23 October 1998
"Don't these English wizards have any taste?" Nicolas Flamel complained. A portkey had brought him, his wife, and their good friend Leon Delacour to this strange underground greenhouse twenty minutes ago, but there was still no sign of their famous host. What they found instead was several cans of warm beer, along with some of that dreadful processed food the muggles were so fond of. "I wouldn't feed this swill to my worst truffle hog."
Leon looked over a the chubby, six hundred year-old wizard in disbelief. "Is this really the time to be discussing the shortcomings of the English palate? I doubt Potter is going to be happy to see you. Not after that nasty farce you and Albus Dumbledore subjected him to eight years ago."
"Do you expect us to be be afraid of a mere boy?" Perenelle asked.
Unlike her husband who looked rather elderly, Mrs Flamel had the face and figure of witch in her late twenties. That wasn't an accident, since there had been several other "Perenelles" before Nicolas had finally settled on this one. They had met during the California Gold Rush of 1849, an event the alchemist had exploited in order to sell some of his excess gold to the muggles, and the happy couple had been together ever since.
"He needs us more than we need him," Nicolas remarked. "I had several long discussions with Albus about Harry Potter. A kind word here, a subtle threat there, and soon he will be dancing to our tune."
The Boy-Who-Lived chose that exact moment to enter the greenhouse with a beautiful witch at his side. From the scowls on their youthful faces it was clear they had been eavesdropping despite Perenelle's strong privacy wards.
"Mr Delacour, during the Triwizard Tournament I rescued your daughter Gabrielle from the Merpeople village. In light of the Life Debt your family owes me, I demand that you leave this room at once."
Leon was furious, but he reluctantly stood to leave. "Please forgive me, but honor dictates that I must go."
As Nicolas watched his friend exit the greenhouse he prepared for a fight. He had never been a particularly talented duelist, but after six-hundred years he had more than enough tricks in his bag to defeat the boy and his little pet. However that brilliant plan went out the window when he felt the point of a wand at the base of his skull. Invisible hands began rummaging through his robe pockets, and soon he was relieved of his two wands. Perenelle was also disarmed. Potter must have hidden several of his lackeys in the greenhouse using Disillusionment Charms, but the great alchemist had failed to detect their presence.
"Where are your manners Mr Potter? This is no way to treat an honored guest bearing important news and even more important gifts."
"Crucio!"
It wasn't a long expose, but Potter's curse caught Nicolas by surprise. Without time to prepare himself mentally, the pain was unbearable and left him completely helpless. Who would have guessed that Albus Dumbledore's prized student would know how to cast the Cruciatus Curse, let alone open a friendly conversation with one? This called for a new approach.
"Please, I'm here to help you and your friends!" Nicolas whimpered like a senile, old man. This act usually bought him least a minute or two of sympathy from from gullible fools, but Potter didn't seem to be buying it.
"Are you going to help me the way you helped Dumbledore set a trap for Voldemort using the Philosopher's Stone? Your reckless actions placed three untrained, first-year students in mortal danger. Is that the kind of twisted help you are offering Mr Flamel? Crucio!"
"Harry, stop it!" one of the guards shouted. "I know you're upset about all the people that died last night, but this is wrong!"
It took a great deal of painful effort, but Nicolas managed to turn around and look at the wizard who was trying to protect him. The boy looked about Potter's age, but he was much taller and wider across the shoulders.
"Neville, he deserves it! Maybe facing Voldemort that year was part of my bloody destiny, but Ron and Hermione were almost killed too! Crucio!"
This Neville quickly levitated a large container of fertilizer in front of Potter's curse, which caused its contents to explode all over the greenhouse. The stuff smelled like human shite, but being covered in shite was better than have every pain receptor in your body stimulated by a powerful wizard out for revenge.
"The rest of us didn't fight against Voldemort and his Death Eaters just so you could take his place," Neville said quietly. "If you cast another Cruciatus Curse I swear to Merlin that we will duel, and by the end of that duel one of us will be dead on the floor."
"We don't have time to discuss ethics! We are in the middle of a war!"
"If wizards continue to use magic as evil as the Unforgivable Curses than maybe it would be best if the muggles won. Maybe destroying us once and for all would be the right thing to do."
"Not all the muggles want to destroy us," Perenelle said.
