Disclaimer: I own neither Harry Potter nor Naruto.
The Mystery of the Hyūga Jōnin Curse
"Are you sure you should be going on missions already?" Shikamaru asks me doubtfully as we head to the Hokage Tower.
"I'll go insane if I have nothing to do," I reply.
"And you want to avoid Dad," he guesses. I sigh and shrug. Considering I have now spent two nights sleeping in the Clan Forest and only went home for breakfast when I was sure Dad had already left, it would be kind of hard to convince him otherwise.
Maybe I should move into Naruto's appartment for a bit. I doubt he'd mind. Or I could crash at Sasuke's place, but that would probably get lonely fast with no one but me in that big house. But Mom would get pissed... She already chewed me out this morning when I finally showed up for breakfast.
"Anyway," I say. "I need something to do."
"Troublesome. If you say so," Shika answers doubtfully as we arrive at the Tower. "Have fun, then."
We separate, Shikamaru going to some sort of meeting to discuss some strategy or something, while I slowly walk up to Tsunade's office. The door is open when I arrive, so I walk right in. "Yo," I say. "I'm bored. I want to go on a mission."
Tsunade's eyes narrow. "I think a vacation would be much healthier for you," she retorts.
"Oh yes," I go along with her. "A vacation! Just imagine, me, with nothing to do for weeks... That is such a good idea!"
Shizune's wide eyes shift from me to her and back to me. She hurriedly grabs a stack of paper. "I think I have something for you, how does a nice C-Rank sound?" she babbles hastily but freezes when Tsunade raises her hand.
"Shizune, grab me the forms from the hospital," she orders.
"Err... which ones?" Shizune asks with a confused frown.
"All of them!" Tsunade snaps.
Shizune squeaks and hurries out of the room.
"Wow, you're willing to do more paperwork so you can talk to me in private? My, I'm so flattered," I say blandly.
"Shut up," Tsunade snaps at me. Her eyes are fixed on mine.
"Something on my face?" I ask with a raised brow.
"You were recommended for promotion to jōnin," she says abruptly.
I blink. "What? Why? By who?"
"I am, frankly, baffled by the notion," Tsunade tells me with relish. "You are, of course, not getting promoted."
Okay, now she's just trying to piss me off. Succeeding, too. I resist calling her a bitch. It's hard, but common sense wins. I am not suicidal enough for that. "That's nice," I say instead. "Would've been troublesome."
"Right?" She nods to herself. "I'm doing you a favour, despite your horrible attitude."
"You're a saint," I retort. "So, mission?"
"Vacation," she returns.
"Mission," I insist.
"Vacation," she stubbornly answers.
Bitch, I think. Bitch, bitch, bitch.
"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!" she roars and slams her hands on her desk, which looks decidedly sturdier than the one that got destroyed during our last conversation.
Whoops. I said that out loud. Shit!
Okay. Now it doesn't matter anymore what I say. To hell with caution.
"You heard me!" I snap back. "The hell's your bloody problem with me! I get that you don't want to promote me, but you don't have to rub it in my face! Also, I'm not taking a bloody vacation!"
"AHA! SO YOU DID WANT THE PROMOTION!" Tsunade points at me accusingly.
"OF COURSE I DID!" I yell back. "I make a damn good jōnin! I deserve that promotion! I'm way overpowered for a chūnin!"
"We have different standards in Konoha!" she yells.
"Oh please," I snort, squashing the urge to attempt strangling her. "I met those standards months ago!"
"The position of a jōnin indicates the trust of the Hokage, which you currently don't have!" By now, we are pretty much nose to nose over her desk. "And I have yet to see evidence of your progress! All I see right now is a self-righteous brat with an attitude problem!"
"You want to see my progress, you goddamn hypocrite?" I hiss. "I'll show you progress! I bet you, I will make you eat those words!"
"A bet, huh?" she latches onto my words. "Fine! Let's make it a bet. I win, you stay chūnin, you cut the attitude, take the damn vacation, and you will follow a certain security protocol!"
