~Rina
Book Three, Chapter six- "Tired of it."
Date: July 16th, 2012 (almost a week later)
Bill's POVWe were kissing again.
Not that I was complaining, of course, but kissing leads to dangerous territory. I didn't want to make her afraid, even though I knew it wasn't me she was afraid of. It was that bastard Donnie who she was afraid of. I barely managed to swallow my anger at the thought of that man. He had been released five days ago after a three year sentence for kidnapping Dawna and Eric. It would've been longer if Irene had testified against him for… touching… her, but she had been too afraid to do it. So he got off scot-free for that one.
Damn, I was so mad at my own thoughts that I only just realized that Irene was gripping the bed sheets tightly. I quickly moved away from her and watched as she squeezed her eyes shut and took deep, shuddering breaths.
"I'm sorry, Bill." Irene whispered, "I just…. can't." She hid her face behind her hands and sniffled.
I could understand why she was frustrated. She thought I was going to hate her if she kept pushing me away, even though I would never hate her for that. I laid my head on the pillow next to her, rubbing soothing circles in her back and whispering comforting words to her. We laid next to each other in silence, Irene sniffling against my shoulder and me reassuring her that I didn't care. She tried to apologize many more times, but I just shut her up with a kiss each time. Eventually, she gave up.
For about an hour, anyway.
Irene sat up and rubbed her palms against her eyes. She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye and said, "I'm tired of being afraid."
I sat up beside her. She turned her back to me and leaned back against my chest. I rested my hands lightly on her hips and my chin on her shoulder.
"So what do you want to do about it?" I asked quietly.
"I want…" Irene bit her lip and placed her head on my shoulder, looking up at me helplessly. She didn't continue her sentence.
"What?" I ran my hand across her stomach in an attempt to entice her into telling me what she wanted.
Irene sighed, but it was a content sound, not a scared one. "That's what I want," She whispered almost inaudibly.
"This?" I asked, dragging my hand across her belly again. She nodded and I understood. "You want me to touch you?"
Another nod.
"I don't know." I murmured in her ear.
"Please." Irene begged, "I don't want to be frightened every time you touch me. I know you won't hurt me but.." she paused and lowered her voice, "I just need to teach my body that."
I hesitated. Only an hour ago, she nearly ripped my bed sheets when we were making out; now she wanted me to touch her. I didn't want her to start panicking if the memories came back again.
"Are you sure?" I questioned, "Because you don't have to do this."
"I'm sure." Irene said. "Just.. be gentle?"
"Of course."
Honestly, I had no idea where to start. It wasn't like I was inexperienced (considering the things I'd done over the past three years), but I wasn't quite sure of a place to start that wouldn't shock Irene. After a minute of careful consideration, I settled for caressing her waist casually. Irene exhaled pleasurably and closed her eyes. A good sign, in my opinion. I moved my other hand and started to trace little patterns on her jean-clad thigh. When I still didn't get any bad reaction from the girl in front of me, I transferred the hand that was on her waist to under her shirt, doing the exact same thing except to her bare skin. I could feel her ribs under my fingertips but ignored the sickening feeling I got in my gut; she was still too skinny. Instead of dwelling on it, I carefully stroked my index finger up her side, counting her ribs in my head until I hit the bottom of her bra, where I stopped uncertainly.
"Do it." Irene said, her eyes still closed. She sounded sure, but I felt her body tense. When I didn't move my hand, Irene repeated her invitation and made herself relax.
With her permission, I gently slipped my hand into her bra and cupped her breast softly. She gasped and her mouth fell open slightly. The sight caused heat to start to form in the pit of my stomach- it was that amazing. I squeezed a little harder on the mound of flesh and Irene's gasp turned into a full blown moan. The heat in my stomach grew and I pressed a kiss to Irene's jawline to distract her as I moved the hand that was on top of her thigh to the inner part of it. It stunned me when her legs fell open a bit and Irene whimpered in pleasure. Her body was obviously sensitive, which was probably why she didn't like to be touched too much. I trailed my fingers up the inside of her leg, still pressing kisses to her jaw and squeezing her breast. She writhed under my touch, panting quietly.
"Shit.." I gulped. I was getting way too turned on and it was starting to get uncomfortable.
