I can honestly say that I've never received so many threats of bodily harm on a single day before...which I will presume were all in good humour, of course. (locks front door, then proceeds with typing) ahem. Yes. On a less dangerous note, I am happy to announce the third chapter of Wikipedia: Hedgehogs! :D Over here it's now evening of April, 2nd, so I think I'm still on time. ;) As always, the introduction can be skipped, which is purely to set the scene. :)

Please enjoy!

Chapter 3:

„Great. Just great." Sonic slumped back against the wall of the vault that had so recently become the prison cell of the group.

"Trapped in Robotnik´s base again. Just peachy." The hedgehog scowled at nothing in particular, before adding acidly: "And guess who has forgotten his trademark Emerald and can´t Chaos Control us out of here."

Shadow glanced at him and it was safe to say that not even Mt. Everest could have managed a more condescending expression.

"I, faker, am immortal."

„So?!" Sonic replied testily, not really interested in the conversation as such but more as a means of keeping himself occupied.

"Meaning, I have all the time in the world until that cell decomposes in its natural course."

"Oh, somebody restrain me before I spin-dash him."

"Just knock it off, you guys, okay? If testosterone opened locks, you two could be the next Houdinis," Rouge interrupted them, sighing. The bat wasn´t very happy with their current predicament, either – on their invading mission, somebody had to have triggered a hidden switch or something and the door of the vault they had been in at the time had slammed shut. Rouge just wished the same would apply to the males' mouths.

"It´s not his fault, Rouge." Knuckles smirked. "Hedgehogs and their 'inability to adapt to enclosed environments', remember? Poor Sonic is probably already wobbly."

"Oh yeah?! Well if you girl echidna could smash through the door, then this hedgehog wouldn´t be-!"

"Guys! Be quiet for a moment, please, I´m trying to concentrate here, okay?" Tails didn´t turn around as he said this, but merely continued working with the wirings of one of the consoles embedded in the wall. He had been trying to hack into Robotnik´s lock system for some time now, and the other Mobians were getting edgy that nothing was happening yet.

"I wish I had stayed at home…" Amy groaned, from where she was sitting against the door, her knees drawn up to her chin.

"Not an option, remember?" Knuckles replied dryly, "Chris all but threw us out after that little 'accident'." His tone made it clear that in his opinion, 'Chris' and 'accident' could also be used as synonyms.

"Yes, and that was all Tails´ fault, too." Rouge commented, pouting. "If he hadn´t made such a fuss…"

"Excuse me?!" Now the fox had stood up as well and was glaring at the white bat, who shrugged.

"Well, if you hadn´t freaked out about these comics and drawn his mother´s attention to-"

"I wasn´t freaking out about those, those comics! I was freaking out because you and Amy chased me down the corridor with mascara and a frilly dress!"

The kitsune was almost hyperventilating now, both his tails twitching on the floor behind him like mice with a heart attack.

"Uh-huh, yeah…" Amy smiled apologetically and rubbed the back of her head, "I forgot. I guess it was then that Chris' mom discovered the manga we had borrowed from him. And he threw us out."

"And good thing she took them away, too!" Tails shuddered, "There…there were two guys in them! And…they were doing things…" the small fox noticeably paled at the next bit of memory that surfaced from the ocean of Yesterdays' Horrors and turned around to the half-assembled computer again, nervously fiddling with the next pair of wires.

"Don´t sweat it, li´ll bro," Sonic tried to calm him. "Girls can be twisted. At least we left Cream at home, so we outnumber them at the moment."

"Still," Knuckles mused, "If you had let them put that dress on you, you might have discovered your feminime side…"

The Concorde couldn´t have taken flight faster than Tails at this point.

"Quit it, Knucklehead! Stop scaring the hell out of the kit, or else!" Sonic had to shout to be heard over the roar of two tails currently trying to mill through the ceiling.

"…you´ll do what? Threaten me with a toilet paper tube?" Knuckles smirked. "Anyway, you´d find it funny if it was me instead of him."

"Yes, but Tails is eight years old!"

"Which in hedgehog age would make him a pensioner."

"WILL YOU STOP MENTIONING-!"

At which point Rouge knocked them both in the head.

"Ow!"

"I agree, ow!"

