A/N: From now on, all fanfiction uploaded to this account will be solely under the control of Aireyverkhovensky. So bear with me, I'm not really used to operating this site.
However, Sith was able to finish his contributions to this fic before leaving! So nothing will change except the editing quality might drop a bit, and the update schedule will be really weird!
Miles Edgeworth had been kidnapped.
That was Phoenix's take-away from that awful, awful day. While Gumshoe had been found innocent and the real killer of Tim Vicch had been found guilty and sent to prison, and Phoenix had suffered humiliation at the hands of Pearl and the Judge, the thing his mind kept returning to was Miles Edgeworth and his kidnapping as he tossed and turned in his bed.
The police had begun an immediate search for the trio of kidnappers, who wore strange bowl-shaped helmets when they yanked him out of a hallway and ran off for their getaway car. Despite all likelihood, it seemed that Iris was right: the kidnappers at least had the uniform of one Wendy Oldbag, a known "aficionado" of Edgeworth.
But as usually happened in police affairs, they'd accomplished nothing. Most of the force had been evacuating Gatewater Land, after all; and people like newly rehired Dick Gumshoe never inspired confidence to begin with, and no one knew where Apollo, Ema, Athena, Klavier, and Juniper had gone until much later in the day.
Speaking of Apollo, he was back in the hospital. Again. Phoenix sighed. Being one lawyer down was bad… he turned over to see three red lines in the darkness watching him. "What are you doing in my room?" Phoenix asked Godot; he was too tired to care.
"Just making sure you don't run off to find Edgeworth in your sleep," Godot replied, and Phoenix heard his slurp his coffee. Very loudly.
So Phoenix sighed and rolled back over and kept trying to go to sleep. Let's see… he had himself, an ace attorney of course; Athena was mostly all right, although she was seething about Apollo when Phoenix told her about Edgeworth (she didn't seem to listen or didn't care, based on her saying, "that's nice, boss", and leaving for her apartment); Kristoph, who hated his guts and was under Godot's thumb anyways; and Godot, who was currently drinking his coffee and watching Phoenix because he had nothing better to do. At least he was competent, but he wasn't very pleasant to deal with.
"How hard is that bar exam nowadays anyways?" Phoenix groaned.
"Too easy, Wright," Godot said, and he sipped his coffee loudly. Again.
Phoenix resisted the urge to make a snide comment and tried to go back to sleep. Still, at least it was nice that Godot was calling him by his real name… wait. "Godot," he said, sitting up, "why are you suddenly calling me by my right name, and not in front of other people?"
"Why are you calling me 'Godot' when I told you to call me Diego Armando after you caught me for the murder of Misty Fey?" Godot said.
It had been a long time, but… wait, when had he done that? Phoenix's memories of the Hazakura case seemed a little fuzzy. Godot was the killer and Iris was really Dollie and Maya was in danger and Edgeworth showed up? And there was an earthquake, and Phoenix fell from a burning bridge? Wait… what had happened? Why wasn't…
"Having a hard time remembering?" Godot said, "figures. Maya didn't remember either. She seemed to think that she was found in the sacred cavern."
"She… wasn't?"
Godot's toothy smile was illuminated by the red light. "I see I'm the only one who fully remembers," he said, "me and Mia."
"Right," Phoenix said, "and what does this have to do…?"
"Three days ago," Godot said, holding his coffee cup into the red light, "we had a little discussion at the end of which I convinced you to let me take Gavin's case."
"Yeah, so?" Phoenix said.
"Didn't you think there was something… odd, there?" Godot said.
"I just assumed you were a jerk," Phoenix said. He tried to remember what Godot had said… and then it occurred to him. "We don't always take cases pro bono, Godot. I know you generalize, but…"
"Exactly," Godot said, and he sounded serious. "Always make sure to get dressed before the sun's up, Wright. That's one of my rules."
"What?"
"Get dressed. We're taking a field trip to the prison."
February 16, 4:20 AM, District Women's Prison, Visitor's Center (Detention Center)
Godot had dragged Phoenix to the prison, and they were joined there by Athena, Blackquill, and Iris. "What exactly is going on?" Phoenix said, "Athena, Blackquill, what are you two doing up?"
"We were watching animé all night," Athena said, "after what Justice did, I needed to cool down!"
"We had just started marathoning Hātofuru Kareshi when Godot-dono called us," Blackquill said, "apparently we had an important discussion to have with Wright-dono."
"This is about Mr. Edgeworth, isn't it!?" Athena said.
"No," Godot said.
"I knew it! Wait, what!?" Athena exclaimed, "Mr. Godot, don't we have to-"
"No one cares about that farce of a trial!" he shouted, and he threw his coffee at Phoenix.
"Hey! Why me!?" Phoenix wailed.
"Never thrown coffee at a woman. Mia taught me that, so it's also one of my rules," Godot said.
"Thanks, Mia," Phoenix said. "Alright, what are we here for?"
"Remember yesterday when I told you that everything seemed to be connected to Regina Berry?" Godot said.
Phoenix nodded.
"Well, we need to go talk to someone about that," Iris said, finally talking. "And I'm the one who'll know best…"
And she lead them over to a guard door and let them into the prison. "Is this even legal?" Phoenix said.
"I am a prosecutor," Blackquill replied. Taka screeched.
"Oh, right…" Phoenix said. "So, uh… why is Athena here, then? Or you, Godot?"
"Call me Armando," Godot replied, taking a sip of his inexplicably refilled and returned coffee cup. "I'm here because I'm the smartest and wisest person in Wright Anything Agency. We might as well rename it after me."
"I'd sooner it call it Wright-Fey in favor of Maya," Phoenix said.
"But boss, that's an alliteration! Armando Anything Agency! We can call it Triple-A!" Athena said cheerfully.
"I think we'd get sued," Phoenix said. "Alright, Iris, lead the way."
The farther they got into the prison the more Phoenix got scared of his former girlfriend. It seemed that all the prisoners knew who she was and, while at first they would jeer at Armando or Blackquill or even Athena and Phoenix, they would shut up as soon as Iris shot them a glare. And even more disturbingly, some of them appeared to be trying to leave offerings to her.
"What did you do?" Phoenix said.
"Oh, it's a long story," Iris said, and she failed to elaborate. Armando just laughed. Blackquill and Athena talked pigeons of all things. Pigeons going to school? What were they talking about? "I just happen to have a lot of psychic resistance. Remember that."
"How?"
"Something to do with my sister? I don't know."
Phoenix said nothing and edged closer to Armando.
