Hi! I keep forgetting to say a huge THANK YOU for all the lovely reviews! I'm so glad people are actually reading this story let alone bothering to review, it really motivates me to update sooner (when I really should be revising…oops…). Please, keep reviewing!
PS I have done some research and discovered that you are allowed one coffee a day during pregnancy…just in case anyone thought I was being accidently inaccurate here
It was Monday morning, over a week after her first doctor's appointment, and Lisbon had said nothing to Jane. She had tried to a couple of times, but she'd never got beyond 'Jane' before quickly changing the subject to something completely different. It didn't feel right to bring up something like that when they were driving to and from a crime scene, or a mourning relative, or a potential murderer…And the few times where they had been alone in her office (mostly in the evenings), the image of Jane telling her that he wanted nothing to do with it or her had flashed before her eyes, and she'd changed track. She knew that she absolutely had to tell him before her next doctor's appointment (which was in 3 weeks), even if it meant turning up to his apartment the night before, blurting it out and running.
Lisbon sighed and glanced out into the bullpen from her desk. Jane didn't seem to be there, which was strange. Lisbon frowned, craning her neck to see if he was hidden in the corner of the kitchen. Suddenly the man in question stepped around the corner from where the elevator was, a polystyrene cup and a paper bag in his hands. Lisbon quickly turned her eyes back to the stack of papers she was working her way through, hoping that he hadn't noticed her staring at him.
"I bought you coffee and a bearclaw"
Jane had pushed open her office door and stepped in.
"Oh thank you" she smiled widely at him, suddenly feeling ever so slightly tearful at the sweetness of his gesture. Stupid hormones.
"It's a Monday morning, I guessed you'd need one" he shrugged.
"I do" she sighed "As much as I like our new Boss; he tends to be a little overzealous when it comes to reports"
"He has however, just updated the rules to allow relationships between colleagues" Jane told her.
"It worked? I guess Cho is all yours now" she joked.
"I've left copies of the updated document on both Rigsby and Grace's desks, in about 1 minute Grace will finish reading hers and smile at Rigsby"
Lisbon followed his gaze into the bullpen, where two members of her team were busy scanning through pages of Bureau Policy. As predicted, Van Pelt's face suddenly lit up with a grin and she stared over at Rigsby, waiting for him to reach the same section. Lisbon felt like she was spying on a private and intimate moment between the two Agents, as they caught each others' eyes and grinned happily. She looked at Jane for a moment, who was watching with a bemused smile.
"Jane" she began slowly, her heart pounding in her chest "I need to tell you something, I-"
She was cut off by her cell phone ringing. With Jane's worried eyes on her, she picked it up and answered the call.
"Lisbon"
"Ok, we'll be right there"
"Yes sir"
"Ok"
She hung up and dropped her phone into her pocket.
"We've got a case" she explained, standing up and stretching slightly.
"Lisbon, that thing you were about to say?"
"It's nothing. I'll tell you another time"
She grabbed her bag and walked out of the office before he could stop her. Now was not the time to be having that conversation, not when there was a corpse waiting for them and a murderer to catch.
The crime scene wasn't far from the CBI office, a small apartment in a pleasant neighbourhood.
"Is this where the victim lives?" Jane asked, frowning.
"If you allowed me to bring you up to date before asking questions, Mr Jane, you'd know that no, this was not his apartment" the local PD officer replied cattily. He'd clearly come across Jane before, and not left with the best attitude towards the consultant.
"As I was about to say" the officer glared at Jane "our victim is Charles McCain, single gunshot to the chest but with signs of a struggle. This apartment belongs to his friend, Victoria, who returned home to find him here"
"What was he doing in her apartment without her?" Lisbon asked, hoping that Jane wouldn't further provoke the officer.
"She'd given him a key"
The officer watched suspiciously as Jane leant over the corpse. He appeared to be about thirty, with thick brown hair and a pleasant face.
"Sad" Jane muttered "he seems like a nice man"
Lisbon didn't bother to ask how he'd managed to come up with that and continued to ask the officer questions, noting down his responses on a small pad.
"Where's the girl who found him?" Jane asked suddenly, interrupting the officer.