That statement caught everyone's attention, and even Potter seem to snap out of his murderous rage. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"My husband and I came here on behalf of several important muggle leaders, including the British Prime Minister. They want you to stop this war."
"They didn't need our bloody permission to start the war," the red-haired witch snapped. "Why do they need us to stop it?"
"Because they can't do it by themselves," Perenelle explained. "Certain elements of their military forces are now operating beyond their control. They need your help to deal with one of these rogue officers."
"This is just another trap," Potter muttered.
"That's certainly true, but the trap isn't meant for you," Nicolas said. The aftereffects of the Cruciatus Curse were still racking his body, but he slowly got to his feet. "One man had directed all the attacks on the magical world from the beginning. His name is Colonel Poshepny, and he absolutely despises wizards. He has threatened to kill anyone who attempts to stop the war too soon, even the President of the United States and Prime Minister of Britain. The muggles told me where he will be staying tomorrow night, and they want you to assassinate him."
"And if I kill this Colonel for them they will leave just the rest of us alone?" Harry asked sarcastically. "I find that hard to believe."
"Good, then there is some hope for you yet," Nicolas said. "Of course the muggles will double-cross us, but once Poshepny is dead their attacks will become far less efficient. The man may be insane, but he is also a genius. Replacing someone of his stature will be very difficult, and that will give you more time to complete your starship."
"You know about the Hedwig? And you actually think it will fly?"
"I sincerely hope so, since Perenelle and I plan on joining your crew."
The red-head witch smiled. "That's good to hear, because we had no intention of letting you leave these tunnels alive."
Flamel winked at her before continuing. He had seen her type many times before, and he had no doubt she was a lusty handful in bed. "I lived through some of Europe's worst witch-hunts, but none of them compare to that we are going through now. The muggles intend to finish us off for good, and I believe they have the means to do it this time."
Harry stared at him for several long seconds before speaking. "You are a deceitful toerag, and I have no intention of letting you aboard the Hedwig."
It was time to play his trump card. Nicolas stuck his index finger down his throat, and vomited up the contents of his stomach. There on the floor, covered in bile, was a bright red jewel of surpassing beauty. He was taking a great risk with this gambit. As long as a Philosopher's Stone was inside his digestive tract producing the Elixir of Life he was almost impossible to kill.
"I believe this might come in handy when we reach our new home, and it's just the beginning of what I have to offer you. I have spent the past six-hundred years amassing all kinds of useful treasures, and you can have everything I own—if you allow Perenelle and me to come along when you leave Earth."
It took the others an hour to convince Potter, but in the end Nicolas got what he wanted.
24 October 1998
It was no surprise that this Colonel Poshepny was well-protected. The muggle's current safe-house in Saint John's Wood was surrounded by rune stones which blocked apparition and portkeys. There was also numerous bodyguards present, all of whom were equipped with special goggles that allowed them to see through Disillusionment Charms and most magical wards. Perhaps Harry's unique Invisibility Cloak could shield him from their technology, but he doubted it.
All these defensive precautions were meaningless though when a traitor discloses your location to the enemy. The Colonel inspired a great deal of loyalty, but the soldiers guarding him were ultimately loyal to their own national governments. After receiving orders directly from the their leaders they had no choice but to abandon their posts for the night. In the end all Harry had to do was walk through the front door. He soon found the only occupied bedroom, and used a simple Aguamenti Charm to wake the Colonel. The old muggle immediately reached for his handgun on the nightstand, only to find that it had already been transfigured into a dead rainbow trout.
"I should have know that limey bastard Tony would sell me out."
"Answer my questions truthfully, and I will make your death quick," Harry said. "Lie to me about the smallest detail, and I will torture you for hours. And I will enjoy it."
"Mind if I smoke one last cigar while we talk?" the Colonel asked as he again reached over towards the nightstand.
"If you try anything I will..."
"... you will torture me. Trust me kid, I understand how thoroughly my pooch is screwed." Slowly Poshepny reached into a drawer and pulled out a thick brown cigar with a red label, which he then lit with a gold Zippo. "So you want answers? I suppose that's fair. Would you like to hear the whole story?"
"Are you stalling for time?" Harry asked.
"Nope."
"Than by all means, let's hear the whole story."
