o-0-o-0-o Here's chapter 6. Thanks to Naleylover23xo, Katibous, Jokerisdaking and Raya for reviewing and thanks to the people who put the story on their list of favourites and those who put it on alert. Hope you enjoy this. Leave me a review and let me know what you think o-0-o-0-o
When Chloe woke up, she wondered why she wasn't in her bed. She stretched her arms a bit, and then looked up and saw that Lois was there- that she had fallen asleep in Lois' lap. She tried to remember how she ended up asleep with Lois on the couch, but nothing was really clear. All she remembered was that she had drunk a whole lot of alcohol. She didn't remember anything that she had said, only that she had rambled on about something or other. She squinted her eyes, looking at the clock to see what time it was- it was still early.
She tried to get off the couch as quietly as possible, wanting to let Lois sleep. She went over to her bed and grabbed a pillow which she propped under Lois' head as she gave her a soft kiss on the forehead. She grabbed some clean clothes and headed for the shower. She turned on the water and let it wash over her. Yesterday was over now, and it was time to forget about it. She had been stupid and got drunk and just plain freaked out. There'd be no more of that. Chloe had to make some kind of change. She couldn't keep going the way she had been. When she got out of the shower she wrote a quick note to Lois, wanting to get out of the apartment as fast as possible, not wanting to have to face her cousin after last night- who knows what she had said in her drunken stupor. She grabbed her purse and headed out the door quietly, making sure to lock it.
Just as she locked the door she received a text message. It was from A.C. It said 'If you're sleeping, don't worry about this text. If you're up, do you want to grab some breakfast with me before I head out of town?'
Chloe answered him and said yes. It would at least give her a particular destination, other than just getting out of the apartment. She headed over to her favourite little cafe and got there in about ten minutes and found A.C. waiting for her, already sitting at a table.
"Hey you," she greeted, sitting down and grabbing a menu. She was feeling surprisingly hungry. "I hope you're in a mood to experiment because I'm hungry and want to order a bunch of things that I can't finish on my own," she said with a grin.
"Experiment away," A.C. said. "I won't say no to extra sweet breakfast foods.
Chloe ended up ordering four different types of pancakes and some French toast, and of course some coffee.
As they ate A.C. brought up the previous day. "Okay, so I'm pretty sure I know what you're going to say but I'm going to say what I'm going to say anyway... Are you alright after yesterday? You looked like you were gonna have a breakdown and we were worried about you."
"Everything's fine. I'm alright. No one needs to worry about me. Thanks for asking though... Listen, about what you heard and saw yesterday umm-"
"My lips are sealed. I'm not going to say anything to anyone. I only know what I heard so obviously I don't know everything, but that stuff about the weapons and Clark and whatever, if it means anything to you, I think you getting that stuff was a smart move."
"Thanks," Chloe said softly.
"And listen, not to defend Oliver, because he shouldn't have said what he said in that way- but you've gotta know he didn't mean for it to sound the way it did. He knows, hell, I think anyone who's ever met you and Clark knows that you wouldn't get something with the intent to hurt, let alone kill Clark."
"Thanks," she said again.
"You missed some stuff after you left," A.C. said.
"Oh yeah?"
"Well when Bart got back in after talking to you he called Oliver an idiot and then Oliver said that Bart should be happy because he got a kiss from you out of it, and then Bart told him that not only was he an idiot, but he was an asshole too. I thought that I might have to get in between them but then Oliver had agreed with Bart about him being an asshole. He felt really bad, Chloe, especially after seeing you crying on the camera," A.C. said.
How had she forgotten that she had cameras all over Watchtower?
"And then Clark came in and he didn't look very happy. We were greeted with a 'Tell me she was just having a bad day and that one of you wasn't an idiot and made her cry' and a glare." A.C. said.
"Oh God," Chloe sighed.
A.C just nodded and tried not to laugh.
"I kinda wanted to tell Clark you had had a fight with Oliver just to see his reaction and for him to yell at Oliver."
Chloe laughed a little bit.
