Thanks for the reviews guys I'm really happy with everyone of them.
This chapter was was little hard to write because it's about Santana finally showing some emotion about hers fathers sickness.
She opens herself up in some bad ways and some good ways and finally allows Brittany into her life :)
I loved writing this and hope you guys love it to, thanks again for the reviews :D
I'll get the next two chapters up by tomorrow!
xo julia(cr0wznest)
Santana contemplated going to school the next day, but she remembered her father's words only days before. He encouraged her to not miss another day just because of him. But he was so sick that she felt as though she was giving up on him if she left. Even if it was only for a few hours.
Puck walked into the hospital room and noticed Santana's eyes were red and puffy from crying all the night before. He took her hand and pursuaded her to let him give her a ride to school. The girl was reluctant but she knew if her father was awake, he would tell her to go.
"I don't have my books." Santana stared out the window while Puck drove towards the brunette's house. Making a pit stop before heading to school. When Santana stepped into a deserted house, it felt chilling. She couldn't have been more quick in getting her back pack and school books. She just wanted to get the hell out of there.
"I'm sorry about your dad." Puck sighed, reaching out his hand and rubbing his friends shoulder. Santana looked at him with sore eyes, but managed to show a small smile, as if to say thank you, thank you so much for everything.
Santana didn't want anyone to know, but she soon realized that people at the party would start to talk at school and news of her dads illness would spread fast. No one knew the exact details which gave the girl that little bit more power of the rest.
"I'm probably just going to leave as soon as we get there." Santana spoke, her voice broken with a tinge of fear that Puck noticed straight away.
"I'll be by your side, don't worry." Puck gave Santana another reassuring smile and soon enough they were parked in the lot outside of Mckinley.
Santana kept her head down as she walked down the hall to her locker. Puck wasn't lying, he did stay by her side, glaring at the kids who would stare awkwardly at Santana. The glare set the kids off in the other direction and Puck felt as though he was king of the school again.
As Santana reached her locker she felt a hand on her shoulder. Thinking that it was Puck she ignored it at first, but the lighter, softer grip made the brunette finally turn around in dismay.
"Santana I just wanted to say, I'm sorry about your dad." Rachel stood there smiling innocently. Before she could turn and walk away Santana grabbed her arm. Rachel squealed a little as the brunette's grip grew stronger.
"Who the fuck told you dwarf?" Santana hissed only inches away from Rachel's face. "No one." Rachel replied, trying so hard to loosen her arm from the brunette's grasp. Rachel went to speak again but Santana was distracted by Brittany who was down the hall at her locker.
She let go of Rachel and stormed down the hall. She was like a lion chasing it's pray, only Brittany didn't expect it and if Santana was a lion, the blonde would be swallowed whole before she could scream for help.
"You told Berry?" Santana slammed the blonde's locker door causing Brittany to jump. Everyone's attention was now on the two who looked as though they were about to break into a brawl. "What the hell are you talking about?" Brittany replied, equally as agitated.
"Rachel knows. Rachel fucking knows about my dad and you're the only one I told!" Santana noticed Finn walking past her with a slushie and she grabbed it before he could take a sip.
"Hey that's my favorite flavour!" Finn growled.
"Woah Santana listen," Brittany arched her back and placed her hands infront of her face. "You were drunk and you obviously didn't see Rachel at your dad's party but she was there, she knew before I did." The blonde then remained silent, hoping and praying that the brunette would reconsider.
Santana thought for a moment, her breathing only becoming heavier by the second. She couldn't back down now, everyone was watching. They'd see how vulnerable she really was if she had simply walked away. She had to do it and she did.
Santana heaved the contents all over Brittany. It dripped down her cheeks onto her sweater which looked brand new, but Santana didn't seem apologetic at all. Puck heard the connection that the slushie made with Brittany's face. He had been familiar with it because of his reputation of being slushie king last year.
Puck grew out of his old ways though, he knew that it upset Quinn and he made an effort to stop. Occassionally when Quinn wasn't looking he'd throw a slushie at Jacob's face which kept him going through the year, he was sure Quinn wouldn't be mad. Afterall Jacob was a little gossip bug who need to be exterminated.
"Santana!" Quinn squealed walking towards Brittany and handing her a napkin. Puck soon approached the girls and tried to look equally as dissapointed in Santana. Santana just snarled at the boy before looking back at Quinn.
"You know Brittany would never tell anyone, you just always think of what you would do in that situation and then suspect that everyone else would do the same." The blonde yelled.
Santana looked towards Brittany, absolutely furious to think that she would've brought Rachel for moral support. Or maybe it was Puck who invited her. She remembered stopping at the list when she saw Brittany's name and didn't realize Rachel's could've been after.