The prisoners themselves appeared to be uniform psychopaths. Many of them, in their supplications to Iris, seemed to demonstrate mysterious abilities. For instance, one woman's belongings (assuming they were hers?) rattled and hovered about a quarter inch off of the surfaces they were sitting on as she watched Iris pass by. Another woman growled at Phoenix, and he was pretty sure that it wasn't actually possible for a sound like that to come from the human throat. And actually, a couple women looked a little… brain dead, if it were possible to be brain dead and yet somehow moving around at the same time. Not to mention, the lights continuously flickered. Something told Phoenix there wasn't actually a problem with the electricity or lightbulbs.
"What did you do to scare them, Secretary-dono?" Blackquill said.
"This is nothing," Armando said, grinning madly. "Hey, Simon, remember in prison when we played that game of chess?"
"Oh, yeah, that sounds scary," Phoenix said.
"You don't understand, Wright-dono," Blackquill said, "we had to use a good portion of the prison populace to do it."
"The white-collar criminals were our pawns. The serial killers were our queens. Naturally, the kings were people who had a picture of their 'player' taped to their face. We weren't going to harm ourselves," Armando said.
"I almost wish I'd thought of that…" Iris said.
"Boss, I think we're in with the wrong crowd," Athena whispered.
"Listen, you take Blackquill, I'll take Iris, and we both run from Armando," Phoenix whispered back.
"These ears aren't just for show, Wright."
"Drat!"
They finally reached where they needed to go, and it wasn't a prison cell at all. "This was installed to take advantage of some of the more… unique abilities here," Iris said, "although, as chief prisoner, I was the only one who really knew how it worked."
"What unique abilities were those?" Phoenix said.
"Communications skills," Iris said. "There aren't many criminals here who know how to use radios."
"And you do?"
"I can use a computer," Iris said simply, "and a cell phone." Then she turned the door and let them in.
Why the government had built a high-tech communications base in a women's prison Phoenix did not want to know. "This is what we need," Armando said, "someone who can help us out here. Iris, you know who to call."
Iris nodded and began working with the machines while Athena, Phoenix, and Blackquill looked on. There was a burst of static and then Iris said, "we've got her, sir."
Armando nodded and stepped up to some sort of microphone. "What are you going by now, Yew?" Armando said.
"It doesn't matter, I'm undercover," the voice on the other end said. "So… Godot, was it? I seem to recall you needing our help years ago… didn't turn out too well for who we found, now did it?"
"Tell Lang not to mention it," Armando said. "We have something we need to ask you for. Something related to TW-4, actually."
"TW-4?" the woman on the other end said, "that case?" And then she began laughing. Creepily. Very creepily. "What do you want about that, my dear Mr. Armando?"
"Cut the chatter, Yew," Armando said. "Or I might make a call to a certain Miss Berry…"
"Phwwwwwwh…" and her laughter fully stopped. "So, Mr. Armando, you're out of prison and just now investigating this? Or is this related to Mr. Edgeworth's disappearance?"
"Maybe," Armando said.
"Hmmm… I don't think so," Yew said. "Calling me out of the blue like this, with our special correspondence no less, to ask about a 7-year-old prison incident?"
And she started laughing again.
Someone shut her up, Phoenix thought, and mercifully, Iris adjusted the equipment and Yew's laughter temporarily cut out. The volume returned at the end of her laughing. "So, Mr. Armando," Yew said, "we happen to have heard from an associate of ours about the Rose trial. And about what was going on… I assume you want me to send you that information?"
"Yes," Armando said.
Yew laughed again and Armando nodded. Iris switched the equipment off. "That was a bit much just to talk to that woman," Athena said. "And at this time…"
"We're not done," Iris said. "There's someone else we need to talk to."
"And who's that?" Athena said.
"My old second-in-command," Iris said, "Olga Orly, the Big O."
Unfortunately, the meeting with Orly was not to be. Instead of finding the imperious cardshark who'd been arrested about a year ago on irrelevant card-related shenanigans, they found a body, lying in a bed with a knife sticking out of it, and in one corner was an old woman in a guard uniform, out cold.
"Call the police!" Athena said, "come on!"
"That's no surprise," Blackquill said, "the clink is quite violent. There was a dentist I knew-"
"Who cares!?" Phoenix said, "somebody's dead!"
"That's not a surprise," Armando said, "I know of at least three people you put in prison who ended up dead."
"That's not the point!" Phoenix said. "…wait, where's Iris?"
Iris ran up with a guard. "Open that door!" she commanded.
"Yes, ma'am!" the guard wailed. Then she opened the door and ran off. Iris ran in and started checking the body. Then she stood up.
"She's dead," Iris announced, her voice tight, and she stormed out of the cell and down the hallway.
"I'm going to go call the police!" Athena announced, "boss-"
"I know," Phoenix said. "Armando, stand guard. Blackquill, with me!"
Phoenix and Blackquill entered the cell and started examining the crime scene; Phoenix examined the victim and Blackquill the old woman. The cell was bare, with a toilet and sink in the back, and a bed on which Orly was most certainly dead. Curiously enough, she had a rope tied around her neck; in addition, the knife seemed to be a makeshift one, forged out of a pipe or some other curved piece of metal. "Wright-dono," Blackquill said, "this woman is familiar. Hand me a glass of water."
Phoenix nodded and grabbed a cup from next to the sink, filled it with water, and handed it to Blackquill, who promptly dumped it on the woman.
"Whippersnappers!" the woman howled, jumping to her feet, "what are you-!"
"Stay still," Armando said, "because if I know the police well, you're under arrest for the murder of Olga Orly."
"Turnabout Oldbag"
Miles Edgeworth woke up in a dark and dank cell. At least, that's what he thought until he turned on the lights to see that he was in a room with posters of all sorts of actors- and himself. The last thing he remembered… was running away from the improper questions of the court regarding Wright and suddenly being hit over the head. And now…
"Whippersnappers! They arrested one of us!" he heard someone yell outside.
Oh, no…
The door opened to reveal no less than Wendy Oldbag. Behind her was another Wendy Oldbag. This settled it: Edgeworth was in Hell. "What did I do to deserve this!?" Edgeworth demanded.
"We saved you," the Oldbag replied, "one of us… is not actually an Oldbag."
"…how are there more than one of you?" Edgeworth said, "am I just hallucinating?"
"We'll let you decide that," Oldbag said, smiling coyly, "but we know a real man like you must love this."
"No, not really," Edgeworth said. What was he going to do? Well, for now, he just needed to gather information… "What do you mean by you saving me?"
"Someone dressed as one of us kidnapped you," the Oldbag behind the other Oldbag said, "and then we retrieved you and brought you to our special headquarters. We sent a letter to one of your friends."
"They can join you until our leader is found not guilty," the first Oldbag said, smiling at Edgeworth.
Edgeworth cringed but they did not seem to notice. "And who, exactly, are these friends?" Edgeworth said.
