It wasn't even eight in the morning, when Jack had to get up again and go to work.
"You don't have to come with me", he told me, as I was getting dressed.
"Go back to sleep, enjoy your holidays."
I had always been an early riser, it was no problem for me. I accompanied Jack to the wireless cabin. As it was still so early and a cold morning, there were only few people outside, except the officers on duty. I saw Mr. Andrews, who had just finished talking to Wilde. He left the bridge, walking over to the rail.
"Good morning, Mr. Andrews", I greeted him. He showed me his kind smile. "Good morning, June", he replied. "You are already up?"
"You too", I noted.
"Yes, I wanted to take a tour through the ship", Mr. Andrews explained. "Would you care to join me?"
"That would be great!", I replied enthusiastically, interested in seeing more of the Titanic. And Mr. Andrews was the perfect guide. Being the builder, he knew the ship better than anyone else, showing me some secret passageways that I doubted even crew members knew. Mr. Andrews carried a little notebook with him, where he wrote down various defects or point for improvement that he saw. Outside, he let me back to the bridge.
Mr. Andrews told me that Titanic was equipped with three different types of life boats: Two wooden cutters, fourteen wooden lifeboats and four collapsibles. But there was one thing that I noticed. I counted and added the numbers he had mentioned in my head …
"There aren't enough lifeboats for everyone on board", I realised. "Aren't there?"
"For half of the people actually", Mr. Andrews replied. He noticed my worried face. "Don't you worry", he soothed me. "This is a good, strong ship. The only lifeboat you will need."
I nodded, without being convinced. "Just in case anything would happen", I thought to myself, "which of course it won't, as everybody here seems to think then the other half what? Is left to drown?" But I didn't say that out loud. I saw Lowe at the bridge, mumbling angrily about something.
"Is something wrong?", I asked him. He shook his head. "No, just some woman from the first class", he told me. He snorted. "She demanded a new cabin because she thinks her's is too loud. As if that would be my job! I told her I am a ship officer, not a stewart and that I have better things to do with my time." I chuckled.
A few metres away from us, Wilde was talking to Boxhall.
"Have you seen the binoculars for the lookout?", I heard Wilde ask him. "Not since Southampton, Sir", Boxhall replied. I knew that this topic wasn't meant for my ears, so I decided to ignore it … it was only four days later that I would remember the conversation.
As usual, Jack didn't give a sign that he heard me enter the wireless cabin.
"I'll be with you in a minute", he said. He smiled, as I kissed him in the neck.
Bride entered the cabin. I noticed a bucket, filled with ice cubes in his hand.
"What …?", I wanted to ask him, but Bride gestured me to be silent. Before I had the chance to wonder what he was doing, I saw him sneak up on Jack. Then, before I could stop him, he emptied the bucket. Into Jack's collar.
Jack let out a scream, flailing his arms wildly, trying to catch Bride. But he was faster, jumping to the side.
Bride was giggling. "Vengeance is sweet my friend!", he said.
"I'll give you vengeance!", Jack threatened.
"Do I have to remind you of this incidence with the lubricating oil?", Bride asked.
I had to laugh. It looked so funny … Jack, flailing his arms, Bride laughing.
"Happy Birthday!", he said to Jack.
Luckily, Jack was not someone to bear grudges. We celebrated his birthday and had a late breakfast, Bride had brought along with the ice cubes. It was nice. None of us knew that this was to be Jack's last birthday …
Yet, I could sense that something was bothering Bride. He was even more withdrawn than usual and barely looked me in the eyes when he said something to me. He seemed to spend most of his time in the wireless cabin, working. And he never once mentioned his fiancée, or behaved as if he would be looking forward to get married.
"Is something wrong with Bride?", I finally asked Jack. "He seemes unhappy."
Jack shook his head.
"I have no idea", he answered and sighed. "I can tell that something is going on but when I ask him he just says that everything is fine. Which is a lie, of course."
"I don't understand this …" I was worried.
Jack put his arms around me.
"Bride will talk to us when he is ready for it", he soothed me. "We are his friends, he knows that he can tell us everything." I nodded.
In the meantime I spent my time exploring the ship and getting to know the other passengers. Mr. Andrews introduced me to Margaret Brown. The unsinkable Molly Brown, as she would later be remembered. She was outgoing, funny, and nice. I immediately liked her. She also invitied me to dine with her and a group of other first class passengers. Until then I had always had dinner with Will and the ship officers. And I was a bit nervous first.
