Danielle stepped into the flat after Ronnie and silently shut the door behind her. Listening as Ronnie hurried around each room switching lights on to make it feel more homely and welcoming,Danielle appreciated how hard her mother tried but sometimes nothing felt like enough. She took her jacket off and strolled into the living room,putting her bag on the coffee table she then made her way towards the window looking out at the bus stop. A dream come true was meant to make you happy,and most of the time Danielle did feel happy,but at times she looked at Ronnie and wanted to run a million miles away. Danielle had everything she wished for,she was starting to rebuild her life with her mother. The sound of the kettle boiling startled Danielle and she turned around,she watched Ronnie carefully spoon coffee and sugar into mugs.
The doctor smiled at the blond teen and placed his hands in front of him,"Now Danielle,you spoke with my colleague yesterday and I have been told your suffering from mild depression and stress is that right?" he asked kindly with a warm friendly smile.
Danielle swallowed hard and nervously picked at her fingernails,she had encouraged herself to go and talk to someone,to get some help but now she was here it all seemed like a big mistake. "Yes..not all the time,just sometimes" she admitted shyly tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Thats fine Danielle,do you know when or how this was triggered?" he asked tapping away on his computer.
Danielle inhaled the air around her deeply,she could barely think about the night of the wedding let alone talk about it to a complete stranger. What did he care? He didnt know her,he had no idea how she really felt. Danielle winced as Ronnie's brutal words swam around in her head poisoning all happy thoughts about the future. "Family issues mainly,just stuff my with my mum" she smiled weakly attempting not to cry or break down.
The doctor looked up from his screen and stared at the broken girl,she seemed so alone and lost he felt for her. Pushing his glasses further towards his eyes he cleared his throat to grab her attention. "Danielle you can talk to me,nothing you say will be repeated to anyone" he said wanting to help her as best he could.
"I was adopted from birth,i came to find my mum in London" Danielle explained,she felt like the walls were closing in on her getting smaller and smaller as she spoke about Ronnie. She almost felt she was betraying her by talking about her to a stranger,letting someone else in that wasn't her. "She was told I died when I was little,she had no idea who I was and for months I didnt say anything" her voice shattered and she stammered over words.
The doctor nodded,"Why didnt you say anything,you must have wanted her to know?" he asked glancing at the computer screen every few seconds.
Danielle closed her eyes for a second then opened them again,talking about it was so painful and with every word she could feel her heart ache. "I wanted her to like me,to get to know me and then I was going to tell her,except it didnt go how I wanted It too" she looked across the table at the kind face drinking in every word. "I told her on the night of my granddads wedding,i though she knew and things got out of hand" she explained wanting to cut an extremely long complex story short. "She didnt believe me threw me out on the street and ..and she ..she said who would want a daughter like you" she whispered fighting so hard to keep the tears at bay.
The doctor nodded,"I see" his voice became low slightly awkward by the situation and story. "Are you living with your mum at the moment? How are things?" he asked.
Danielle's eyes were fixed on the wall,she almost felt like she was in a trance,maybe she had to relive and talk about the past to try and move on. She felt like she would do anything not to experience this kind of pain,she almost felt she was being haunted by the painful past. "I was run over,thats when she believed me..she thought I was going to die,funny when death comes into things everyone suddenly cares and rushes around you like they love you" she said slowly,her eyes wide.
"Danielle Im going to give you some anti depressants and give you a card" he smiled handing her over a piece of paper with a name and number on it. "If you give him a call you can maybe arrange to have a chat with him,talk about how your feeling and what your going to do next" he explained writing out her prescription.
Danielle nodded took her prescription and left his office. Looking at the card she contemplated calling him for a second before screwing it up and throwing it in the nearest bin.
"What was all that about with Paul,i dont know why but he always gives me the creeps" Ronnie shuddered placing a cup of coffee on the table for Danielle. Ronnie pulled a kitchen chair out and sat herself down,she always felt lucky that she had been given a second chance.
Danielle sighed pulling herself away from the window and sitting down with her mother,"I dont know,probably wants to go out with Stacey" she shrugged her shoulders running a finger round the rim of the mug.
Ronnie nodded,sometimes being alone with Danielle would lead to silences. There were times when Ronnie just couldn't understand or even get through to Danielle that she loved her,loved her more than anything in the world. Hating herself she knew her daughter was broken,a mini version of what Ronnie used to be. No matter how many times Ronnie would try and sit down and have a long chat and get her to open up,it never happened. "Well he was holding your hand it must have been something" Ronnie tried to probe deeper sensing something was bothering her child.
Danielle clenched a fist under the table,she didnt want to get into things,explain that Paul was her stupid one night stand. "Just leave it,it was nothing" she reassured hoping that would be the end of it.
Ronnie felt helpless and useless most of the time,she knew Danielle was still hurting but whatever she did nothing helped the situation. Smothering Danielle with hugs and kisses only led to Danielle feeling suffocated leaving Ronnie feeling over obsessive and protective. But she couldn't help it,most of the time all she wanted to do was hold her child and never ever let her go,never let her wonder too far and out of reach. "I feel like we haven't talked properly in ages" Ronnie felt brave and decided to try and engage with her daughter.
Danielle shook her head slightly and sat up in the chair,"Fine,do you remember that night at the club when me and Stacey were helping out,Christmas time" she watched Ronnie nod her head. "I told you I was on my own and I felt alone,that I didnt have anyone" Danielle explained now wishing she just kept her mouth shut like always,it was so much easier than saying the truth.