"In the kitchen" the officer said, crossing his arms and glaring.
Lisbon narrowed her eyes at Jane, willing him to leave the room. Thankfully, he seemed to have received her telepathic message and disappeared through the door to the left of him. Lisbon finished up talking to the officer, and then followed Jane into the kitchen. He was sitting close to a pretty woman with dark brown hair, who was sniffing as Jane rubbed her arm comfortingly and talking to her in a low voice.
"Hi, I'm Agent Lisbon. Could I ask you a few questions?"
The girl looked up, and Jane let his hand fall away from her arm.
"Yeah, go ahead…sorry, I'm a bit of a mess"
Jane smiled encouragingly and then got up and walked away, letting Lisbon take his seat.
"The officer already has your statement, these are just general questions" she explained "How long had you known the victim?"
"Since I was about 7, he moved in down the street from me"
"And you'd given him a key to your apartment, correct?"
She nodded.
"What was he doing here without you?"
"I'd invited him over for coffee but he must have arrived before I got back from the shop. He often lets himself in…let himself in, if I wasn't there" she sniffed loudly and blinked a few times "sorry, this is just such a shock"
"Don't worry about it" Lisbon smiled warmly at her "was your relationship…romantic in any way?"
"Romantic? God no" the girl looked shocked "he's married, and besides…"
"Why no wedding ring?" Jane interrupted.
"He was so scared of losing it that he rarely wore it out" she couldn't help but smile, clearly in amusement "but he loved Madeleine to pieces, I have no doubt"
"I think that's all for now, we'll be in touch if we need anything else" Lisbon told her, instinctively knowing that this girl had had nothing to do with the murder.
"Do you have any friends that live nearby?" Jane asked her as the two women stood up.
Victoria nodded, blinking to try and hold back a fresh wave of tears.
"Go and stay with one of them, tell them what's happened" he told her gently.
"Ok" she whispered.
Lisbon and Jane left the apartment after making sure that one of the local PD officers would give Victoria a lift to a friend's.
"You ok?" Lisbon asked as she started to drive away "you seem…quiet"
Jane chuckled slightly; the past week or so he had been the concerned friend and she had been the quiet one.
"Yes, I'm just trying to put my finger on what I spotted at the crime scene"
"Oh? What did you spot?"
"I don't quite know, but I'll work it out soon enough"
"Well we're heading over to see the wife now; that might jog something"
"Maybe"
The victim's house was only a short car ride from the crime scene, for which Lisbon was grateful. For the past few days she had started to notice that car journeys were making her increasingly queasy, although thankfully she hadn't actually been sick yet. Even without any sudden runs to the restroom, she was fairly sure that Jane had noticed her pale face and reduced caffeine intake – it was only a mater of time before he put two and two together and worked it out himself. That was assuming that he didn't already know, anyway. She sighed as they pulled up onto the grand driveway. She had to tell him soon, maybe she could catch him after work tonight.
"Mrs McCain?" Lisbon asked as the door swung open, revealing a tall, beautiful woman with long blond hair and red rimmed eyes.
"Madeleine" she sniffed "I assume you're the police?"
"CBI" Lisbon held up her badge for inspection "Agent Lisbon, Patrick Jane"
"Please, come in"
They followed her through to the spacious living room, noting the modern yet tasteful décor of the house.
"Can I get you a drink?" she offered.
"Oh no, I'll go and make some tea" Jane insisted her, already stepping towards the door.
Madeleine looked hopelessly after him, but seemed to accept it and sank into an armchair, whilst Lisbon perched on the edge of a luscious sofa.
"How long had you known Charles?" Lisbon asked her gently. She didn't want to call him 'the victim' to his own wife.
"Nearly ten years now, we met in college but we only got together three years ago"
"And had he been acting differently at all recently?"
"No, he was the same as ever"
Her eyes glistened slightly, but she blinked away the tears before they had a chance to fall.
"I'm sorry, we can come back another time if this is too much" Lisbon said after a moment.
"No…no don't worry, I want to get it done. So you can catch the bastard who did this"
"What about his job?"
"He loved it; he was such a creative person"
"Did he ever have any problems at work? With colleagues…clients…?"