"I have no idea how to behave in such a society", I admitted my fears later to Jack, when I was trying to find the right dress. "I don't want to embarrass myself."
"You won't", Jack promised me. "Just be yourself and you'll be fine." At least it would be a new experience. And Mr. Andrews and Molly (she didn't want me to call her "Mrs. Brown") would be there.
At eight o' clock I was walking towards the great hall with the famous grand staircase. I was wearing my best dress, long and midnight blue. Ada and Will once bought it for me for Christmas, but until now I had never worn it. My hair was falling smoohly over my shoulders. I felt nervous, but tried not to let it show.
Suddenly I noticed Bride, coming my way.
"Bride!", I called him. He looked up. And stopped. "Hello June", he said, looking at my dress and my hair. He opened his mouth to say something but words seemed to fail him. For some strange reason I blushed.
"I take this loss for words as a compliment", I joked.
Bride smiled. "Yes", he replied.
"What are you doing here?", I asked him.
"I was getting something to eat", he answered. "I have to get back to the wireless cabin, to get some sleep before my shift starts. And you?", he wanted to know.
I told him about my dinner plans.
"Then I hope you'll have fun", Bride replied kindly.
"Thank you."
Silence fell between us.
"I … I should go now." Feeling awkward, I turned to leave. I was just about to go to the door, when I suddenly heard Bride's voice.
"June!"
I turned back to him.
"Yes?", I asked, slightly confused. Bride bit on his tongue.
"I … I just …", he tried to say, searching for the right words.
"What?", I asked softly.
Bride looked up. He smiled, but it was a sad smile.
"Nothing", he said. "Good night, June. You look beautiful."
I blushed. "Thank you. Good night to you too, Bride."
When I left, I couldn't shake off the feeling that this was not what Bride had intended to say. But what was it then?
I forgot Bride as soon as I entered the dining hall of the first class and saw Molly Brown, already waiting for me. I was to dine with her and a group of other first class passengers: William T. Stead, Mr. Guggenheim, Colonel Archibald Gracie and Jack Thayer with his family. Jack Thayer's son was about my age. I saw them, sitting down at the table, together with Mr. Andrews and Bruce Ismay. A few tables away, I spotted Sir Cosmo and Lady Lucile Duff Gordon as well as John Jacob Astor and his young wife. The richest man on the ship, with his wife being pregnant and even two years younger than me. Or at least, that was what Molly told me. She must have noticed that I was nervous.
"Don't worry", she whispered. "Just let them think you're a rich heiress and they'll love you." I giggled.
I always wondered how it would be to be in the company of rich people. Now I knew it: Boring. Especially the men seemed to talk mostly about money, while Bruce Ismay told everyone who was willing to listen how great Titanic was. As if all this would have been his doing! Mr. Andrews, sitting next to me, stayed silent, but I noticed him hiding a smile behind his napkin a few times, when Ismay just got ridiculous. I enjoyed the meal, listening to Molly and her jokes. When suddenly raised the attention of the whole table.
"Mr. Andrews, there is something I always wanted to ask you", he said, looking straight at the builder of Titanic. "And what would that be?", Mr. Andrews replied, puzzled.
"Do you by any chance know the novel Futility by Morgan Robertson?", Guggenheim wanted to know.
Mr. Andrews shook his head. "No, I'm afraid I've never heard of it", he answered politely. Mr. Guggenheim smiled secretively. "Interesting", he said.
"What kind of book is it?", Jack Thayer Jr. asked curiously.
"Well, that is the mysterious thing", Mr. Guggenheim replied. All heads at the table were now turned to him, as he explained.
"It is a story about a ship. The most luxurious and greatest ship of all times in fact, just like your Titanic, Mr. Andrews. Her name is Titan. And like Titanic the richest and wealthiest men of the time are among her passengers", he told us. He paused shortly, to build up the suspense.
"On her maiden voyage, the Titan hits an iceberg and sinks", he continued, almost in a whisper. "Nearly all of her passengers die, because there are not enough life boats."
I felt a chill running down my spine. There was an awkward silence. Mr. Ismay coughed.
"What do you say to this, Mr. Andrews?", Mrs. Thayer asked him, obviously slightly shocked.