Ronnie tried her hardest to think back to that night,she remembered Danielle in her little Santa suit helping herself to the free drinks much to her annoyance. "Yes,yes I remember" Ronnie nodded encouraging Danielle to continue.
Danielle stared at the coffee in the mug,anything to distract herself from Ronnie's eyes. "Well that night,me and Paul we..it was a mistake because he only had eyes for Stacey I was just too stupid to fall for it" she muttered feeling dirty and used at the thought of that night at this place.
"You and Paul you..him?" Ronnie's eyes widened with shock as everything became clearer,everything made more sense. "Why?" she asked,her voice full of shock.
Danielle pressed her lips together and then let out a long sigh,"Because all I wanted was you and you were making it harder and harder for me to tell you,he was there and it just happened,i cant forgive myself" she sipped the hot coffee carefully not making eyecontact with her mother.
Ronnie felt sick,all she could imagine was his dirty hands all over her baby,taking away her innocence and causing her pain and loss. This was another hurdle the two of them were faced with,another obstacle in the way of their perfect planned future. Sometimes Ronnie wondered if they would ever really get the happiness they both deserved,everything was drenched in pain,heartache and guilt. Reaching out she grabbed Danielle's hand,"Im so sorry,Danielle if..im sorry I had no idea" she stumbled with her words processing her thoughts in order.
Danielle looked down at Ronnie's hand stroking hers,she slowly looked up looking into her eyes. "Can we just go to bed now?" she asked her childlike voice breaking a little.
Ronnie nodded,"Yes,of course i'll be right in baby" she smiled watching her angel rise from the seat and slowly walk towards the bedroom.
* *
Fleeing from the Slater's house Ronnie ran,she ran as fast as she possibly could in her heals. Her head felt heavy with so much information,Danielle was her daughter,her baby. How could she not realize,why didnt she read all the signs? Danielle was always lurking around the Mitchell's trying to delve into Ronnie's past wanting to know every little thing about her. Ronnie ran past the Argie Bargie and there in front of her was Danielle,she could feel her heart racing,never in her life had she felt so scared and relieved at the same time.
"Danielle!..Danielle!" she shouted coming to a stop,out of breath from sprinting half way across the square.
Danielle wanted to carry on walking,just to walk away from Walford the main cause of all her problems. Something in her head was telling her to turn around,Ronnie's voice sounded so desperate almost needy. Taking a breath she turned around,her eyes locked on Ronnie's.
Ronnie felt her breath be snatched away just by looking at Danielle,she saw this girl in a completely different light,she was her daughter. "Baby" she gasped in an almost whisper with tears in her eyes and a smile broadening on her face. Everything she ever dreamed about was standing in front of her just footsteps away.
Danielle's eye lit up at her mothers words,she knew,she believed her,this was it,the moment everything was going to be ok and they would be together just like it should have been. Letting out a shaky breath of relief she stepped out onto the road,she let a small escape her lips as Ronnie grinned at her,all she wanted to do was jump into her arms and be loved by her mum. Although Ronnie's facial expression soon changed from complete happiness to utter terror,her eyes widened and her smile dropped from her face.
Danielle stopped wondering why Ronnie had stopped smiling,a million questions racing through her mind. Turning around she froze,her feet were glued to the ground as the red sports car came hurling towards her,and with one final breath the car crashed into her body.
The sickening sound of a body smashing into the road made Ronnie scream,an agonizing scream from the pit of her stomach. Everything she wished for was quickly beginning to fall to pieces once again. "Danielle..Danielle!" Ronnie shouted in between sobbed,she ran over to Danielle and knelt down beside her. Extending her arms she carefully moved Danielle off her back,resting her head on her lap. Ronnie was holding her baby,the same child she thought died,the child she cried over night after night was here,in her arms. Looking down she gasped at Danielle's hair,blood matted into her golden blond hair,her nose bleeding from hitting the ground at such an impact.
After ordering Stacey to get some help and call an ambulance the long wait for help continued. Danielle laying in Ronnie's arms,the teen trying her hardest to keep her eyes open and focus on her mother. Ronnie placed a warm hand on Danielle's cheek,contact was all she wanted,she believed everything would be ok. "Danielle,im so sorry,im so sorry if i'd known..i would never of given you up" Ronnie sobbed looking down at her baby. "My whole life ive been dreaming of this,been dreaming of you" she could feel the lump in her throat get bigger as the tears ran down her cheeks uncontrollably,she couldn't loose her again she just couldn't. "its gonna be ok,we're gonna spend lots of time together..me and you living together like mother and daughter" Ronnie promised wanting Danielle to believe,willing herself to believe it was all going to happen.
Danielle felt herself falling into a sleep but was determined not to leave Ronnie,she opened her mouth to speak but she couldn't,her mouth felt dry and scratchy,her head pounding with extreme pain from the fall. All she could hear and feel was Ronnie and it was wonderful even under the most frightening and horrific circumstances.
"Don't try and speak" Ronnie cried sobbing and breaking down on the spot.
"Mum" Danielle gasped trying to hold on for dear life as she felt weaker and weaker.
Ronnie felt her child become a dead weight in her arms,she watched as Danielle's eyes rolled back in her head,she couldn't go,no,she couldn't she had to live!
Ronnie sat bold up right panting for breath,she shook her head free of her horrible nightmare,the night she nearly lost her whole future. Turning to her right she saw her baby sleeping peacefully next to her,sighing with relief she pulled her daughter in close wrapping her arms tightly around her.
Feeling kind and updated twice,hope you enjoy!