"What, like, having an armed guard and restricted movements?" I laugh bitterly. "I think I've left those things far, far behind me."
"Oh?" she taunts. I bristle. "What happened to making me eat my words?"
"Oh, I never said I wouldn't do it," I hiss back. "You're on. I win, I get promoted, I keep my attitude, and you shove the security protocol and the vacation up where the sun don't shine."
"You tread on thin ice," she growls. "Fine. Here are the terms: I give you an in-village B-rank mission, and if you have completed it until 2 pm, you win. But you'll only get promoted to tokubetsu jōnin."
"Fine!" I hiss.
"Fine!" she snarls back, reaches into a drawer of her desk, and pulls out a folder. "Here's the mission: Solve the problem of the Hyūga Jōnin Curse-"
"The what?" I ask.
"You heard me!" Tsunade snaps. "The jōnin of the Hyūga Clan are being haunted by a series of ridiculous accidents. It'd be bloody funny if it didn't cause a shortage in Hyūga sensors. So you need to find the cause and eliminate it."
...I suddenly have an intense feeling of foreboding.
"Gimme that." I point at the folder. She makes an angry noise and throws it at me. I wisely side-step the projectile. It slams into the wall, where it leaves a crater. I roll my eyes as I walk to the wall and scrape the folder from the crater. "Ever considered anger management classes, Hokage-sama?"
And then I sparkle-shunshin straight out of the office before she can kill me.
"THE FUCK?!" Tsunade's voice echoes after me.
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I appear in the corridor a few steps away from Tsunade's office. Said corridor is filled with terrified chūnin.
"The red eagle- wait, sorry, wrong code. I mean, the cat's barking to the moon and whatnot," I inform them. Someone in the background whimpers.
"What the hell did you do?" Shikamaru drawls from where he leans against a wall - his meeting must be over, then. "And did you just appear in sparkles?"
"Modified shunshin," I explain. We start walking to the exit. "My invention. Not Haku's. Mine."
Shika stares at me for a moment.
"Anyway," he says. "Why was Tsunade-"
"Tell me about the Hyūga Jōnin Curse," I interrupt, waving the folder at him.
Shika sighs. "It's been going on for about two months. Even Neji was hit-"
"That moron is a jōnin?!" I interrupt again. "The fuck? Like, Tsunade wants me to stay chūnin forever 'cause I piss her off, but that dimwit gets promoted?! Where's the sense in that! Wait a sec, what happened to Neji?"
"Shut it, I'm talking," Shika says. "As I was saying before you interrupted me for the second time you troublesome girl, it's been going on for two months. One Hyūga slipped on a banana peel and fell into a pond where he was set upon by piranhas. Another sleep-walked into the Forest of Death. Things like that happened to every jōnin except Hiashi himself."
"Pity," I mutter. "So, Neji?"
"Had an incident involving a blindfold and a skateboard," Shika answers. "Anyway, of course it's been investigated. But after three teams failed, the mission's been labeled a lost cause," Shika finishes. "An unsolvable mystery."
"Lost cause, you say?" I ask with a cheerful smile. "Unsolvable, you say?" My smile vanishes. "That fucking bitch Tsunade!"
"I fear the answer will cause me a headache, but I will ask the question anyway," Shika says. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"...tell you later." I crack my knuckles. "I've got an unsolvable mystery to solve!"
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The position of a tokubetsu jōnin, or special jōnin, is a bit ambiguous, from what I know. It's above chūnin and below jōnin, officially. However, in the field the tokubetsu jōnin specialises in, their authority can exceed that of a normal jōnin, while in other areas, they might be treated as chūnin. But in general, the position has a lot of perks - almost as much authority as a jōnin with only a fraction of the responsibility, plus a power position in their chosen field - which in my case could be a great many things, seeing as I'm good at more than just killing - sword fighting, for example.