Suddenly, Irene spun around to face me and straddled my hips. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed her lips to mine. I freed both my hands so I could unbutton the white shirt she had on (which was mine) and pushed it off her shoulders. In reply, Irene pulled the hem of my shirt up and I lifted my arms so it could be pulled off. I worked my fingers over the clasp of her bra and it fell away easily; I threw it across the room. We kissed again, tongues dancing together passionately. Our bare chests pressed together tightly and I broke the kiss with a groan, moving my mouth downwards to drag hot kisses across her collarbone and then back up a bit to nip and suck at the skin on her neck.
"Bill…" Irene moaned my name hoarsely.
She untangled one hand from around my neck and moved it down until she hit the waistband of my jeans. Almost curiously, she rubbed her hand over my groin- the erection that was getting really painful in my tight pants. I ground out a low growl against her throat and rocked forward, flipping Irene backwards so she was lying on the bed with me on top of her. Irene giggled and pulled me down for another kiss. This one was sloppier than the others, our breaths blending together into one when we pulled away a little. I popped the button on her pants and worked the zipper down.
"Bill!" Tom's voice called form downstairs, breaking the sensual atmosphere in the room. "We're going to be late for the studio recording!"
I pulled away. Irene was blushing profusely and trying to cover up her bare chest, but she didn't seem too embarrassed or regretful when she huffed in annoyance. "Have I ever told you that I hated your brother?"
I laughed quietly. "Yeah, I'm not too fond of him right now, either."
"You could stay…" Irene suggested, propping herself up on her elbows to kiss me. I was shocked at her daring behaviour, especially considering she was still making an effort to cover up her exposed breasts.
"I could," I murmured against her lips.
"NOW BILL!" Tom yelled impatiently.
"Shut the fuck up and give me a second." I shouted back through gritted teeth.
Irene sighed and fell back against the pillows, pulling the blankets over her head. "Tom Kaulitz will die tonight." She said in a voice that belonged in a horror movie. I laughed at her, but I also wished we hadn't been interrupted.
A thought formed in my head and I grinned to myself, but Irene caught it and stared at me inquiringly. I shook my head at her and got up to change into looser pants, considering I had very prominent problem that obviously wouldn't be taken care of. I threw on an oversized shirt, too, just to be safe.
"I'll be back later." I said to Irene, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "Love you."
"Love you, too." She said, still sounding annoyed, so I gave her an encouraging smile.
"Don't be sad. I've already thought about how to make this up to you."
Irene's eyes sparked with interest. "Really? How?"
I shook my head again. "Not telling. Bye."
My girlfriend opened her mouth to speak but I quickly dashed out the door before she could grill me for answers. I wanted it to be a total surprise for her, so I wasn't going to let even a little bit of information leak.
Downstairs, Tom was standing at the front door and tapping his foot irritably. "There you are little brother." He smirked. "Was it good?"
I glared at him. "I couldn't tell you, considering we were interrupted. Why would you want to know, anyways?"
Tom shrugged. The leer on his face dropped and was replaced with something I couldn't name. "I wouldn't want to know. I was just teasing you. Hurry and get your shoes on."
He walked out the front door and it slammed behind him. At the sound, Amanda poked her head around the corner from the kitchen.
"Did you deny him sex or something?" I asked her.
Amanda laughed and shook her head. "Who would be stupid enough to do that? Tom is great-."
"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!" I said quickly, following my brother out the door. A person could swear that chick had nothing better to do than get on my nerves.
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Amanda's POV
Half an hour after the twins left the house, Irene finally chose to emerge out of Bill's room. She wore a white button-up shirt and her red and blue plaid pajama shorts. She was showered and her hair fell in loose curls over her neck, which confused me. It took too many hair products to keep her curls loose and she always left them to tighten into spring-like ringlets when she was staying in the house. Why did she fix up her hair? She wasn't dressed to go anywhere...
Unless...
I abandoned the pancakes I was cooking and stepped close to her. She leaned back a bit, blinking at me in confusion.
"What?" She asked.
I reached for her hair, but she batted my hand away and sidestepped around me, heading for the fridge. That little reaction made me sure I knew what she was hiding, so I pounced and tackled her to the ground. I pinned her arms to her sides by placing one leg on each side of her waist. Irene struggled, but I wasn't going to relent. I reached for her hair again and this time was able to get it pushed away- what I saw there only slightly shocked me.
"You have a hickey." I said matter-of-factly.
