A/N: Sorry for taking so long to upload this chapter, I got carried away by end of semester woes and holiday season family things. This chapter is a little shorter, I'm sorry about that! I just wanted to post a chapter to show that this fic is definitely NOT dead. And thank you so much to guest (lolord) and Jules Hawk for reviewing! Your reviews really made me happy!

Disclaimer: BioWare owns Mass Effect

Chapter 6: Sol is Lost

"I'm not going."

The moment Kaidan heard Anderson say those words to Shepard, he had decided to give them some space to talk. He knew Shepard would not be happy, and he was feeling a little awkward perched there on the ramp of the Normandy (especially after his embarrassing 'welcome aboard' moment), so he retreated back up the ramp.

He was inspecting the weapons in the small armoury in the shuttle bay, and unloading into a locker the small duffle filled with his armour that he'd had just enough time to grab before James and Kaidan had raced off to find Joker and retrieve the Normandy. Fortunately, Joker was already on-board during his daily retrofitting schedule and the Normandy had been due for a test flight, meaning that it was fuelled up and ready to fly. It was almost a little too coincidental, but Kaidan was grateful for this fluke.

He noticed a set of N7 armour laid out on a weapons' bench nearby, wondering why it was there. He knew that Anderson was planning to use the retrofitted SR-2 as his command centre, but Shepard was still technically grounded. Maybe he intended to bring her on as his XO?

James' angry voice caught his attention. "Bullshit! He wouldn't order us to leave!"

"Enough Lieutenant!" Shepard thrusted an accusing index finger at James' chest. "Don't you think I'd rather stay and fight?!"

The look in James' eyes was distinctively frightened for an instant before resuming his defiant mood. He obviously has not seen this side of her yet. "Forget it. Just drop me off someplace, because I–"

"I am the commander of this ship. Our orders are to go to the Citadel and get help." By the way Shepard was standing, you almost could not notice the height difference between the two; she quite literally commanded the air around her. "I don't like it either, but those are our orders. This is the only way we can save Earth. If you have such a problem with that, I suggest you get off my ship when we dock at the Citadel and find your own damn transport back."

James gaped for a second but straightened his back. "Yes ma'am." He coughed, adding softly, "I'm sorry, Lola."

She just nodded and pushed past him. "Don't question me again, James."

Kaidan watched Shepard as she approached him, shoulders set determinedly. She glanced at him briefly but the look in her eyes was so fierce, he felt like he imagined their tender moment earlier outside the Defence Committee Chambers.

He decided now was not the time for informal greetings. "Commander, what's going on?"

She headed to the console opposite the weapons bench. "We're going to the Citadel. I need to speak to the Council." She brought up the comm on the console.

The console buzzed in response immediately. "Hey Commander, welcome back!"

"Joker, is that you?"

Joker's scoff was clear. "You think I'd let anyone else fly this baby?"

The soothing voice of the AI interjected. "Jeff, please refrain from calling this vessel your 'baby.' You are neither capable of rearing children, nor did you actually build the Normandy. And we are glad to have you back, Shepard."

Shepard shook her head at the banter between pilot and AI. "We need to get to the Citadel, ASAP. Stop fooling around and fly, you two."

"Commander," EDI's voice rung out again. "There is an incoming transmission from Admiral Hackett. It is quite rough but I will do my best to clear it up. Patching it through."

Kaidan couldn't hear much from the transmission, but he did hear three phrases loud and clear: "Dr. T'Soni… Mars Archives… way to stop the Reapers…"

Shepard just turned to the weapons bench displaying her armour, not even bothering to explain to the confused Lieutenant and Major staring at her. "Change of plans, Joker. We need to make a quick stop at the Mars Archives."

Kaidan tried not to smile when he heard Shepard mutter her typical lame joke under her breath. "Looks like we're digging up Liara again…"

"Shepard, I need a straight answer – why the hell are Cerberus here?!"

His words were coming out harsher than he intended, but he was mad. Furious.

They had witnessed Cerberus execute unarmed personnel, the Alliance soldiers stationed to guard the Mars Archives. Cerberus troops had rounded them up and shot them point-blank before Shepard, Kaidan, and James had intervened. Of course Kaidan was mad – the Archives were supposed to be a safe place for learning, and here Cerberus had come marching in and killed innocent people. He had no doubt they would find more bodies within the base itself.

Maybe it was too mean to blame Shepard, but she had worked with them. The little voice in his head returned, yelling at the top of its lungs, saying that Shepard was still with Cerberus, and turning herself in had been a ruse. Kaidan thought he had silenced all of his doubt, yet here he was questioning her again.

She sighed and placed a palm over her helmeted face. "Kaidan…"

He didn't care that he was being nasty, because he needed answers. "Don't 'Kaidan' me, Shepard, this is business!" She sighed and looked at him. "Do you know anything about why Cerberus is here?"

"What makes you think I know what they're up to?"