"Will you guys be quiet! I am a bat, my ears are sensitive. And now my hand hurts too, because your skulls are hard," The white-furred thief complained once more, rubbing the sore paw.

"Well, your own fault, isn't it?" Knuckles grumbled, before turning around to Tails who had settled down and resumed working once more. "Anything yet?"

"Kinda. I have established connection with Robotnik's systems and right now I'm running a search program to find the specific code for our door. Could take some time, though."

General groaning greeted that announcement and Tails bristled. "Well, it's not my fault that we're trapped in here! It was completely dark when one of us must have stumbled over that switch and it sure wasn't me. Whoever had that idea to go in there without a torch, anyway…"

Four fingers immediately pointed at Sonic. The hedgehog turned his head away and hmpfed.

"I also have contact to the outside. We could send a signal to GUN and ask them to rescue us," Tails suggested in an effort to preserve the peace, but Sonic waved it off.

"Naah. Not with Shadow here. You know he doesn't like GUN - he'd probably emo your head off if you tried calling them."

"We should have sent Rouge into this rigged vault first." Amy sighed. "Bats have that echolocation technique with sound, don't they?"

"What?" Rouge looked up, now the centre of attention. Sapient bats were still able to use ultrasonic echolocation like their feral ancestors, but the white-furred female hadn't bothered with it, because frankly, it gave you one hell of a sore throat if you kept it up for long.

"Really? That's why she always screams at me?" Knuckles now asked Amy, ignoring said bat's 'HEY!' in the background.

The pink hedgehog giggled. "No, it's more like…well, uhm, actually I don't know how it works either. Rouge?"

"The hell?" the bat raised an eyebrow. "As long as things do work, I don't care how they do it. Ask the little whiz-kid." She started to examine her nails at this, but in truth wanted to hear the explanation as well. After all, Rouge found everything about herself interesting.

"Ultra-sonic hearing and echolocation? Well, I kinda know, but I don't know how to explain…" Tails scratched his ear in contemplation, before suddenly perking up. "Hey! Wikipedia!"

Several things happened.

Amy had started to grin. Knuckles and Sonic had scrambled against the door, clinging to each other trembling, before suddenly realizing it and retreating just as hastily to opposite corners. Rouge had begun to look mildly uncomfortable. Shadow was muttering something about Maria and World Destruction, although that probably could have been coincidence.

"Wh-what about Wikipedia?!" Rouge asked, her voice sounding just a little bit too shrill for the forced smile on her face. She had wanted to find out about herself, but that seemed a little bit too high a price. Especially if the humans insisted on filling most of it with the most ridiculous nonsense you could think of, for whatever reason.

"Well, we could read up on you. To pass the time." Amy's smile was as sweet as a shark hiding in your hot chocolate.

"But we don't even have the fox' laptop here…" Rouge muttered, slightly unwilling.

"Well, uh, technically we could, the console is connected to the internet…" Tails piped up and the others raised their heads, now interested as well.

"I say we do it." Sonic said cheerfully, "I wanna know more about that echolocation thing, sounds cool."

Knuckles nodded. "Yes, we should. 'Know thine enemy', after all."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?!" Rouge whirled around at the echidna who smirked.

"Tails, I suggest you read. That could go on for ages." Amy waved her hand while Tails just shrugged and complied. In his opinion, adults were sometimes worse than hyenas.

Bat

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

A bat is a mammal in the order Chiroptera.

"Well, there's nothing about echolocation here. Though we do know now that Rouge is a member of some strange sect," Knuckles stated.

"I most certainly am not! That human is lying!"

"They all say that. Then they start handing out Watchtower magazines and dance in your corridor." Sonic had already begun to grin.

Their most distinguishing feature is that their forelimbs are developed as wings, making them the only mammals in the world naturally capable of flight,

"Hmmph. Well, they would have to be blind not to get that part right." Rouge admitted, only slightly appeased. Maybe that article would spout some correct info after all.

"Wait, what?" Sonic frowned. "Bats are supposed to be the only mammals flying? Tails can fly because he's a mutant, but what does that make you then, Knux?"

(though other mammals, such as flying possums can glide.)

"Wikipedia. An answer for everything." Sonic nodded in satisfaction.

