Chapter Five: Hogwarts At Last and a Dismal Train Ride
All throughout the next day, the tension in the Lupin household had been growing. Remus still dutifully laid out his father's breakfast and was polite when he was around, but there was no pretense that things were ok. Remus had blown that when he hadn't come downstairs before the full moon like usual.
What made matters worse was that even though this was the day of his departure to Hogwarts his father said nothing. He would stare at him when he didn't think Remus was watching but would only speak to tell him to do something. It was aggravating to no end and despite being at St. Mungo's Remus still felt sore and upset by the time they had traveled by floo to an out of order bathroom stall within the train station.
It was the journey from the bathroom to platform 9 and ¾ that finally eased the tension between father and son. Most of this was because Remus didn't have time to feel bitter and hurt by his father as he was faced with an even more daunting crowd then there had been at Diagon Alley.
He jumped as a kid ran past him struggling to steer a large cart loaded with luggage and a cage that rattled with a particularly irked looking owl inside. Feeling small and stupid with his own rather shabby trunk he stayed close to his father. However they weren't, unlike almost every other soon to be student and parent pair holding hands, and as such, it was almost inevitable that they became separated.
"Dad!" Remus shouted momentarily terrified as his father vanished from his view. He stayed where he was vaguely remembering his father saying that was the best thing to do. But the shabbily dressed ill-looking eleven years old quickly drew attention.
"Honey are you alright. Where are your parents?" He looked at the rather old looking woman who was crouching slightly and smiling at him reassuringly. Her eyes were a soft brown with flecks of spring green and despite her frizzly greying hair, she seemed to have youthful energy about here much like his mother had possessed. He couldn't help but feel relaxed around her, that was until she opened her mouth and ruined it.
"Come with me dear and we will find your parents." He wasn't going anywhere with anyone he didn't know ever again. Fear rose up in him and must have reflected itself on his face for she straightened and took a step back clearly not wanting to upset him, but it was too late. His mouth moved wordlessly. No. His mouth went dry and he suddenly felt the station closing in on him.
"NO!" He shouted terrified, his eyes wild and unfocused. In his panic, he dropped his bag and bolted.
"Euphemia, what on earth was that?" He heard someone shout but soon he was disappearing into the crowd.
He was terrified now, and he couldn't remember the last time he'd been around so many people. His head was swimming and his vision blurred with tears. He desperately wanted to go home and hide. Forget Hogwarts! What had he been thinking? He couldn't do this.
He wound his way around people, or tried to, he didn't get far before strong arms picked him up, and he screamed and kicked in protest.
"Remus!" His father's angry shout reached his panicked mind. "Calm down you are causing a scene and embarrassing yourself!" He commanded and Remus went limp the fear replaced by a sharp shame that was as painful as his father's firm grip.
His father set him down relatively quickly and put two hands on Remus' shoulders eyes narrowed with irritation.
"I knew this was a bad idea. Let's go home you can't do this."
He was inclined to agree with his father, certainly did in that moment after humiliating himself in front of who knew how many of his soon to be fellow students. However, he couldn't let Dumbledore down like that, not after he had gone out of his way to make sure Remus had a chance. He knew he didn't deserve one, but he had gotten one and he would be a fool if he threw that away no matter how rough of a start he faced.
So he squared his shoulders and collected all of the bravery he could into his small quivering frame.
"I'm sorry dad. But I am going to Hogwarts. I am going!" He sounded so much more confident than he felt and he must have looked it too because his father seemed stunned. After all, he wasn't asking his father as he normally did, he was telling him and he meant it too.
Somehow he must have convinced his father, or perhaps he didn't care enough to start another scene because with a quick "Accio Remus' luggage" his father was ushering him to the other side of the station.
No longer blocked by people he was able to see the Hogwarts express in all its shining glory, looking just like a little toy model that had been given to him back when Hogwarts was a matter of when not if. He tightened his hold on his luggage and stepped onto the steps turning around now standing eye to eye with his father.