The thing is, though, that there are never two tokubetsu jōnin with the same specialisation. So whatever position I get, it depends on which ones aren't already occupied. The tokubetsu jōnin seat for genjutsu specialisation, for example, is sure to already be filled. Sword fighting though might be free - it's not exactly a common speciality of Konoha. Well, I guess I'll just see what I end up with - one thing is for sure, tokubetsu jōnin have a higher chance at becoming real jōnin than chūnin do, simply because they have more opportunities to prove themselves to people who might recommend them for jōnin promotion. So I really want to win this stupid bet, because I really don't want to stay a chūnin; not when I know that I'm better than that.
And in a stroke of completely ridiculous luck, I am quite sure I know exactly who is responsible for the Hyūga Jōnin Curse.
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"Unsolvable mission, my ass," I mutter darkly, still pissed off at Tsunade's treatment. "What bullshit!"
My feet carry me to the Academy. It's almost noon, so I have two hours to complete the mission. Which would be a whole lot less annoying if there weren't some ANBU tailing me. I'll have to lose them.
Now... I could jump onto the roofs, lead them on a wild-goose chase all over Konoha via elaborate schemes and utterly destroy their confidence and humiliate them using traps and other fun things. But I'm not in the mood to put in an actual effort into something that silly. So I only duck into an alley and make a water clone while hiding my own chakra. "Go annoy the Hyūga or something," I tell the clone moodily. It snorts in annoyance and stalks off just as moodily. The ANBU follow right behind.
Falling for such a simple trick, that's just sad. I shake my head after them as I continue on my way to the Academy. Right now, they should be on lunch break... yep. They are. Lots of shrieking children running around.
Undetected, I sneak around until I find in a well-hidden niche in the back of the schoolyard, where Hyūga Hanabi, Nara Chie, and Tachibana Aimi are bent over some papers, brows furrowed in concentration. "We hit when he walks next to the river," Chie is saying. "We know he likes to smell the flowers."
Hanabi smirks. It's entirely wrong on her aristocratic face. "So when he bends over..."
Aimi throws her arms up. "Boom!" she cheers enthusiastically.
"How in the world did you not get caught yet?" I ask.
Their reactions are hilariously entertaining. Aimi face-plants into the papers. Chie makes a noise akin to a shrieking tea kettle. Hanabi jumps at least ten feet into the air and sticks herself to the wall at that height like a frightened cat.
"Wow," I say. "You've got to work on your contingency plans."
"N-Neesan, h-hey, what are you d-doing here," Chie stutters. Aimi swipes her arms so the papers get bunched up under her face, then she starts fake snoring. Hanabi drops back to the ground, flicks her hair back with a practiced gesture while inconspicously shifting in front of the other two, and says with a happy smile (so wrong on her face), "Riko-sensei! You're back!"
I look at them with raised eyebrows. "You should have pretended to be working on homework. That would have worked better."
Hanabi throws her hair back again, her demeanor easily shifting to that of a noble heiress. "But we were, sensei!" she says haughtily.
"Much better." I smirk at them.
"Don't know what you're talking 'bout, Neesan," Chie drawls. Aimi continues to snore.
"You should probably get rid of those papers," I advise them. "After you memorise them."
"What papers?" Chie aks with a raised eyebrow. "There are no papers here."
"The ones under Aimi's face," I retort. "Who I know isn't asleep."
"No... papers..." Aimi mumbles sleepily. "Mmm, cupcakes... ufufufuhh..." And she curls up, the papers rustling under her head, and sighs happily.
"See? There are no papers whatsoever here," Hanabi says with enough conviction to brainwash a lesser person into believing her despite the incriminating evidence right before their eyes.
"Of course not," I say. "Now, why don't you clean that up and we'll talk?"
"Yeah, let's talk," Chie takes charge. "So we graduate next month. Are you jōnin already?" Her face suggests that she will be very displeased if I am not.
"Wait, you graduate already? You're way too young. Chie, you're eleven. Hanabi and Aimi are even younger," I answer with a frown.
Hanabi sniffs haughtily. "Like I'd let Sarutobi graduate earlier than me."
Chie crosses her arms in front of her chest and taps her foot rapidly. "Are. You. Jōnin. Already."
"Nope, sorry."
She throws her arms up. "You had one job!"