"Hedgehog…" the scarlet echidna snarled now. "You may want to lose another handful of spines?"

"Hey there's no need to be so cross…bred. OW!"

Tails just read on, ignoring the mayhem and hoping the door would open soon.

There are estimated to be about 1,100 species of bats worldwide, accounting for about 20 percent of all mammal species-

"...not to forget those 80 percent of jewel heists…"

"And I'm proud of those!" Rouge snapped, determined not to let Sonic's taunts get to her like the others. At least her article didn't seem to be as insane as the previous ones.

Diet

About 70 percent of bats are insectivores. Of the remainder most feed on fruits and their juices.

"Next time you go foraging for earthworms, Sonic, you should pick up some for Rouge," Knuckles commented. "Everything else would be rude."

"Shut – shut up!" Sonic shot back, who was already regretting to start bringing up earlier articles.

"I agree, shut up." Rouge sighed in irritation. "That's not what I eat, anyway."

"Oh really? Then what-?"

Three species sustain themselves with blood,

"…anybody got some garlic handy?" Sonic looked slightly pale.

"That sect thing should have clued us in. Probably virgin sacrifice and everything." Knuckles nodded grimly.

"Stop it!" Rouge was exasperated. "That's not funny!"

"Her face is white from lack of blood. She will feed soon," Shadow muttered from his corner, making the rest of the group crack up again.

some preying on vertebrates.

"Don't eat me! Eat Cheese!" Sonic pleaded.

"Or Chris!" Knuckles suggested.

"Or Omochao!" Amy chimed in.

Knuckles frowned. "…does that thing count as a vertebrate?"

Amy just shrugged. "Does Chris count as a vertebrate?"

"Fair point."

At least two known species of bats are cannibalistic.

"Stop staring at me!"

"Whatever. At least me, Amy and Knux can only get eaten by humans, not by relatives…"

"I swear as soon as we're out here-!"

One species, the Greater Noctule bat, is believed to catch and eat small birds in the air.

"Have we actually ever seen Jet since that tournament?"

"Must be a scary sight. Imagine, Rouge catching up to you on her extreme gear, waving that salt dispenser…"

Amy and Sonic broke down laughing at their comments, with mostly everyone else joining in.

Bats also perform a vital ecological role by pollinating some flowers; indeed, many tropical plants are totally dependent on bats. This role explains environmental concerns when a bat is introduced in a new setting.

"See?" Knuckles nodded to Rouge. "This is why I can't have you on my Island. You upset my environmental systems."

"…not to mention your nervous system and hormones, huh, Knux? Winkwink." Sonic grinned broadly, nudging the echidna repeatedly with an elbow until a death glare sent him scrambling away, still snickering.

Classification and Evolution

Little is known about the evolution of bats since their small, delicate skeletons do not fossilize well.

"'Small delicate skeletons' up my spines," Knuckles grumbled, rubbing the spot where Rouge had knocked him earlier.

"Oh, come on," Sonic commented, "You're just afraid she might have pollinated you by accident."

"Yes, puts a whole new meaning to the 'birds and the bees' thing, doesn't it?" Amy asked, grinning, while Tails behind the monitor once more flushed bright red.

Today, there are two suborders: Megabats and Microbats

"What do you think Rouge is?" Tails asked at that, for once actually genuinely interested, as was Rouge. She had been an orphan, and didn't know any other bats on Mobius, so that was new information for her.

"She must be a Megabat," Shadow stated. "Some body parts of her are of an unusual size."

Silence followed.

Sonic's shoulders were trembling with suppressed laughter as the blue hedgehog was hunched over, but he would not make the mistake of drawing Rouge's attention to himself at the moment.

"Just…just WHAT…!" Rouge was staring at Shadow like a Mrs Kill Bill in furry disguise.

The black hedgehog shrugged, oblivious. "Your fangs are longer than any of ours. It's obvious, really."

More silence.

Bats are also traditionally grouped with the tree shrews. However, molecular studies have placed them as sister group to Ferungulata - a large grouping including carnivorans, ungulates and whales.

"Keep her from thrashing the console! Otherwise we're trapped forever!" Sonic gesticulated wildly while Knuckles tried to hold back a clawing and hissing Rouge.