"I was younger than you are now when I enlisted to fight in the Second World War, and somehow I managed to survive North Africa, Italy, and D-Day. We were pushing into Germany when we began hearing rumors about some strange, new Nazis super-weapons. Our scientists understood how their V-2 rockets and jet fighters worked, but these weapons had the eggheads stumped. How could a small infantry weapon kill hundreds of soldiers without leaving any marks? At first they thought it was some new type of poisonous gas, but all the medical tests came back negative."
"Army Intelligence was very curious about the situation, so my company was sent out on a long-range patrol. One night we came across a strange battle. Despite all the explosions we were seeing, there were none of the sounds you typical heard from modern weapons. When we got closer we saw that weren't any soldiers or tanks in the area. What we saw instead was two middle-age men in bathrobes waving small wooden sticks in the air. After a few minutes the blonde chap lost his stick, and both men suddenly disappeared without a trace."
"That was the last duel between Albus Dumbledore and the Dark Lord Grindelwald," Harry guessed. "You actually saw it with your own eyes?"
"Yes, I did," the Colonel replied as he puffed on his cigar. "And it was the single most amazing thing I had ever seen in my life. After that night I became obsessed with learning more about magic. It wasn't that hard, even with your Statute of Secrecy. In post-war Berlin I trade a Hershey Chocolate Bar for one of your old magical history books. The army kept shipping me around the world, and I soon found other soldiers who shared my interest in the subject. As the years passed I slowly began to develop an extensive intelligence network. When the war against the wizards finally came—and I was certain that it would come—I wanted to be ready. That's why I stayed in the Army all those years."
"So you started this war because you were jealousy of our magic?"
"Hardly. The more I learned about your world the more disgusted I became. Your kind have been given the most incredible gifts imaginable, but what have you done with them? Absolutely nothing. Your governments are barbaric, your worse criminals go unpunished, and your culture has produced no artistic masterpieces of note. Worst of all you have ignored the possibilities of science in favor of ancient manuscripts written in lousy Pig Latin."
Harry wanted to deny these charges, but he couldn't. Diagon Alley really was nothing more than an alley, Hogsmeade was a primitive village right out of the Dark Ages, and the design of Hogwarts had been rendered obsolete by the fifteenth century. The magical world had indeed become a primitive backwater, especially when compared to the intellectual and technological wonders the muggles had produced during the past few centuries. For example, building the Hedwig would have been impossible without using the knowledge gained from the American and Soviet space programs.
"If we disgust you, then why not just leave us alone?"
"No kid, you don't get to blame us. You are the parasites living off what we produce with our hard labor. You are the criminals, and whenever a wizard is caught he simply erases the memories of his victim. That is what started this war: a wizard was videotaped raping a police constable in London, and then covering his tracks with your magical mind tricks."
Harry looked away. "I've heard that things like that sometimes happen."
"I've studied the magical world for over fifty years, and according to my sources wizards commit crimes like rape, robbery, and murder every single day," the Colonel said coldly. "That's why this war is necessary. Today your crimes are relatively minor in nature, but in the future that could easily change. Perhaps your next Dark Lord won't settle for destroying a bridge or one remote village. Perhaps he will try to steal a nuclear or biological weapon, and set if off in the middle of one of our cities without any warning. Millions could die, and we wouldn't clue who was responsible. I believe wizards are a threat the human race can no longer afford to ignore, and that's why I'm fighting this war."
"Aren't we part of the human race too?"
"No. We are the true Homo sapiens: the men of reason and science. Your magic has made you ignorant and lazy. The truth is that wizards are an evolutionary dead-end, and the Earth would be better off without you."
"On that point we can agree," Harry muttered.
The Colonel took another long puff from his cigar. "Before you kill me you should know that we have a few hundred prisoners on Ascension Island in the South Atlantic. They are mostly children, but we caught a few adults as well."
"Do you expect me to believe that?"
"I am telling you the truth. I want you to mount a rescue mission, since it will save my men the trouble of having to track you all down."
"Maybe the battle won't be as easy as you think."
"Kid, you and the remaining wizards are already dead. You're just too stupid to realize it."
More than anything in his life Harry wanted to use the Cruciatus Curse on this monster, but Neville's warning kept running through his head. In the end he decided to cast a Memory Charm so powerful that it stripped Colonel Poshepny of every single thought he ever had. From the first time he remembered nursing on his mother's breast until the last time he puffed on that foul-smelling cigar—all those precious memories were obliterated in an instant. In the morning his soldiers found that their brilliant Colonel had been reduced to nothing more than a drooling vegetable.
