The next few days were a haze. After I was forced to leave the hospital I went to Blaine's dorm; nothing happened though…Carol said it was fine; she knew I needed him. There was no change with my dad. He was still in a comatose state. The doctors had tried to explain what had happened. It was all mumble-jumble to me. I knew the second heart attack is worse than the first. I knew that he's alive; but he's not there anymore. He's not there to talk, he's not there to yell, and he's not there to come in as I make out with my boyfriend. He's simply…not there.

I miss him more than I can explain, and I've noticed Blaine has been keeping his distance. He hasn't kissed me once since before everything happened; he's barely even talked me.

I miss him now, too.

Carol seemed completely broken. When I had walked into the hospital the first time Finn was trying to calm her down with no luck. I could see the tears in his eyes too but he looked so calm. Seeing Carol like that made me feel the worst I've ever felt. This can't be happening is all I thought, over and over. Blaine held my hand tight but I could barely feel anything. It was the worst day of my life.

The new directions came in too with flowers and cards for me and my family the next day. But what the hell can things like that do? Nothing.

And now one month later and still nothing's changed.

xXxXxXx

"Kurt, um, can we talk?" I look up from my book. I've shut myself in my room for the past three weeks aside from going to my dad; and apparently Carol finally sent my weakness. Blaine.

"Fine," I look down and carefully mark the place I was reading by folding down a corner of the page and then bring my attention back to Blaine, "What?"

I can't help but be annoyed by the fact that he's just now wanting to talk to me after almost four weeks of nothing …not even a text message. Of course, I have been quite cold to everyone; I didn't even answer my phone when Mercedes called yesterday and two weeks ago and…basically every day... I just don't feel like talking…or I do; I don't really know what I want. But now I suppose it's forced upon me.

"I've been worried about you," he closes the door quietly and walks over to sit on my bed.

"Oh really? Oh well that explains all the texts and calls I've been getting from you,"

Sarcasm seeps through my words and floats in the air adding to the fast developing tension in the room. Blaine seems to physically wince at my tone but looks at me pitifully none the less.

"I know, and I'm really sorry, Kurt, but I didn't know what I would even say… I was scared," His words seem genuine. I still feel terribly sad.

"Yeah," I turn away and look at the clock. 8:47 P.M. Suddenly I need to forgive Blaine. He's the only thing that can take me away from all this. "I suppose nothing will make my dad come back. I hate this."

I feel arms wrap around me and for some reason I'm frozen. I don't hug back; I simply can't. I haven't felt human contact for nearly a month and, I guess, my body became used to feeling nothing. And now it's all new again; to feel arms embrace me.

"Kurt," he pulls me closer so I'm resting my head in the crook of his neck; my arms resting at my sides. Why am I so surprised? Why can't I move? I want to hold him back. To hold onto the one person I will always need to be there for me; aside from my dad.

"I'll always be here for you," he whispers.

And that statement is all it takes for me to start crying. I haven't cried since the first day of this mess and I feel so much better to just, cry I guess. But now the question is how do I stop?

I laugh and pull away as tears streak my face, "do you see what you do to me? Now my face will be puffy and red."

Blaine smiles slightly with relief as I continue to laugh at myself, "You'll always be the most handsome person to me, even when your face is puffy," and now we're close again.

We talk then. Well, I try to talk through my tears that won't cease and Blaine listens. Soon we're lying on my bed; my head is resting on his shoulder as his fingers run through my hair. I tell him stories about my dad and I from so long ago and he listens. After an hour I stop crying (my body probably ran out of tears) and sleep starts to take me into its arms.

"Bla-aaaine," I say his name through a yawn, "promise you'll be here in the morning."

"I promise."

I smile up at him and I see his eyelids drift close, "thank you," I whisper and close my eyes.

I barely here him when he says he loves me; but I still do.

XxXxXxX

I wake up and sure enough; Blaine is still right next to me. I lay there a while not really sure why I'm supposed to be upset, just knowing that I am. And then I remember; my dad. I breathe a deep sigh and look up at Blaine. He's still sleeping, which is weird cuz usually I'm the one who sleeps in. I look at my clock sitting on my nightstand and its only 6:17 A.M.

I get up as carefully as I can without waking Blaine; I'm super hungry. I go downstairs as quietly as I can but the floorboards squeak never the less. I expect to find the kitchen empty but when I turn the corner I see Carol standing by the microwave smoking a cigarette. I didn't know she smoked.