He somehow felt braver like this, up high where he couldn't be looked down upon. Also, his father seemed kinder when he wasn't staring down at Remus with a stern gaze. Instead, his father looked, rather sad. With a horrified jolt, Remus realized he hadn't taken his father's feelings about this into account at all.
"Will you be ok?" He asked nervously suddenly very concerned about his father who would be all alone. Would he remember to eat meals without Remus there? What would happen to him on those few but scary occasions that he passed out drunk before entering the house?
"Don't worry about me. I'm going to go stay with my older brother. If anything I will be worried about you. You…..you'll write right?" The shudder that had run through Remus at the mention of his uncle melted into a warm feeling as he realized his father really wanted him to write.
"Yes I promise dad, I will." He smiled as the hand ruffled his hair, he couldn't be sure but as he entered the train he thought his father's eyes looked rather damp.
Of course, all thoughts of his father quickly disappeared as he walked past little rooms behind glass doors and people giggled and pointed at him whispering. He felt himself go really hot and hurried to find some sort of empty room he could claim for his own and fall asleep.
Luckily he found one at the back of the train completely free of any gossiping and giggling children and collapsed onto one of the long benches running parallel of each other. Despite not looking like it, the benches were unbelievably comfy and worn out in more than one way he drifted off despite himself.
….
Sirius had spent the summer, for perhaps the first time ever, without getting into trouble. He didn't taunt his brother Regulus even when he broke one of his secret records. Even harder was the fact that he said please and thank you to all the house elves, even the obnoxious two faced snitch that was Kreacher. He held his tongue when his fat stupid grandparents droned on and on about pureblood supremacy and he even refused to stay the night with his uncle because he was a "bad influence on the future heir of the household."
By the time he was standing in front of the Hogwarts express he was dying, physically aching to cause trouble. His very bones were in pain by how good he had been and his heart was heavy without the mayhem he took pride in causing. But no, he had to be a good boy, a perfect suck up like his brother to ensure that the freedom of Hogwarts would be granted to him.
"It's not fair I want to go this year I want to go to Hogwarts with Sirius," Regulus whined practically hanging off his brother's elbow, as their father pushed Sirius' very full rack of luggage and his mother walked behind them. A picture perfect woman with an unmistakable air of stuck up royalty.
Sirius resisted the urge to gag and gave Regulus a smile he knew would seal the deal of guaranteeing his attendance at Hogwarts. After all, treating Regulus nicely was at the top of the "good list" he was sure his parents compiled just to make his summer was hell.
"Don't worry Regulus you'll be attending next year."
"Yes that's right Regulus and do stand up and walk with dignity," Came his mother's cold command from behind them. Regulus quickly straightened and Sirius unconsciously did the same.
It had been a strange summer and his mother and he had actually not been at odds, which cost Sirius a sore tongue from literally having to bite it so as not to say the "wrong thing." Soon, so soon.
He wanted to run the rest of the way to the gleaming engine, wanted to touch the train running his hand across the sleek looking exterior. But no that wouldn't be "proper" and he'd be damned if his precautions were blown to hell at the last minute because he did something fun.
He would have plenty of fun at Hogwarts, where he'd have more children than his stuffy family and family friend's to associate with. Surely there would be at least one other person who shared his talent for mischief.
He grinned at the thought then froze as he heard a scream of NO coming from someone sounding horrified somewhere on the platform. He craned his neck to see and was about to go investigate when his mother whacked his head hard as if she was somehow reading his thoughts.
"Sirius keep walking, stop ogling like some urchin child who has never seen the Hogwarts Express before." She snapped coldly clearly not caring about the scream. Regulus looked a little concerned but both he and Sirius started walking again, concern for the distressed kid replaced by their own self-preservation.
Besides he was too excited to dwell on it long. His mother had been correct in that, it was true he had seen the Hogwarts express multiple times due to his older cousins. But in his defense, the whole thing was much better when it was him that was going to be climbing inside the train and not just waving from the outside.
Somehow he managed to get to the train without causing his mother's wrath or shaking Regulus, the sponge, off his arm like he so desperately wanted to. He turned to face his family trying to hide his impatience to be rid of them.
