for her when the first man breaks her heart. She'll need you to hold her hand when she crosses the street. She'll need you to beat her ass when she turns the neighbor's muggle child into a frog. She'll need you to be proud of her. She'll need you to scold her. She'll need you to love her no matter what words she may call you when you won't let her out past curfew or what mistakes she may make. She'll need you to pick her up when she falls. She'll need you to kiss her injuries better. She'll need you to rock her to sleep when she's sick. She'll need you to comfort her when she has a nightmare. She'll always need someone to keep running back to who will never turn her away. That someone is her father. She'll always need her father, Sirius, no matter how old she gets."

"I only have one correction to make." Sirius said with a sniffle.

"And that is?"

"She can't date until after she's married."

Remus laughed. He hugged Sirius again. He knew Sirius wasn't entirely okay but Sirius would never let him all the way in. Even he didn't have that power. Maybe Brielle when she was older. At the very least, Remus could go to sleep knowing he'd made Sirius feel like he finally mattered.