Chapter 6 — Nightmares of Tomorrow
Miki
The PX is alive with the usual clamour of silverware and ceramic repeatedly making contact, while the air around us is packed with the indistinguishable chatter of soldiers and fellow cadets alike.
The only noise absent is that coming from our table.
It's been five minutes since we all sat down and started eating, but no one has said a word as of yet.
Mitsurugi-san, her back aligned and shoulders poised, is the illustration of grace and elegance as she consumes her meal.
In contrast, Ayamine-san is on an important mission to devour every single morsel of hers.
I've barely touched my own; it's difficult for me to eat quietly, especially when in the company of my friends.
I can't stand it! I have to put an end to this uncomfortable silence!
(Miki)
Mitsurugi-san, sorry for holding you back.
I'll work harder next time!
(Mitsurugi)
There is no need for apology.
Knowing that you will try harder is sufficient.
But heed Inst. Jinguuji's words,
for I may have to leave you behind should you not improve.
Ouch!
She's as straight as an arrow as ever.
I smile back nervously, and with the most confidence I can muster, I gleefully reply,
(Miki)
Of course~!
I already feel terrible for making her come back for me.
Stamina is not my strongest suit, so in my own way, I work harder than everyone else every single day. It's still not enough to keep up with them, though.
The last thing I want to be is deadweight.
But right now, we're eating, so I should opt for a conversation of a lighter subject.
Oh—I know!
(Miki)
By the way, Mitsurugi-san,
what do you think of our new squadmate?
He seems too uptight, doesn't he?
I'm almost afraid to talk to him.
She lays her chopsticks down, then she responds,
(Mitsurugi)
If you are referring to Shirogane, then I will have to agree with you.
He does have an air of defensiveness about him.
The timing of his appearance is curious,
not to mention his mouth was bleeding earlier.
However, it is not my place to question such affairs.
Her chopsticks move again to continue their service.
This is the second time she's brought up Shirogane-san's bloody gums, even though no one else noticed it.
I believe you, Mitsurugi-san—but I can only address your first concern.
(Miki)
The timing is indeed interesting, isn't it?
Men are usually the first to be recruited, so I wonder where he's been all this time.
It's a sad truth, but almost every new cadet tends to be girls around my age.
We're all fed up waiting for our fathers, uncles, brothers, and sometimes, lovers, to come back home.
Men are no longer the only ones who need a reason to fight.
Myself? Eh—my reason?
Don't ask me such a broad question so suddenly!
But if I really have to answer you, then...
I'm here because—I want everyone to be happy...?
Hold on, that's not exactly right.
Uhmm—let me think...
For Papa.
I am fighting for Papa because Papa is fighting for me...
Yes, that's better.
Is that answer good enough for you?
Well then, I can now shift my attention to Ayamine-san.
(Miki)
What about you, Ayamine-san?
You haven't said anything since we started eating.
What do you think about him?
(Ayamine)
He's a boy—and a little bit cute...
She replies with foxy, daring eyes.
I laugh and add,
(Miki)
And he's tall, especially from my point of view~.
(Mitsurugi)
But he comes off as brooding, if you ask me.
We all smile to ourselves as we continue with our meals.
Ayamine-san can be very bold at times, and I envy her sooo much for it.
We are girls too, you know!
We love to gossip and tease each other about these things.
It's a welcome distraction from the horrors of the world outside this base...
Of the world we are preparing to face.
And it's quite rare for us to find interesting boys to talk about.
I've learned that Ayamine-san has a taste for the older, hardened soldiers.
She once told me that her paramour in the past was a subordinate of her father's.
Though she never talks about him any more than that.
Mitsurugi-san has a preference for—
Wait—I see what you're trying to do to me!
They all told me their secrets in confidence!
There's no way I'm sharing them with you!
Ah, sorry, Ayamine-san—I got carried away.
I digress. Where was I again?
Oh, right. About our new squadmate...
I can't ask him something so straightforward as 'where are you from?', even if it is curious like Mitsurugi-san says.
It's an unspoken rule around here not to pry into other people's lives unless they bring it up themselves.
To me, all that rule does is build fences, making it difficult to form bonds amongst ourselves.
But such is the status quo.
What else can I do but fall in line?
Also—the thing is, I feel weird when Shirogane-san looks at me...
No no no!
It's not what you think, and I am definitely not blushing!
