A/N: And this is Thursday's. I don't have one for today, but I'll post two things tomorrow.
Also, I don't apologize for the sixth one even though it's totally…disturbing. Just know that it is based on a true happening (to someone else, not me).
Genre: General/Humor
Pairings: I. Tucker/Church; II. Grif/Donut; III. Grif/Donut; IV. Donut/Church; V. Sister/Doc; VI. None
Rating: PG-13/T
Summary: High School: The Oddest Frontier.
Warnings: Slash, het, cursing, cold, allusions to sex, mentions of sex, horrible priest jokes, bets, and hot sauce.

School Days Haze
(Set Six)

(I)

Church looked out the window and cringed; ice and snow covered the ground. It was going to be cold.

"Okay, found the keys!" Tucker announced triumphantly.

"About damn time," Church muttered. Bracing himself, he followed the other boy out to his car.

Oh, it was cold. So very, very cold. Church was sure his blood had frozen instantly.

He went to the passenger side and waited for Tucker to open the door. Huddling into his hoodie, he watched Tucker struggled with his own door.

"Wh-what the hell's th-the matter?" Church questioned, whole body shaking.

"I think the fuckin' car door is frozen shut," Tucker explained, hitting the roof. "Fuck."

Jack Frost had just bent Church over and violated him like a priest does to his favorite choir boy.

He was either going to hell for that thought, or he was getting reincarnated as a choir boy.

"Then get it unstuck," Church demanded.

"What am I, a fuckin' genie?" the other boy asked. "Yes, Church; I shall say a few magic words- Allah-Buddha-mother-fuckin'-Jesus- and presto!" He threw his arms up in the air. "Now all I have to do is turn the key and-ooh…."

"What?"

"I guess the door was actually, um, locked and not stuck after all," Tucker told him. "Imagine that." He gave a feeble chuckle.

Church, mouth agape, stared at him in disbelief. Dropping his book bag into the forsaken snow, he went over to Tucker, backing the other teen up against the car.

"You son. Of. A. Bitch," he hissed. "You made me wait out here and freeze for nothing?"

"Um, oops?" Heh heh heh…"

Though still shaking from a mixture of cold and anger, Church managed to open the back door and push Tucker inside and onto his back. In an instant he was straddling the darker boy, door closed behind him.

"I want warmth, your body will do," Church said as he began to undress Tucker.

"Works for me."

Who cared if they were late for school?

(II)

"Grif, put a scarf on," Simmons instructed as he tied his own around his neck.

"Yes, mother," the brunette muttered. Green eyes narrowed at him, yet Simmons didn't make a remark back.

Grif grabbed his orange scarf and put it around his neck as Donut came in from the other room.

"Everyone ready to go Christmas shopping?" the blonde asked cheerfully. Grif gave a grunt.

"Just about. Sarge is trying to find his boot-which I know you hid, Donut," Simmons told him.

"I didn't hide it, I just reorganized his closet," the younger boy defended with an indignant huff.

"Whatever. I still don't see why we're going together if we're buying each other gifts."

"Like any of us use real logic," Grif snorted with an eye roll. Simmons ignored him while Donut noticed something.

"Grif, that's not how you tie a scarf."

"What?"

"Here, let me do it for you."

"No, Donut, I can handle-yeah, you're not listening," he sighed.

Donut took off the orange scarf much to Grif's chagrin. The smaller boy wrapped it around the brunette's neck twice before tucking it in.

"Happy?" the brunette asked with a scowl.

"No," Donut replied as he took the scarf off again and repeated the process. Grif let out a heavy sigh while Simmons smirked at him.

"Is this really necess-"

"Yes."

"Damn it."

Still not satisfied, the blonde boy retied the scarf another six times before Grif finally stopped him.

"Yeah, okay, it's fine."

"No it's not," Donut whined. "Do you wanna catch a cold?"

"If it will make you stop adjusting my fucking scarf, then yes," the brunette replied. Donut glared at him.

"When you do get sick, I'm not taking care of you."

"Yeah, you still will."

"You're right," Donut admitted, reaching up and kissing the other boy.

Sarge came down the stairs at that moment, both boots on his feet. He took one look at Grif and said, "Tha's not how ya tie a scarf."

"That's it; screw you guys-I hope I get hypothermia," Grif said before stomping out to the car.

"An early Christmas present."

(III)

Donut loved the winter time. He just hated the dark and, as such, freaked out considerably when the power went out. Luckily, his boyfriend was there to comfort him.

"You're a fuckin' baby, Donut."

Or, rather, mock him.

"Grif, shut up!" the blonde yelled, clinging onto his arm. Though he couldn't see it, he was sure Grif rolled his hazel eyes.