"One Larry Butz and another Dick Gumshoe," the second Oldbag said.
Edgeworth sunk to the floor and was sorely tempted to just kill himself now. "Are you going to hold them hostage too?"
"You're not a hostage," the first Oldbag said. "Follow us. You'll see why you can't leave."
The Oldbags moved out of the way to allow Edgeworth out of the poster shrine. And then they lead him through the impressively large hotel they were apparently at. "This is the Oldbag Hotel," the first Oldbag said, "it was left to us by one of our deceased husbands."
"One of?"
"Most of us have been married, but our loves are dearly departed," the second Oldbag said, "it's a curse of the Oldbag."
"I… I see," Edgeworth said. Then the Oldbags lead him into the entry hall to show the doors outside. They were blocked by a wall of snow.
"Edgey!"
"Mr. Edgeworth, sir!"
Edgeworth turned around to see Larry and Gumshoe run up to him. "We got a letter from the hotel staff," Larry said cheerfully, "we came to save you!"
"I see," Edgeworth said, tapping his fingers on his arm, "did either of you think to inform the police?"
"…oops. I forgot, pal!" Gumshoe said, suddenly looking forlorn. "Sorry."
"Larry?"
"Uh… I knew I forgot something!" Larry said, but he looked as cheerful as ever. "But don't worry, Edgey! I brought my paints! I can paint you."
Count to 10 backwards… "Larry," Edgeworth said, slowly and deliberately, "please tell me you at least have a phone."
"We have a phone," Oldbag No. 1 said, "but the phone lines are down."
"What about a cell phone," Edgeworth said, "Larry? Detective?"
"Of course I brought one, pal!" Gumshoe said. He took his phone out. "Wait… sorry, there's no reception."
"How long before the snow melts?" Edgeworth said, dreading the answer.
"Assuming the snow stops tonight, we should be able to make it down the mountain by sunset tomorrow," Oldbag No. 2 said.
"Thanks, Oldbag," Edgeworth muttered.
"…Oldbag?" Gumshoe said, "that's just a bellboy, pal. Ms. Oldbag didn't say that."
And Edgeworth sighed. "I guess I'm still hallucinating or something," Edgeworth said, "please tell me you two are hallucinating not telling the police."
"Nope!" Larry said cheerfully. "Now, hold still until I can get my painting stuff!"
Edgeworth sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Not now, Larry, we're in a tight situation-"
And then the power went out. "I'm going to go fire up a generator," Oldbag No. 2 said, "Blond whippersnapper! With me!"
"Yes sir!" Larry said, and the two sounded like they walked away.
Gumshoe's phone lit up and he started playing some game. "Want to help me, Mr. Edgeworth, sir!?"
The remaining Oldbag took her own phone out. "How do these things work anyway?" she complained, "I think I might be able to play that game too! Let me win, whippersnapper!"
"…I'm going to go drown myself," Edgeworth declared.
February 16, 6:21 AM, Wright Anything Agency
Phoenix had summoned everyone for this new case. Specifically, the kidnapping of Miles Edgeworth: until the police were ready, he didn't want to find out who, exactly, had been arrested wrongly in the Orly case.
Trucy and Pearl were both still trying to sleep. Apollo was still at the hospital. Ema and Juniper had somehow wound up at the agency and were now talking with Athena and Armando in low voices. Blackquill had also wound up at the agency somehow, probably because he followed Phoenix and company there that morning, and was currently leaning on the wall next to Charley. Kristoph looked as cheerful as ever, which probably wasn't a good thing, and Maya was sitting in Phoenix's office chair. Iris was silently staring out at the street. Polly was sitting on his stand and also quiet.
"Ahem," Phoenix said, "I know it's early, but considering the events of yesterday and this morning, I think we should make some plans to find Edgeworth."
Everyone groaned. "Can't we wait for your boyfriend to be found by the police?" Maya said, and she put her head down on the desk.
"He is not my boyfriend," Phoenix said obstinately.
"I'm not the one who bribed the Judge," Maya groaned.
"I didn't, either. Pearls and Trucy did," Phoenix said. "By the way, Blackquill, Ema, Juniper, what are you three doing here?"
"I am here to discuss the case," Blackquill said. Taka swooped into the office from the lobby. "Further, knowing you, Wright-dono, it will not be long before we will be opposed in the battlefield of law yet again."
"Right," Phoenix said, "thanks, Blackquill. And you two?"
"Well," Juniper said, "it turns out that Apollo couldn't actually take those pictures of Thena. He was kind of in the hospital at the time."
"…so why are you here?" Phoenix said.
"We felt weirdly drawn to your office, Mr. Wright," Ema said, and she adjusted her glasses. "Besides, I'm currently assigned to work for Mr. Blackquill. Better than working for that glimmorous fop."
"Glamorous," Blackquill said. Ema threw a Snackoo at him in response.
"Well, in any case," Kristoph said, "who says we just go back to bed and wait for Wright to sort this out? On his own?"
Everybody raised their hands, even Taka and Polly, save Iris (who didn't seem to be paying attention), Armando (who was sipping his coffee), and Blackquill (who probably didn't feel like raising his hand or something). "I hate you all," Phoenix said. "And I hate those birds."
Blackquill's eyes flashed white. "What was that, Wright-dono," he said, "do you want me to cut you down?"
"Er- of course not!" Phoenix said, nervously scratching his head, "but come on! Doesn't someone else want to find the chief prosecutor too?"
"Actually, without him here I'm free to do whatever I like," Blackquill said. "Recently he tried to implement a 'standard rules in court' that forbade throwing things and my swords and hampered my efforts in court yesterday and three days ago."
"…ah," Phoenix said, "well, all the more reason to get Edgeworth back, then. Come on, Ema, can't you help me?"
"Well, it's a little early," Ema said, "and it's snowing outside. So it's probably better to wait for the task force to be ready instead of searching on our own."
"Besides," Athena said, "we kind of need to go apologize to Apollo, boss…"
Phoenix sighed. "Visiting hours aren't for a few hours," Phoenix said. "Come on, Armando? Iris? Trucy, Pearls? Someone back me!"
"Sorry, Wright," Armando said, "the coffee's speaking more to me than Edgeworth is." Then he drank his coffee.
"Why are you calling him Armando now?" Athena said, "I thought it was Godot."
"Either works," Armando said, "this is just something personal between Wright and me."
"Anyway," Phoenix said, "uh, all you do is drink coffee anyways. If you want, I can get Kristoph- wait, that might be a bad idea…"
"Enough poisoned coffee in a lifetime for me," Armando said.
"Well, what about you, girls?"
"I'm tired, daddy," Trucy said, "can we go look for Uncle Edgeworth later?" Then she yawned.