"I-" They could sense guilt in Santana's voice. And that's exactly what the brunette felt. Also a large amount of embarrassment because once again she had made a snap judgement.
Brittany hadn't said anything, the coldness of the slushie had almost frozen her lips together. But Brittany didn't want to speak, she felt like she didn't have the right after what Santana had been going through. She thought that it was just a way of letting out her emotions.
Brittany knew she didn't deserve the torture but she wasn't going to speak up. That's where her and Santana remained different. The brunette always felt the need to prove a point, while the blonde would stay quiet, she never wanted to start an argument.
Suddenly Santana broke the silence and tension which was seeping through the halls. The other students still looked on in shock which made the situation even more uncomfortable.
"Fuck." It was all Santana could say before she walked off with her head down, out of the school.
She caught the bus to the hospital and couldn't find her mother anywhere. Maybe she had gone home to get some decent food for Mr. Lopez. Or maybe she couldn't handle seeing her husband so still and unaware that if she stayed any longer it would prolong him from waking up.
Santana stepped silenty in her father's room. Sunlight shined brightly through the window, hitting the brunette straight in the eyes. She squinted but then realized that was the most light that she had seen for a while. Being in the hospital all summer, she had forgotten what real daylight really looked like. Before sitting beside her father's bed, she stretched out her arms and closed her eyes, soaking in the brightness and heat which hit her nicely from her face down to her torso.
She then clasped her fathers hand tightly asking him to squeeze back if he could hear her. There was no response but Santana didn't worry too much, she was positive he would get through this just like last time.
"Dad," Santana began, edging her seat closer to the bed. "I know that you probably can't hear me, but I just wanted to tell you a story. Remember when I used to tell you stories last year when you were sick?" Santana paused as if waiting for a response which never came. She took a deep breath before speaking again.
"There is this new girl at school. You met her at your party but you probably don't remember. She's hard to forget though," The brunette smiled to herself, tangling her fingers between her fathers. "She doesn't even know much about me, but I feel like we've been connected in some way since the first day I met her. I've never felt so desperate to have someone in my life besides you and mom. I just feel like I owe her so much for helping me when I didn't deserve it," Santana felt tears coming on and she quickly used her free hand to catch them.
"I don't know what's happening to me. I don't want to feel this way. But I do and it's scaring me and I just need my dad." Santana couldn't hold her tears back any longer. One by one they fell down her cheek and she rested her forehead on the bed.
Mrs. Lopez walked in soon after smiling at the sight. She felt her own tears coming on, but like Santana she was good at holding them back. She sighed, walking into the room and showing Santana a card with thank you on the front in big glitter letters.
"What's this?" Santana's lips quivered as she wiped her tears that were lingering under her chin. "It's for Brittany, to thank her for all she's done," Santana looked confused. Sure she was thankful that Brittany remained sober that night so she could drive them to the hospital but that was one thing. And the girl was already going to recieve a thank you card?
"You know she gave you a lift home when you got drunk the other night." Mrs. Lopez grabbed a pen from her purse, handing to her daughter and moving across to the window. Santana thought back for a moment realizing that the darkness mixed with the amount of alcohol in her system fucked up her memory worse than she though. She didn't realize Brittany was the one taking care of her and she didn't know at all why.
"Don't think I haven't noticed a change in you Santana," The brunette turned to her mother innocently while Mrs. Lopez continued staring out the window. "Your mood swings, your poor grades. I had a talk with Principle Figgin's last year and pursuaded him to not have you expelled." Santana's stomach growled, she hadn't eaten since her father's party. She placed her hand on her torso as her eyes widened. She didn't realize that she was doing that bad at school.
Santana inhaled through her nose and crept over to her mother's side, placing a delicate kiss on her cheek. "I promise I'll change." Santana whispered. It wasn't believable but Mrs. Lopez smiled at the fact her daughter had made an effort to even use a sentence with the word promise in it.
The last time she promised something she was 11. When she broke her mother's favorite vase accidently and blamed it on the cat, that they didn't have. "I promise I didn't do it!" She said. Mrs. Lopez chuckled to herself at the thought, then gently tapped her finger on the card as if it was an order to start writing.
Santana felt a flow of comfort and ease throughout her body for the rest of the day. She had finished writing the card, ending it with a kiss and a hug. This was it, this was Santana's clean slate. Her fresh start she so longed for.
"You should take it to Brittany's." Santana nodded at her mother, she knew that if she had scrunched up her face in disagreement Mrs. Lopez would have lost the faith in her daughter she had only moments ago. Santana didn't risk it, she just kissed her father's hand and headed towards Brittany's house.
She had called Quinn beforehand who seemed very reluctant to speak to her. Santana explained of her plans to apologize to Brittany which put a slight smile on the blonde's face.