I roll my eyes at her. "Oh shut up."
"Do you know how much work we put into The Plan?!"
"What, the plan to somehow eliminate all Hyūga jōnin in the most humiliating way possible to avoid getting one of them as your sensei?" I ask with a raised eyebrow. "Which I'm really impressed with, by the way. Even if it's completely ridiculous, not to mention dangerous."
"But I don't want a Hyūga sensei," Hanabi mumbles. "They're just going to neglect Chie-chan and Aimi-chan."
"And we don't want Hacchan to be sad," Aimi says softly as she comes to stand beside Hanabi. The papers have mysteriously vanished, a scrap of paper still hangs between Aimi's teeth. "Right, Chi-chan?"
"Right," Chie says.
Shit, they're adorable. And now they're doing triple puppy eyes.
"Augh," I make. "Don't do that! Chie, Naras shouldn't even be capable of puppy eyes. Hanabi-chan, where did you even learn that?"
Their eyes shift to Aimi. The force of her large, shiny eyes is incredible. Forget sharingan and byakugan, the puppy eyes are the most dangerous dōjutsu in the world; and Aimi is a master of it.
"Fine!" I snap. "I'll get you a non-Hyūga sensei, alright? But you've got to stop the whole Hyūga Jōnin Curse thing."
"But it's fun," Aimi protests.
"Can't you be our sensei?" Hanabi asks, her eyes pleading.
"No can do, I'm sorry," I apologise earnestly. "I'm involved in way too many troublesome things. I'd only put you in danger. But I swear I'll be around. Like, when you leave the village, I'll tag along as 'extra protection'. And I'll give you extra training when I've got the time. Alright?"
They shuffle their feet. "...Fine," Hanabi finally utters. I give her a bright smile and ruffle her hair. She sniffs and pretends she doesn't like it.
So cute.
"And you have to stop the Hyūga Jōnin Curse thing," I repeat.
Great, and now they're pouting. "But!" Aimi protests again. "It's fun!"
"And so far no one's died!" Chie adds.
"Oh, I know it's fun." I nod sagely. "Pranking is amazing, and you wouldn't believe the shit Naruto and I pulled back in our Academy days, but I kinda got the mission to stop the Curse, and if I do it I get promoted to tokubetsu jōnin, won't have to stay in the village, and won't have to have a constant guard, and will therefore be able to accompany you on missions. Also, if I fail this mission I'll have lost a bet to Tsunade, and I don't want my luck to be Officially That Bad."
The three of them gape at me. Chie is the first one to catch herself. "What's in it for us?" she asks shrewdly.
I grin. "I'm glad you asked," I say, and with a flick of my wrist, suddenly hold up two large scrolls. "I've got two summoning contracts here that I have no use for, and don't ask me how I got them. You three get to decide which two of you sign."
"That's a stupid test," Chie drawls. "Obviously you just want to see if we'll relinquish our claim so our teammates can have one. But you actually have three contracts, right? One for each of us."
"Wow, you're creepy," I comment.
"What contracts? What contracts?" Aimi starts bouncing on the tips of her toes. "Is it something poisonous? Something with claws? Or scales? And fangs? Do they spit fire?" She starts giggling.
"...I'm going to ignore that question, you little psycho," I say. "Anyway, I've got something badass, you can have that, Chie. You ought to have some more attack power. Hanabi-chan, you get something less battle-oriented. They're pretty good with genjutsu - a bitch to deal with, let me tell you." I throw them the respective scrolls. They take them with slightly doubtful looks.
"What are they?" Chie asks.
"You have the pandas," I answer. "Hanabi the swallows. I'll teach you girls the summoning techniqe later. For now..." I turn to Aimi. "You're eligible for another contract."
She blinks. "Something poisonous?"
"No."
"With claws?"
"Not that I'm aware of."
"Fangs?"
"Chisel Teeth."
"Scales?"
"More like fluffy soft fur."
"...Can they spit fire?"
"Not all of them, and they're not that good at aiming."