She notices my presence and I can see her get flustered as she looks at her cigarette and quickly puts it out, "Kurt, I didn't think anyone would be up yet…um, yeah I smoke once in a while when I'm stressed."

I don't really care if she smokes; I understand.

"Its fine Carol," I walk over to the fridge and take out the milk, "I buy a lot of scarves when I'm upset."

She laughs and takes out another cigarette; considering she put the other one out prematurely from being startled by me. I laugh too and say, "It's a serious problem, have you seen how much they charge? Like ten bucks! It's gonna be my downfall, I guarantee."

"Oh Kurt, your such a dork, you know," she shakes her head and laughs again as I grab a box of honey bunches. I poor them in a bowl from the drying rack and put the milk in next. I am now a master chef.

"So, when did you get up?" I ask as I sit on the countertop and chow down on my cereal; the box is sitting at my right in case I need some emergency oats.

"I wish you kids would just use the chairs," she says before answering my question, "about three hours ago. I couldn't sleep."

I smile sadly at my cereal and then ask only half kidding, "You haven't been smoking that whole time have you?"

She looks at me and raises an eyebrow exactly like Finn would do, "Really Kurt? Of course I haven't…I've been gardening."

I can tell by her tone that that's not the case, but I decide to leave it be. I catch her gazing at her ring finger then and I stare down at my now cereal-less bowl full of milk (I eat my bunches fast. Don't judge) I poor more yummy goodness in my bowl,

"So I'm assuming Blaine stayed the night," I look up quickly and blush at her serious stare.

"Um…yeah, I hope that's all right…" I hope I didn't make her upset.

She smiles at me and I release a breath I didn't know I was holding, "it's all fine Kurt, I was just wondering; besides, I didn't hear anything." At this, I blush even deeper. I start feverishly eating my cereal because I don't know what else to do as Carol laughs under her breath and breaths the stress-reliever into her lungs.

"Well," she put the cigarette out and looks at me, "I'm gonna run to the store to pick up a few things and I think you should go see if Blaine is up yet. He might want some food too." I hop off the counter and put my bowl in the sink, "'K Carol, thanks," I walk over to her and give her a hug. She seems surprised at first but then says,

"Oh Kurt, you're the best step son a mother could ask for."

"And you're the best step mom a son could ask for," I say over her shoulder; I mean it with all my heart.

We step back from each other and she holds my hands at arm's length, "You are so handsome," She says as a true mother would say to a true son. I laugh a little and she let's go of my hands and heads to the door, "I'll be back in about an hour and a half."

It closes.

"Thank you," I say to no one.

I walk out of the kitchen and am about to head upstairs when I see something on the couch from the corner of my eye. I slowly walk into the room because I think I know what it is; it's my dad's and Carols Wedding album. She was looking through it. I feel a lump in my throat rise as I walk around to sit on the coach.

I pick it up and place it on my lap. I can just imagine how Carol must have been feeling as she looked through it… I open to the first page and am met with a picture of Carol and my dad gazing at each other lovingly. The shot was beautifully done: Their backs are turned to the camera as they look out at the sunset, but you can see their profiles looking at each other, my dad's hand is placed gently on Carols and the light from the sun makes them look as if they're glowing.

I close the book and place it back where I found it on the cushion. I don't really feel like looking through it right now. I can't help but feel that I'll never hear my dad speak to me again. And he'll never kiss Carol again.

I go back up to my room and quietly open the door; what I see makes me panic. I run to grab for my lyric book Blaine is reading while sitting on my bed. I take him by surprise and get the book out of his hands before he even knows that I had come in.

"Do not look through this," he looks at me with a confused expression.

"Why?"

I look at him as if it's the most stupid question I've ever heard, "Because it's personal," I poured my soul into some of these lyrics and some of them are from when I was depressed. Not very happy-time writing.

"Well I already read through a lot of them," he says smugly, "and they're really good, Kurt," he adds seriously.

"Which ones did you read?"

His face falls, "I flipped through them, I read some from towards the end, but I read some of them in the beginning," He walks over to me as I place the book back in my drawer, "When was it that you wrote those ones?"

"Before I met you," I say simply, "Why did you read it? You should have known it was private."

"I know…I couldn't help it," he says and he looks to the floor. I hate that he read them, "Yes you could have," I can feel myself growing angrier; "You could have helped it!" Oh shit I'm yelling. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. I open them again and see Blaine looking at me with a remorseful expression, "I'm sorry, Kurt. I just wanted to…I don't know."