"You realize what you're doing right," She waited for a reply but Santana didn't speak. "You're apologizing Santana. You've never apologized for anything. Why is Brittany different?" Santana thought for a moment, gathering Quinn's every word in her mind to try and figure out an excuse for her change in heart.
She didn't have words or a reason that she could eventually explain. So she just cupped her hand over the speaker so that Quinn wasn't aware of the brunette's heavy breathing. Santana then removed her hand and finally broke the silence.
"I need you Q, I've always needed you. I thought that without you in my life then I would be completely ruined. I never told you that and I acted like a complete bitch to you to hide my emotions, because that's all I'm good at." Santana finished and stayed silent for a moment.
After a few seconds she realized that Quinn was infact crying. It was a breakthrough the blonde had been waiting for and Santana knew that it could only get better from here.
Quinn finally told her friend Brittany's address. After they hung up Quinn smiled to herself and fell back on her bed. "You will never guess what just happened." Puck placed his arm around the blonde, pulling her tightly against him.
"What?" He whispered back, kissing her softly on the lips. Quinn moaned at the contact and then they parted. "I'll tell you later." She leaned in once again kissing Puck with force, leaving the boy simply breathless.
Santana could feel a lump in her throat as she proceeded up to Brittany's porch. The wind was becoming stronger and she could feel the goosebumps forming on her arms and legs.
After 3 knocks, Brittany opened the door. She stared back at Santana as if she had seen a ghost. Who could blame her? The blonde had been slushied that same day by Santana who was now standing infront of her looking as sympathetic as ever.
"Hi, can I come in?" The innocence in Santana's voice gave Brittany shockwaves through her body. She didn't expect this side from the brunette, not ever, especially towards her.
"Um," Brittany turned around, realizing that her parents were still fighting since the morning. "No, let's go to the park." Even with the wind picking up Santana nodded in agreement. The girls folded their arms and walked hurridly to find shelter.
When they did, there was an unsettling silence that allowed Santana to think exactly of what she wanted to say.
But she soon realized she didn't have to say anything, the card would say it for her. So she handed it over to Brittany, before turning away. She didn't want to make eye contact with the blonde, she knew it'd only break her more.
Brittany smiled as her eyes layed upon the glitter font on the front of the card. She grazed her fingers over the letters before turning up to look at Santana who had been eyeing the girls movements. When Santana felt eyes on her she looked up to see a smiling Brittany.
The brunette didn't know what else to do by smile back before turning away once again.
While opening the card, the wind had finally died down, allowing their breaths to be heard, which made Santana feel a little happier knowing she wasn't alone.
Dear Brittany,
I just wanted to say thanks. My mom told me you had helped me out when I got overly drunk at a party. You didn't have too and I still don't know why you did, but thanks.
I'm sorry for accusing you for something you didn't do. I should've realized that you were not that type of person. I guess ever since my dad's been sick I've been fighting with myself and taking it out on other people. I don't even know why I'm telling you this, I've never really been able to open myself up.
Anyway, you seem like a genuine person and I envy you. Since the first day you've managed to have the whole school at your feet. You're friendly, likable and just a kind hearted girl. Everything I wish I was.
I may sound confident writing this, but if you try and get these words out of my mouth I won't be able to say any of it. So just realize that it might take time for me to grow out of this shell that's been covering me for so long.
Thank you Brittany, I really do mean it.
xo Santana Lopez
As Brittany finished reading the heartfelt card that Santana made such an effort to write, she walked towards the brunette and stood over her.
Santana looked up, feeling so small sitting while Brittany stood, towering over her. "You're screwed up Santana." The brunette felt the urge to scream at Brittany. After every honest word she wrote in that card and now the blonde was going to tell her she's screwed up?
Moments of silence passed and Santana felt the need to stand up so she didn't feel so vulnerable. But as she did Brittany's lips parted again forcing Santana to continue sitting.
"But so am I. My parents barely know I exist. They forced me to go to dance lessons when I was 4. Now I can't stop because in my mind I think there is so much more to learn even though I have basically all the skills a proffessional dancer has," Brittany paused, taking a breath and licking her lips.
"I know that I'm hardly going through the same thing you are, but your parents still express that they love you. Mine don't. They see me as a dancer not their daughter. One time they worked me to the brink of exhaustion and I had to be put in hospital. When I was discharged they just said it's a learning curve and that I had to work even harder next time," The blonde crouched so she was at the same height as Santana, who couldn't look her in the eye.
Brittany then took it upon herself to cup Santana's cheeks with her hands and force the brunette to look her dead in the eye. Santana tried to resist but eventually stared into the blue ones that never lost their gaze. She felt as though Brittany wasn't only staring at her, she was staring into her soul aswell. Trying so hard to figure her out, but Santana wouldn't allow her too.