"He's not your special someone," Pearl added, "I don't care what Mystic Maya says…" and she yawned as well.
"Thanks, you two," Phoenix said. "Come on, please, Iris, side with me!"
"…what? I wasn't listening," she said turning, around. "I can't believe someone killed Olga…"
"Just let us go back to bed," Kristoph said, "that's the smart thing to do, Wright."
Phoenix sighed. He just was not going to get his way today, was he?
The door burst open. "I have proof I didn't take those pictures!" Apollo yelled, running into the room, "I have an eyewitness who I showed Athena's pictures to, and at the time it was just Athena wearing a red dress!"
"Oh, yeah," Armando said, "that's true. Well, I think it was red. I couldn't tell."
"…why was that in the blackmail folder?" Kristoph said.
"I just thought it looked nice," Apollo said.
"Wait," Ema said, "Mr. Godot, you knew that Apollo didn't take those pictures."
"Yep. I thought it was funny."
"You-you let us hurt Apollo for no reason!" Juniper exclaimed.
"I just said I thought it was funny," Armando said, and he gave her one of his very toothy smirks.
"I'm sorry, Apollo…" Juniper said, "will you forgive me?"
"And me?" Ema said.
"And me?" Athena said.
"Forgive me first," Ema demanded, and she threw a Snackoo at him.
And then Klavier appeared. "Sorry, Herr Forehead," he said, "I saw you running out of the hospital and-"
"Apollo, Klavier," Phoenix said, "let's go find Edgeworth!"
"Well, if you want to, boss," Apollo said. "I'm feeling fine now, but the doctors said not to go out in the snow much…"
"He was hiding at the hospital after being discharged last night," Klavier said, "the injuries apparently weren't extensive." He paused for a moment, and then added, "I suppose I'm not doing anything. I'll help you, Herr Wright. Although, there is one thing." And then he glared at Trucy. "Take away all of your daughter's cameras. As flattering as it is that someone finds me attractive, illicit photographs are nicht gut."
"I know!" Athena said, "pas bien!"
"Well, let's set out," Phoenix said, "I guess first we should go investigate the scene of the kidnapping. Iris, come with us since you're the only one without a good excuse and the only one who actually saw the kidnapping."
The courthouse was deserted but fortunately Klavier had a key to enter the building. Klavier and Phoenix followed Iris to the scene of the crime, but found that nothing was out of place. "This is where he was kidnapped," Iris said, "an old woman hit him over the head and then three other old women who looked startlingly similar ran in, grabbed him, and ran off. Then the first old woman yelled at them and ran after them."
"I… I see," Phoenix said.
"Did they all look like Fräulein Oldbag?" Klavier said.
"Like who?" Iris said, "I… don't know who Oldbag is."
"I guess she wasn't in court for either case," Phoenix said. "Well, there's got to be something."
And they looked around and found nothing save a sliver of a peach-colored rubbery material. "Looks like skin," Klavier said calmly, turning it over, "but it's not."
"Let's have it sent to the crime lab," Phoenix said, "cross-check it with the Fulbright mask."
"Ach, I see," Klavier muttered to himself.
"Can someone please explain this to me?" Iris said.
"Maybe later," Phoenix and Klavier said at the same time. And she sighed in response.
Date: ? Time: ? Place: Oldbag Hotel
Miles Edgeworth was currently locked in a bathroom, soaking in a heated bathtub. "What's taking Wright so long," Edgeworth muttered, "I can't take much more of this."
The lights flickered for a moment and then someone knocked on the door. "Edgey-poo," an Oldbag said, "do you have enough towels?"
"I have more than enough," Edgeworth called back. What was he going to do? He sighed and closed his eyes. He heard a metallic clank and opened one eye.
And standing over him was a woman who was clearly Kay Faraday. "Hi, Mr. Edgeworth!" Kay said, "the Great Thief Yatagarasu has come to save you!"
"Kay, I'm in the bath," Edgeworth said, and he tried to sink further into the bathtub.
"Don't worry, Mr. Edgeworth," Kay said, "I didn't peek."
"That's not the issue here," Edgeworth said sternly. "So, how are we going to get past all the snow?"
"…oh. I didn't think of that," Kay said, crossing her arms and frowning.
"This is exactly like the first time you 'rescued' me," Edgeworth growled.
"We found a way out then!" Kay said. "Come on, I rode all the way here on the bottom of the hotel's van to rescue you! You should be happier!"
"I'm surprised you have the dexterity to hold on," Edgeworth said.
"Actually, I fell off and took a bus," Kay said. "And then I walked here before the snow was too bad. To be honest, I just got out of the bath myself!"
"I see."
"Now get some pants on! We have to get back to LA!" Kay declared.
And Edgeworth glared at her. "I do not change in front of anyone," Edgeworth said, "leave."
Kay frowned at him, shrugged, and left via the door. "I wanted that locked!" Edgeworth yelled after her.
February 16, 9:00 AM, Wright Anything Agency
Phoenix was sitting in his office. Not in his chair, of course, since Maya was still sleeping there, leaving him to watch Blackquill and Trucy talking about Japanese dramas. What did Trucy see in those, anyways?
When he'd come back to the office, Ema, Juniper, Athena, and Apollo had disappeared, Kristoph and Armando had gone upstairs to Phoenix's apartment hopefully not to poison anyone, and Trucy and Pearl were asleep on the couch, leaning against each other. Blackquill was simply stroking Taka while Maya slept. Phoenix had engaged Blackquill in awkward smalltalk and then left to go find Iris, only to find that she'd left for her apartment. Leaving him to talk to Blackquill about a Japanese lawyer game instead. This Ryuuichi Naruhodou sounded like a chump.
Back in the present, Blackquill and Trucy were starting to talk about some sort of school days or something. Sounded terrible, honestly, Phoenix wasn't sure why Trucy liked the cartoons she did.
"The ending was great," Trucy said, "not so sure about the rest…"
"That animé is a disgrace to animé," Blackquill said, "the only redeeming factor is the ending."
"Yeah, says the NGE fan," Trucy said.
Blackquill frowned. "It's much better if you pretend that everyone's a bird."
Phoenix rolled his eyes. And then his phone rang. Edgeworth!? "Wright Anything Agency!" he yelled into his phone, "Phoenix Edgeworth speaking!"
"…I wasn't aware you married Herr Edgeworth, Herr Wright," Klavier replied, "you should've invited me. I could've played guitar in your honor!"
"I didn't mean to say that!" Phoenix screeched, banging his head on his desk and causing Maya to gasp and sit straight up.
"Nick!" she said, "that was rude!"
"Uh, anyway," Phoenix said, "what'd you learn?"