I mean—sure, he looks fit, strong, not to mention his honey-coloured eyes...
But that's not what I mean!
It's just...
When we first met him...
The expression on his face...
His gaze felt distant.
Like he sees beyond us...
Before us...
Into us...
Am I the only one who feels this way?
I should ask Mitsurugi-san.
Her intuition is second to none when it comes to judging character.
(Miki)
Mitsurugi-san, what can you say about the look in his eyes?
When I look into them—it feels like... I've seen him before...
Before she manages to form an answer, I jump up from my seat.
(Miki)
Ah, excuse me, Mitsurugi-san.
But I can see them coming back.
I wave energetically at the pair of brown-haired newcomers.
(Miki)
Hey~!
Sakaki-san, Shirogane-san, over here~!
I didn't even have to do that, it would seem.
They were headed for our table to begin with.
I smile at them as they each take their seats.
Sakaki-san returns it with a curt nod.
Shirogane-san doesn't even glance in my direction.
(Mitsurugi)
That was fast.
She comments.
(Takeru)
Sakaki-san was kind enough to show me the venue for my oath-taking.
(Chizuru)
Oh? You say nothing to me this whole time, and now you decide to talk?
I only did so because Instr. Jinguuji ordered me to.
I bet you already knew where it was in the first place.
She snaps in a display of annoyance.
Shirogane-san's face remains unchanged.
Could it be that he doesn't like us for squadmates?
Or maybe he doesn't want to be here?
I shouldn't think like this; he might simply have a shy personality, and I shouldn't judge him solely on first impressions.
(Mitsurugi)
Speaking of, Shirogane—Instr. Jinguuji requested me to give this to you.
Mitsurugi-san hands him a sheet of paper that he cordially accepts.
Oh! That must be the oath transcript.
It's been a long time since I've had to recite that myself.
I remember being very nervous when it was my turn to memorize it.
I know! I should encourage him!
(Miki)
Good luck, Shirogane-san~!
Good job, Miki! You said it out loud!
I point my index finger in the air and smile at him reassuringly.
Shirogane-san may be difficult to approach, but I'll do whatever it takes to get along.
We're all a part of the same squad, after all.
(Takeru)
—Eh? Oh, thank you, Tamase-san...
There he goes again.
He looks troubled every time I talk to him.
At least he's acknowledging me now, I guess.
I brush back the pink locks of hair that have made their way over my collar.
This has been happening a lot lately.
It's been a while since I've seen the base hairdresser, so maybe I should go see her before these loose strands turn into a distraction out in the field.
Their conversation goes on without me as I busy myself tidying up my hair.
'Tamase-san'.
Somehow, it feels awkward when Shirogane-san says my name that way—
*flash*
What was that just now?
I caught a sight of—something...
No, that's not right...
I—felt it.
I didn't see it...
I felt... scared... yet... brave...
I can feel... imminent death... but also... purpose...?
And in the middle of it all, is—Shirogane-san?
What silly daydreams am I thinking of?
I'm calling it silly, and yet... it feels too real...
I've lived this before...
This is deja vu, all over again...
When I snap out of it, I realize I've been staring at Shirogane-san...
At his cold, empty eyes...
And he's staring right back at me.
I let out a nervous chuckle and finish clearing up my hair.
It's getting warm in here all of a sudden.
(Chizuru)
Anyway, memorize that oath for tomorrow.
You'll have to recite it before you can be formally enlisted.
Ah! Thanks for breaking the tension, Sakaki-san!
(Takeru)
Understood.
(Ayamine)
Boring guy...
Ayamine-san speaks to him for the first time.
Or rather, she speaks at him.
I can see her eyes are closed, as though the food she'd been chewing is more interesting than the words she just said out loud.
She's not even looking at him.
(Takeru)
Ayamine-san? Give me a break...
Coming from you, that's just—
(Ayamine)
Eh? He talked to me.
Her eyes expand in mock surprise.
(Miki)
*laughs*
Ayamine-san, I think he said you're boring too~!
I tease them both.
(Takeru)
Don't put dangerous words in my mouth, Tamase-san—
(Ayamine)
Ah—he did? He better watch his back.
Comes her menacing reply.
(Takeru)
I'm right here, you know.
You can talk to me directly.
(Mitsurugi)
. . .
He smiled a little bit!
It only lasted a second, but I saw it...
And—he thought Ayamine-san was funny.
Not too many people can follow through with Ayamine-san's sense of humour!
