A/N: We're getting pretty close to the end of the story. Thank you so much to everyone who has read it – I really appreciate it! This was originally slated to be the last chapter, but I'm toying with the idea of an epilogue. Let me know what you think. I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Best of Me
Chapter 6: For You I Will
"Hey," Alex smiled, opening the door to his apartment and letting Addison in. "I thought we weren't meeting up for another two hours," he said, pulling her in for a kiss. "Not that I'm not happy to see you," he mumbled against her lips.
"Um, Alex," Addison started, gently moving out of his arms, "we, uh, we need to talk."
Alex furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Uh, yeah, sure, okay," he said, motioning towards the couch. "What's up?"
"Look, Alex," Addison began, running her hand nervously through her hair. "I don't know how to say this. I mean, I've thought about how to say it, but I don't know, I just don't know how…"
"Addison," Alex cut her off, "it's me; I won't judge you on style. Whatever it is, just say it."
"Okay, right, um, we need to break up, Alex."
"What? Why?" Alex asked, the hurt in his voice obvious.
"Alex, I can't do this to you."
"Do what to me? Is there someone else? Do you want to get back together with Sam? Is it that Dave guy from ortho? I heard rumors that he had a thing for you, but he's kind of weird, and things with us were going so well…"
"Alex," Addison interrupted, "there's no one else. It's nothing like that."
"Then I don't get it. Why do we need to break up?"
The hurt in Alex's eyes was killing Addison. Why couldn't he just be like Sam, she wondered, and give her a calm, emotionless look? That would make this a hell of a lot easier.
"Alex," Addison began slowly, "I want a baby… and not in a couple of years. I want a baby now. And that's not fair to you. You still have to complete your residency, and then you'll have fellowship offers all over the country, and then I'm sure you'll get job offers from hospitals all over the place. And we've only been together for four months, and it's not fair for me to ask you to compromise your career or to force you into something that you don't want to do or aren't ready for."
"Addi…"
"No, wait, I'm not done," Addison said, cutting him off. "Because even if you did want to have kids with me right now, which I'm sure you don't, but if you did, my chances of conceiving a child of my own are next to nothing. And you're going to be a great father some day, I just know it. I've watched you with Lucas, and you're so good with him, and you deserve the chance to have a child of your own when you're ready, and I won't be able to give that to you."
"Addi,"
"Please, just let me finish," Addison begged, tears building in her eyes. "We're at different places in our lives, and it wouldn't be fair for me to ask you to raise a child with me now, and it also wouldn't be fair for you to miss out on being able to have a child of your own. I just, I just can't be what you need."
"What? Addison, you can't be serious," Alex interjected desperately.
"I'm so sorry, Alex," Addison continued, getting up off the couch and grabbing her keys, "but I think breaking up is the right thing to do…the responsible thing to do."
"Can't we talk about this?" Alex asked, fighting back the lump that was forming his throat.
"There's nothing left to discuss. I want a baby now; you don't. I-"
"Addison!" Alex interrupted, "I never said…"
"Do you want a baby right now?" Addison snapped.
"Well, I hadn't really thought about it," Alex admitted. "It wasn't exactly in my immediate plans."
"Exactly," Addison cried. "You should be able to have kids when you want them, and I can't give you that."
"Add,"
"Look, I've gotta go," Addison said tearfully, making her way towards the door. And as Alex watched her retreating form, he wondered how his life had just become so complicated.
xxxxx
Alex was lying on the couch, staring up at the ceiling, replaying his conversation with Addison – well, actually, Addison's rant – over and over again in his head. There was a lot of truth to what she had said. He wasn't ready to be a father any time soon, but he also wasn't ready to lose Addison either. Addison seemed to think that he'd make a good father someday but, with his past, Alex wondered if he could ever really be father material.
Without thinking about it, Alex grabbed his cell phone and found himself dialing a familiar number. Please be there, he begged silently, as the phone rang.
"Meredith Grey," he heard the voice on the other end say.
"Do you like being a mother?"
"Well, hello to you too, Alex."
"Yeah, hi. So, do you?"
"Alex, where is this coming from?"
"I don't know, uh, just wondering, I guess," Alex trailed off, cringing at how ridiculous he sounded.
"Seriously, Alex, what's going on? I mean, you leave Seattle, saying that you need a change, and I get that, I do, but then nobody hears from you for like four months, and we're supposed to be your friends, Alex, your friends. And then, all of a sudden, you call me out of the blue and ask me if I like being a …oh my goodness," Meredith gasped.