"The material is the same sort as in Herr Phantom's mask," Klavier said, "however, based on Fräulein… Iris (what is her last name, anyways, Herr Wright?)' testimony, Herr Edgeworth was kidnapped by another group of old women. Based on that…"
"Those old women saved Edgeworth from the Phantom," Phoenix said, "probably on accident."
"Ja, that seems likely," Klavier said, "have a nice day, Herr Edgeworth."
Then the phone call terminated. "Klavier…" Phoenix moaned, "why?"
"What did he do?" Maya said.
Phoenix decided not to tell her. "So, Maya," he said, "how've you been?"
"I've been doing great, Nick," she said, and she rubbed her neck. "Your desk isn't very comfy. So, are we going to go get some morning hamburgers?"
"Is it even physically possible for you to eat something besides hamburgers?" Phoenix said.
"Noodles, salad… um, steak!" Maya said, looking up and counting on her fingers, "snacks! Oh, and hamburgers."
"Thanks, Maya," Phoenix said. "Maybe I should go find Apollo…"
He went upstairs to go see if Armando knew where Apollo and company went; Blackquill and Trucy didn't. Pearl was still sleeping on the couch, and Kristoph was at the table in Phoenix's kitchen with a cup of steaming tea in front of him. "That'd better not be the Earl Grey," Phoenix said.
"What, your true love will be mad at you?" Kristoph said, and he merrily sipped his tea.
"Hah. Scald your mouth, tea person," Armando said. He was leaning against the kitchen counter, a steaming cup of coffee in his hand. "Something wrong, Wright?"
"Where did Apollo-" And then his phone rang. "Wright Anything Agency, Phoenix Wright speaking."
"It is me, Franziska von Karma," Franziska said, "Phoenix Wright, what are you doing?"
"I'm waiting for the police to find Edgeworth," Phoenix said.
"I thought so," Franziska said imperiously. "Well, I am on my way to rescue Miles Edgeworth. Do not worry."
"Do you know where he is!?" Phoenix demanded.
For a moment, Franziska was silent. "That is not important," Franziska said, "the important thing is that I will rescue little brother!"
"Franziska, do you have a lead-"
"Phone call out of service range," a mechanical voice suddenly said. Phoenix sighed and terminated the call.
"Tough luck, Wright," Armando said, "if you're looking for Red, he's currently somewhere with Yellow and Flowers and Skye."
"Thanks, Armando," Phoenix said, "very helpful."
"I live to serve," Armando said, and he chugged his coffee.
Phoenix left the two and called Apollo. "Mr. Wright?" he said, answering, "we're kind of busy!"
"Where are you!?" Phoenix said, "what are you-"
"And now!" said someone in the background who sounded vaguely familiar, "1! 2! 3! 4! And now, stretch! Stretch! Get ready to swim!"
"Yes, Mr. Gant!" a whole bunch of people yelled in the background.
"Athena, Juniper, and I went to a swimming class for exercise," Apollo said, "sorry, boss, but you know… also, Ema's gone into work."
"…why is Damon Gant running a swimming class?" Phoenix said.
"Sorry, boss, I've gotta go!" Apollo said, "I need to go change!" And the call terminated.
What was Phoenix going to do!? Why were all his lawyers so useless today!?
"Phoenix," Iris said, entering the lobby, "you have a phone call from the detention center. They called my cell phone, actually."
"Wait, is it a job?"
"Yes," she said, "from a Ms. Oldbag…"
Phoenix nodded. "Well," he said, "Maya! Come on! Let's go see what happened to Edgeworth!"
"Oh, alright," Maya said, emerging from his office, still rubbing her neck, "let's go."
Date: ? TIme: ? Place: Oldbag Hotel
Edgeworth was now in the breakfast area. Due to the massive amount of snow, it was actually rather dark in the hotel since the windows were covered. Gumshoe was sitting at another table, talking excitedly with Kay; Larry had been sent off on a false pretense of finding Edgeworth's beloved pet dog, apparently since he didn't realize there was no reason for Edgeworth to actually have a dog with him when he was kidnapped.
Suddenly, he heard a door slide open. "Never fear, little brother!" Franziska von Karma yelled, "I have trudged ten miles in the snow to rescue you!" And then there was a slumping sound and Franziska turned around. "How odd," she said, "it appears the snow tunnel I made just collapsed on my snow-digging machine."
"So, you can get it out again and get it working, right?" Edgeworth said, privately wondering where and what a snow-digging machine even was.
"It isn't that easy, little brother," Franziska said haughtily, "it is an imperfect machine. It might've run out of petrol, so the snow collapsing on it is no concern."
"In other words, your rescue attempt is as useless as the last two?" Edgeworth said.
"No," Franziska said, "I am here. I hereby declare you rescued. However… I like it here, so we will not leave until the snow is better." And then she whipped him, presumably for daring to question her.
"Edgey!" Larry yelled, running into the lobby carrying a dog. "Hey, wait- Franzy?"
"Hello, Laurice Deauxnim," Franziska said, and she whipped him. "Whose dog is that?"
"It's Edgey's!" Larry said, "I found it upstairs!"
"That's not my dog," Edgeworth said, "I don't have a dog."
"Hey! Who has taken my dog!?" said a very thick Russian accent.
Edgeworth looked up to see a man wearing a thick black cloak, with a thick black beard, and a large thick black hat. Wait a minute… "Dr. Kamosinko," Edgeworth said, "the coroner? What are you doing here?"
"I am on vacation," Kamosinko said, "for skiing! However, I am caught in snowstorm. This is very bad. Very bad."
"I see," Edgeworth said. "Larry, give him back his dog."
"Yes. Give me back my Beagle," Kamosinko said.
"Ah, you're one of those kinds who loves little dogs, right?" Larry said, putting the beagle down.
"Nyet!" Kamosinko said, "it is bear plus eagle! Beagle!"
"I… see," Edgeworth said, "a beagle…"
Kamosinko grabbed the beagle and walked back up the stairs. "Whoops," Larry said, "so, Franzy, do you want me to paint you again?"
"That would be acceptable," Franziska said. "Scruffy! I know you are here! Prepare for a painting!"
In the breakfast room, Gumshoe sighed loudly.
February 16, 9:30 AM, Detention Center
Phoenix, Maya, and Iris arrived at the detention center to meet with Oldbag. Iris had insisted on coming, and she also seemed to be the only person with a work ethic today, so Phoenix had allowed her.
Oldbag wasn't her usual talkative self and had her eyes closed. She was dressed in a blue security outfit much like the one Phoenix had seen her in at Global Studios all those years ago. She also seemed… sad, in a way.
"Ms. Oldbag," Phoenix said, taking a seat across from her, "you called for our assistance?"