(Chizuru)
By the way, Shirogane—I need to ask you.
Instr. Jinguuji said something about you being 'special'.
Do you know what she meant by that?
'Sakaki-san! Why do you always have to be so serious...
We're eating. Can't we have a nice chat over a meal?'
...was what I wanted to say out loud.
But of course—I can't say such things...
Especially not to Sakaki-san...
(Takeru)
Did she really say that?
But I'm no more special than any of you.
In fact, compared to you, I'm nobody.
I have no relatives in high places,
nor do I have friends in high places.
I'm just another soldier with a duty to his world.
(Ayamine)
*gasp*
So deep,
Says Ayamine-san, and as if to reaffirm her sentiment, she pretends to meditate by closing her eyes and rubbing her chin.
Is Shirogane-san familiar with Papa? Or even everyone else's familial backgrounds?
I mean—we were only just introduced an hour ago.
Mitsurugi-san and Sakaki-san are understandable; their names and appearances point to the obvious.
But a civilian wouldn't be able to readily recognize me nor Ayamine-san in our first meeting...
I bear no semblance to Papa, and our last name is quite common...
How much does he really know about us?
I can no longer hold myself from asking.
(Miki)
Shirogane-san, you speak like you know a lot about us...
But we know nothing about you.
Can Miki ask where you're from?
I know I sound nervous, but I'm proud for finally bringing it up.
To reinforce my boldness, I unveil my biggest smile yet.
I consider keeping my eyes closed, so as to not have to lock eyes with him again, but I decide blinking rapidly can produce the same effect.
Maybe I could pass it off as a joke if the question offends him.
(Mitsurugi)
Tamase—is it not rude to Shirogane to ask such a personal question?
But—!
(Takeru)
Mitsurugi-san, she has a valid point.
It'd be unfair to all of you if I know you when you don't know me.
We're part of the same squad, so I think it's important.
Ah! Thanks for backing me up, Shirogane-san!
I feel braver the longer I sit here.
And it appears that I wasn't the only one wondering about him.
I can see everyone, myself included, lean closer to the table, anxiously waiting to hear the story of Shirogane-san.
If I were in his place, I might back down from this pressure.
But not him. His expression is unfazed.
He looks—calm...
(Takeru)
You all know my name.
But allow me to reintroduce myself properly this time,
since I wasn't too attentive before.
My name is Shirogane Takeru.
You may call me however you like; I don't mind.
Sakaki-san shrugs her arms.
(Chizuru)
We all know that.
She says, as a matter-of-factly.
(Mitsurugi)
Let him speak freely, Sakaki.
(Takeru)
You don't have to do that for me, Mitsurugi-san.
I notice Ayamine-san wanting to chime in too, but I motion her to stop or else we'd never get anywhere.
Shirogane-san loudly clears his throat to silence the table once more.
(Takeru)
As I was saying,
I'm a soldier from another base,
so I have some level of combat experience.
However, I was re-assigned to Yokohama recently.
I've been instructed to go through a Comprehensive Combat Skill Evaluation
to assess the level of my aptitude,
since our training curriculums are different.
It's sort of like their transfer program, I suppose.
Everyone's eyes light up one by one.
Even Ayamine-san stopped feigning disinterest as she heard of Shirogane-san's origin.
Because I've always been terrible at hiding my own enthusiasm, I unleash a flurry of questions.
(Miki)
Really!? That's amazing!
Does that mean you've flown in a TSF before?
Have you fought real BETA yet?
What's it like?
(Chizuru)
Tamase, slow down.
At least let him answer the first question before asking another.
(Mitsurugi)
Is that so, Shirogane?
Would that perhaps be the reason they say you are special?
(Ayamine)
A child soldier—not boring after all...
Squad leader sighs, but she's wearing a smile this time.
(Chizuru)
Look at what you've done.
Now we all expect great things from you, Shirogane.
Don't let us down after saying something so impressive.
That was... incredible...
He managed to get everyone so excited—and it's only his first day with us!
I can't remember the last time we were all thrilled together like this.
It's not that we don't enjoy each other's company.
It's just that... we all feel distant... even though we spend a lot of our time together.
I've been able to get along well with Ayamine-san and Yoroi-san.
I can still speak to Mitsurugi-san and Sakaki-san, but only during training...
When free time begins, our conversations feel forced, and too formal...
But here comes Takeru-san...
