Ranma’s Horrible Histories Chapter 6: Oh Ranma Boy, a ranma fanfic

Ranma's Horrible Histories

Chapter Six

Oh Ranma Boy

Pre-read by the patient Hiryo.

Disclaimer:

Ranma, Sailor Moon, other anime, and/or books that may be mentioned do not belong to me.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant "idiot."

-- (Terry Pratchett, The Colour of Magic) --

Being an 'International Beast of Mystery' is hard work. Scaring drunken locals and sun crazed tourists while making sure that all camera footage is out of focus and blurry is hard work. Why the health plan is atrocious, there's no dental and have you seen the teeth of some of the creatures employed by the IBM? There was no paid leave and in seven hundred years the organization was known to have only allowed six sick days and those were issued to twenty operatives on the same day, till this day the Kraken still isn't speaking to the Yeti.

IBM was in place to control all the mystical, magical, mysterious and maniacal creatures. They considered it their job to keep control over the magic in the world and most operatives were quite proud of their achievements. So every twenty years a convention is held in Los Vegas, hell in Los Vegas they were the most ordinary ones there.

IBM considered itself a leading world 'evil power,' in fact; they had been listed on the international stock exchange for fifty years. Which not many people may realize is the most reliable way of discovering developing evil overlords. At present, they had a devious scheme fermenting, involving the Milk Marketing Board, cornering the international market for rhubarb and the Scottish Gas and Power Board. Soon they would gain control over Inverness and by next Tuesday the world.

Monsters, beasts, spawn, demons, imps, bogey men, Red Caps, fowl creatures, and foul creatures, oni, giants, vampires, werewolves, zombies, and Smurfs. The charter of the IBM covers all of the above. At the moment, a founding member of this organization was resting safely sleeping under the surface of the lake it had made its home for hundreds of years.

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A giant blue and green ball,

FOCUS.

A tiny little green island by the coast of a much larger green landmass,

FOCUS.

The top half of the island,

FOCUS.

A long thin stretch of dark blue water surrounded be tall dark green hills,

FOCUS.

A tiny boat sitting in the middle of the water, bobbing on a gentle current,

FOCUS.

A little man in a red shirt standing in front of several green faced passengers,

FOCUS.

A giant red nose,

BACKWARDS

"Hi! Welcome to Lachlan's Loch Ness Tours, I'm Matt and I'll be your tour guide today. Now I'll just tell you a little about this famous Loch. The Loch is 23 miles long and a mile in width and averages 600 ft in depth. It contains over 2 cubic miles of fresh water and has been the home for many years to its most famous inhabitant 'Nessie.'"

A small voice piped up from the back of the tour boat. "Why's it called Nessie? That's a silly name. If I had a Dragon I'd call it Bob."

The crowd of laughing tourists moved away from the small boy who had previously been hidden by the crowd. Wearing what looked on first sight as a very dirty white tracksuit, he peered intently at the red-faced tour guide. In one hand, the boy held a tall walking . . . stick? In fact, it looked like a prop from a bad sci-fi show.What boy wants to wander around holding a golden pole with a giant pink heart on top?

The tour guide who has made this speech three times a day six days a week, for twelve years just smiles woodenly at the child and continues with his speech ignoring the question. "The first sighting of our most famous resident was by St. Columba, in 565. Columba saved the life of a Pict, who was being supposedly attacked by the monster. But don't worry Nessie is not dangerous."

The small voice from before pops up again. "What's Pict? Is that someone who picks its nose a lot?"

Once again, the tour guide smiles but this time he laughs, 'Kids' and continues. "Now Nessie has been seen several times since she was blessed by our Saint. Ha, Ha, Ha. In fact, she has been seen several times through out the centuries. In the twentieth century, Mr. and Mrs. John Mackay first sighted her on May 22nd 1933. Later that year on August the 11th, A H. Palmer sighted it again. Finally, on 19 April 1934, a surgeon R. K. Wilson photographed our shy beast. You can see a reproduction of this and all the other famous pictures taken of our camera shy Nessie back at the museum."

"I'm bored. I want to see the monster, why can't I see the monster." The small piercing voice demands everyone's attention he had climbed up onto the edge of the boats rail.

The tourists looked around for the boy's parents, or maybe chaperone.

"I want to see the dragon."

The tour guide who had dealt with his fair share of whiny brats and their kids looked around the group. "It's not safe up there, can this boys chaperone please calm him down." There was a lack of rush to save the kid from his own doom. Actually now he thought about it, 'Where did he spring up? When I let everyone onto the boat I didn't think I saw him then.'