Mr. Andrews smiled politely, covering his real emotions. "It is interesting", he admitted and looked up, his brown eyes flashing at Mr. Guggenheim. "But still, it is just a book."
"Of course", he returned, smiling back. "But are the similarities not remarkable?"
"Coincidence", Mr. Andrews replied, his voice slowly loosing politeness.
"Why are you so sure of this?", Mr. Guggenheim wanted to know.
"Because I have faith", he answered, a chill in his voice that left no doubt that this conversation was over for him. "Faith in this ship and its builders."
It was Molly, who saved the evening by changing the topic. The men soon afterwards left for brandy and cigars. I stayed, listening to the band and watching Wallace Hartley playing the violin. I can still see them now … Standing on deck of Titanic, playing while the ship sank.
I couldn't sleep that night. Instead, I stayed awake and watched Jack, lying next to me. So much had happened since I met him … I fell in love, I found in Harold Bride my best friend and I was here, on Titanic. Jack brought colours to my world. And for this I would be forever grateful.
The next day, April 12th was a cold and clear spring day. And it brought a change. Yesterday, we still had been near land, Cherbourg being the last port where Titanic would stop. Now we were on our way to America, with nothing ahead of us but the ocean. The point of no return …
At two, when Jack's shift was over, I entered the wireless cabin to pick him up. "And you really know what all these machines are for?", I asked him, curiously looking around the little room. "To me it seems really confusing."
Jack chuckled. "It looks more confusing than it is", he assured me. "Once you know how, sending messages is easy."
"It looks fascinating", I admitted. "Especially when you are the wireless operator."
Jack laughed shortly. "I could teach you", he said. He was grinning mischievously.
"What?" I said, not sure if he was joking. But instead, Jack got up, gesturing me to sit down in his chair.
"I am pretty sure that this is strictly forbidden", I reminded him.
"Do you see anyone here except us two?", Jack returned.
I hesitated for a second.
"Okay!"
I sat down, putting my hand on the transmitter. Jack stood behind me, putting his hand on mine.
"The most important thing to keep in mind is the rhythm", he told me, his voice next to my ear. "Every sound, every word that you send has to have a certain length."
I nodded, as Jack moved my hand in the correct rhythm and showed me what to do. I turned my head, to look at him. His face was just inches away from mine, his beautiful blue eyes concentrated on his work. Only, when he noticed me staring at him did he stop.
"I love you, Jack", I said softly.
Gently, he squeezed my hand.
"I love you too."
We kissed, a soft, tend, irresistible kiss.
Shortly afterwards, Bride walked in. "Did I interupt something?", he asked as he saw Jack and me so close together. I got up.
"No, not at all", Jack said and added proudly: "June just sent her first message!"
"Congratulations!", Bride joked.
"Thanks, but I think I better stay with writing", I replied. "How do you manage to type so fast?"
"Practice", Jack simply answered. "I can send 39 words per minute now, Bride 26."
"Wow", I said, impressed. I knew that I would never be that good. But then I didn't have to be.
Jack took me out to the rail, to look out to the sea. The water was a dark blue, like Jack's eyes, almost black. It must be very deep …
"Hey, you two." Yawning, James Moody walked over to us. "What are you doing?"
"We were just looking out to the ocean", Jack replied.
"There is no land in sight", I said, lost in thoughts. "America is still so far away … The only thing around us is water."
"And this without enough life boats", I heard Jack mumble. Obviously, I wasn't the only one who had thought about this.
"You couldn't even swim", Jack continued slowly. "The water is much too cold."
I looked up.
"How cold?", I asked, trying to keep the anxiousness out of my voice.
Jack shrugged. "Maybe a few degrees over zero", he answered.
"Great!", I sighed. "So either you drown or you freeze to death!"
"Freezing is not such a bad death", James said, looking into the dark blue, steely water. "You basically slowly fall asleep as your body shuts down. You start to dream and just drift away ..."
Jack laughed. "Yes, but when I sleep, I normally like to wake up again." James agreed.
A bit later, Jack and I were in my cabin. I was lying in his arms. Jack was quiet, just gently kissing my head from time to time.
"I know how I would want to die", he said suddenly, the conversation with James still in his mind. My eyes searched his, as he continued.
"I would want to lie in your arms", he said softly, letting his fingers run across my face. "And I would want your eyes to be the last thing that I see. Your voice the last thing that I hear ..."
I smiled. "This is beautiful", I replied. "And very morbid", I added.