I mean—Shirogane-san...
For some reason (and I have a hunch that everyone feels the same way), the atmosphere around him is... intimate... comfortable... close...
(Mitsurugi)
When Yoroi returns from the hospital,
we shall work towards making Squad 207 the strongest it has ever been.
The addition of Shirogane has made our current situation far more promising.
Mitsurugi-san, I wanted to say that!
Why can't I say cool things like that?
It's not like I want to impress Shirogane-san...
(Takeru)
I look forward to meeting Yoroi-san...
(Mitsurugi)
Will you not ask what she has been hospitalized for?
(Takeru)
I figure I don't have to.
You just said, 'When Yoroi returns from the hospital,'
so I'm led to believe that she's near full recovery.
The reason and manner of her injury make little difference to me now.
(Chizuru)
You're perceptive, it would seem.
Yeah! He sounds so cool!
(Ayamine)
It's his way of saying, 'I don't care'.
(Miki)
Ayamine-san!
I chide her jokingly.
The days ahead just became a lot more radiant. I can't wait!
(Miki)
Let's train hard together, Takeru-san!
Ah! E–e–excuse me—Shirogane-san!
Oh no! I ruined the moment!
It feels so natural, saying his name that way, but I might be overstepping boundaries by acting too friendly toward him.
It's only been a day... and I may have already ended our relationship...
I can feel colour rush to my cheeks, so my hands move to hide them.
Miki is so embarrassed...
(Takeru)
Of course.
Let's all work hard together... Tama...
His smile... is just... so...
Peaceful.
Takeru
That was unexpected.
I never had to worry about my backstory before.
Usually, Yuuko-sensei would just tell them I'd been a recent exemption from the draft, and only now am I able to join the UN army.
I guess she didn't use that excuse this time.
In fact, she left everything up to me.
I'm unsure how I feel about this extra freedom.
No doubt, it comes with a lot more responsibility for the actions I take, as well as the words I say.
I wasn't trying to be a show-off, but I'm more comfortable with my new story.
I no longer have to keep making excuses as to the extent of my training, and I no longer have to hold back.
I'm here to stay close so that their combat skills come back to them.
To make them 'remember' how to be the best.
And I don't want to diminish their morale while I'm doing so.
But that might be pointless after all...
Because even in past loops, when I was so full of myself...
None of them wavered...
And in fact—they all worked even harder...
And got better...
All without my help...
They really are extraordinary people.
After oath-taking and daily exercises are over, I'll stop by Yuuko-sensei's office.
'I shall fulfill my duty to protect international peace and stability,
by rigidly adhering to the code of conduct...'
Hopefully she has a clue to where we can start looking for the Causality Conductor.
Oh, that's right—I hope Kasumi would be there too.
. . .
I wonder if they were all seeing what I was...
For every second I spend around the squad, my memories of them emerge uncontrollably.
And—I can't quite place my finger on it, but these memories are too vivid.
Even more so than in the past.
For example.
In a previous loop, I remember experiencing similar flashbacks like this, usually triggered by thinking about a setting related to the memory.
And if I were to put it in words—
Back then, my flashbacks were like pictures.
Fleeting images.
And this time, I feel like I'm seeing the whole thing, as though I were watching a video in high definition.
'By cultivating virtue,
training my mind and body,
polishing my skills,
by not taking part in political actions,
and by giving my undivided attention to the completion of the mission.'
And when I saw Tama...
I had the strong urge to hug her, to feel her...
To make sure she really is back in one piece.
It had taken all my willpower just to stay put in my place.
All I can do was stare.
Awkwardly.
I can't suppress these flashback episodes, no matter how hard I try.
Like a faucet without a knob—I have no way to stop its leak.
And my memory of Tama in the Original Hive...
The last I saw of her was...
Her upper body, dangling from the ceiling of the core...
Yes.
That damn Superior was about to recycle her into a soldier class BETA.
'Hah,' I silently snort with disgust.
Soldier class.
The universe has a perverted sense of humour.
Our own soldiers—are the BETA's Soldier class army...
Humans are killing what was once human.
And what was once human is killing humans.
I'm sure... that they all... would've been turned into BETA as well... had I not destroyed the Hive.
These nightmares of the future would not stop haunting me.
And the only reason... I haven't lost my sanity yet...
Is because of the peace I feel in seeing them again...
Alive—and well...
For the time being.