"You worked for them, how am I not supposed to think that?" He leaned over the railing on the elevator. "They rebuilt you!" He was grasping for some logic to make sense of the situation, but he couldn't help but notice the scepticism in his own voice. Is Shepard really capable of treason at this level? Or am I just looking for a scapegoat?

"We joined forces to defeat the Collectors. I never worked for them, I owe them nothing." She planted herself in front of him and stared into his eyes – well, as much as she could through their helmets. "Let me be clear, Major. I cut all ties and I've had no contact with Cerberus since returning to Earth. I have no idea why the fuck they are here, and I'm going to make every sorry Cerberus ass pay for every innocent life they've taken."

James offered his support. "Commander Shepard was under constant surveillance in Vancouver. All of her communications with the outside world were cut off, besides, well, through me. There's no way she's communicated with anyone outside since."

"Sorry, Shepard," Kaidan sighed. "It's just that… it's too coincidental they're h–"

The hiss of decontamination interrupted him, and Shepard turned away from him to remove her helmet.

After he removed his own helmet, he turned to see Shepard looking over her shoulder at him. "You don't trust Cerberus? Fine. But you of all people should know what I'm about."

He sighed and whispered to himself, "of course I do, Shep."

She turned back briefly with what might have been a sad look in her eyes, and Kaidan almost thought that she might have heard him, but Shepard turned away too quickly. She signalled them to draw their weapons, pulling out her own heavy pistol, and the trio entered the garage cautiously.

She hated him.

(But she didn't.)

Shepard was furious – her biotics were pulsing through her body since they saw Cerberus troops executing people outside. She was, frankly, surprised that she hadn't hurt Vega or damaged the elevator by accidentally discharging the excess dark energy coursing through her. Of course, her anger at Cerberus wasn't helped by the accusations being thrown at her by her former LT.

"You don't trust Cerberus? Fine. But you of all people should know what I'm about."

She started to exit the elevator but was caught off guard by something he whispers. Had he really dared to use her nickname, or was she imagining things?

She shook it off and pulled out her trusted Carnifex, signalling her squad to do the same. Shepard frowned when she realised she was already low on thermal clips – her old gun would need to be upgraded soon.

The trio entered the Archives' garage cautiously, each scanning the area with their omni-tools to check for opposition. But Shepard was distracted by her anger – how could Kaidan say that shit to her, after she had voluntarily been incarcerated for six months? How could he accuse her of treason like this, after all she had done for the Alliance, and humanity? Why was Cerberus here on Mars, killing innocent people?

A scuffle above them, in the air ducts, caught Shepard's attention and broke her out of her thoughts. She rushed to take cover, pistol loaded and ready for whatever may come out. When the familiar blue figure dropped out of the vent and disposed of the troops that followed, Shepard chased away her anger briefly with a wicked smile, rushing to greet her friend.

"Liara!"

The asari turned to her with wide eyes. "Shepard!" Liara hugged her quickly. "I'm so glad you're here. When I heard about Earth, I feared the worst."

Shepard frowned. "It was hard to see."

Liara nodded sombrely. "I am sorry." She looked over Shepard's shoulder, "Kaidan, I'm happy you're here too. It's good to see both of you."

Shepard cut him off before he can respond. It's catty of her, but she wasn't ready to let go of her anger yet. "What's going on, Liara? Admiral Hackett told us you know what's going on."

"I do," Liara smiled. She gestured for the trio to follow her, further into the building and toward a viewing deck. "Desperation, it seems, is extremely efficient motivation. Admiral Hackett and I have been pulling our resources together – his as admiral, and mine as an information broker and archaeologist – to scour different Prothean Archives for ways to stop the Reapers."

Shepard stopped in her tracks. Her pulse quickened, and she was almost afraid to ask. "You've found something?"

"Blueprints for a Prothean device," Liara's smile broadened, "one that I think was designed to defeat the Reapers. Of course, it needs to be built, but I think it's our best shot."

Shepard crossed her arms. "It almost seems to good to be true. Was it really under our noses in the Mars Archives, all this time?"

"The Archives are vast, Shepard, and there are still sections being studied for the first time today. You did discover it barely forty years ago." Liara looked out of the viewing deck at the main structure of the Archives.

Shepard followed Liara's gaze. "So the blueprint is in the Archives, and Cerberus is trying to get there? Do we know why?"

"No, but this device, this weapon, could have the power to stop the Reapers. Something with that much power is–"

"Something the Illusive Man would want his dirty hands on." Shepard cursed under her breath.

James spoke for the first time since entering the garage. "So it's a race to the Archives?"

The sound of troops approaching ended the conversation and put them all on guard.

"Hell yeah, finally time to kick some more Cerberus ass."

Kaidan approached Shepard until they are shoulder to shoulder. "Commander, a suggestion: Lieutenant Vega should stay with the shuttle on the off chance Cerberus gets to the Archives first, so he can block their escape from here."