"It is the truth", Jack just said.
I shook my head. "Don't … don't talk about things like that", I said. "I can't bear to think about you dying." Only the thought made me feel numb and sick.
"We all have to die eventually", Jack reminded me.
"Yes, but not with 25!", I replied.
"John Keats did."
"He was ill!", I said, my voice strangely hollow. "You are not!"
Jack must have noticed the distressed look on my face. He laughed and pulled me closer to him.
"I am sorry", he said. "I was just thinking out loud. Don't worry!" He took away my fears with a kiss.
The next day, April 13th began. I was starting to know all the ways around Titanic. As usual, I accompanied Jack to the wireless room. If I think about it now, it is a miracle that no one ever caught us.
Bride was working, waiting for Jack to relieve him. I noticed how tired and exhausted he looked. As if there would be something on his mind, something he couldn't tell anyone. He seemed depressed, but careful not to let it show, when he saw Jack and me. But when Jack turned to say goodbye, I immediately forgot everything about Harold Bride.
"I'll see you later", Jack told me. "I will wait", I just replied.
Normally, Jack and I managed to find time for us during afternoon from 2 to 8 p.m, when Bride was working and during the night from 2 to 8 a.m. Not very long and of course Jack was spending the most time sleeping but we could still be together. I didn't mind.
"We will have more time for each other when we are in New York", Jack promised me. My heart jumped at this thought. Even Jack's parents or the watchfull eyes of Will could not change this fact …
And there were still the evenings, when Jack would sneak into my cabin. So he did this night.
"I only wish we could stop time", I murmured happily, my head against Jack's shoulder after he had arrived in my room.
"That would be nice", he agreed, grinning as he gently pulled me closer. To feel him like this, to have Jack so close to me … I treasured these moments. I knew that I would never feel this way again …
A soft knock on the door interrupted us. Before we had the chance to wonder who it could be, I heard Bride's shy voice.
"I am sorry for disturbing you", he said and I could tell that his face was bright red. "But I am afraid we have a problem in the wireless room."
At once, Jack let go of me and went to open the door. Bride slowly walked in.
"What problem?", Jack wanted to know. Bride told us that the wireless had broken down an hour ago and now he wasn't able to send even one letter. Jack sighed.
"I knew it!", he cursed. "The new machines and all the private messages … This was bound to happen."
He turned to me. "I am sorry. I hate to leave you", he whispered.
"It's okay", I assured him. "Just try to get some sleep. And don't forget what you wanted to do before Bride came."
Jack laughed and gently kissed me on the lips. I noticed Bride, turning his head to look away.
The last sunrise of Jack's life came and went. April 14th promised to be another clear and cold spring day. I went to look for Jack at the wireless cabin and found him and Bride still working.
"We were up the whole night", he told me. "We had to take the whole machine apart, piece by piece before we were able to find the problem, cable fires."
Bride nodded. "We kept ourselves awake with coffee and dirty jokes", he said. Jack's response was a long yawn. He looked grey and tired. I wouldn't have been surprised if he had fallen asleep right on the table. Yet, he still wanted to come with me. He fell asleep the second his head touched the pillow. I lay close to him, awake and ejoying feeling Jack's arms around me. We stayed in my cabin the whole afternoon. I didn't know that it was to be the last time that I would lie next to him …
"I feel as if I had just went to bed", Jack sighed, when he had to get up again for work. We went outside for a breath of fresh air. It was dark and cold. Jack put his arms around me when I started to shiver.
"Your uncle will be wondering where you've been the whole day", he said slowly.
"Probably", I had to admit. "But he knows that I am here with you. That I am going to New York with you." Jack looked out to the dark sea in front of us. I could guess what he was thinking: His family was still ignoring our relationship. And he was still engaged to Kathleen Rex … Jack suddenly pulled me closer, one hand under my chin, making me look directly into his beautiful blue eyes.
"I will write to my parents", he said. "I will tell them that I will never marry anyone else but you."
My heart started to beat faster. "Jack …" He was smiling.
"June", he said softly, caressing my cheek. "Will you marry me?"
For some seconds the only noise that could be heard was the engine from the ship. I looked at Jack, sure that this was all a dream.
