I was sitting at my laptop drumming my fingers on how to start my essay for Classical European Lit. I just couldn't bring myself to care about Hamlet's plight. It wasn't that I did not understand the play, but that my mind was buzzing. The spring musical audition sign up sheet went up. This year it was The Addams Family and I had, of course, signed up. I had written I wanted to be a member fo the ensemble. It would be wrong to ask for a leading role if I had not built my way up.
The second thing on my mind was the spring showcase for seniors. Every year the senior class had a concert where the best and most promising students showed off their skill. Only about 20 got selected and auditions for that were in a few weeks. I had yet to sign up for a spot. I had not received proper training and to go into the audition thinking I was somehow one of the best seemed like bombastic egotism.
I tried to clear my head and start this essay. It was due in two days and I had been tiptoeing around it. But then my phone lit up and I picked it up to see Raoul was calling me.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Christine."
"Umm, what's up?" I asked. He had called me so I didn't really have much to say.
"Not much. So, Christine are we good?"
"What do you mean by good?"
"Well, when I saw you, things felt different. Like you were distant."
My face became red and I felt my nails dig into the desk. "Distant?" I all but yelled.
"Yeah."
"How can you say that? You kept checking your phone and it seemed like you weren't interested in what I was saying."
"Well, I'm sorry if you thought I didn't care. Things have just been busy."
"Yeah, I could tell." Sure I was being a little petty but it felt good.
"Please Christine, you have to understand. University is different from high school. University is hard.." Raoul said before I cut in, "Hard? You think what I am doing is easy? Do you thinking spending hours in tap shoes and then doing calculus is easy?"
"I'm not saying what you're doing is easy but it's the arts." Who was I even speaking to? My high school Raoul was creative and loved art. We became a couple in theater. I was playing Liesl in our school's production fo The Sound of Music and he was the stage manager.
"I don't even know you! You used to know that the arts are no less important than the sciences. Has studying business really changed you?"
"No. But I understand that life is more than pretty costumes and getting the lead role," Raoul argued. We never argued like this. We had little spats every now and then but ti was never us attacking each other's goals.
"Raoul, I can see we are no longer who we were. Maybe we should break up." The words were out of my mouth faster than anything. Where did I get this new found boldness? I was certainly never a doormat but I was never the one to make bold proclamations.
"Christine, please we can work this out. I don't think breaking up is the right choice," his words were sincere but his tone lacked any real emotion. He sounded like he was saying it just to be nice.
"No. we bot realize we are at different places in our lives. You are at university and I am finishing up high school. We aren't the same anymore. Our childhood and growing up together will always be special but I want to keep those memories instead fo a horrible breakup."
I remembered when I first met him. We were both at summer camp. We became fast friends when my scarf had flown into the lake and he had fetched it for me. He had been shouted at for wading into a algae trash filled lake, but from that moment we liked to think of ourselves as brave explorers. We spent the summer laughing and it wasn't until high school we would see each other again. He and I had been separated for nearly 5 years. But when I saw him in that auditorium we picked up like nothing had changed.
"Well, if that is what you want. I will respect your choice. I want us to stay friends though, " he said.
"Sure," I murmured. It was all I could do to not burst into tears.
We hung up and I just went to my bed and cried. It was the right choice. It was inevitable really. But my teacher was right. Through those hours of lessons and being told to be bold and confident, I was finally putting it into use. But I wish it didn't have to be like this.