For a moment, she did nothing, and then she slowly opened her eyes. "Mr. Wright," she said, and she sounded so tired, "I have been accused of the murder of Olga Orly."
"I know," Phoenix said, "we found the body. You aren't the killer?"
Oldbag shook her head. "I never liked that whippersnapper," Oldbag said, "but that didn't mean she had to die."
"I agree," Phoenix said. "So, you swear you didn't do it?"
Oldbag shook her head again. The magatama didn't seem to be reacting at least. Then Oldbag did something unexpected: "You know, sitting here in this prison… it makes someone think."
Maya leaned in, no doubt surprised by Oldbag's epiphany, which was being delivered slowly, deliberately, thoughtfully.
"When I first got married, I thought the man I married was the most wonderful person in the world," Oldbag said, "and I was right. You wouldn't know it, but we stuck together through thick and thin. We raised four children together… but he grew old and… forgot about us." She sighed heavily. "I'll never forget the day he died. He… just forgot who we were and walked out into the street and… never woke up from his coma."
Maya shivered and moved back and Phoenix tried to imagine, for a moment, what it would be like if he did that to Trucy. If he just forgot who she was and walked onto the street and… never woke up. Oldbag took a deep breath and said, "I… was the one who ordered them to pull the plug. And then I started working at Global Studios. I let my sorrow be replaced with an obsession with my favorite actor, Jack Hammer, but after what I found out in trial…"
"After you found out that he tried to frame Will Powers," Phoenix said. "And kill Vasquez…"
Oldbag nodded. "And I thought… what if I was wrong?" Oldbag said, "what if I was latching on to people…"
"Like Mr. Edgeworth?" Maya said.
Oldbag nodded. "He has a pure heart, though, one fit for a maiden!" she proclaimed, almost like her usual self… and then deflated. "But that did not mean he was the only one. You know what happened to Corrida."
Phoenix nodded. Juan Corrida and Matt Engarde had been a case of evil vs evil in the end, it seemed; it was only Engarde being quicker that resulted in the former's death. "So I've done a lot of thinking over the years," Oldbag said, "about that…"
"And you've testified twice recently in court, according to our records, correct?" Iris said.
Oldbag blinked. "I haven't seen a court of law since Engarde's trial!" she declared.
Iris blinked.
"There… wouldn't happen to be more than one of you, would there?" Maya said, "because that's what the last one said…"
"I have sisters," Oldbag said, and then she added, with a sly smile, "but they consider me their leader."
"I… see," Phoenix said. "So, Ms. Oldbag… what was the point of your monologue?"
For a moment, Phoenix thought she's snap into a long denunciation of him, but to his surprise she sunk into her chair and said, "I rushed into that cell to save Olga Orly's life. Not to kill her."
"Who was trying to kill her?" Phoenix said.
Oldbag shrugged. "I don't know," she said.
And then five psyche-locks appeared. "Well, what'll we do, Nick?" Maya said.
"We'll take the case," Phoenix said, mentally making a note to talk to Oldbag later and find out who she's protecting.
Iris wrote something down in a notebook and the three left the detention center. "First things first," Maya said, "let's go to the scene of the crime."
"And mobilize everyone else," Phoenix said, "a little magatama told me that there's something here that isn't as it seems."
Date: ? Time: ? Place: Oldbag Hotel
For Miles Edgeworth, today had been hell and it wasn't even lunch time. He'd had the misfortune of running into a final "rescuer", Lotta Hart, as well as four other snowed-in people: Dee Vasquez, Sal Manella, Penny Nichols, and Cody Hackins, all of whom had come to the hotel for different reasons. Edgeworth remembered them all from a certain case he'd been on many years ago when Wright had defeated him for the second time; now, the four of the them had come down for breakfast and gone back to their rooms with nary a word, leaving Edgeworth with Franziska, Kay, Lotta, Larry, and Gumshoe.
And, of course, the Oldbags, although it seemed that Edgeworth was only hallucinating them as everyone else simply saw them as personnel of the hotel who were not identical old women who haunted Edgeworth's nightmares.
"The first thing we have to do," Franziska said, "is prepare for a long survival at this hotel."
"We're only going to be here for a few days, sir," Gumshoe said, "although now I'm starting to wish I still had my memory loss…"
"You're much more useful this way, Scruffy," Franziska said, and then she whipped him.
"Well," Larry said, "if worst comes to worst, we can huddle for warmth and eat Edgey!"
"…I'll pass," Edgeworth said. How was he friends with this man again?
"Well," Kay said, "we should do something to pass the time! I stole, er, brought some games!"
"I don't like playing games."
"Oh, come on, Mr. Edgeworth," Kay said, "how about Master Criminal?"
"That sounds like a terrible game," Edgeworth said.
"You'd be great at it, pal!" Gumshoe declared.
"No," Franziska said, "but there is a pool here. We should go swimming! I brought a DVD called 'Damon Gant's Greatest Swimming Exercises' and I've been meaning to use it."
"…it's winter, Franziska," Edgeworth said.
"The pool is indoors," Franziska said.
"No one has any swimsuits," Edgeworth said, "none of us brought luggage."
"That is a good point. Adrian hasn't arrived with my luggage yet," Franziska said. "I wonder where she is?"
Fifty miles away, Adrian Andrews and the luggage of Franziska von Karma checked in to a seedy motel. "Kicked off the bus too?" Will Powers said, looking resigned and smiling weakly.
Adrian sighed and nodded. "Apparently they didn't like my whip," she said, "and I wanted to show it to Franziska too…"
Back at the Oldbag Hotel, Kay suddenly held up a set of Russian tri-bar colored swimsuits. "I stole these too!" she said brightly, "Dr. Kamosinko had a lot, for some reason."
"Kay, that's illegal," Edgeworth said.
"Well, what about charades?" Gumshoe said, and he mimed the Blue Badger dance. "Guess what I am, pal!"
"You're a hula dancer!" Larry exclaimed.
"No," Edgeworth said, "and Larry, I don't even want to hear your suggestions anymore."
"Awwwww…" Larry said, frowning. "You're so mean, Edgey."
"So in short, we don't know what to do," Franziska said.
Edgeworth nodded.
The doors to the dining area opened and Lotta Hart ran in. "Mr. Edgeworth! Ms. von Karma!" Lotta yelled, "come help! There's been somethin' y'all need to look into!"
"What is it?" Larry said.
"Yeah, what is it!?" Kay shouted.
"There's been a murder!"
February 16, 10:00 AM, Wright Anything Agency
The whole agency, plus prosecutors, were gathered. "This had better be good," Apollo said, still dressed in his swim suit, "I had to break off my exercises to do this."
"Yeah," Athena said, also still dressed in her wetsuit, "we payed good money for that only for you to mess it all up!"