"Are … are you sure?", I finally managed to ask. "Your family … what if –" Jack silenced me with a kiss. "This is my life", he replied gently. "And I would have never thought that I would find someone that I want to spend my life with, sometimes I am still not sure how it happened, but, I did. And it's you, June." He let a hand run through my hair. "You are the one that I want", he continued. "The question now is, if you want me." He looked at me, nervously, questioningly. At this, I threw my arms around him.
"Of course I want you!", I laughed, my voice shaking with happiness. "Of course I want to marry you!"
Jack's eyes sparkled as his face broke into the beautiful smile that I loved so much. He kissed my hair, my nose, my cheek and my mouth. None of us spoke for a few seconds. We were just standing there, as close together as possible. I smiled. Titanic truly was the ship of dreams …
"I … I have to get to work", Jack finally had to interrupt the silence. He took my hand. "Tomorrow I will talk to your uncle", he told me. Of course … Will had no idea about our future plans. And I wasn't sure how he would take it. He tolerated our relationship, but …
"He is on duty at the moment", I remembered. "Let me find him and talk to him first." "Okay", Jack nodded, as he lovingly squeezed my hand.
In the wireless room, Bride was busy working. "Three iceberg warnings", he told us when he saw us coming. "And all of them just in the course of this afternoon."
I stood still, looking at Jack to see if I had to be scared now. But he was just smiling.
"Don't worry", he soothed me. "That is quite common for this time of the year."
"I've heard the Captain already ordered to change course more south", Bride added. I nodded, ignoring the feeling of fear inside me. Jack got to work, Bride disappeared into their bedroom. Jack watched me leave. I think that was the first and only time that I had ever seen Jack not paying attention to his work. The look in his blue eyes was so full of … love, of hope. I will never forget it.
I couldn't sleep that night. I was sitting in my cabin, trying to read or thinking about how I should tell Will that I would marry Jack. What if he was against our marriage? What, if he found out about Kathleen Rex? It was nearly midnight, when I went outside again. It was freezing cold and dark. Except the members of the crew on duty, there was no one to be seen.
"Aren't you inside, celebrating?", I heard Moody's voice behind me. I turned to him. "What celebrating?", I asked, confused. Moody walked up to me.
"Due to our travelling with full speed, we will arrive in New York earlier than expected and set a new record. Ismay's delighted, of course."
He shook his head, as he looked out into the dark night. "We are at the most dangerous part of our journey and they are inside throwing a party …"
"You mean the iceberg warnings", I said.
"Lightoller just talked to your uncle", Moody replied. "We are all on constant lookout now." I shivered and this time I wasn't from the cold. Moody must have noticed my scared look, because he smiled. "No reason to be afraid", he soothed me. "Nothing has happened yet and we are all –" But I should never find out, what Moody had wanted to say. Because at this moment the bell of the crow's nest was ringing, the sound hollowing in the cold night. Three times. Even I knew what that meant. Danger, right in front of the ship.
Moody looked up. "What the …", he murmured, as he started towards the bridge, I a shadow behind him. I wanted to say something, to ask what was going on, when the phone of the bridge rang. Moody, completely calm, answered.
"Is anybody there?", I instantly heard the voice of the lookout, Frederick Fleet, shouting through, sounding slightly panicked.
"Yes", Moody replied, his face showing no emotion, except that his voice was a bit shaky. "What do you see?"
And then, Fleet's voice again, contorted with fear.
"Iceberg, right ahead!"
Moody swallowed. "Thank you", he replied, his voice a strange pitch. I watched him put down the receiver, wanting to run outside to call the officer in charge, when Will suddenly came storming inside, his eyes wide open, his face wild like I had never seen it before, as he shouted to Robert Hitchens, the helmsman: "Hard to starboard!" He must have seen the iceberg at the same time that Fleet had. His Scottish accent echoed in the room. He ran outside again, shouting to Moody: "Full speed back!" I was behind him. Will was standing at the rail, looking ahead into the darkness, shivering with tension. I followed his gaze. And then I saw it. A long shape, huge in the darkness, right in front of us. It was the iceberg. It was enormous, as tall as the ship itself. Getting nearer and nearer.
"Helm's hard over sir!", I heard Hitchen's voice shouting. Will gave no sign of having heard this. He was looking at the iceberg as if mesmerised, his nails digging into the wooden rail as he was counting the seconds. Why weren't we turning?