She pushed Brittany's hands away and stood up. She walked towards a pole, pressing her forehead against it and scrunching up her face. She tried so hard to hold back the tears that were screaming to fall.
Finally she plucked up the courage to turn around and look Brittany in the eyes once again. Brittany never seemed affected by Santana's avoident behaviour. It only encouraged the blonde more to stay right where she was and she knew that even if it took Santana all night to gain the confidence to speak, Brittany would be willing to wait.
"I haven't had a real friend since 2 years ago when I first met Quinn. We grew apart, mainly because of me wanting more out of life," Santana rolled her eyes and stepped forward, unsure if she should let herself become even more vulnerable towards a girl she barely knew.
"I slept around to fill this void inside of me. I was young and stupid and just lonely. Then I gave up all together on people. Relying on them, speaking politely to them and just being there for my friends who needed me as much as I need them now. That's all I needed, a friend. Someone who would tell me to shut up when I would yell like a frantic bitch. Someone who wouldn't be afraid to tell me I'm going overboard and to reassure me that everything is going to be fine. Someone who just isn't afraid of me and who won't just watch on as I lose this never ending battle with myself." Brittany walked towards Santana, her eyes glistened in the sunlight and the brunette found it hard to look away.
"Can I be your friend Santana?" From that point Santana's thoughts ran wildly through her mind. She felt warmth and security when Brittany was around and she couldn't believe she hadn't realized it before. The blonde was looking just as hard for a true friend aswell.
"Yeah," Santana leaned forward, wrapping her arms around Brittany's neck. It was the first time in 2 years she actually wanted to hug someone. "You're something special you know that." Brittany smiled against Santana's shoulder and when they parted, the brunette felt tentative to just walk away.
They walked back towards Brittany's house together, laughing and bumping eachother with their hips. Jokingly Brittany would say ouch, leaving Santana to rush to her aid.
"Just kidding." Brittany fluttered her eyelashes and ran before Santana could grab her.
When they reached the porch Brittany looked quizzicly at Santana who was examing the blonde's body carefully.
"You should really join the cheerios, I know Coach Sylvester would love to have you on our squad." Brittany smiled shyly and she could feel her cheeks get hot. Santana noticed the bright pink circles that formed on the blonde's pale skin. It looked adorable and caused Santana to blush aswell.
"You should join glee club," Brittany twisted the door handle ready to leap inside incase Santana was about to clock her for thinking of the idea. Instead Santana just broke out into laughter before she realized that Brittany was actually being serious.
"Brittany, I can't-" Santana hung her head not noticing Brittany's mouth open. "Ah, but you can young dragon!" The blonde put on an old english accent that caused Santana to step back a little. "Wow okay, calm down master," Santana replied jokingly. "Right now I need to focus on my grades and maybe if you're lucky you can eventually hear me bust out a note or two. But right now I can't." Brittany nodded in agreement, then reached out for Santana's hand.
The brunette flinched a little causing Brittany to only grasp on to her pinky. The girls looked down at the unusual connection and giggled. Santana then manouvered her hand around so that her own pinky was latched onto Brittany's.
"I'll see you around Pierce." Santana said, before breaking her contact with the blonde's and walking away into the distance.
"Yeah, see ya." Brittany looked towards Santana who slowly became smaller as she walked further down the street. The blonde smiled too herself, patting herself on the back to congratulate herself.
Santana returned to the hospital that evening feeling the most amazing rush through her body. A positive radiance that glistened on her as she walked down the hallways towards her father's room.
"Ma?" The bed was empty and Santana's mother was gathering up her father's things.
Santana froze realizing what had happened in the short time that she was gone. It must've been about 20 minutes, no longer that she and Brittany had bonded. But in that short time Mr. Lopez had passed away.
Surprisingly Santana didn't feel the urge to cry. Not one tear dropped and she was amazed at the strength she had gained from sharing those precious moments with Brittany. Either that or she had cried so many tears the past few days that there were none left.
"Brittany loved the card." Santana walked over to her mother and sat down beside her, leaning against the bed. "I'm glad baby," Mrs. Lopez replied, her voice was shaky but she managed to pack away everything and stand up steadily.
"Don't be afraid to let people in San. You'll regret it later on." Mrs. Lopez saw herself everytime she looked at Santana. The brunette didn't realize until she could clearly sense the regret in her mother's voice.
Santana smiled. Not just any smile, but a confident smile. For the first time she held herself together for her mother's sake. She grabbed the box from her mother and reached out her free hand. Mrs. Lopez took it and hand in hand they walked out of the room, closing the door behind them.