"There was one man he didn't get on with…" Madeleine frowned, trying to remember "Michael something I think, but it was just a work disagreement, nothing personal"
Lisbon noted down the name; she'd get Van Pelt to look into it as soon as they left.
"What about outside of work?"
"No" she said sadly "everyone loved him"
They were interrupted by Jane returning, somehow managing to hold three cups which he placed on the coffee table.
"Did you know that Charles was going to see Victoria this morning?" he asked.
"Yes, he goes over quite often"
"And you never suspected any sort of romantic relationship between her and Charles?" Jane pressed.
They were both surprised when Madeleine laughed in response.
"Victoria? No definitely not"
"Oh" Jane muttered in realisation "Victoria's a lesbian, that's it"
"Yes, she had quite a bit of trouble coming out to her family. Charles helped her with that"
They were interrupted by a wail from somewhere in the house. Lisbon jumped slightly, her hand automatically going to the gun at her waist.
"Sorry" Madeleine muttered, standing up and heading towards the door "I'll just go and get him"
She returned a few moments later, carrying a baby. He was babbling happily to her, and Lisbon felt her heart warm as she watched the baby giggle and grab at his mothers hair with tiny hands. Jane's eyes lit up at the sight of the child, and Lisbon couldn't help but notice the smile that crept onto his face.
"May I?" he asked, holding his arms out slightly.
"Sure"
Madeleine passed him carefully to Jane, who turned him round to sit on his lap.
"Hello little one, you're very cheery aren't you?"
He bounced him up and down a few times, and the child giggled infectiously.
"Do you think that this could be at all related to Victoria?" Lisbon asked, keen to get back to the questions and to distract herself from the sight of Jane away chatting to the baby.
"I don't think so" Madeleine frowned in thought again "nothing that comes to mind"
"What's he called?" Jane interrupted.
"William" she smiled lovingly at the happy child on Jane's lap.
"He's lovely"
"Thanks" she smiled gratefully at him, and then looked down at the floor "I just keep thinking about how he's going to grow up without a father, how he'll never even…even remember his face"
She broke off in tears, and the smile disappeared from Jane's face. Lisbon sat frozen; she knew she should do something to comfort her, but saying 'it'll be ok' seemed so pointless when they both knew it wouldn't be. Thankfully Jane sprung into action.
"Here, take him" he muttered to Lisbon, depositing the child on her lap and stepping across the room to sit beside the crying woman and tell her to breathe.
Lisbon meanwhile, was wondering if he would be better off over here comforting her. Since she had felt William's warm weight on her lap, she had been able to do nothing but stare at him in shock. The child on her lap didn't seem to notice her distress, and reached up to grab a handful of the hair that hung down over her shoulders. Lisbon's expression turned to surprise, and she barely noticed the pain of him tugging a clump of hair.
"Mama!" he shouted excitedly, pulling forcefully on her hair.
"No, I'm not your mama" she corrected him softly, finally coming to her senses and untangling his hand from her hair.
Upon relinquishing the hair, he grabbed hold of her thumb instead. The feeling of his tiny fingers squeezing her thumb was too much for her, and Lisbon felt her eyes welling up. She blinked a few times and tugged her hand out of his grasp, putting her hands under his arms to move him into a more secure position. It wasn't that she had never held a baby before (she'd held her brothers when they were young, and her niece Annie, even Rigsby's son Ben) but it was wholly different experience now that she knew that she was expecting one. When he shuffled closer and let his head rest against her chest, she actually let out a small 'oh' of surprise and looked over at Jane and Madeleine in panic, who to her relief had noticed nothing.
Jane had managed to calm her down now and she had stopped crying, yet he was continuing to talk in a low, gentle voice. Lisbon recognised it as the voice he used to hypnotise people, but she was fairly sure that that wasn't what he was doing right now. He looked up for a moment and grinned as he caught her eye. Lisbon smiled back, and then he stood up.
"I think we'll be going now"
"Yes, we'll be in touch if we need anything else" Lisbon added.
"Oh ok, thank you" she shot Jane a watery smile.