Once Harry returned to the Forbidden Forest he gathered together his three most-trusted advisers: Ginny, Parvati, and Luna. Ginny was his devoted lover, Parvati saw him as the living avatar of Sybill Trelawney's Last Prophecy, and he was Luna's best friend. He was positive that none of them would betray him. The same could not be said of Hermione, Ron, and Neville. He trusted them to do the "right thing", but what he needed now was obedient followers.
"We have to rescue those hostages," Parvati said after Harry told them about his meeting with the mad Colonel. "Leaving them on that island at the mercy of the muggles would be a fate worse than death."
"There are less than a thousand wizards and witches left here in the tunnels," Ginny snapped. "We can't waste another hundred lives on a suicide mission, and if the muggles are expecting us that's exactly what it will be. Suicide."
"I think both of you may have an infestation of..."
"Don't say it! Don't even think it! Loony Lovegood is of no use to me or anyone else!" Harry snarled. "The attack against the electrical power lines was a good idea, but none of us could have realized how well-prepared the muggles would be. So stop blaming yourself for those deaths. If we are going to complete the Hedwig we will need the real Luna Lovegood, not her crazy alter-ego."
The poor witch still couldn't even look him in the eyes. "You have Hermione and the others. You don't need me."
"Hermione may be brilliant, but we both know she isn't as good as you at creative problem-solving. I love her like a sister, but she is just not qualified to be the Chief Engineer of the Hedwig. Now are you with me or not?"
Luna took a deep breath and finally raised her head. "I am with you Harry Potter. Always."
"Thank you. Now how are things going with my starship?"
"We will be ready for the Expansion Charm in six weeks."
"You have four," Harry said with a gentle smile.
"Fine Captain Potter, we will be ready for the Expansion Charm in four weeks," Luna huffed. "Unfortunately we are still having trouble with the Floo Bomb. It will have to be traveling several kilometers in front of the Hedwig at the critical moment, and so far George's plan is the only practical solution we have come up with."
"Then come up with a better one," Ginny hissed.
"She will," Harry told his upset girlfriend. "Now I want to tell the three of you what is going to happen tonight. We can't afford to be fighting amongst ourselves anymore, which is why I intend to neutralized all my enemies here in the tunnels before it's too late."
"Are you going to kill them?" Parvati asked nervously.
"No. Despite what Neville thinks I'm not turning into Voldemort. At the same time I can't afford to be weakling like Dumbledore was during the last war. My plan is to have Kreacher and the other house-elves placed the Draught of Living Death in the food and water of all the troublemakers. The four of us with oversee the process and take care of any mistakes the house-elves make. We can revive Aberforth and others once we are safely in outer space."
"If you're just going to use the Draught, then make sure my father is on your list of enemies."
"Parvati, betraying your own family! Now that is terrible."
"Ginny, I still love my father, but I just don't respect him. Not anymore. Harry is trying to save us from certain death, but all the great Sanjay Patil cares about is hiding his bloody gold where the muggles won't find it. Once he is out of the way Padma and I can start looting the family business. We will bring everything of value here to the Forbidden Forest, and load it on the Hedwig."
"Harry, there is a slight problem with your new plan," Luna argued. "We need the Draught of Living Death for the mammals and birds we are taking. We will not have enough food onboard the Hedwig to feed them for any length of time."
"I have been talking with Malfoy, and he has convinced me that it's a waste of time and potion ingredients to brew such large quantities of the Draught. There is a much quicker and cheaper method for placing animals in long-term stasis: the magical sight of a basilisk reflected in a mirror. All we have to do is find one."
"There is a famous basilisk living along the coast of Guyana," Parvati offered. "But you will have to capture it, since no one else speaks Parseltongue. Are you sure Draco's idea will work?"
"Hermione, Justine, Penelope, and Colin were petrified for several months during our second-year, and according to Madame Pomfrey they never experienced any negative side-effects," Harry replied. "How are we getting along with the Merpeople at the moment?"
Since Albus Dumbledore's death the centaurs were the only sentient beings in the area that spoke passable Mermish, and Firenze had volunteered to act as their unofficial ambassador. When the local tribe was told about the Hedwig they immediately asked for passage. The aquatic creatures and their cousins were eager to leave the Earth, since muggle pollution and rampant overfishing threatened them with extinction. They had already collected fish eggs from hundreds of different underwater species, as well as a large selection of underwater plants.