Irene sighed. "Yes I do, Amanda. Thanks for pointing out the obvious. Can you get off me now?"
I climbed away from her, got up, and dusted myself off casually. I was bursting with questions, but I kept them to myself. Out of respect, of course. If Irene wanted to talk about her experiences, she would. You couldn't just come out and ask her, most of the time. I continued cooking my pancakes while I waited.
"Tom interrupted before anything too serious could happen." Irene said absentmindedly, pouring some milk into a glass.
"Are you disappointed?" I asked with a grin, transferring my breakfast to a plate and sitting across from Irene at the island.
Irene swished a mouthful of milk around thoughtfully, and then swallowed before she answered. "I don't know." She looked at me. "Is that bad?"
I smiled at her encouragingly. "Of course not. I mean, with what happened with Donnie—"
"Don't bring that up," Irene said menacingly.
Though the girl was tiny, she could be scary at times. I nodded a yes and we sat in silence while I munched on my pancakes and Irene sipped her milk. It was strange; we seemed to have less to talk about since we started staying with the twins. Also, by this time, we hadn't seen the rest of our band for at least five days. It wasn't like we were isolating ourselves from them, James just hadn't apologized yet and we couldn't hang out with Lucy or Amy without James being James' name being brought up. That wouldn't be a bad thing if the topic of what James had done hadn't sent Irene spiralling into one of her little episodes.
"I'm sorry." Irene said suddenly, snapping me out of my thoughts. "I didn't mean to snap at you. It's just that any mention of him might bring me back to square one again, and Bill and I got so… close earlier."
Irene smiled as she clearly started to remember what had happened between her and the blonde singer. I laughed at the dazed look on her face. She didn't even snap out of it when her phone started to ring. It was sitting on the marble-top on front of her, so I reached over and pulled the sleek touch phone towards me, looking at the caller ID. It was James. I tapped the table in front of her and she broke away from her imagination. I pointed to the phone and she followed my finger.
"You answer it." she said.
I picked up the phone. "What do you want, James?" I said into the mouthpiece.
"Can I talk to Irene?"
"If Irene wanted to talk to you, she would've answered the phone herself." I retorted.
"I—" James stuttered and his voice wavered, "I want to apologize. Can't she come see me?
I repeated the question to Irene, who paused but said she would and went back upstairs to get dressed. I told James she would meet him at the apartment and went upstairs myself. Irene was in Bill's room and was just buttoning her jeans when I knocked and entered.
"Are you sure you want to meet with him?" I asked her.
"No." She answered honestly, taking the phone from my hand "But I'm not going to be the type of person who refuses to even listen to someone's apology. I'll give him a chance and if the apology is stupid, then… I don't know what we will do. I don't want to break up Midnight Sun."
"Do you want me to come with you?"
Irene shook her head. "No, I'll be fine."
I trusted that she was right.
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Irene's POV
I stood outside the red-brick building nervously. Why had I been so quick to agree to this? My hands were shaking just at the thought of seeing and talking to James, especially about what had happened. And James was very touchy-feely, and I didn't know if I could cope with that just yet. Nevertheless, I unlocked the door myself with the keys and marched up tha stairs with determination. Even if I was nervous, I still needed to get it over with. I chose the stairs instead of the elevator to get up to the third floor and strode purposefully towards the door at the end of the hall. I tried the knob to find it unlocked and went inside. The open concept kitchen and living room were empty, so I went to the back left of the room and down the hallway to the bedrooms. James' room was the first door on the left, which I knocked on. It opened and James stood there, shirtless.
"Tati…" He said my nickname quietly, only slightly shocked.
"Hello." I replied, trying to avoid looking at his tanned and toned chest. Stupid Latino skin. "Please put a shirt on."
James went back into his room and I went out to the living room to sit on the couch and wait. James came out a minute later. He wore a pair of black jeans and a grey tee-shirt that clung in all the right places. I cursed him in my head, knowing he was doing all this so I would choose him instead of Bill.
That wasn't going to happen.
James sat next to me on the couch, unbearably close. Our thighs touched and I scooted away a little.
"Please don't do that." James said.
"Do what?" I asked innocently.
"Move away from me. I never want you to feel like you have to avoid me."
"Then you shouldn't have kissed me."