She hated to admit it was a good idea because she was still mad, but Kaidan was right. And, really, she could never stay mad at Kaidan for too long.

Shepard nodded at him, "good idea, Major. You and Liara flank the doors and take out any Cerberus soldiers that come through." As the pair moved forward, she jogged back to the elevator. "Lieutenant, back to the shuttle."

James' expression was inappropriately disappointed. "What? You're pulling me away from the fight again, Lola?"

She threw him a fierce glare, and it worked – he complied and climbed onto the elevator platform. "We need you guarding the exit, in case Cerberus troops may escape with the data."

"Yes, ma'am."

After Shepard punched in the elevator commands, she rushed to join Liara and Kaidan and to take cover in front of the door. As she hit the first troop emerging with a Warp, as Kaidan threw an Overload at another, and as Liara hit a pair with a Singularity, Shepard half-smiled: the old gang is back together again.

Kaidan's earlier thought was right, of course – inside the Archives they found nothing but Cerberus troops and the dead bodies of scientists, researchers, and students. It fueled his anger, but he could see with every step deeper into the Archives that he wasn't the only one who was infuriated.

Shepard anxiously watched Liara try to override the blocked tramline, jaw clenched so tightly that Kaidan was worried she could do some damage to her teeth. He reached out to her shoulder, to calm her a little, but he stopped halfway when he remembered that he couldn't do that anymore. Instead, he leaned in slightly and muttered just loud enough for her to hear. "We'll get them, Shepard. Cerberus will pay for what they've done to these innocent people."

And to us, goes unsaid.

She glanced at him, chestnut eyes a little less outraged, and nodded a thank you.

Liara turned around. "The Archives are on a separate network – we're completely locked out."

Shepard swore under her breath, but Kaidan perked up. "Not if we find a short-range communicator. Helmet-to-helmet."

"And?"

He smirked. "And we convince them we're on their side, tell them the Alliance forces were taken care of."

Shepard raised her eyebrows. "Good idea. See what you can find."

He nodded curtly and approached a group of dead Cerberus troops. He scanned a few of them with his omni-tool, finally finding a communicator in the helmet of one who seemed to be this squad's leader. Kaidan called out to Shepard and started trying to remove the dead troop's helmet.

"What have you got?"

"He's got a transmitter in his helmet," Kaidan threw over his shoulder as he struggled with the clunky Cerberus armour. "If I can–"

The face of the helmet came off and Kaidan's stomach turned. "My god…"

"What is it–" Shepard leaned over Kaidan and glimpsed the dead Cerberus troop's face. "What the fuck?"

Kaidan got up to give her a better view. "He… he looks like a husk."

She leaned down and unflinchingly reached for the rest of helmet. "Not quite… but they've definitely done something to him."

"And by they, you mean Cerberus? They did this to their own guy?" His head was reeling – Kaidan had seen one too many husks on Earth to feel comfortable with the familiar blue glow of the dead eyes. "Cerberus can make their own husks? Is… they didn't use that technology on you, did they?"

"How can you compare me," she gestured at herself, "to that?"

He looked down at the glowing eyes again and shuddered. "I don't know what to think, Shepard. They rebuilt you, from the dead!" He sighed. "There's a voice in my head that keeps telling me you're their puppet, and I'm trying so hard not to listen to it. Please… tell me – is the person I followed to hell and back, the person that I loved, are you still in there?"

It was Shepard's turn to sigh. "They didn't change me, Kaidan, or how I feel about you." She reached out and softly placed a hand on his shoulder, holding his gaze for a few seconds.

She pulled back and he found himself immediately missing her touch, even through his armour.

Guilt started to wash over Kaidan – he felt like he has been doing nothing but hurling insults at Shepard, so he tried to loosely lighten the subject. "I'm sorry, it's just… I feel like Cerberus just has all this technology that is way beyond my knowledge. Last time I checked, resurrection was pretty impossible."

It worked somewhat – Shepard rolled her eyes and fished the comm out of the helmet. "Come on, we have work to do."

Bang.

Kaidan's life didn't flash before his eyes. Instead, he saw a life that could have been.

Bang.

He saw the ranch outside Vancouver. He saw dark-haired children and blonde children with amber eyes. He saw two retired soldiers growing old together, picking apples from their orchard, and going for walks through the garden on a rainy day.

Bang.

But a Collector ship over Alchera and words spoken on a planet called Horizon overshadowed this life.

Bang.

And now this robot stood in its way, erasing his dreams and his regrets.

The thing tossed his body aside and turned away from him.

Before everything went black, he thought he could hear his favourite voice shrieking his name through the ringing in his ears. The voice sobered him a little before he lost consciousness.

I will survive this, Shepard. I will see you again. Even if it's just to apologise for the wrongs I have done.

A/N: Thank you for reading! You can contact me here, on my tumblr (bioticnerfherder) or my Mass Effect tumblr (shepeffect)!