"Nothing bad's gonna happen in the dark," the brunette assured.

"Insane killer, dolls coming to life, zombies…" the hysteric teen rattle off. Grif stopped him.

"Okay, yeah. But the chances of any of that stuff happening is slim. Except maybe zombies. You know what has a high chance of happening, though?" Grif asked.

"Huh?"

"Us having sex," the older teen told him. Donut gave a snort.

"After the comments you made, you're not getting any tonight." Grif cursed underneath his breath.

A few minutes passed, with the only noise coming from outside. There was the howl of the wind, large piles of snow falling, and scrapings at the windows. Donut scooted closer to his boyfriend and clutched his arm tighter.

Suddenly, Donut felt something lightly brush up against his leg. He jumped into Grif's lap and let out a scream of terror. The blonde buried his head into the older boy's chest.

"What the hell?" Grif asked.

"S-something touched my leg," Donut whispered with a shudder.

"It was probably just a spider," Grif told him.

Donut let out another shriek, huddling into his boyfriend. It wasn't long before the something brushed against his leg again.

"Oh, god, oh god, oh god," the boy whimpered, more scared at the prospect of a spider than an insane clown doll coming back from the dead or something of the sorts.

"Don't worry, I'm sure the spider will go away soon," Grif said, biting his bottom lip; it was the only way to stifle his laughter.

"It's touchingme, Grif," Donut said. "I don't like spiders. Oh, I really don't like spiders. They should all get stuck in their own nasty webs and-"

He was cut off mid-rant as the lights flickered back on. Donut looked down at his leg, only to see Grif tickling him with a feather.

"Shit."

"Grif, you jerk!" Donut yelled, getting off of the boy and hitting him. "You're not getting any for a hell of a long time!"

(IV)

"Donut, I bet you can't go four months without sex," Grif said.

"What? I so can," the younger boy protested.

"Then prove it," Grif challenged. "I'll bet you fifty bucks you can't go four months without sex."

"Fine, I accept. I won't have sex for four whole months. I can so do it."

"You'll crack in the first week," he predicted.

"Screw you, Grif."

"Exactly."

"Oh, you jerk," the blonde huffed.

Church chose that moment to stroll over. He sat down next to Donut, tilting the blonde's head and kissing him. When they broke off, Church whispered something into his ear.

First, Donut winked at his boyfriend, licking his lips. Then, when he remembered the bet he'd just made, he banged his head down on the table, letting out a large moan. Church, meanwhile, raised an eyebrow and looked questioning at Grif.

"Why do I have the feeling this is something I'm not gonna like?" Grif smirked in response.

"Don't worry, Donut'll lose for sure. He's probably already considering giving up now."

"Screw you," the boy in question mumbled.

"See?"

(V)

Kerry sat down across from her brother. Looking over at Doc and Donut, who seemed deep in discussion, she asked, "What are they talking about?"

"Yoga positions," Grif answered. A beat passed. Then, "You know your boyfriend's gay, right?"

"Doc's straight," the girl protested.

"What straight guy talks about yoga? Especially to Donut."

"Him."

"I still say he's gay," Grif told her.

"Do you want me to prove he's straight?"

"Go ah-wait, what?"

"Nothing. Now stop saying Doc's gay," Kerry ordered.

"I call 'em like I see 'em," Grif defended. She pouted at the boy.

"You always do this, Grif," she whined. "Not every boy I date is gay."

"You dated Simmons once," he reminded.

"I said not everyboy."

"Still think he's gay," Grif muttered.

"Gif, what gay guy likes it when a girl goes down-"

"Whoa! Stop right there," Grif ordered. "You have not been doing…adult things with any boy!"

"Huh? Alls I was gonna say was 'goes down and helps him out of his running shoes.'"

"…Really?"

"Sure."

"Okay then." Grif ignored the fact that it didn't make any sense.

(VI)

"Church, you know when you're eating hot sauce and it stays on your hands?" Tucker asked the black haired teen.

"Yeah."

"And you know how it can burn like hell if it gets into certain places?" he went on.

"…Yeah?"

"Have you ever eaten hot sauce, then started to touch yourself?"

"…No. No, Tucker, I haven't," Church answered. Hoping it was a moot point, he went back to his book.

"Oh. Well, it really fuckin' bur-"

"I don't want this conversation to continue," Church interrupted.

"Alright, alright. I'm just sayin', always wash your hands before master-"

"Tucker!" Church yelled. "Why don't you either shut up, or go tell all this to Caboose or someone who cares?"

"Fine, geeze." Tucker left to go find the other boy.

Ten minutes later when Caboose came over to talk about hot sauce, Church was pretty sure he was going to pop a blood vessel.