"I'll kill the author of this article! I'll show him just how much I'm related to-!"

"Knux, tame the tree shrew already, willya?!"

The bat, unable to break the echidna's hold, just hissed again.

Forget Earth. All of its inhabitants are mad.

Anatomy

"Should we skip that? I mean, my li'l buddy is probably still traumatized from the last episode of that sort…OW! Knux, she bit me!"

"If you can stop reverting to complete feral for one moment, this part is actually about the echo-location," the fox noted.

By emitting high-pitched sounds and listening to the echoes, also known as sonar, bats locate prey and other nearby objects. This is the process of echolocation.

"…so Rouge squeals every time she sees the Master Emerald?"

"Pretty much, yes." Knuckles sighed.

"Strange behaviour for a whale…"

At which point Rouge screamed for real in ultrasound, and everybody wondered why the two-tailed canine in their group suddenly covered his ears while shrieking.

The teeth of bats resemble those of insectivorants. They are very sharp in order to bite through hardened armour-

Sonic, who had been on the verge of cracking another joke, snapped his mouth shut and threw away the invisible key. Rouge gave him a dazzling grin. Everyone else also paled considerably.

- hardened armour of insects or the skin of fruits.

It was then that the white-furred thief realized the last shreds of her dignity had bought a one-way ticket to the next dumpster. Everyone now rolled around on the floor laughing their heads off and shouting things about threatening cherries.

The surface of their wings are also equipped with touch-sensitive receptors on small bumps called Merkel cells.

"…'bumps'?" Knuckles wondered and Rouge had just extended one wing in slight shock, now checking.

Amy shrugged. "Maybe like plaguespots or something."

Shadow shook his head. "You are in error. Rouge is obviously related to the German Chancellor."

"What?!" the bat looked at him, her wing folded again, but her fur ruffled and eyes twitching ever more badly, "That doesn't even make any sense!"

Shadow was unperturbed. "It does. Angela Merkel, hence the grouping with the whales."

Attacking Shadow was generally suicidal, but they all agreed that Rouge at that point had seemed pretty close.

One species of bat has the longest tongue of any mammal relative to its body size.

Sonic scrunched his snout up, slightly disturbed. "Geez, another one with that tongue thing. You two were really made for each other, you freak me out…"

Rouge just looked slightly worried. The worst thing about these articles were that they stayed in your head. To think that she had laughed when she had heard the echidna muttering about pouches in his nightmares…

This is extremely beneficial for them in terms of pollination and feeding – their long narrow tongues can reach deep down into the long cup shape of some flowers.

"Didn't that article state something about her pollinating stuff on Knux' island?" Amy wondered aloud.

Sonic grinned. "Sounds more like 'deflowering' to me…"

"Guys! That's gross! I won't read anymore if you keep that up!"

Shadow only shook his head. "The fanfiction site corrupted them. It is a sad story."

When their tongue retracts, it coils up inside their ribcage.

Everybody stared at Rouge's 'ribcage'.

"…maybe we should just skip that part. But it is an explanation." Sonic muttered, his eyes wide, while Rouge was meanwhile mentally swearing on her mother's grave that she would join Robotnik as soon as this gig was over.

Reproduction

"I want out of here! I'm not gonna have that part read with you guys leering at me!" Rouge shouted, ignoring Amy's protest at her inclusion with the males. The only one she leered at was Sonic! Uhm…not saying that out loud, of course…

A single bat can live over 20 years, but the population growth is limited by the slow birthrate.

"What is it with humans trying to give us ridiculously short lifespans?!" the pink hedgehog complained now, crossing her arms.

Sonic shrugged and patted one of his quills. "Probably just jealous of our good looks."

Mother bats have usually only one offspring per year, and they are viviparous.

"…uhm, what's that mean?" Tails poked had turned around to the older ones once more, his eyes questioning.

Sonic snorted. "I dunno, but I would hazard a guess that it's somewhere along the lines of 'nymphomaniacal'…"

Rouge shrieked indignancy and the young fox flushed again. "That's it! I'm gonna skip this part!"

Bats as Vectors for Pathogens

"What's that?" Sonic wondered. "Tails, go back to that other stuff, this is confusing!"

