A/N: Thank you all for your lovely reviews once again! It really does cheer me up. Also, thank you to the kind people who pointed out that the 'strap in, step out' reference was from when Taylor was on 'Talk Stoop' in Brooklyn with the interviewer Cat Greenleaf. I remembered it because it was funny and seemed to fit, so thanks again to RJVause, ManveerlovesVauseman, RANVEER and anyone else who told me :) Once again PM or tweet me any ideas or questions and I hope you all enjoy the latest chapter!
Piper and I sit in silence for the next hour, fingers entwined and finally my mind feels calm except one little thing that's niggling away at me. I can always tell when Piper's keeping something from me, even if it's something completely trivial. She always stays very quiet, can never look me in the eye and fidgets about. For example, shaking her fucking leg up and down.
Piper and I had been together for 3 months now and she was already practically living with me. Her clothes were strewn all over my bedroom floor, a collection of books that I didn't own were appearing on my bookshelf and there were fucking kirby grips everywhere; all of my male friends once told me that that was how all girls marked their territory.
I arrive home after a meeting, and unsurprisingly find Piper sitting on my couch.
"Hey babe," I lean over and kiss her on the mouth, confused at how tense she is.
"Hi," she murmurs and I wonder if I've offended her somehow.
"Is the toilet broken?" I ask her jokingly, and she looks up at me with a confused expression.
"No, why?" her dark brows knit together.
"Just wondering why you're shaking your leg up and down like you need the toilet," I chuckle, still baffled as to why she's so uncharacteristically quiet.
"I broke your toaster," she blurts out, and looks down in complete ashame.
"OK…" I don't really know what to say, "Uh, how did you manage that one? I know you're not exactly Martha Stewart but surely even you can't fuck up a piece of toast so badly that you break the toaster?" I frown.
"I'm so sorry, the bread wouldn't go down in the toast hole bit so I lost my temper and slammed it down and the lever broke off," she explains, "I tried to fix it with a hot glue gun but it didn't work and I burnt my hand," she pouts adorably and I have to resist the urge to not laugh put loud.
"Firstly, where the hell did you get a hot glue gun? And secondly, why were you worried about telling me you broke the toaster?" I ask her, sitting down gently next to her.
"I had to run over to the DIY store across the road to see what I could find to fix it, and I thought you might get mad at me," she looks up at me with heartbreaking puppy dog eyes.
I let out a loud laugh, "Did it not occur to you to not just buy a new one? After all, we're gonna need a new toaster anyway, that one belonged to my mum," I look at her waiting for her response.
"We?" she leans back and cocks her head to one side.
"Well you basically already live with me, half your wardrobe and book collection's here and you have a key so it makes sense for you to move in…" I raise my eyebrow.
"Yes! Oh my god yes!" she squeals and climbs on my lap.
"Mmm, hopefully you'll be saying that in a different context in a few minutes," I say seductively.
"We're gonna need to christen the place again anyway," she whispers in my ear and gently bites my lobe.
"Better get to it then," I whisper back, swinging her into my arms and carrying her into our bedroom.
"Piper, I know something's wrong," I finally break the silence. Her eyes shoot up to my face in panic.
"What? What is it? Are you in pain, do you want me to fetch a doc-", I break her off mid sentence.
"No, nothing like that. What are you hiding from me?" I ask her gently. I notice her whole body go completely stiff, her eyes fill up with tears and her dimples appear where she's biting her lip.
"I did a bad thing," she whispers in a very child like manner.
"What?" I shut my eyes, trying to mentally prepare myself for whatever bombshell she's about to drop on me.
"I went out last night and got really, and I mean, really drunk," she nervously pushes her hair out of her face, "I was upset…about us, about you, and there was this guy and he was so lovely…" she trails off and looks at the ceiling.
"So what? You fucked him?" I ask her in a strained voice, dreading the response.
"God, no!" she looks affronted, "I kissed him OK? It was a complete moment of madness, I was drunk and we were having fun and he thought I was single, so he kissed me and I kissed him back. Only for a second though before I realised what I was doing. I am so, so sorry Alex," she starts to cry, and I slowly exhale, relieved that it was just a kiss and nothing more.
"You promise you just kissed him?" I ask her, trying to suppress a laugh at her shocked expression.