His mother pursed her lips in a rare sort of smile and pulled him into a very cold brisk hug that still felt too long.
"Get into Slytherin and make our family proud." That was all the motherly advice she had to give him. His father was little better clasping his shoulder and telling him to keep his nose clean and to sit with the "right kind" on the train. Only Regulus seemed to realize how momentous this was for Sirius, just Sirius, not the black heir, just him as an individual. Regulus gave him a proper hug and slipped something into his pocket.
"Don't use these until you get to school. Have fun and write." He felt what he was sure was a dung bomb slipped into his pocket and he fondly ruffled his little brother's hair. Sometimes his brother really wasn't half bad. Regulus beamed under the unspoken praise and rushed back to their mother. They looked like a perfect family all dressed up very nicely, all looking proper and polished.
He finally deemed it acceptable to give them a hearty goodbye with a wave and climb into the train. As soon as he was out of sight he jumped into the air with a joyous whoop. He was finally free, gloriously free of the constant rules and criticism. Oh, Hogwarts wasn't going to know what hit it, he couldn't wait and rushed to find his seat.
He avoided his cousins like the plague they were, not only were they Blacks inside and out but they were older girls and as such creatures that needed to be given a wide berth. Females were certainly a mystery to him, and not one of the kind of mysteries he liked, no they were a mystery that he didn't care about in the slightest and that even bored him when he was forced to ponder it.
So it was with great relief that he found a compartment family and female free. In fact, there was only one occupant. For one wild second Sirius thought the kid was a ghost forced to haunt the train forever. However he became disappointed realizing the kid was living, if only barely and was not, in fact, a cool ghost doomed for eternity,
"Hey! Hey!" He shouted a few times, his disappointment turning into concern. The kid was gaunt, his clothes hanging like bags off a too thin frame. He seemed far too gangly and sickly. Dark bags under his eyes matched a bruise peeking out from under caramel colored hair. He switched spots now sitting next to the kid and gently shook him.
He looked almost like Sirius did after a long stint in the basement and he regarded the sickly pale kid with pity. He had to be a first year for he couldn't be older than him, he seemed younger and was closer to Regulus' size than his own.
"Kid….hey kid." Suddenly the kid came to life flattening himself into the window, large amber eyes widening in horror. He habitually raised his hands, the kid reminding him of a Puffskiens in headlights.
"It's ok I just wanted to make sure you were ok?" Suddenly such innocent fearful eyes narrowed in a guarded coldness.
"I'm fine." Came a curt cool response that could have given his mother a run for her money.
"No need to be pissy about it geez." He muttered irritated with this ungrateful brat. Who did he think he was anyway? Addressing a Black like this.
"Do you know who you are talking to?" He added with his best impression of his haughty father he could muster.
Cold eyes softened some into confusion but he still seemed very guarded. Deep down Sirius understood the defensiveness, he often felt that way too after going into the basement and he knew he should have been more kind to the scared kid but his trip to Hogwarts was supposed to be perfect and full of him mesmerizing his future friends.
Instead, he was wasting his time with probably some Muggle-born. Not that he thought all muggle-borns were terrible like his family thought, but this one clearly was.
"You know what forget it. I'll leave you to mope and sleep all by yourself." He thought the boy looked close to tears as he stormed out, but he had a mission to find mischief causing friends and something told him the jumpy kid he left stunned wasn't going to be one of them.
As he moved to his second compartment, the one directly behind the one he had been in, he found a much warmer reception and grinned at the hazel eyes behind glasses, as he sat next to a well-dressed kid with unruly black hair sticking out in all directions. He hadn't realized he laughed at him until the kid shoved him good-naturedly.
"Yeah I know it looks weird but I tell ya mate I can't tame it for the life of me. Names James Potter." Sirius found himself instinctively liking James, made better by the fact that Potter had been one of the names his parents had thrown out when who not to become acquainted with.
His smile widened and he offered James his hand who took and shook it in a similar, raised with class fashion he had grown accustomed to. This was much better than sitting with the unfriendly urchin looking child. He flopped next to James and sighed contently.