"No idea, I thought this was about bats, not crocodiles…" Amy scratched her head in confusion.

"In any way, it doesn't sound too good." Knuckles had crossed his arms, while Rouge had calmed down a little. Maybe this was about a new ability she didn't know she had?

Bats are natural reservoirs or vectors for a large number of pathogens, including rabies, severe acute respiratory syndrome (SARS) and possibly ebola virus.

The room had gone very quiet. When Sonic spoke, his voice was hoarse. "Tails? How much longer until we can get out of this room and get some shots?"

(Even though the last time they'd tried calling a doctor through Chris had ended in a rather taxing phone conversation along the lines of: "…-N-D-Y-K-E. Yes, a hedgehog. No, not a vet. Uh, Sonic wants to talk to you. He's the sick hedgehog. No, I don't need a psychiatrist, I need -!')

"She drinks blood, distributes rabies and then goes on to upset the environmental system. Remind me again why we take her along?" Knuckles muttered, ignoring the hissing from Rouge's direction.

"I take more showers than you, echidna."

"But that's only because he can't fit his Emerald into the bathroom," Sonic pointed out, once more apparently very happy.

Although most bats do not have rabies, those that do may be clumsy, disorientated and unable to fly.

"Interesting. So you think there's a connection between eggnog and that disease?" Amy asked, and everybody except Rouge had to snort.

"…if I ever get rabies, I'll remember to bite all of you."

"You forget that I am immune to your petty diseases, vampire Kraut. However, I could put you out of your misery, if you so desire," the solemn voice of Shadow came, where the black hedgehog was leaning against a wall, eyes closed.

"Oh, please do. All it takes is letting this machine explode," the bat grated, only getting slight satisfaction from the fact that now everyone was scrambling to explain to Shadow that she had made a joke and that they needed this machine very much indeed.

If a bat is found in a house and the possibility of exposure cannot be ruled out, the bat should be sequestered and an animal control officer called immediately, so that the bat can be analysed.

"Do they have a phone number in there?" Knuckles suddenly looked interested.

"But why should they want to analyze the bat?" Amy wondered. "I mean, they're a sort of police, they usually don't bother with psychology."

"Cleptomaniacs need treatment." Sonic shrugged.

This also applies if the bat is found dead.

"Frankly said, this world scares me."

Everyone nodded.

"…and you'd need a stake through the heart for that, too."

"Sonic!"

For full detailed information on all aspects of bat management, including how to capture a bat, what to do in case of exposure, and how to bat-proof a house humanely, see the Centers for Disease Control's website on bats and rabies.

"Let's go there! Let's go there!"

"Shut up, echidna!" Rouge shot a glare at Knuckles who had shining eyes for once. She crossed her arms, turning away. "They haven't built the prison that can keep me cooped up yet, anyway."

"Well, this stupid vault is doing a damn good job so far." Sonic scowled, already getting claustrophobic again. Knuckles meanwhile was bent over Tails' shoulder, the fox trying without success to push the dreadlocks out of his field of vision and getting ever more annoyed, to which the echidna was oblivious.

"No, really. I mean, if they can bat-proof houses, they surely can help out with Emeralds…"

Where rabies is not endemic, as throughout most of Western Europe, small bats can be considered harmless.

"That's an insult!" Rouge hissed. The article had been the most insane drivel she'd ever heard. If that Wikipedia thing really could be edited by anybody, she'd have a lot to add to the article about humans. The others merely were grinning again, finding the whole thing rather amusing.

Larger bats can give a nasty bite. They should be treated with the respect due -

"It's a little bit late to make apologies." The bat muttered, still miffed.

- due to any wild animal.

A few floors upstairs, Robotnik was in the process of having an identity crisis. He usually bounced back from let-downs easily enough, but…first, finding your prisoners rolling around in their cell laughing can really put a dent in your evil overlord confidence.

Checking out what they're laughing about, doing some research on that site, and then finding an article about yourself, listed as a 'fictional character', is enough to send anyone packing.

'Comically obese scientist'.

Honestly.

And these people wondered why he threatened to blow up their planet?

Poor Robotnik. Nobody's safe.

Anyway, hope you liked (next chapter should be up somewhat faster, with a certain victim you've all been waiting for) and now...please review! :3