'I swear never to shrink from danger,
but to risk my life to fulfill my responsibility towards humanity!'
I agreed to help Yuuko-sensei again, but not because I want to save the world.
No.
I've accomplished that in the last world.
And what good has that done to this world?
I have to save my own world... my own life... this time around...
I... have to... find... the Causality Conductor...
Above everything else...
Only then.
And I mean—only then.
Will my actions make a difference to this world's branches.
Only then can I free myself from the universe's prison.
It's not a selfish goal.
I don't believe it is.
At the very least—I can save this Earth at the same time.
But even so, if I were to save this Earth, there's nothing I could do about the countless other Superiors and their BETA armies out there, in planets whose existence we don't even know of.
Moreover, I can't begin to comprehend the magnitude of the existence that is their Creator.
So if I obliterate the Original Hive from this Earth again, who knows how long it'd take before they launch a counterattack to reclaim it.
And maybe then, they'd wage war against humanity in earnest.
All I'd be doing is borrowing more time.
Ten years... thirty years... fifty years... It makes little difference.
When the time is due, only annihilation awaits humankind.
This world stands no chance against the sheer quantity of BETA in the entire cosmos.
Such concepts are far beyond my purpose.
I am only one boy.
I can only save one Earth.
And my friends must die again for that to take place.
I can afford to be childish no longer.
I have prepared myself for the tomorrow I have to unfold.
I made the heart-wrenching decision after reflecting on it all night.
If their deaths are the path to the best possible future, then I have no business in playing devil's advocate by preventing that from happening.
Yuuko-sensei's words ring in my ears.
I find it... extremely difficult... to be around them... to look them in the eye...
While thinking what I'm thinking right now...
But we must all play the roles given to us by destiny...
And my role—is not of a god...
Nor of a saviour... If I can't even save the lives of my friends...
Because, I know.
That if I can only just find it—
The real Causality Conductor.
I can go home.
To our true home...
Everything will be back to the way it was.
And I'd be able to see you guys.
In Hakuryou High School.
Where we can all smile at each other again...
R... right?
This hope...
Is the only thing...
Keeping my heart...
From breaking apart...
. . .
Oh—oath-taking is over.
Meiya
Here I am once again, shrouded in the darkness that is the night.
It is a routine of mine to train by myself in the track field at this hour.
My only companions—the night breeze and the moonlight.
'Tonight's a night like any other,' is what I would say had you asked me on an ordinary day.
But the past two days have been the antithesis of ordinary.
While running my laps, the events that have transpired invite me to contemplate.
How can I describe it? It has been... fresh... new...
Yet—familiar...
The additional training today has worn me out more than usual.
An extra two kilometers with full gear on... on top of the standard ten-kilometer exercise...
I have my new squadmate to thank for that.
Shirogane...
What an intriguing person he's turning out to be.
I am grateful that he spoke up and asked the Instructor to make us run like that for two kilometers instead of another ten, as she had originally intended.
But we would have never arrived at that predicament had he not finished his laps so quickly.
And the Instructor must have been just as impressed.
I failed to hear her make any mention of how he was far ahead of the rest of us, as she does every time Tamase gets too behind.
He must have indeed been through rigorous training in his past recruitment.
I must remind myself to ask him to think about us—his squadmates—should he decide to constantly venture ahead of us going into the future.
At least until we catch up to him.
And we most definitely will.
I have learned I have not yet the strength to push myself further, but I was not prepared for the extra task—
No—I cannot allow myself to falter and make feeble excuses as such.
Instead, I must welcome the new challenge that Shirogane brings.
I have been facing the same ones for some time now, but a blade striking the same block will eventually dull unless sharpened.
Only then may I start improving again.
That is why my personal exercise continues here tonight, exhausted as I am.
A bead of sweat rolls down my cheek.
. . .
. . .
. . .
The silence of the evening is accompanied by the rustling of my hair.
I pause for a moment to appreciate the sound—as well as this serene ambience.
Upon pausing, I face the night sky.
The moon is there to meet my gaze.
Only a few nights ago, the moon had turned a new phase in its cycle.
The darkest night of the month has passed, and I can already see the crescent forming in its journey to a full moon.
I always look forward to the full moon, when the night is brightest.
It is at that time when I can make the greatest shadows.
For the night has always been my friend—and the shadow, my sister.
Yes—my shadow reminds me of my sister, because a shadow is what I must be for her.