"The guy did yell at me after all- but I thought we didn't need anymore drama and you asked me to keep my mouth shut, and I kind of felt bad for the guy since he was feeling like crap, so me and Bart just said we didn't know what was wrong... Oh, anyway about half an hour later Dinah and Victor showed up and were wondering where you were. Me and Bart told them that you'd pulled a couple all nighters in a row and that it finally caught up with you so you went home to crash. Emil showed up about five minutes later and that was that. Oliver was barely there, whenever he wasn't talking he zoned out. I doubt he could tell you much of what happened at the meeting. It's good that nothing major is going on. He kept looking at his phone. He wanted to call you, I'm sure of it... Tell me to back off if this is overstepping and please know that I'm not judging- but what exactly are you two? Are you guys together?" he asked carefully.
"No, it's fine to ask, I guess, after what you heard and saw... We're not together. We never were. You can probably figure it out yourself, I'm just not comfortable talking about it," she said awkwardly.
"Are you guys gonna be okay to work together? I mean, you're not gonna leave us, right? I mean, nothing against Emil- he's done fine on the few occasions he subbed for you, but he's not our Watchtower. No one would be as good as you."
"Thanks for the compliment," Chloe said. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm still Watchtower. That's not changing. All the work stuff will be fine. Don't worry about anything."
A.C. got a message and groaned. "Dinah's ready. Gotta head out for our mission. It's gonna be easy, but we gotta get going."
Chloe got up and gave him a hug. "Have fun," she said. "And say hi to Dinah."
A.C. gave her a wink and left money on the table for the bill. Chloe left right after A.C. did. She started to think about her life as she started to walk.
Chloe didn't even know where she was headed until she got there. She hadn't really been paying attention to anything but found that she'd ended up at the cemetery. She took a seat in front of Jimmy's head stone. There was no one around. "What do you want from me Jimmy?" she whispered. "I know it's my fault that you're gone and I know that I should have given you better and more than I did. I know that I need to pay for how it all ended, and I have- and when I forget to punish myself or forget not to let myself get happy, you're there in my dreams. It's like you're haunting me, and I get it, I do. You're dead and it's my fault, but do you have to taunt me?
"I know I don't deserve it, but I don't think I can keep going on like this- could you just forgive me? Please? I feel like I'm going crazy. I cannot keep living like this. I can't just feel nothing, or anger and regret all the time. I'm trying to not get deep into anything with anyone. I'm trying to keep everyone at a distance and not feel, but I don't think I can do it anymore. I don't even know what I'm saying. I don't know anything anymore. Maybe my time of punishment could be over? Do you think that could be alright?" Chloe said quietly, through tears.
"I promise I won't forget you. I can't forget you. I promise I'll still come see you. Could you just let me go, please? Can you just take away that part of me that doesn't let anyone get close? Can you just take away all of this guilt? Can you please forgive me? Could you maybe just let me feel something other than nothing or sadness and regret all the time? I'm sorry you're gone. Please forgive me. Please tell me that you forgive me," she cried. "Could you give me some kind of sign if you forgive me?" Chloe said to her dead husband.
Clark had just arrived at the cemetery and saw Chloe crying.
This was too much for Clark. He couldn't stand to see her sad, but he couldn't really talk to her. Not about this. Not right now. Things weren't the same between them, but he couldn't stand to see her cry, especially not twice in two days.
He sped away before she could spot him and gave her a call.
Chloe looked down at her ringing phone and saw Clark's number, wondering if he was just there at the cemetery. She felt that familiar gust of wind.
"Hey Clark. Is everything okay?" Chloe answered, wiping her eyes.
"Yeah, everything's fine. I know you said no Watchtower stuff today, but I was just wondering if you were up for a bit of Clark and Chloe time? We haven't hung out in forever."
"Uh, sure," Chloe said. Clark could read her expression over the phone. A confused look followed by a small smile.
He and Chloe were the same these days. There was something wrong and they both knew it, but they never said anything to each other about it. They went on acting as if everything was normal, but there was a distance- but when one of them was down- the other still wanted to make it better. And that still counted for something. All wasn't lost for Chloe and Clark, but neither really knew what to do to fix things, didn't really know what to say for more than a five minute conversation.