"According to Firenze they are almost ready to board the Hedwig," Parvati replied. "Why, is there some kind of problem?"
Harry looked over at Ginny. She wasn't going to like hearing this. "Once the Hedwig is ready to launch I will personally lead a rescue mission to Ascension Island, and if we want to have any chance of saving those children we will need the Merpeople's help."
27 November 1998
Nicolas Flamel had boasted that after Colonel Poshepny's death they would have several months of peace and quiet, but it didn't turn out that way. Yes, the number of attacks went down drastically, but magical families around the world were still being slaughtered every day. Thankfully Aberforth Dumbledore and his friends weren't around to complain about Harry's lack of leadership. Instead their petrified bodies were stacked in one of the hidden greenhouses where they couldn't cause any more trouble. This coup d'etat made Harry very unpopular, and the presence of his new pet basilisk didn't help matters.
During the next four weeks Luna made good on her promise: the Hedwig was nearly complete and waiting for its precious cargo. Sitting in the massive stone launch bay it didn't look like much of a starship. At its base was was a huge bundle of twenty-one logs, each one over five meters long and covered in complex runes. The Booster Brooms lacked the beauty and grace of a Firebolt, but Rolanda Hooch insisted that they would do their jobs.
Resting top of this bundle of logs was the Hedwig itself. To most observers it looked like a ten meter-wide, metallic eyeball. The large "pupil" at the center of the "eye" was in fact the main airlock, which was connected to the tunnels by a wide and retractable gangplank. Inside the starship was a latticework of metal tubes with another, much-smaller metallic eyeball at its center. This second eyeball was currently empty, but that was soon going to change.
All that remain was for Harry to do his part. Once he cast the Expansion Charm it would create a massive vacuüm, and the hurricane-force winds rushing in to fill this vacuüm could easily damage or even destroy the Hedwig. To prevent this they built a very long exhaust tube which reached all the way up to the ruins of Hogwarts. Once Harry was done Filius would levitate him to safety, while Minerva quickly moved the end of the exhaust tube into position over the airlock. At least that was their brilliant plan.
"Are we ready to start pumping water from the Black Lake?" Harry asked as he slowly flexed the individual fingers of his wand hand.
"You are about to cast one of the greatest spells in magical history, and you are worried if we are ready to start pumping the bloody water?" Hermione shrieked. "Have you gone completely mental?"
"Without an adequate supply of water our voyage won't last very long," Harry replied. "Just relax and think about how difficult it was for Rowena Ravenclaw to create the Room of Requirements a thousand years ago. Compared to that, the Expansion Charm you cooked-up will be a piece of cake. It does only two things. It provides us with a very large... room, and it simulates gravity on the floor of that... room."
Hermione looked like she was seconds away from heart failure, so Minerva hit her favorite student with a mild stunner. "She will never forgive me for doing that, but it was for her own good. The poor witch is afraid that you may die because of some minor mistake she made while designing this new charm."
"That's funny, because I'm afraid I might die too. Filius, are you ready?"
"I will catch you Mr Potter. You have my word of honor."
"I sure hope so," Harry said as he drew the Elder Wand. He spoke the incantation quickly, before he could lose his nerve. As the massive surge of magic left his body everything faded to black.
Hours and hours passed as Harry repeatedly tried to opened his eyes, but they refused to coöperate. It felt like a dozen Slytherin Beaters were pounding on his head simultaneously. Slowly—very slowly—he came to and saw that Ginny smiling down at him.
"To you have a nice nap?" she asked while gently stroking his hair.
"It was lovely. Does the simulated gravity work like we hoped?"
"Yes, everything went according to plan," Hermione replied as she wiped away her tears. She looked awful, and Ron was glaring at him like it was all his fault. "Professor Flitwick was able to measure the dimensions of your... room without any difficulty."
"He had to use a broom to get around the whole thing," a grinning Ginny added. "He also cast a very powerful lighting charm, so we were able to follow his progress from the airlock."
"What does it look like?" Harry asked.
"It looks like an empty sphere with a diameter of three kilometers, that's what it bloody well looks like!" Hermione snapped.