I'm still mad. But… isn't he just trying to help? Shouldn't I be happy that someone cares enough to want to know things about me? To see a book that contains a part of me and actually taking an interest in wanting to know?

But I'm still mad. I hate emotions sometimes. It's like you try so damn hard to feel differently about something, but you can't. I want to love Blaine; not be angry at him.

He moves to leave my room but I take hold of his wrist, "What are you doing?"

He looks at me surprised, "I thought you wanted me to leave."

"…Never," I smile sadly at him and I can see he knows what I need to take my mind off things.

He rushes close to me and I feel his breath against my lips. He's barely brushing my lips with his but just at this I can feel myself losing everything. This is a good thing; a good distraction. Why didn't I do this before now? It feels so good to forget everything. He pushes me down on the bed. Wait, what am I forgetting again?

"Kurt, what about Finn?" Blaine whispers as he kisses down my neck. Who? Oh yeah.

"He's gone to a friend's house this weekend"

I feel Blaine's smile against my skin, "How convenient."

He moves his hand underneath my shirt slowly. But I don't want slowly. I squirm underneath him just enough for him to ask, "What?"

"Blaine, I am not in the mood for taking things slow. I want you now," he looks down at me with an abashed look but then I think he understands. He yanks off my shirt over my shoulders and throws it to the floor before sitting up to take his off too. Before I have the chance to admire his beautiful torso he comes back down on me; pressing as much skin on skin contact. His mouth moves down to my nipple and he takes it in lightly between his teeth as his left hand travels down to undo my belt and roughly shoves my jeans down. I groan as I feel his hand sink into my boxers and take hold of my cock.

I move my hands between us and work at getting his pants down too. My hands are shaking form his hand sliding up and down my cock and on top of that we're too close together for me to get the buckle undone. Fuck this, "Blaine just get up a sec," I say slightly frustrated.

He withdraws his hand from my pants and looks at me questioningly as he get up and moves away from me. I kneel up on the bed and take off jeans and boxers and all. His face grows even redder.

"Take your boxers off," I say demandingly. Like I said, I need him now. He does what I say and just as they hit the floor I push him on his back and straddle his lap.

There's a sense of urgency in our eyes now. We get under the covers and I lay on top of him; I roll my hips into his and we both let out moans of sheer pleasure. I do it again and again because it feels so fucking good as we grind our cocks together and our tongues roll together. I would never know my name right now if I was asked; But Blaine seems to keep reminding me, "O shit Kurt. Kurrtt. Yes right fucking there," he suddenly flips on top of me, taking me by surprise. We're still for a bit and the throbbing down below seems to subside a little. But then he does something I've only dreamed of him doing.

He moves down my body, placing kisses here and there slowly, "Fuck Blaine I said I wanted things fast."

"Just shut up will you?" he says before gets to the place I've been waiting for. He takes me full in his mouth and starts to bob his head up and down the shaft of my cock in a delicious way that makes me break out in sweat and grab hold of the sheets screaming his name. His tongue; oh god his tongue! It feels so good I feel I'll burst any second.

His hands are on either side of my hips as I begin to thrust upwards. My hand moves on its own accord to grab his hair, holding his head in place as I buck even harder against him. I feel every inch of me screaming for more as he brings me even closer to the edge. Its fucking bliss is what it is. The time is lost as we keep doing this; gradually moving faster and faster.

"I'm gonna- ughh- cum Blaine!" I scream his name. The warning only makes him move faster and then he does it, his mouth swallows around my cock and I cum hard. He takes in every last drop as I collapse on the sheets in a cold sweat. "Fuck Blaine. Just Fuck."

He looks up at me from between my legs and then crawls up on top of me. He kisses me and thrusts his tongue in my mouth so I can taste it. His tongue moves over mine and I moan again into his mouth before he pulls away.

I sigh and shut my eyes, "That was the best distraction ever. I needed that."

"Anytime," he whispers.

"I think I'll take you up on that offer in the future."

He laughs and then asks, "So I'm really sorry about reading the lyrics, Kurt…even if they were really, really good."

I open one eye to look at him lying next to me, "I forgive you. I overreacted. The poems and stuff from the beginning- that time is over. I have you now," I roll on my side so I'm facing him completely, "and I'll guarantee I'll be writing a lot of silly love songs for the future."

He laughs and snuggles in closer to me, "And what's wrong with that? I'd like to know.