She stares at me large eyes that say, what the heck am I supposed to do with something that useless, they aren't even poisonous.
"I'm talking about the rabbits. Floppy Ears, to be precise. That's the contract I hold." I shrug. "You're eligible since you can see the Flying Mint Bunny."
Aimi tilts her head. "You mean the green rabbit with the wings?" In the background, Chie mouths 'Flying Mint Bunny' silently. She and Hanabi exchange the universal our-teacher-is-crazy look.
"Yep. That one. Boy, it's so annoying," I answer Aimi's question.
"Huh," Aimi says. "What do the rabbits do?"
I clear my throat. "Well. They talk a lot - shit, they never ever stop talking. They have obnoxious colours. They are loud. And insane. They are the most annoying things ever! They live to embarrass me! They make me want to jump off a cliff every single time I summon one! Chaos ensues wherever they show up! They are bloody stupid! But-" I sigh long-sufferingly. "They've never let me down when it really mattered. And they do make some decent trackers and messengers. The combat-rabbits aren't bad either, though they're all completely off their rocker and you've got to know which one to summon at what time or they'll go homicidical on you. Anyway," I pause a little and swallow drily. "I thought you might like them. And if you got in trouble, they'd tell me and I'd come and save you. You know."
"Why," she asks bluntly. "Why would you do that?"
"Because I like you three," I answer seriously. "And, Aimi, I couldn't save Fumio. And I probably won't be able to keep you safe, either. But I can make sure that you'll be damn hard to kill. That's why."
Aimi nods. All of us pretend that we don't see her lips tremble.
She holds her hand out to me. "Gimme," she demands. "I want the rabbits."
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Time is up and I'm back in Tsunade's office.
"I'm back," I say.
Tsunade spares me a look, raising a cup of sake to her lips. "At least you don't look hurt. That's a nice accomplishment right there."
"I'm rather proud of that, too," I drawl. "So about that mission you gave me, you know, the one that had your jōnin stumped for months and was in certain circles declared as 'unsolvable', which I'm sure you didn't know about when you gave it to me, because why would you give an unsolvable mission to a humble chūnin such as I? So anyway, since you didn't know about it, the terms of the bet-"
Tsunade's face has grown suspiciously red during my little monologue. "A True Gambler never takes back their bet!" she snaps.
"I'm no gambler," I retort. "And I'm not taking it back, I just think we should renegotiate the terms. Maybe give me another mission that hasn't been labeled a lost cause."
"But I am a True Gambler, and I say the bet stands!" Tsunade snarls. "You don't get another chance!"
"What about a time extension?" I ask.
"No."
"Are you really sure you don't want to take back the bet?" I ask. "Really, completely, totally sure?"
"Nara Riko!" Tsunade thunders and slams her fist on her desk, which groans ominously. "The bet's terms stand! You don't complete the mission within the set time limit, you stay a chūnin, accept the security restrictions upon your person, and stop it with the damn attitude. You complete it, you get promoted to tokubetsu jōnin and act as a normal ninja. I will not haggle with you, brat!"
"A simple yes would have been enough," I retort, rolling my eyes.
"Attitude!" Tsunade snaps.
"Oh, I forgot to mention, I solved the unsolvable mission."
Tsunade spits out her sake and starts coughing. "W-WHAT?!" she yells when she can finally breathe right.
I let a victorious grin spread across my face. "Mission complete!" I announce with all the chipperness I can muster, thrusting a fist up in the air. "You lose! I win! I get promoted, I don't get put into a cage, I keep my attitude! Such a wonderful day it is when cosmic justice strikes and someone's nefarious plan is completely ruined, Hokage-sama!"
Tsunade does a decent fish-out-of-water impression.
I beam at her. "I love cosmic justice when it happens to other people!"
"YOU!" Tsunade shouts. Her fist finally smashes her desk into pieces, making paper fly everywhere. Someone is going to have a lot of fun cleaning that up. Shizune, most likely.
"Yes?" I ask happily.
"You tricked me!"