"You jerk!" Widget chirped.
"You two have actual jobs that you need to be doing now," Phoenix said, "and Apollo, put back on a shirt before you distract Klavier and Juniper."
"Don't worry about me, Herr Wright," Klavier said.
"Why are unrelated people here anyways, Nick?" Maya said.
"Gavin-dono is currently acting chief prosecutor until Edgeworth-dono is found, and Gavin-dono declared that we will meet at the Wright Anything Agency," Blackquill said. Taka squawked. "Indeed."
"I… see," Phoenix said, "and Ms. Woods?"
"Um, Thena asked me to come," Juniper said. She was wearing a towel over her normal dress. "Don't worry. I'm completely fine. I can help."
"And the towel?"
Juniper blinked. "I knew I forgot something," she said.
"Junie's kind of distracted thanks to you-know-who's bare chest," Athena said.
"I guess I should finish buttoning up my shirt, then," Klavier said.
Everyone else groaned.
"Look, let's focus on the important thing," Armando said, "there's been a murder, and we need to investigate it. I take it that Edgeworth will be returned if Oldbag's let off the hook?"
"I don't think so," Phoenix said, "she didn't even mention Edgeworth."
"Sill suspicious, Herr Wright," Klavier said, "I don't think you'll get out of this one easily."
"So you have camera footage, a motive, fingerprints, a witness, the works?" Kristoph said.
Blackquill and Klavier said nothing. "We're working on it," Blackquill said, "Gavin-dono."
Kristoph smiled at them eerily. "It'd be nice for an easy case, you know," Apollo said. "It's been what, a month?"
"A whole month or so since I walked into that courtroom and threw coffee at Wright's head…" Armando said, smiling nostalgically.
"Look, let's just set out and investigate," Phoenix said. "Iris, you know the prison best. You're the boss."
Iris nodded. "First," she said, "Mystic Maya, please stop embezzling funds or I'll have to fire you."
"No, no, I'm still the actual bos- wait, Maya's embezzling?" Phoenix said, and he turned around to face Maya, at his desk.
She smiled at him and then promptly channeled Mia. "Is… something wrong, Phoenix?" she said.
"Your sister's embezzling, apparently," Armando said. "And I'm going to guess that she's going to hide as long as possible."
"Let's… just set out. And in the future, Iris, please report this faster."
"It's not like the invoice was even hidden…"
Date: February 16? Time: ? Place: Oldbag Hotel
Sal Manella had been killed. This was, in and of itself, not exactly a great loss besides the Steel Samurai, of course, but there were others to carry on that proud tradition. There was a large knife sticking out of him at an angle that could only be described as "not self-inflicted". In short, he'd been murdered.
Edgeworth nodded. Only Edgeworth, Franziska, and Gumshoe were at the scene of the crime, Manella's room; Dr. Kamosinko was preparing for a rudimentary autopsy in the basement and Larry, Kay, and two Oldbags were standing guard over Lotta, Vasquez, Hackins, and Nichols in a ballroom on the ground floor.
Manella's room was very large and somehow, already very cluttered. A television inside of an entertainment center was on a very crude show involving horses talking about friendship that Edgeworth could only imagine tended to induce migraine headaches from the vapidity of it all. His bed sheets were all screwed up and a pair of skis were sticking out of one of them. A large instant coffee stain was one end of the bed next to an empty can, but somehow Edgeworth thought that wasn't related. Manella himself was slumped at the end of one bed, dead, with a bit of drool hanging from his mouth. He was dressed in messy clothes, which Edgeworth supposed was normal for him, and there was blood everywhere.
There was one thing, though: in his pants that Franziska had ordered Gumshoe to raid was the keycards needed to enter the room. Lotta had reported that she'd heard him shriek and tried to get the door open but it'd been locked. And the only keycard that would open the door besides Manella's was Oldbag's, who was on the ground floor, two floors below.
"First," Edgeworth said, "we should await the autopsy to find out who did not have an alibi."
The door burst open and in strode Dr. Kamosinko. "I am already ready," Kamosinko said, "now, give me body. I am ready for dissection."
"That was fast," Gumshoe said.
"I am always prepared. I already had room set aside for autopsies," Kamosinko said. He swept his hat off his head and yanked out a bottle of vodka. And then he guzzled it. "Ah! And now I am prepared!" he said, and he stuffed the vodka bottle back into his hat.
"Sometimes I'm scared of our coroner," Edgeworth said as he and Franziska watched Kamosinko and Gumshoe prepare to bring the corpse downstairs.
Back to Wright
Phoenix and company set out in their investigation. To begin with, Phoenix knew that they couldn't bring large amounts of people into the prison cells, so he would have to choose only the most useful people.
Somehow, this was not hard and did not include him until he forced into the group. For reasons known only to Iris, it ended up being her, Phoenix, Kristoph, and Juniper to investigate the crime scene. "I… don't understand your motivations," Apollo said, "Miss… whatever your last name is, but how come you brought Juniper and not an actual lawyer?"
"What am I, minced liver?" Kristoph asked.
"You're a murderous scumbag," Athena said, "does that count?"
"Well, you're one to talk," Kristoph growled.
"That wasn't me! We proved that!" Athena said.
"Well, in answer to your questions," Iris said, "I don't really have a last name, and I'm not obliged to explain myself."
"Why is everyone saying that these days?" Apollo said.
"Just call her Hawthorne. That's what I do," Armando said, and he took out his coffee. "Hey, kitten, want a sip?"
"I'm fine," Mia said. She was looking over financial forms and going over it with a red pen. "Honestly, Phoenix, how did you miss this? Ten grand?"
"Aunt Maya's in charge of finances," Trucy said. Mia sighed. "In the mean time, who wants to help me with my magic tricks? Polly?"
"I'm game," Armando said, "c'mon, let's do this."
Phoenix, Iris, Kristoph, and Juniper set off into the prison, leaving the other WAA staff to watch Trucy and Apollo and Armando's magic tricks. The current one being "watch me destroy Polly's badge and miraculously bring it back again!" over Apollo's (loud, loud) objections.
"This is very simple," Iris said, "Miss Woods, bluff using your judicial status. Phoenix, hide behind Mr. Gavin. Mr. Gavin, just look scary. I'll do the talking."
"I can do that," Kristoph said, "now hide, little Wright, or I can't guarantee your safety."
"I'm not sure I like this plan…" Phoenix and Juniper said together.
"You said I was the boss."
They arrived at Orly's cell to find that the police presence was now limited to Ema and Ema alone. "This is great," she said, "I've been hearing rumors of a prison riot brewing… hi, Mr. Wright, Mr. Wright's secretary, pet psychopath, and Ms. Homewrecker."