"Names Sirius Black nice to meetcha."
James' eyes had widened considerably, giving him an even more comic appearance.
"You're a Black?" He gasped ogling Sirius as if he had grown horns.
Sirius was beginning to feel worse about his second decision of compartments.
"Yeah what's it to ya?"
"I just…...well the Blacks I mean they are Slytherin right…...that house seems sort of…"
"Stuck up?"
"I was going to say evil but yeah that too." He knew he should take offense but James honestly didn't seem to mean any, with his earnest eyes wide with shock.
"My whole family has been in Slytherin," he said. He stretched out resting his feet on the bench opposite there's. So that he was slouched so far down he was almost lying down, stretched in between the benches. James seemed amused but clearly hadn't given up on the whole 'Black' thing.
"Blimey," said James, "and I thought you seemed all right!"
Sirius grinned and stuck his tongue out at James who returned the gesture grinning. There was a playfulness about James that inspired and increased his own. He decided that Potter was alright despite his initial reaction to his family.
Now that Sirius thought about it, his reaction to his family made Sirius like him more, once he got over the initial defensiveness of his family who certainly didn't deserve it.
He realized he didn't have to feign loyalty here and he shot up in his seat eyes glittering with excitement as he admitted what he hadn't dared to say out loud prior.
"Maybe I'll break the tradition. Where are you heading, if you've got the choice?"
James lifted an invisible sword practically beaming now, his chest swelling with very obvious pride.
'"Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart!" Like my dad. He remembered who the Potters were now and it was his turn to gape at James.
"Blimey, you are like the richest boy in the world!" He figured his statement would make James puff like a peacock again but instead, the boy shifted uncomfortably.
"Yeah but don't go telling everyone. I don't want people flocking to me just because of that. I have to win them over with my Quidditch prowess first. Not that you would I mean you are almost as rich as me, well your family anyways." Sirius almost opened his mouth to correct James, that he was not that rich because his parents gave him very little money if he didn't do exactly as they wanted. Of course, he still had a handsome sum and his uncle gave him a ton of money when he heard he was headed to Hogwarts, so had his whole family really.
However, he didn't get a chance to explain as the door slid open and a very nervous looking girl with fiery hair dragged along with her a sallow greasy haired kid whose nose was ridiculously big on his scornful looking face.
He reminded Sirius of his family, at least his facial expressions for he certainly wasn't dressed to the Black standard. Still, his attitude immediately put him off, he hated haughty people as much as he hated defensive ones. He resisted the urge to trip the boy as the kid sat down glaring at James and Sirius as if they had personally done him harm. Well, that could be arranged.
"My names Lily and this is my friend Severus." His eyes flicked to the rosy-cheeked girl whose nerves seemed to be morphing into a bubbly excitement quickly. She was looking around as if she had never been in a train before and taking in her exceptionally well put together muggle outfit, he figured she must be muggle born.
"James and this is Sirius," James responded seemingly absorbed into Lily's excitement because he started bouncing in his seat.
"We are going to Hogwarts!" He shouted happily. Sirius laughed and mimicked his bouncing letting the contagious atmosphere take him over. Only Severus seemed unaffected and he rolled his eyes at them and stared out the window. He and the other kid should be in the same compartment they would probably get along swimmingly.
That was the last thought Sirius gave Severus and the other kid for a while though because he and James passed the time explaining the wizarding world to a very intrigued Lily. Then after the snack trolley came and James and Sirius filled their laps with one of everything, sweats spilling to the ground, the conversation switched to favorite foods and books and other such small talks.
James, despite saying he didn't want people liking him for his money, was very generous with his sweets even sharing one with Severus who took it without a word of thanks. Lily thanked James repeatedly and the conversation fell into content silence as they dug into their sweats.
"How long till we get there?"
"Oh hours still, it's quite a long train ride. Don't worry they will let us know when we need to get ready," James explained. Sirius realized pretty quickly that James liked flaunting his knowledge even more than he liked flaunting his money.
"You could have asked me that Lily." Complained Severus who had remained quiet practically the whole time, alternating between looking out the window and reading a book that's title was obscure.