James sighed. "I know I shouldn't have done that. I knew about your boundaries and I crossed them without thinking. I was just so… afraid that you'd leave. You're the closest friend I've had in my whole life and I didn't want to lose you."
"Why did you do it then?" I asked. I still hadn't looked James in the face.
"I was angry." He whispered. "I knew you and Bill had made up and I was upset and scared that you'd leave which, as I said, I didn't want to happen. I thought if I kissed you, you'd finally realize how I felt and change your mind about Bill."
"I've always known how you felt about me James, and I made it perfectly clear that I only wanted to be friends," I said haltingly, "At least, I thought I had."
The Latino boy turned his body to face me. "I just thought I'd try to change your mind, because I really do care about you."
Now, I looked up at James. He was sad looking and it broke my heart. We had known each other literally since I landed back in Canada three years ago; were too close to be fighting like this. I bit my lip thoughtfully, thinking about what we could do about this situation.
"I'm so sorry, Tati." James said as I was thinking.
Right then and there, I decided to accept his apology. After Amanda, James was really my best friend and I didn't want to lose the relationship we had. I reached my arms out to James and he scooped me up in his arms, pulling me tightly against him. We hugged for a good five minutes, all of which I knew James was doing his best to hold back his tears.
"Thank you." He whispered against my shoulder. "You'll come back now, right?"
"James. I accept your apology but," I pulled away and stared at him, "But I don't think I'm going to move back in."
James' face fell. "Why not?"
I opened my mouth, and then closed it. How could I tell him?
"Do it like you're ripping off a bandage." A voice inside my head said. I winced at the sound of it, even though it was right.
"Bill and I together now, James. I want to live with my boyfriend."
Slowly, James nodded. "Understandable, I guess. What about Amanda?"
I smirked, "Amanda is dating Tom."
"Ah, I see."
And that's how I made up with James.
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Irene's POV, later that day.
After two hours of talking with James, I finally made it back to the twins' house. I was glad that James and I were back on speaking terms, but I had forgotten how much of a chatterbox James could be. I opened the front door tiredly and slipped my shoes off.
"I'm home." I called.
No-one answered.
"Hello?" I called out again, only to be answered by silence.
Where was everyone? I knew the twins could still be at the studio, but where was Amanda? I trudged up the stairs and turned the corner. I squeaked in protest when a pair of arms wrapped around my waist from behind. I already knew they weren't Bill's arms; they were a bit too strong to be Bill's. I turned my head a bit and caught a glimpse of black dreads hanging by the side of my head.
"Tom!" I said, shocked. "What are you doing?"
Tom said nothing as he spun me around to face him and trapped me between the wall beside Bill's door and his body. Tom had his palms on the wall on either side of my head. His breathing was ragged and his face had a rosy tint to it.
"What's the matter with you?" I asked a bit harsher than necessary.
"There's something that has been bothering me for three years." Tom said quietly. "And I need to get it off my chest."
"And what is that?"
As a reply, Tom leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. I gasped, stunned by his boldness, but also found myself melting under the kiss. Tom's lips were soft and felt just like Bill's, so my body was confused as to actually who was kissing it. Tom ran his hands down the wall until they were on my hips and pulled me closer to him. I clutched at Tom's shirt, but I couldn't tell if the desperation I felt was because I wanted him to keep kissing me or if I wanted him to get away from me. When I found myself hoping it was the former, I pushed him away, disgusted with myself. I shouldn't enjoy kissing my boyfriend's brother. I slid down the wall until I was sitting on the floor, holding my aching head in my hands. I haven't felt this kind of headache since…
Oh shit.
"Call Amanda." I told Tom, who bent down to my level and stared at me with wide, scared eyes.
"What's wrong?" He asked in a panicked voice, "Did I hurt you? I'm—"
"Call Amanda!" I repeated in a stricter tone, pressing my palms to my temples in a feeble attempt to make the pain stop.
This time, Tom obeyed. He took his phone out of his pocket and dialled. After a second, he spoke words that were becoming indiscernible to me. Damn, I was blacking out.
"Not here, not now!" I chanted to myself, rocking back and forth a little.
I could feel Tom's hands on me, grasping my upper arms, but I couldn't hear what he was saying to me. It was taking all my energy not to pass out- to not let them out. Tears streaked down my face as the pain worsened. I screamed, not being able to take it anymore.
The last thing I heard before I finally lost consciousness was Bill yelling my name.