"Hello, Detective," Kristoph said (Iris glared at him), "we're here as Ms. Oldbag's lawyers."
"I'll go quell that riot," Iris said, and she stormed off.
"I thought she was a doormat," Ema said, watching her leave.
"Apparently prison changes people," Kristoph said, and he adjusted his glasses. "It certainly made me more fond of nail polish."
Phoenix, Juniper, and Ema edged away from him. "Well," Ema said, "most of the police force is actually out trying to find Mr. Edgeworth right now and trying to find the Phantom."
"How many people do you need to find two people?" Juniper asked.
"The glimmerous fop as chief prosecutor turned out to be a terrible idea," Ema said, and she took out her bag of Snackoos. "I could've told them that…"
Kristoph muttered something about 'glamorous'. Ema ignored him.
"So, what's the crime scene look like?" Phoenix said.
"And he's put Gavinner music on loop at HQ and at the prosecutorial offices, apparently," Ema said, "fortunately, I was too busy guarding Mr. Gant's swimming exercise parlor to have to hear too much of it."
"I meant this crime scene," Phoenix said. Could no one be bothered to pay attention to the actual case!?
There was a clicking sound and someone started shouting a mixture of obscenities and threats over the prison intercom, ending with an "and if I even THINK that you people are going to rebel again while my legal team is here, I WILL feed you to the communications POWER ROOM!"
The prison fell utterly silent except for Ema munching on her Snackoos. "Anyway," she said, "it's terrible. There's also a bit of a rift going on there, too, since there's a lot of prosecutors supporting Blackquill as acting chief prosecutor. Except that he's not much better. Instead of eardrum-breaking Gavinner junk he's playing Japanese pop music, I think, on loop at equal volume. Also something about sending body pillows with scantily clad women on them to anyone who performs poorly. It's really weird."
"Um, Ema…"
"I just want Mr. Edgeworth to be found soon. He'll put a stop to this… although he won't be happy with what that glimmerous fop has done with his office. I heard he's remodeled it already. I also heard he auctioned off Mr. Edgeworth's stuff, too, although I don't really know if it's true or not. I wouldn't put it past him. He doesn't even like tea, so…."
"Ema?"
"It's been less than one day. I don't know how this happened. Did you hear that he issued an order to gather at your law office, Mr. Wright? All he's been doing is abusing his power. It's affecting the Criminal Affairs Department, too, you know. It's not just the prosecutors siding with either the glimmerous fop or the animé nerd. Everyone's expecting me to take a side. If Mr. Edgeworth doesn't get back soon, I'll quit and come work for you or something. I mean, you have been hiring lately. And I'd get to work with Apollo. Yeah… I could be Ema Skye: Private Scientific Investigator. That would be really cool. I'd never have to see the glimmerous fop again if I didn't want to. And doesn't Mr. Edgeworth come over to visit a lot? Apollo mentioned it once."
"Ema!" Phoenix shouted.
Ema swallowed her Snackoos. "Sorry, Mr. Wright," she said, adjusting her glasses, "but you know how that man is."
"All you need to do to get hired is ask Mr. Godot," Kristoph said cheerfully.
"Do you guys need a judge?" Juniper said.
"Hey! I was here first!" Ema snapped.
"Can we please talk about the crime scene?" Phoenix said, wishing more and more that he'd just sent… Athena, or something.
"Oh, well, there's not much there to be honest. This is one of the weakest cases we've had in a while," Ema said, "there's no witnesses, the security camera was turned off by Ms. Oldbag's keycard but she reported it missing last night and when we arrested her this morning it was on her, and there are basically no fingerprints, dying messages, or even anything special with the knife. It'd be the perfect crime, basically, because apparently no one actually saw someone enter the chamber."
"I'm… not sure that's so true," Phoenix said, remembering Oldbag's psyche-locks.
"Yeah, well, no one's come forward to say anything," Ema said. "Oh, and get this. Apparently this woman, Orly, took over as the boss of the biggest prison gang here, 'The Other Branch Family' about two months ago. She actually rose through the ranks really fast, too. So as a result, she got an exclusive cell."
"Is that why there are no other cells around here?" Kristoph said, glancing around.
Ema nodded. "It was a special privilege I extracted from the warden," Iris said, reappearing; she was fixing her braids for some reason. "The Big O took over for me after my last second-in-command died under mysterious circumstances."
"I think Thena watched that once…" Juniper said.
"So, in other words, no witnesses, no evidence, no footage, no nothing," Phoenix said.
"That's about right," Ema said cheerfully. "I hope the glimmerous fop loses, before Mr. Edgeworth comes back."
"Yeah, well, if all goes well Oldbag will be found innocent," Phoenix said, "in the first trial day."
And then they heard the sound of rock music. "Fräulein Detective, still hard at work?" Klavier said, and he pressed a button on an iPod he had attached to his belt. "As acting chief prosecutor, I hope you've done more here than glaring into the swimming parlor accomplished."
"Damon Gant blackmailed my sister! Of course I'm mad!" Ema said, "oh, and he also killed two people and tried to blame me for one of them."
"And I'd believe that if not for the fact that you spent the whole time glaring at Fräulein Woods," Klavier said, and he air-guitarred. "Herr Wright, we found a witness!"
"What."
"Ja, it's a stroke of luck," Klavier said, "you'll see in court tomorrow, Herr Wright."
"Oh," Phoenix said.
"Fear not, Wright-dono," Blackquill said, entering from the other hallway, animé music following in his wake. "Let me pause the main theme from Kauboi Bibappu." And the music stopped. "Our witness tomorrow is Mimi Miney."
"Why would you tell him that!?" Klavier said, "now he'll know how to circumvent her entire testimony!"
"Probably for the same reason that Skye-dono told them about the crime scene," Blackquill said. He tapped his temple. "Gavin-dono, here at the prosecutorial offices we seek close ties to the premier law agencies."
Klavier glared at Ema, who ate Snackoos vehemently. "Well, we'll see about court tomorrow," Klavier said, "and find out who handles it… Herr Blackquill."
"Yes, indeed we shall see," Blackquill said. He smirked and added, "Gavin-dono."
They both restarted their music and left the way they came, thoroughly confusing Phoenix and his associates (minus Kristoph, who smiled blandly).
"Well, looks like court'll be easy if those two rip their throats out," Kristoph said cheerfully.
"Can we leave now?" Juniper said, "I don't like staying too long in prisons…"
"It's not that bad," Iris and Kristoph said together.
Phoenix sighed. What had Oldbag gotten herself into?
A/N: I don't know how obvious it is, but this chapter (and the next) were a collaboration in the truest sense - Sith wrote the segments with Phoenix and I wrote the segments with Edgeworth. Obviously we gave each other ideas, but... yeah!