The boy was swinging the pole around his head as he balanced on the rail pointing it out across the water. "Where's the dragon? I wanted to see a dragon."

The guide quickly strode across the small deck of the tour boat. "Get down from there right now! It's dangerous, I am sure Nessie is out there right now and if you're quiet and good she'll let us see her."

Ranma peered out over the cold gray waters of the Loch and smiled. "Well if you won't let me see the dragon. I'll have to find it myself." And with that, he leapt over the side of the boat and sank like a sack of bricks.

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Meanwhile one furious, two confused supernatural beauties were resting from their rapid departure from a homicidal hippo.

"I live a good life. I am leading the world towards a glorious future, where all people will be equal. Admittedly there won't really be very many people, but they'll all be equal." Sighing she slumped back in to the comfy chair she had sitting in front of the time gates.

Perched on the end of Pluto's bed Bast was determinedly working the sand out of her fur, licking away the grit. "Well that was a . . . thipp . . . blast. But what . . . thipp . . . is going . . . thipp . . . on."

Setsuna dragged a ragged nailed hand back through her hair. "I don't know one second there was this child bouncing around the gates of time I turn around for one second and he's set off the time gates on puree."

"The great Pluto . . . thipp . . . lets a child get the better . . . thipp . . . of her. I have to tell . . . thipp . . . everyone."

Pluto brought her hand away from her forehead where she had been trying to rub the headache away. "Wait a moment, why are you here? I don't even like you."

Bast didn't look up from grooming her fur. "Because I'm . . . thipp . . . cute."

Pluto stared at the cat goddess and spoke with frustration. "That's not an answer."

Authors note:

Ranma wants a dragon. Most kids just want a puppy.

Yes, the chapter is short but that is what it is going to be.

Information for thischapter came from these web sites, just remember to take out the spaces if you want to find out more about Nessie and Loch Ness.

. Http / ww w. Nessie. Co. Uk /nessie /nessgeo .html

Http/ ww w. Crystalink s. Com/ lochness. html

For more information and a note on when I update check out my yahoo group, which can be found linked in my profile.

Thank you for the reviews, please continue. You won't like me when I'm grovelling.

Omake by Hiryo:

What kid wants to wander around with a pole with a giant pink heart on top? The tour guide who has made this speech three times a day six days a week, for twelve years just smiles woodenly at the child and continues with his speech ignoring the question. "The first sighting of our most famous resident was by St. Columba, in 565. Columba saved the life of a Pict, who was being supposedly attacked by the monster. But don't worry Nessie is not dangerous."

The small voice from before pops up again. "What's Pict?"

A little tic develops on the tour guides left ear . . . remembrance to the child that tugged too much on it and now ticks every time when a child annoys him.

Tourist 1: "Yeah what is it? Is it somehow related with the naming of the extension of Apple Macintosh Picture Format?"

Tourist 2: "Really, that's a picture format? Did they save the Pict and in honor named the file format after that epic event?"

Now the tic of the tours guides left ear tics alternately in time with his right eyebrow.

Tourist 1: "I know . . . ."

Now the guide can't hold it back anymore, strongly gesticulating he shouts with a red head. "That is ALL WRONG! It's like this . . . yooouououououuuu . . . ." and falls in like all the others but the boy with the 'stick.'

This one jumps from one head to the next, dipping those beneath the surface. At the side of the boat, he looked at all those wet people. "Heh, looks like fun! I wish that it would be a little colder, in this heat a cold dipping would be great." With that, he springs headfirst into the Loch. Not noticing the little ice cubes, or even those giant ice mountains with the odd penguin, floating next to them, that now decorates the Loch.

The boy was swinging the pole around his head as he balanced on the rail pointing it out across the water. "Where's the dragon? I wanted to see a dragon."

"Wanna have a dragon . . ." As his arms pump up and down the 'stick' touches the lake . . . not soon after that, a portal in a far away sea opens.

Out of the portal comes a long haired blonde woman in a priest garb . . . that flies currently a few moments where one can hear her screams ". . . LOOOOOOOOOOS I'll get you!" then falls down into the Loch . . . wet like a fish she swims towards the boat . . . hindered and struggling in her dress. After that, she comes to the boat where she hears the boy with the 'stick' saying something.

"Man, once you want a great dragon and all you get is a stuck up woman that can't swim right . . . ."

The woman's eyes suddenly burn red as well, a golden light envelops her only that light grows bigger, and at last, she becomes a golden dragon!

"Wooooaa . . . can I name you Bob or Sunny?" asks the boy curiously.

That got Filia gear really running, "ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAR!"

In the background, a head rises out of the sea. "Can't one sleep here peace?"