"Did I?" I ask innocently. "Surely it would have made no difference in the outcome of this lovely conversation if I'd announced my success right at the start? Seeing that a 'True Gambler' such as yourself would never take back a bet or change its terms, as you so adamantly insisted on even after I gave you every chance to do so."
The by now familiar tick mark appears on her forehead. I'm pretty sure she's about to scream some more, but I'm not in the mood to listen to it.
"So I'll be taking regular missions as a tokubetsu jōnin starting tomorrow," I steamroll ahead. "Ones that actually correspond to my skill and level and don't keep me cooped up in the village. And the cute little ANBU attempting to stalk me get recalled, or I will deal with them myself."
"Mission report!" she barks at me. She's probably hoping that something in my report can be twisted into a bullshit-excuse in making the bet invalid. Little does she know that I made a sport out of giving my reports in the most annoying manner possible back when I still had to give reports to Ao. I can talk anyone to death if I want to.
"It was a tale so full of ridiculous twists and heart-stopping action that it would take me hours to tell it, Hokage-sama," I start.
"Tell it anyway," Tsunade snaps.
"I must first inform you of a number of highly important details so that you may understand the background behind the happenings of this tale-"
"Cut the crap and make it short!"
"Wow, sore loser much?" I retort. "Hokage-sama, I must insist. It is important that you fully understand the full picture of the happenings that led to the situation that eventually resulted in what came to be known as the Hyūga Jōnin Curse."
"What part of 'Make it short' did you not understand, you obstinate pest?" Tsunade growls, and slams back the rest of her sake. I wished I had some sake.
"But Hokage-sama!" I gasp in fake shock. "Then you won't understand and you will ask questions, and I will be forced to tell you everything anyway, only it'll be backwards because you wouldn't ask the right questions and we'll both end up horribly confused and in a terrible mood. No, no, I will tell you in chronological order and provide you with all the pertinent background information."
"Nara Riko-" Tsunade growls.
"See, it all began when Class 4a graduated from the Shinobi Academy to become proud genin. I was placed on Team Seven with Uzumaki Naruto, my best friend, and Uchiha Sasuke, whom I was also close to. Our assigned jōnin sensei turned out to be Hatake Kakashi, who was entirely unfamiliar to us. Right after the team assignments were announced, Kakashi-sensei made us wait for hours in order to-"
"Goddammit Riko!" Tsunade yells. I'm pretty sure if she hadn't already destroyed her desk, it would have met its end right about now.
"Alright, alright. Maybe that part isn't necessary," I say. "Well, during out first D-rank mission-"
Tsunade screams something unintelligible. Wow, Ao never lost it quite that bad.
"Now, don't be that way." I smile at her innocently. "You should be grateful, I already edited the parts involving the founding of Konoha out. Even though they throw a shocking light on the situation at hand. Thinking about it, I probably should inform you-"
"Just shut up!" Tsunade groans and drops her face into her hands.
"But Hokage-sama!" I exclaim. "It is important that you know everything-"
"The mission was completed? No more shortage in Hyūga sensors?" she asks, words muffled by her hands.
"Yes, Hokage-sama," I answer. "But I must insist-"
"I'm sure I can trust your word on this," she snaps. "Hell, you're a conniving little bitch, you know that?"
...Ahh, victory tastes sweet.
"How unkind you are, Hokage-sama," I sniff. "So about that promotion?"
"Oh yes," Tsunade says. Her eyes gain a vicious gleam to them. "As it happens, the tokubetsu jōnin specialising in infiltration and assassination recently got promoted to full jōnin. Sadly, it's the only position you'd fit into... but of course it's your choice if you want that particular position."
Well damn it.
"Like I'd want to be an assassin forever," I mutter. "Well played."
"I rather thought so myself," she says smugly.
"I'll take it."
She blinks. "Come again?"
I glare at her. "I said, I'll take it. I already specialise in assassination. It's not like that'll go away if I don't become the tokubetsu jōnin specialising in it. Also, I want that promotion."
"How am I supposed to explain this to your father?" she exclaims incredulously.
"Not my problem." I smirk at her. "So, you gonna keep your word, True Gambler that you are?"