I felt a strange sinking sensation. It was as if I would have left my body, looking from the outside. This could not be happening … This must be a nightmare, it just couldn't be true … It felt so unreal …
"Come on, come on", I heard Will mutter beside me. "Turn, turn ….!" And then, slowly, as if in a dream, I could see Titanic turn away from the iceberg, away from the danger. Will looked up, his eyes burning. "Yes!"
But it was too late. Titanic had reached the iceberg. Now, everything happened very quickly. I suddenly felt as if the ship would have been lifted out of its original position. My feet lost contact to the ground for a second, as Titanic seemed to be lifted in the air. I grabbed the railing so that I wouldn't fall down. The ship was rocking slightly.
"Hard to port!", Will shouted next to me. He ran back into the bridge. I stayed, looking with eyes wide open in fear, as we passed the iceberg like a huge wall made up of ice. I imagined to hear a screeching sound, coming from underneath me. The sound of metal being cut open … I knew that at this very moment, Will was closing all the watertight doors.
As quickly as it happened, everything seemed to be over again. Titanic got back in her normal position and went on as if nothing would have happened. The iceberg disappeared behind us in the dark night. It hadn't even lasted a minute …
I ran back to Will, who ran his hands trough his hair. Despite the cold, they were wet with sweat. "Note the time and enter it into the log", he told Moody.
"Did … did we miss it?", I managed to ask, knowing I sounded stupid. "I don't know", Will murmured. "I don't know …" He turned to face me. "Are you alright?", he asked. I nodded.
"What was that, Mr. Murdoch?" Captain Smith arrived at the bridge. Will didn't look at him as he answered. "An iceberg, Sir." His voice had a sound that I had never heard before. "I ordered hard to starboard and then tried to portround it, but she hit … It was all I could do …" Smith's stare went cold when he heard the fatal word "iceberg".
"Sir?" Boxhall, who had noticed the collision, came running to the bridge, an anxious look on his face. "All machines stop!", Smith ordered, before turning to Murdoch. "Get the carpenter to sound the ship!" He looked to Boxhall. "I want our exact position in ten minutes", he said. "And go find Wilde and Mr. Andrews", he ordered Moody. They all nodded and left running. I turned to follow the Captain, when Will grabbed my hand.
"In case anything happens", he whispered. "You know what you have to do, don't you? You remember what Mr. Andrews has told you about the lifeboats?" I looked into his eyes. He was dead serious.
"Yes", I replied, my voice sounding strangely hollow. "I remember." Will guessed my thoughts. "Don't let your feelings for him make you stay", he told me. "Phillips wouldn't want you to risk your life for him." I didn't answer. Will left, I followed Captain Smith. I knew where he was going …
He opened the door to the wireless room. I saw Jack, working, Bride beside him, wearing blue pyjamas. Normally, I would have found this funny, but now… They were talking, but stopped when they saw us entering.
"Make yourself ready to send a CQD", Smith ordered them. "But do not send one until I tell you so! We have hit an iceberg and I have to see first what it has done to us." Without another explanation, he left. I saw Bride, looking at Jack, scared. "Blimey!" Jack wrote something into his notebook, not saying a word. "Jack!", I wanted to scream. He would be the first to have to stay here if the ship indeed had been damaged. No matter how hard …
Boxhall's voice interrupted my thoughts. "The post room is already under water", he said, his face pale in the night. "Thank you." Will's voice. The officers were standing at the bridge. Without a word I stood beside Will and followed him, when they all went to Captain Smith's cabin. Everyone looked anxious and scared.
Smith, Wilde and Mr. Andrews were the last to arrive. Mr. Andrews looked as if he would be screaming inside, his hands shaking and a strange, broken look in his eyes. Smith noticed me beside Will.
"You shouldn't be here, Miss", he said. "You don't have to hear that." Will stood up for me. "With all due respect, Sir", he replied. "But June is my niece. Whether she hears it now, or I tell her afterwards, she will know." Without another word, Smith turned to Mr. Andrews.
He put a blueprint of his ship on the table. "There is water in the first five compartments", he said, every word giving him pain. "She could stay afloat with the first four compartments flooded, but not five, not –"
"What is with the watertight doors?", Lightoller wanted to know. Mr. Andrews shook his head desperately. "They were not constructed for a case like this", he said, runing his fingers through his hair. "The water gets from one compartment to the next, there is no stopping it."
"The pumps?", Moody tried to suggest, but Mr. Andrews only laughed bitterly. "That will only buy us time", he answered. "Not more than a few minutes." His hands were shaking, as he looked down to the blueprint.