Yuuhi...
Elder sister...
Aneue...
Are we gazing at this same sky... at this same moment?
I would like to believe we are, even if the truth were otherwise...
I find it more beautiful to consider that the moon and the stars let me talk to my sister when we gaze at them at the same time...
'What has kept you busy today, aneue?'
'A new person joined my squad recently.'
'A boy, can you believe that?'
'Would you care to hear more about him?'
'I have a feeling you will like him.'
. . .
I talk—about the happenings of today and yesterday, letting the wind carry my words, hopefully into aneue's heart.
Though we are far apart, moments like this allow us to overcome that distance.
I cherish these brief emotions of joy; these are the feelings I hold close to the chest.
Whenever I begin to doubt the reason I want to fight.
I need only look up to the night—
Oh?
I hear footsteps from the direction of the gymnasium.
It would seem that I am not alone this time, aneue...
I will have to talk to you again on another day.
To the night—I bid adieu.
I turn to investigate the interruption.
It is unusual for anyone else to be here.
The magic of this space, at this time—is my secret, my sanctuary...
So I wonder who has arrived to threaten it.
The silhouette of the mystery person motions onto the steps toward the field, where it stops to take a seat.
Can it be that they are also here to find peace?
Curiously, I walk towards it to uncover the identity of the intruder.
I tie my hair back in careful strokes, and with my sleeve, I wipe the remaining sweat on my face as I move forward.
...
. . .
. . . .
I am no more than five meters away now.
By this time, my footsteps should have alerted them to my presence.
However—the intruder does not even look up.
My fingers tingle with anticipation.
As my eyes focus better on the shadow in front of me, I slowly realize that I know to whom it belongs to.
(Mitsurugi)
Shirogane—?
No reply comes from the silhouette.
But my certainty grows as I narrow the gap between us.
(Mitsurugi)
Hm? It really is you.
It was no intruder after all.
With a slight sense of relief, I approach the familiar figure.
Huh? Has he fallen asleep?
He remains sitting, but his head still faces the ground.
How can one fall asleep in such an unnatural position?
From where I stand, I am unable to tell if his eyes are closed or not.
In an attempt to bring my presence to his attention, I walk even closer in the hopes of shrugging him awake.
So—with my left hand, I reach for the collar on his shoulder and call out his name.
(Mitsurugi)
Shirogane, you must not—
But I never got to touch it—his shoulder...
As though to answer my unvoiced question.
His right hand rapidly moves to parry my own from going any further.
He catches my hand in a grip.
And his grip is painful.
Excruciating.
Torturous.
Words cannot adequately describe this sudden onslaught of pain, but that does not stop me from trying.
I scream out my anguish.
(Mitsurugi)
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
My left hand is locked, and I am powerless to resist this vice.
It may have only been for a few seconds.
But in my mind, it lasted a day...
A month...
A...
Lifetime...
(Mitsurugi)
SHIROGANE! YOU'RE HURTING ME!
Still—his hand does not even twitch.
My eyes water as I writhe in agony.
My entire body is paralyzed in terror.
I never knew such pain can exist.
But is it from this grip?
It is firm... relentless...
But he isn't squeezing it at all...
And yet, I stand no chance of breaking it off.
The pain transcends that which is physical...
It's reaching me mentally...
Emotionally...
Psychologically...
Where is this pain coming from?
This picture of grief.
Sadness.
Despair.
Will.
Heartache.
And finally—release...
Am I... going to die?
Is Shirogane...
About to kill me?
(Mitsurugi)
SHIROGANE!
Fearing for my life, I disregard every sense of etiquette I ever grew up with, and I muster the remainder of my strength.
To slap him across his cheek...
*SLAP*
It makes a piercing sound that reverberates into the night.
His face is one of shock.
(Takeru)
Mei...ya?
His grasp loosens, but he remains holding my hand.
The pain—does not cease.
(Mitsurugi)
LET GO OF MY HAND!
He looked at it a moment.
As though he only just took notice of his actions.
Finally, he does as I ask.
I run away from the source of my torment, with no desire to look back.
My hand feels fine, like it was never even held.
But the pangs—persist in my head...
I do not understand what it is I felt...
But—it hurts...
It hurts deeply...
I only stop running upon reaching my room.
After slamming my door shut behind me, I lean my back against it...
Afraid that whatever hurt me would come back to open this door...
Revised: June 7, 2018