If looks could kill, I'd be in some serious trouble right now. "Fine!" she spits.
"Fine," I echo with a smug grin.
When I step out of the office after the paperwork is taken care of, a smile breaks across my face. I got one step closer to the rank I deserve, I managed to win me some freedom, and I won a battle of wits against Tsunade.
I'm bloody awesome.
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I skip through the corridors of the Hokage Tower in high spirits. Granted, it's only a small victory and pissing the Hokage off will definitely come back to bite me in the ass. But whatever. I'm awesome. Now I think I'll spend the rest of the day teaching the kids the Summoning Technique. Which is probably going to lead to all kinds of chaos, especially in Aimi's case.
Shit, what was I thinking, giving her the Floppy Ears contract? Now I'll have to deal with the rabbits! And Aimi! Who will probably get along fabulously with the little critters while I will be the one with the headache. I feel sorry for their future jōnin sensei, whom I have yet to find.
Why did I agree to do that? Right. Because of the puppy eyes. I need to train my resistance. Somehow.
Okay, let's see... their sensei obviouslyy can't be a Hyūga. They definitely need to have puppy eye resistance. They also need to be strong enough to protect those girls. They need to be able to emphathise with my three little psychopaths. It needs to be someone who doesn't put any stock at all in the whole clan superiority thing, meaning they can't be someone who respects authority.
Where the heck am I going to find someone like that? I don't even know any jōnin besides the senseis of my generation! And it's not like the right person is just going drop into my lap!
Someone hugs me from behind. I freeze.
Someone just snuck up on me.
"Snake bait~!" that someone sings into my ear. "Guess who just got promohooteed~!"
I grab the offending limbs around my body, shift my weight and twist my hips. Mitarashi Anko goes flying over my shoulder, but performs a move that should be physically impossible and I end up pressed against her in a really, really awkward hug - until my body dissolves into water and reforms ten steps away from her.
Anko licks her lips, her eyes gleaming manically. "Ho?" she drawls with a smirk, cocking her hip. Her coat falls strategically open in a move that would be horribly distracting to anyone attracted to women. "The kitten grew claws!"
I flash-step in front of her and grab her forearms. "You," I breathe. "You are perfect!"
A/N: So some people had questions...
Where is Kakashi?
On a training trip with Sasuke, completely oblivious to Ri's plights. If he knew about it, he'd have kidnapped her from Kiri faster than you can say 'warzone'.
What's up with Tsunade? She being such a b****!
I know. Tsunade is being a horrible bitch at the moment. So is Riko.
Tsunade is a proud and stubborn person. Riko is not the same she was. They just clash horribly at the moment.
Tsunade doesn't think Ri is a traitor. She just sees her lousy attitude and respectlessness, she saw her drinking and swearing, and guess who that reminded her of? That's right, herself. Who left the village. And she thinks if she controls Ri, if she pushes her into being who she used to be, then that won't happen. Having her stay a chunin would keep her away from the really dangerous missions. Giving her a vacation would really be the healthiest course of action. She's, in her own way, trying to protect Riko.
The problem is, Tsunade is also not the most mature and well-tempered person. So when Riko just pushes away all her help and does everything to piss her off... well. Boom. You read what happened.
About the trust thing - she sent Ri off to a different village. And Riko comes back, is borderline hostile, and has undergone a huge shift in personality, at least outwardly. And Ri has never been known for being stable and emotionally balanced. So combine that with the shock that Ri is a known assassin and responsible for a massacre, who in their right mind would trust her? Inoichi may have been in her mind, but he is also emotionally compromised when it comes to her. And he wasn't in her mind that long.
When in the timeline are we?
We're two months before the Gaara Rescue Arc, meaning we've got a few chapters to go until Naruto and Sasuke show up, and they don't even show up at the same time. But rest assured, you will not be bored. At all.
Riko is not very likable right now.
Yep. She's a hot mess. Traumatised, horrible trust issues, and has a huge attitude problem. But believe me, she gets better. There will be some progress next chapter. I promise.