"It doesn't matter what we do now", he said, almost to himself. "Titanic will founder."
My hand grabbed for Will's. I looked over to Captain Smith. Within the last thirty minutes, this proud, strong man had been completely broken. Everything, his greatness, seemed to have vanished, destroyed like his ship together with the iceberg. Yet, he seemed calm, as he voiced the question that no one here dared to ask.
"How much time do we have left?"
Mr. Andrews didn't look up as he answered. "One hour. Two at most."
Moody crossed himself, Boxhall went pale as a ghost and Pitman started to tremble. Smith turned to Will, Lightoller and Wilde. "Get the passengers", he ordered. "Tell them that there is an emergency practice … But make sure that everything stays quiet, we do not want panic breaking out." Everybody knew what he meant. There were only lifeboats for half of the people on this ship and we were surrounded by water that was freezing cold. Half of the people on this ship would not live to see the next sunrise.
"What is going on here?" Bruce Ismay, dressed in a red bathrobe and pyjamas, entered the room, looking angrily at the shocked faces around him. "What is all this nonsense about having hit an iceberg that the carpenter told me? And why have we stopped?"
Mr. Andrews answered. "We have stopped because we have hit an iceberg and are sinking." His voice was quiet and sharp as a razor blade. Ismay was silent for second. "But this is impossible!", he then said, sounding very much like a spoiled child. "This is the Titanic, she can't sink!"
"Stay one more hour and you will see that she does", Mr. Andrews replied coldly, adding grimly: "But you might want to see your precious headlines." Ismay looked at him, trying to say something but ended up only opening and closing his mouth like a fish.
Smith left. I knew what he would do now. He would tell Jack and Bride to send distress calls to every ship that could hear us … Jack! I wanted to run, but Will was faster and grabbed my hand.
"Are you going him?", he wanted to know. "I, I have to!", I stammered. "I have to see him, I have to make sure that he is okay, that –"
"Phillips has to fullfill his duty as a wireless operator!", Will reminded me through gritted teeth. "And I will make sure that you will sit in one of these lifeboats, as you should." His eyes grew hard. "I will not leave you here to die."
I shook my head, trying to free myself from his grips. "I can't just leave him", I whispered. "Please understand … Will … What would you do if this would be Ada?"
Will let go of me at the mention of his wife's name. "Go", he said, a sound in his voice that I had never heard before. "Go and say goodbye." He was still looking at me. "But come back, do you understand?"
I nodded. "Yes", I replied and kissed Will on the cheek. "Thank you!" And I ran, ran to the wireless room. There, Jack was still sitting, working, Bride in his pyjamas next to him. Both were laughing, although Bride looked rather pale and frightened.
"What is it?", I asked, confused by their laughters. "We just noticed that J.P Morgan will lose a lot of money tonight", Jack replied, never stopping to type. I noticed the sound of the distress call CQD. "Have you reached anyone yet?", I asked hopefully. "Reached, yes", Bride answered. "There are normally many ship on the Atlantic at this time, the problem is that they are often too far away to come here quickly."
"We will find one", Jack promised. I hoped he was right …
"Maybe we should try that new distress call?", Bride suddenly suggested. "SOS?" He chuckled, despite his obvious fear. "It may be our only chance to use it."
Jack laughed and even I couldn't help myself but giggle. It seemed so surreal …
"Okay, but first do me a favour my lad and go put on some clothes", Jack replied.
"Oh, yes", Bride said, self-consciously. He disappeared in their bedroom.
"Why was he wearing his pyjamas anyway?", I asked, trying to distract myself. "He wanted to release me a bit earlier tonight, so that I could get some sleep", Jack answered. He looked still tired and exhausted, yet his eyes were alert and he was smiling, a cigarette as usual between his lips and his fingers were quick as always. "But I guess sleep is now out of the question." Something flickered in his eyes. I remembered what Jack had told me on our first date. That the only thing he was afraid of were icebergs.
"Hey." I gently put my arms around him. Jack put his free left hand on mine. "Hey", he replied softly. "I thought you were already gone."
"What do you mean?", I asked, trying to play dumb. "You know exactly what I mean." For the first time this night, Jack turned to face me, fixing me with his blue eyes. "This is not a game", he said slowly. "This ship is going to sink and when it does I want to know you're safe. I want you to go the lifeboats and save yourself."