Lisbon managed to stand up whilst still holding William. She felt slightly bereft when she felt his gentle weight lifted from her waist, as his mother took him back into her arms. The child babbled at bit at the familiar touch of his mother, who blinked back a few tears as she held him close to her and kissed his head.
"Be good" Jane told him with a cheeky grin.
Lisbon turned and left the room before either of them could see that her eyes were slightly glistening again at the sight.
Jane let out a deep breath as they walked together towards the car.
"Poor woman, she's devastated"
"Unlike you not to immediately accuse her of the murder" Lisbon joked.
"There's no way she did it, I would have noticed. Plus she wouldn't risk anything that could cause her to be separated from her child"
Lisbon didn't say anything in response as they climbed into the car. She had to tell him. Today.
They passed the journey back to the office in silence, with Lisbon trying to ignore the nausea pooling in her stomach.
"Jane, I need to tell you something. I'm pregnant"
"Congratulations, we're having a baby!"
"Hey, do you remember that time we slept together? Well guess what"
Lisbon groaned internally. None of the ways of telling him which she had come up with seemed at all appealing. She guessed she could always write it on a scrap of paper and slip it into his pocket; he would appreciate the novelty of that at least, but it wasn't right. She needed to sit him down and tell him straight out, and then let him decide what he wanted to do about it. Had it been with anyone else, she would have demanded that they were involved to a degree – it simply wasn't fair to completely abandon your own child – but this was Jane, and this was different. She had to understand that maybe he wouldn't be able to cope with it, and she would have to explain the whole sorry story to her child one day. But what she desperately hoped was that he saw this as what it could be: a new chance at happiness.
It had reached early evening, and having spent all day checking out leads without success, Lisbon's team had started to trickle home. She noted with slight amusement that Rigsby and Van Pelt continued to keep their relationship a secret, despite it being perfectly in fitting with Bureau Policy now. They still left the office at different times, and arrived separately every morning (although it was clear to all that they were more or less living together).
Lisbon wasn't sure whether to be relieved or horrified that Jane was still sitting on his couch and sipping tea as Cho packed up his things and said goodbye. She had half been hoping that he would leave early, so that she'd have no excuse but to put it off for another day. When he got up to wash up his cup in the kitchen, Lisbon knew that it was her chance. She took a deep breath and counted down from ten, before stepping out of her office and walking into the kitchen. Jane had his back to her when she entered, but she was fairly sure he had heard her come in anyway.
"Jane" she began "I…I need to tell you something"
"Oh?"
He placed his cup on the drying rack and turned to face her. She tried not to be distracted by how weirdly attractive he looked when he wasn't wearing his jacket and had his sleeves rolled up.
"I'm pregnant" she blurted out.
Jane said nothing for a long time, and Lisbon started to wonder if she'd actually said it out loud or not. She was on the brink of repeating herself, when he finally spoke.
"Is it-"
"Yours? God Jane, is that really what you think of me?"
"I didn't mean…I was just…I'm just checking"
Had Lisbon not been in a state of immense stress in that moment, she would have quite enjoyed seeing Patrick Jane looking flustered for what was probably the first time in his life.
"Yes, of course it's yours"
"Oh…ok" he nodded slowly, clearly too shocked to be able to formulate any complex words or sentences.
"I just want you to know that…that I understand if you don't think you can be involved. I know that you never meant for this to happen, and given what happened…before…I won't hate you if you just want to-"
"You think I don't want to be involved in this?"
He had suddenly become aware of what she was saying, and that shocked him almost as much as the news he had just been given.
"Well I thought that maybe-"
"You thought that because of what happened to Charlotte I might find having another child too painful?"
He felt the usual sting at the mention of her name, but ignored it. Lisbon simply nodded, her eyes focussed on the floor.
"Oh Lisbon" he said softly, stepping forward to hug her.
Lisbon had to fight back the tears that had suddenly formed in her eyes. She wasn't sure if it was utter relief or just her messed up hormones, but she wasn't going to let whatever it was get the better of her. Instead, she let Jane wrap his arms around and her and hold her so tightly to him she was a little worried that he might never let go. She breathed in his familiar scent and let herself relax into his embrace. They remained like that for a few moments, until a noise from outside the kitchen caused them to break apart and peer out. It turned out only to be the cleaner who was wheeling along her trolley, completely unaware of what was going on in the kitchen.