"I know Sev I didn't mean to imply that you didn't know." Lily apologized with more sincerity than Sirius believed he could ever muster for the pompous pimple next to her who had been grating on his nerves for hours.
"Lily you don't have to apologize to him. He's been nothing but rude the whole time." James had stolen the words right out of Sirius' mouth but he shot a glare at Severus to show he shared his new friend's sentiment.
"Excuse me, Potter, not all of us are born with a gold spoon in our mouths and manners up our arses." Came the snide response. This sent Sirius to his feet and he glared down at the greasy boy who also got to his feet staring down his nose haughtily at Sirius.
"If you don't shut up I'll shove a spoon up your…."
"Boys!" Lily shouted. James had also gotten to his feet but seemed more amused than angry. He laughed at Sirius' unfinished threat for Lily had jumped to her feet, all of them huddled together in the small compartment. Her pretty green eyes were blazing with anger and Severus sat back down quickly.
"Gonna let your girlfriend fight your battles for you Snivellus," Sirius commented again finding the nickname appropriate to the boy who seemed to be groveling under Lily's reprimand. Lily's face turned the same color as her hair and James laughed again.
"Good one!" He said appreciatively earning a glare from Lily that had previously been directed at Sirius. James gave her a lazy confident grin.
"Come on Sev we can go sit somewhere else!" She huffed her arms crossed around her chest giving her the appearance of a disapproving middle age woman. James and Sirius's laughter directed at both Lily and Snivellus could be heard from the surrounding compartments they were laughing so hard.
They laughed themselves dry and then one of them looked at the other and they both were sent into fits of giggles again. Only when the compartment door slammed open and an irritated prefect demanded they keep it down did the laughter subsided into muffled chuckles and then finally subsided altogether.
They talked about Quidditch, Hogwarts, Quidditch, and more Quidditch but Sirius found himself growing restless and his need to cause mischief was reaching a breaking point.
He flopped himself against his new best friend with a dramatic sigh.
"Potter I can't take it anymore."
"And what can't you take anymore?" James shot back with mock seriousness. Sirius fought the urge to laugh, he had this instinct that James was like him, in that he would be thrilled to go along with whatever trouble Sirius caused.
"A young growing boy my age needs a good dose of mischief to keep the soul healthy James." Sirius continued in a tone a professor might use with his student.
James hid his giggles behind his hand.
"Yes, yes I think you may be right." He responded thoughtfully playing along perfectly. Sirius beamed.
"Well, you see my apprentice before I came to the fated encounter with you I was with an unpleasant fellow."
"As unpleasant as Snivellus?"
"I don't know if it's possible to be as unpleasant as Snivellus." They both laughed a minute at their sheer wit. Then Sirius explained the encounter only leaving out his momentary possible understanding of the boy and why. He supposed it was because the boy reminded him of some of his worst moments that he felt so irked by him but he quickly brushed that thought away focusing on what prank to play.
"Maybe he's just a grumpy dude when he wakes up?" James ventured and Sirius rolled his eyes.
"Who cares. I guarantee he's sleeping again which means he's a perfect first victim!"
"Haha, you are pure evil Sirius Black what do you have in mind?" Came the excited response, Sirius was sure glad it didn't take much to sway James into mischief and that he had sat next to him. He explained his plan to James who grinned devilishly at him, oh yes he and James were going to turn Hogwarts on his head when they got there.
They hadn't expected someone else to be in the apartment with the kid who was indeed asleep again. They jostled themselves into the compartment and raised their eyebrows at a rather pudgy boy with small beady blue eyes and a broad eager to please smile that made Sirius a little wary. He also hated kiss asses as well, he had quite the extensive list of people he hated and he didn't at all care that others might deem that judgemental. Afterall he wasn't nearly as bad as the rest of his family which Sirius took pride in.
"Hello, are you firsties too? I am. I'm Peter by the way." He talked fast in a high pitch voice and Sirius scoffed at him.
"Firsties? Only the older kids call us that."