I didn't answer. "But you are going to stay here", I said. Jack smiled, touching my cheek. He guessed what I was thinking. That I wouldn't leave without him. "Don't worry about me", he told me. "I am tough, I'll get by. Don't risk your life for me, June!" For a few seconds I saw fear flickering in his eyes. "I couldn't bear to lose you …" I kissed him gently. Jack closed his eyes. "You won't …", I promised. "Okay …"
Bride came back, dressed again in his uniform. At the same moment, the wireless started to sing. A message! Jack and Bride hurried to the machine.
"From the Carpathia!", Jack told us. "Isn't Cottam there?", Bride asked. Jack nodded and smiled. "He wants to know if everything is okay. I think we should tell him …" He began typing furiously. Ten minutes later, the reply came.
"They are coming!" Jack told us. "They have changed course and are now with full speed on the way to us."
"But this this great!", I said, clinging desperately to this piece of positive news. "They will help us!" Bride lowered his head in defeat. "Yes, but when?", he said. I looked to Jack, who explained. "The Carpathia is miles away from us and not nearly as fast. Even if they do travel at full speed, they won't be here for another four hours at least. And until then everything you see will lie at the bottom of the ocean." Bride coughed, trying to hide his fear at these words. "So what do we do now?", I asked. "Hoping that we will reach a ship nearer to us", Jack replied simply. Of course. What else was there to do?
I decided to go outside to see what was happening. It still looked as if nothing would be wrong. The officers were standing near the lifeboats, trying to get women from the first class to get into the boats. "But we're not making much progress", Lowe said. "Either they don't believe us, or it's just too cold for them." Just a group of young girls about my age were having fun by getting into the lifeboats, giggling and calling to the other passengers "See you at breakfast!"
"Your uncle is looking for you", Moody, who was working with Lowe at the lifeboats, told me. "I think he wants you to get into a boat." I sighed. "I know." But I would not leave without Jack. I could not.
Moody knew what I was thinking. "This is madness, June", he said, shaking his head. "This is a death trap and if you stay here you will die, you know that as well as I do."
"I can't just leave him behind", I replied. "And not just him, Will, Bride, you … My family is here, you cannot expect me to abandon my family!" Moody sighed, but I knew I had won. He understood. After all, he would have done exactly the same. "Staying close to those who you love is a noble thing", he replied. "But don't let it make you die a useless death." "I won't!", I promised him. I haven't given up yet! There was still hope that we might all come out of this alive. I went back to Jack and Bride. "The Olympic is on her way", Jack told me, adding. "She won't be here any faster than the Carpathia though". From outside, we suddenly heard the noise of a shot. Light signals that were being shot in the air to make ships near us aware of our position.
Bride flinched at the sound. "Damn it!", he murmured, forcing a smile. His face was even paler than usual and his eyes had lost their brightness. Jack chuckled and gave him a small silver box. "Take a gum", he recommended. "Calms the nerves." Bride shook his head. "It's nothing", he lied. "I'm fine."
Suddenly, Jack started to curse, using words that he normally definetly wouldn't have used in my presence. "These idiots!" "What is wrong?", I asked him apprehensively. I had never seen Jack losing his patience before. "It's the Frankfurt", Jack replied. "They keep receiving our distress calls and really, what is so hard to understand about the words "iceberg" and "need immediate asistance"? But all they keep answering is "Are you alright"? Oh yes, everything's great, we're just sinking …" He was interrupted by he sound of his pencil falling down from the table.
"What?" I looked down to it. "How did it fall from the table?", Bride managed to ask. Jack didn't stop typing as he answered. "We are gaining list", he said simply. "We are going down by the head and the front part of the ship can't take all the water anymore." Bride and I were spared a reply as Captain Smith entered the room. He didn't even seem to notice I was there. "Any news?" "At the moment the Carpathia will be the first to arrive here", Jack told him. He didn't need to mention that it still wouldn't be fast enough. "But the Olympic is also on her way. They've all assured us to come." Smith nodded. "Sir, how much time do we have left?" Jack's words were out before I could have asked them. Bride, who had been staring gloomily at the machine, looked up. "According to Mr. Bell with the amount of water we are taking in, maybe a bit more than one hour", Smith replied. Jack, not showing any sign of fear, began typing again, telling every ship that could hear us this dreadful news. I followed the Captain outside.