"How long have you known?" he asked her, still standing only inches away from her.
"Two weeks" she said quietly "You seem genuinely surprised, did you really not know?"
"I actually thought one of your brothers had been arrested and asked you to help him out" he admitted, chuckling slightly.
"Wow, the one time I actually manage to lie to Patrick Jane…"
"I knew something big was going on, I just slightly miscalculated what it was" he pointed out.
"Slightly" she smiled shyly at him.
"Lisbon?"
Gable, her boss, had just put his head around the door.
"Sir?"
"I've just left some papers on your desk, I need you to look over them and get them back to me by Wednesday"
"Ok, no problem"
"Night Lisbon, Jane"
He walked away, leaving them alone again.
"Why don't you go home? I'll get some food and come over and we can talk" Jane asked tentatively, as soon as Gable was out of earshot.
Lisbon nodded. That seemed much better than staying at the office, where there was always the chance of some Agent pulling an all-nighter wandering through.
Lisbon drove home in fairly high spirits. For the first time since finding out she was pregnant, she was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, everything would be ok. Jane's reaction was nothing like that which she'd dreaded. She'd had visions of him being upset, furious, talking of never seeing her again…and instead he had been shocked that she'd thought that he would leave her alone in this.
Once home, Lisbon estimated that she had about half an hour until Jane arrived; plenty of time for the shower she'd been craving all afternoon. She dressed herself in sweatpants and a t-shirt, and brushed her hair but couldn't be bothered to dry it. Normally she would never have dreamed of having a guest over whilst dressed in what were essentially pyjamas, but this was Jane and after all of the emotional discomfort she had felt recently she decided that she deserved it. Jane did look a little surprised when Lisbon answered the door with her hair still wet from the shower and her t-shirt slipping off her shoulder ever so slightly, but said nothing. Secretly there was something he found incredibly attractive about this version of Lisbon; it was a stark contrast to the 'boss mode' he was used to, and it made him feel happy that she was comfortable with him seeing her like this. Jane busied himself plating up the Chinese takeaway he had brought, making sure to put a generous portion on Lisbon's plate (he knew how she often forgot to eat when stressed).
"So" he began, as they tucked into their food at the kitchen table "where do we start with this?"
"I have no idea" she admitted "I still don't quite believe it"
"Well I was thinking that it would make more sense if we lived together, it's probably easier to live at mine because I have 3 bedrooms but if you really want to stay here then I'm sure we-"
"Jane!"
"What?"
"Slow down! I thought we were going to talk about doctors' appointments and stuff, and why do we have to live together all of a sudden? It's not like we're a couple"
'We could be if you wanted to' he nearly replied, but held himself back. Now was definitely not the time to tell Lisbon that he was in love with her.
"Because it'll be much easier when the baby comes" he explained.
"But that's not for ages! We don't need to think about that yet!"
"Time flies Lisbon, and we'd have to sort it out in 5 months or so just in case the baby was premature"
"Jane, just stop planning everything for a moment. This is already scary enough without you making me stress about things happening in 5 months time"
"Why don't you tell me what we need to discuss then?"
"I…I don't know" she said.
"Lisbon"
Jane reached across the table and took her hand in both of his.
"This is all going to be fine, trust me"
Lisbon's gaze remained focussed on the plate of food in front of her.
"Teresa" he said more softly, causing her to look up "please"
"I know" she responded.
"Good. Then how about we finish eating and talk about something completely unrelated for the rest of the evening? You're right; we don't need to sort everything out right now"
Lisbon nodded at him, and let him begin coming up with suggestions for solving their current case. When he left an hour and a half later he surprised her by giving her a big hug goodbye and kissing her on the top of her head. Lisbon remained frozen for a few minutes after he had left, her fingers absentmindedly touching the spot his lips had just touched. And then she tidied up the kitchen and went straight to bed, trying not to think about how intimate a gesture it had been.
PPS
Did anyone see the photo of Robin Tunney and Oscar in Italy on her instagram? It's the sweetest thing!