"Yes! It was a mistake and it'll never, ever happen again I swear," she takes my face in her hands, "I love you, and only you".
"Did you just reference Yaz?" I chuckle, it's so fucking hard to stay mad at her.
"Mmm, maybe,'' she says shyly, snuggling into my neck.
"Is this an appropriate time to say 'Don't Go'?" I try to say in a deadpan voice, but abysmally fail when she smiles that cute little smile that had me hooked from the first time I saw her.
"I've already said I'm not going anywhere silly," she kisses me on the forehead, "Although I really need to pee, and Nicky wants to see you too so she can babysit you now."
"I would rather go into care than have that animal look after me," I laugh and Piper laughs with me.
"I really need to go now, I'll be just outside," she pecks me on the lips and gets up.
"Try not to miss me too much," I smirk at her and suddenly she looks sad.
"I'll never not miss you," she smiles gently at me and leaves before I have a chance to reply.
I put my head back as the meaning of her words sink in, when suddenly the door crashes open and Nicky swaggers in.
"Yo Vause, how's the head?" she sits on the chair and puts her feet up on the bed.
"Fine until you walked in, you warped oompa loompa." I smile, happy to see that she's not treating me differently.
"Sometimes, I get the feeling you don't like me," she says in mock hurt, and dramatically wipes her eyes.
"Sometimes, you assume correctly," I retort and shove her feet away.
"So, what's wrong with you?" she asks, a serious expression crossing her face.
"What's Piper told you?" I roll my eyes, Piper didn't actually get round to telling me why and more to the point what she told Nicky in the first place.
"Well she came banging on my door at some stupid fucking hour this morning, crying her eyes out saying that you guys had split and that you're ill. That was it. Nothin' about what's up," she looks at me, waiting for an elaboration on the story.
"I have…early onset dementia. Or familial Alzheimer's, whatever you wanna call it. Basically, I only have a few functioning brain cells, and the ones that are working are shuffling around on zimmer frames," I try to make a joke out of it. Nicky looks horrified and I imagine how she looks now is how I looked when I was told.
"What the fuck, Vause?! You're 36!" she exclaims.
"Apparently one of my parents must have had it. There's a 50/50 chance I'd develop the mutant gene," I spit out. "It can present itself from the ages of 30 to 50, give or take a few years. My mum was 50 when she died, and she was still as sharp as a tack so no prizes for guessing who most likely passed it on."
"Huh, kinda fitting that your mutant father passed on an alien gene. So Xenu's real after all, yeah?" she gives me a crooked grin. I feel relieved that she's making her usual corny jokes and not just ran away out of fear of the unknown.
I half heartedly smile back, "Maybe, but I still can't believe that that cunt is still managing to ruin my life," I say angrily and push my glasses onto the top of my head.
"That asshole's not worth anymore tears, you hear me? You, me, Piper and Lorna are gonna make these the best motherfuckin' months of your life, they'll be so amazing you won't be able to forget them,' she says. Her optimistic outlook normally annoys me, but today it really helps me see the positives I'm currently struggling to find.
"You have told Kubra and Fahri though, right?" she questions me, already being able to tell what the answer is from my grimace.
"Not yet. I have no idea how to. 'Hey guys, I have Alzheimer's, which basically means I can no longer work for you and also means I could accidentally expose you at any moment. Have a nice life'. Somehow I don't think that one will go down too well," I sigh.
"You've gotta tell them before it gets worse, Vause," she warns, "You don't need them having a vendetta against you just because you're ill."
"Don't you think I've thought of that? I just need to find a way of reassuring them that I'm not going to somehow rat them out by mistake," I say quickly, interrupted by a nurse coming in and checking my vitals and pain relief.
"Everything's just getting on top of me, you know? I can't believe my life's come to this," I start to cry and Nicky puts her arm around me.
"Chin up, sister. Ya never know, tonight might be taco night!" Nicky says, feigning excitement.
"Tonight's beef and noodles," the nurse informs her solemnly before walking out.
Nicky and I both look at each other with amusement, before erupting into raucous laughter.
A/N: I have nothing against Scientology, I don't judge anyone on what their beliefs are but thought it would be kind of appropriate because Poussey refers to Tom Cruise believing in aliens in season 2, and obviously Laura's a scientologist :)