He just wanted to get her out of the cemetery and to stop her tears but he had no clue how things were going to work out today. He wasn't ready for a big talk and he knew she wouldn't be feeling all that chatty either so he had to think of something that wouldn't require too much talking about the present.
"What are you up for?" Chloe asked.
"I was actually going to go through my old high school stuff and do some organizing and packing. I've got so many loose picture and stuff, I thought maybe you could go through them with me- help me pick some good ones for an album and help me pack away the rest, then if you haven't gotten sick of me yet, we could grab some lunch," Clark said, making the plan up as he spoke.
"Sounds good to me. When do you want me over?" Chloe asked, wiping away the tears away from her eyes.
"If you're awake and in the mood, you could head over now," Clark said.
"Okay, sounds like a plan. I'm on my way," Chloe said with a little smile, hanging up the phone.
She wondered if he had just been at the cemetery and had seen her crying. She felt the breeze she usually felt when he sped in. She put that out of her mind as she went to get her car and begin the drive to Clark's. She missed him. She really did. Things weren't right between them and it all seemed to lead back to Jimmy and Davis, but at least he was making an effort.
She liked to think that if they gave it some more time they could fix it all and she held on to that for a minute before taking a deep breath and thinking back to the cemetery. Would Jimmy forgive her? Would he allow her to move on in life? Would he free her and allow her her selfishness?
She shook her head and focused on the road, turning up the radio as loud as it would go, hoping the music would drown out her thoughts.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o
"Hey Clark," Chloe said in greeting, walking into the barn.
"Hey yourself. I know it's been awhile but I'm certain you haven't forgotten how to get up here- what are you waiting for?" he said, motioning her up and Chloe grinned a little bit.
She and Clark went through a bunch of old stuff and after they got through the box of pictures Chloe said, "Not that this isn't nice and fun, but I've gotta know- you were at the cemetery before, weren't you?"
Clark looked as if he had been caught stealing something and Chloe let out a sad laugh.
"You never had any intention of hanging out with me today. I thought it was a little off to get a call from you asking to hang out. That's not really what we do anymore," Chloe said with a sad smile.
Clark didn't know what to say.
"But you've still got my back," Chloe said softly. "And that means something- so thank you for that."
"You're still my best friend," Clark said quietly. "Whatever else there is here, whatever isn't right- because we both know there's a lot that's not right- even if we don't always recognize each other anymore- you are still my best friend and I can't stand to see you cry or know that you're crying. I had to get you away from there."
"Hey Clark," Chloe said.
"Yeah?"
"I've still got your back, too, okay?" Chloe said.
Clark nodded and gave her a smile.
They'd never really admitted out loud to each other that something wasn't right, but they just did and it kind of felt good for both of them in a way. It felt as if they were saying 'Yes, we're broken, and we're not sure how, but we can fix this eventually.' And until that time, if they could just hold on to the basic stuff, like not wanting the other to be sad, they thought they could be okay.
"I'm going to relieve you from your lunch duty. You did your job- I'm not crying anymore. I appreciate it, I really do. But we're not going to push this any further today, okay? We haven't done something like this in awhile and I think we've had a pretty good day, so we're just going to end it right here while it's still good for today. End it for today after a bit of honesty. And we'll just take it from here, slowly. No pretending and I think we'll be okay," Chloe said.
Aside from yesterday, she had not hugged or been hugged by Clark in a long time. And now, for the second day in a row she found herself in a Clark hug, and she hugged him back.
Before she could make her exit from the barn she heard Clark say, "You know how you said you think we'll be okay?"
"Yeah," Chloe responded.
"Well, you may think it- but I happen to know it," Clark said. And Chloe flashed him a quick grin.
o-o-o-o-o-o
Just like this morning, when she had ended up at the cemetery without planning to head there, she now found herself knocking on Oliver's door.
Chloe wasn't sure who was more surprised that she was there- Oliver or herself.
"Chloe."
"Hi," she answered uneasily. "You deserved a bit of what I threw at you yesterday," Chloe blurted out.
"Chloe, I-" Oliver started.
"You deserved a bit," Chloe continued. "But not all of it, and I'm sorry."
Oliver gave her a small smile. "You should come in," he said.
"Okay," she said. "I think we need to have a conversation."