"Meredith, what is it? Are you okay?"
"Oh. My. Goodness." Meredith repeated a little louder. "Alex Karev, you knocked up some girl in California, didn't you?"
"What? No!" Alex protested. "Meredith, please tell me you're not at the hospital."
"Of course I'm at the hospital."
Alex groaned, "Oh, shit, this rumor's gonna spread like wildfire."
"Alex, you're going to be a father!" Meredith squealed.
"I'm not, I swear. And keep your voice down."
"So," Meredith asked, ignoring him, "who's the girl? Was she a one-night-stand? Oh, Alex, please tell me you're not having a baby with a one-night-stand."
"I'm not having a baby with a one-night-stand."
"Well, that's a relief. Still, you've only been in California for four months; how well could you possibly know this woman? Do you love her? You probably think it's too soon to tell if you love her or not," Meredith rambled on, "but it might not be. I mean I knew that I loved Derek right away, so it's possible that you might know if you…"
"Meredith!" Alex interrupted, "Can we please stay focused on my question?"
"Oh, right, yes, of course. So, where were we?"
"Parenting," Alex reminded her.
"Right," Meredith smiled. "So, what do you want to know?"
"I don't know. It's just people like you and me, we're dark and twisty and broken. We didn't have good relationships with our parents. Hell, we didn't even have good parents. So I always just figured that someone with my screwed up childhood wasn't supposed to have kids, ya know? But you had a messed up childhood too, and now you have a daughter. And I've seen you with Zola, and you're a good mother, Mer – you're a really good mom. So, I-I don't know, hypothetically speaking, do you think that maybe, maybe I have a chance?"
"Alex, hypothetically speaking, or not, because let's face it, I know you, and this is so not hypothetical, you definitely have a chance – a good chance. Just the fact that you're this worried about screwing up shows that you're gonna be a good dad; it shows that you care. You're amazing with kids and, when you open yourself up to people, you're a really nice guy."
"Thanks, Mer," Alex said, letting out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. "I needed that. And I'm sorry for not keeping in touch."
"You can make it up to me by telling me about this woman that you got pregnant."
"Meredith, I promise you, I didn't get anyone pregnant."
"Well, if you want to be tight lipped," Meredith teased, but then grew serious, "Listen, if you ever do want to talk about it, you know where to reach me."
"Thanks, Mer."
"Bye, Alex," Meredith smiled, hanging up the phone.
"Ah-hem," someone cleared his throat behind Meredith, trying to catch her attention. Please let it be Derek or, better yet, let it be someone who doesn't know Alex, Meredith prayed silently, as she turned around to face the throat-clearer. Well, Derek was there…but so were Cristina, Mark, Callie, Arizona, Lexi, Bailey, and the Chief. Maybe they didn't hear me, Meredith thought to herself. Again, no luck.
"Karev got some girl pregnant?" Cristina blurted.
"That damn fool," Bailey muttered, shaking her head.
"Uh, umm, I don't know," Meredith stammered. Then, recovering, she smiled, "Don't you all have patients or something, because I do," and, with that, she made a quick exit.
xxxxx
"Hey, Addie," Amelia smiled, as Addison walked into the kitchen, heading straight for the liquor cabinet. "Oh, scotch? Bad day?"
"Yeah."
"Wanna talk about it?"
"No."
"Well, if you want to talk, you know where…"
"This baby thing is killing me."
"Alex doesn't want kids?"
"I'm not sure."
"You're not sure? How is that possible? Did you ask him?"
"Well, he doesn't want them now, and I don't want to wait. Plus, he deserves a shot at having his own kids, if he wants them."
"Addie, what exactly did Alex say?"
"Not much."
"Not much?"
"Well, I didn't exactly let him speak," Addison squirmed. "I just sort of gave him a speech and broke up with him."
Amelia frowned and playfully hit Addison alongside the head.
"Ouch!" Addison exclaimed. "What was that for?"
"For making me the voice of reason," Amelia shot back. "Look, Addie, I know Sam didn't like addressing the baby issue with you, but Alex is not Sam. You owe it to the guy to at least hear him out."
"We'll call that plan B. Right now, we're sticking to plan A, which is getting drunk, so if you don't mind…"
"Addison," Amelia started, "You are imposs…" but she was cut off by the sound of the front door opening.
"Hey," Alex said, poking his head into the kitchen. "Can we talk?"