"Just say first years otherwise you might offend people like my easily offended friend here." Sirius elbowed James for that remark but grinned. James, who had sounded much kinder than Sirius, had Peter's attention and the pudgy boy grinned at him adoration sparkling in his little eyes.
"Oi why you sitting in here anyway?" Sirius barked at the boy irritated that he may get in the way of his, their awesome plan. Peter looked confused by the question.
"I'm James and this bundle of sunshine is Sirius. We have a prank to play on that one so if you want to leave and remain innocent that's cool. Or you could help us." It was almost amusing the exchange of emotions passing across Peter's face. He paled and went pink, and finally settled on a rather dumpy pout to match his dumpy little face.
"Why…...why are you going to prank him? He was really nice to me…." It was a feeble protest and it thoroughly pissed Sirius off. So the kid had been kind to Peter, then was he just judging Sirius without giving him a chance? He gripped his fists tightly, as it annoyed him to no end when people lumped him with his family. Which he was certain was the reason the kid had treated him so abrasively.
Sure James had started to do that but at least he'd been upfront about it, and they had cleared the whole thing up. But this kid who he had taken as just generally offensive had been apparently pleasant to someone else, which left no other option than he knew he was a Black and judged him for it.
Some very small part of him recognized he was judging the kid without giving him a chance too, but he shoved that mature thought into a box and threw it away. Such thoughts were dull and useless and Sirius would much rather act first and think later. He drew his wand ignoring Peter flinching and curling in on himself slightly, giving him the appearance of a toad.
"Go on and leave then mate." James addressed Peter as he too drew out his wand grinning. Peter still looked very concerned and had gone rather purplish by now so James furthered his explanation even though Sirius personally felt they didn't owe Peter one.
"It's just a little bit of harmless fun, we won't do anything bad. Don't worry I'm a Gryffindor at heart!" James said striking his gallant pose again, brandishing his wand like a sword. Sirius scoffed at him and turned his attention to the sleeping kid.
He now had a book sprawled out in his lap, a rather ratty and used textbook that seemed to match the ratty looking boy it belonged to.
James had turned his attention to the kid too and frowned.
"He looks...unwell maybe this is a bad idea."
"Oh don't chicken out on me Potter." He snapped giving his wand a flick and muttering a spell that had been used on him on more than one occasion. "Atramentio!"
"I'm not a chicken." James huffed and copied him, though Sirius was pleased to see the permanent ink now scrawling in crude shapes across the kid's face wasn't nearly as creative or vulgar coming from James' wand. After a few minutes, they set down and admired their handy work.
"I find the dick drawn on his forehead both lewd and impressive work Sirius," James said thoughtfully looking at the kid's face as an artist might admire a particularly challenging painting he had mastered.
"How did you do the line curves so neatly, mine looks like a two-year-old scrawled on him with crayons." Sirius could have rubbed in his clear victory but feeling a sense of camaraderie with his new best friend he shrugged.
"Don't know but it's blimey brilliant you got different colors, I could only do black." James covered his mouth laughing.
"What?"
"Black can only do black."
"Oh shut up Potter." He grumbled good-naturedly but was soon laughing with him. Their laughter was combined by Peter's shrill giggling and this was what the boy finally woke up to. He held himself stiffly his fearful eyes freezing over with a cold defensiveness once again aimed at all three of them.
Now that he was awake, raising his eyebrows in confusion and suspicion the images on the kid's head were moving too which sent them all collapsing into loud laughter at the kid's expense. James had his eyes closed clutching his sides with laughter and Peter only had eyes on James who he seemed to have latched onto with a strange adoration Sirius didn't understand.
So as it happened he was the only one who saw the kid's eyes fill with tears before he quickly left the compartment. He watched him go the laughter dying in his throat. He convinced himself the kid deserved it for his attitude but he couldn't help feeling rather somber and guilty at the look of hurt that had been directed at him briefly before the boy left.
Author Note:
Hi everyone. I hope you are enjoying the story so far. I appreciate any feedback especially concerning if I should keep the prologue or not or just dive into the story. Thanks!
P.S: I am also looking for an editor.