Amelia smirked at Addison, "Looks like plan B just got bumped up to plan A."
Addison rolled her eyes at Amelia, and then turned her attention to Alex. "Um, yeah, I guess we can talk."
"Oh, look at this beautiful sunset," Amelia exclaimed lamely to nobody in particular. "I simply must go out onto the beach and see it. Besides," she added dryly, as she made her way out the door, "there's nothing like a romantic setting to remind me of how much I love being single."
"She really needs to get laid," Alex smirked, as he joined Addison at the table.
"So, you want to talk? Talk," Addison said, looking at Alex expectantly.
Alex ran a hand through his hair. "Look, Addison, I'll admit it, having kids was never really part of my plan…"
"See," Addison interrupted, "so it's better if we just,"
"No," Alex interrupted. "This time, you're going to let me finish." Then, more gently, he continued, "I love you, Addison. I'm in love with you. You can say it's too soon…that we've only been dating for four months, but I've been spent the better part of the last few years denying my feelings for you, and I'm sick of doing it. I blew my chance with you once and I don't want to do it again."
"You still don't want kids."
"I want you. Do you really think I could just sit back and watch you date, marry, and have kids with somebody else?"
"I can't have kids."
"You don't know that for sure. And even if that's the case, do you really think that I could watch you adopt a child and not want to be involved in his or her life? Do you really think that I could feel the way I feel about you and not love your child?"
"But what about having a child of your own? You deserve that opportunity."
"Addison, the only person I would want to have a child with is you. And so what if we can't have one biologically?" Then, turning a little red, he continued, "Remember, that case that we had when we first started working together – teenager got pregnant and gave birth without her parents even realizing it, got scared, and threw her baby in the trash. We can help give a baby like that a chance to have a good life with parents who love him or her."
Addison felt her resolve begin to slip away. "Yeah, but what about your career," she asked, fighting the urge to give in to Alex completely.
"What about it? I'm almost through with residency. By the time that we either have or adopt a baby, I'll be finished with it and, in case you haven't noticed, Charlotte adores me, so I'm pretty confident I'll be getting a fellowship at St. Ambrose next year."
"And after that?"
"Well, Addison," Alex began cockily, "there are a lot of hospitals in L.A, so if I can't get a job here, then I'm a pretty terrible doctor but, as we both know, I'm a damn good doctor, so that shouldn't be a problem."
"Wow, Karev, could you be any more full of yourself?" Addison teased.
"Probably," Alex smirked. "But we're wasting time. You're trying to get pregnant; that's not gonna happen if we just stand around here talking." And, with that, he scooped her up and carried her off to the bedroom.
xxxxx
"That was amazing," Addison panted.
"So amazing," Alex breathed, still holding Addison close. The two laid in comfortable silence for a while, limbs intertwined, enjoying just being close to each other. Finally, Addison disentangled herself from Alex, and sat up on the bed.
"So, you're really willing to try this…you know, have a baby? Adopt? Whatever?" she asked. Despite Alex's reassurances, earlier, she was still a little nervous about the issue.
Alex looked up at her. "No," he said flatly.
"No?" she exclaimed. "Then what was…what we just….we shouldn't have,"
"Addison," Alex laughed, "didn't you play sports in high school or, at the very least, haven't you read one of the corny motivational posters?"
"I don't see what high school sports or motivational posters have to do with any of this," Addison retorted, clearly not amused.
Kissing her softly, Alex supplied, "Trying to do something means preparing to fail. So, no, I do not want to try to have a baby with you, I want to have a baby with you."
"That was kind of awful," Addison admitted. "I really thought you had better game than that." But, then, thinking back to the conversation that she had had with Sam, she added, "but it was also kind of perfect."
"Hey, you don't need to tell me," Alex laughed. "Oh, and heads up, there's a very high chance that there's a rumor going around Seattle Grace that I got a woman in California pregnant. Don't ask, long story. Just wanted to make sure you heard it here first."
"Oh…okay. Thanks for the warning, I guess."
"But, hey, who knows," Alex began with a mischievous grin, "by the time Callie or Bailey or whoever calls to tell you about it, the rumor might be true."
Addison smiled at the thought. "Come on, it's late and we have to be at work early tomorrow. Let's go to bed."
"Night, Addison," Alex said turning off the light.
"Night, Alex."
Addison laid there in the dark for a few minutes, staring up at the ceiling. "Hey, Alex,"
"Yeah?"
"I love you too."