Twilight: Retarded Edition
(after Carlisle magically brought Bella back to life…)
Edward: How much trouble am I in?
Carlisle: It depends, how long can she scream without taking a breath?
Edward: O.O……….FLASHBACK MOMENT!!!!!!!!
Edward: Hi Love
Bella: Hi Edward
Edwadrd: Um I have to tell you something.
Bella: What is it sweetheart?
Edward: umm….I ripped your favorite shirt….the one your mother gave you….that you adore….
Bella: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!
Edward: I'm sorry Bella I'll get you a new one!
Bella: O.O……..AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Edward: O.O!!!
Bella: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Edward: I'm sorry please calm down!
Bella: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Edward: Please Bella shut up!
Bella: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
15 minutes later…….
Edward is in corner banging his head trying to figure out how to shut up his screaming girlfriend.
Bella: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Edward: LETS GET SOME ICE CREAM BELLA!
Bella: AAAAAAAA- ice cream?! YAY!!!!!!!
END OF FLASHBACK MOMENT!!!!!!!!
Edward: Umm…….I should run shouldn't I?
Carlisle: That would be really smart Edward. Hurry she's almost here.
Edward: O.O!!!!!!!!!!! (before Edward could bolt, Bella came in the door.)
Bella is standing in door with evil look on her face while thunder and lightning crash behind her to add to the scary affect.
Carlisle and Edward: O.O!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Carlisle: GOT TO GO! I'LL MISS YOU SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Edward: NO CARLISLE DON'T LEAVE MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! (that sounded kind of wrong ha!)
Bella: Hi honey (this sounds sweet but she said it in a tone so cold and evil her words froze and shattered on the ground)
Me: BWAHAHAHAHA
Edward: Okay Bella? can you wait to kill me for just a minute love?
Bella: of course!
Edward turns to me where I'm happily writing this story on my computer on the staircase in the Cullen house.
Edward: Author?
Me: yeeeeeeeeeesss?
Edward: Why are you so evil?
Me: It's a gift darling
Edward: Okay ONE don't call me darling TWO your EVIL!!! THREE!!!!!!! Okay well there's just two.
Me: Don't worry lover boy I don't like you like that and besides I call my friends sweetie and darling for fun, and second I'm happy you found that out early. Even Bella knew that I was from the start and she had a brain the size of a minced peanut! And oh contrare mon cherie there is a THREE.
Edward: and what would that be?!
Me: THREE; why did I make Bella so dumb?
Edward: Well, yeah but-
Me: well I'll tell you why DARLINGG (exaggerates the G sound) I made your precious girlfriend dumb is because weather or not you want to face the facts, and I'm saying this in the nicest way possible (for me at least) Bella is mentally retarded and weather or not you want to except that that's on you. and I know you Edward Anthony Mason Cullen you don't believe me, well let's go over the facts shall we? ONE this girl can trip over air. AIR!! How dumb can you be you trip over air?!?! TWO she's totally upsessed with you. Your smell, your looks, your hair your awesomeness!
Edward: my awesomeness? O_o….
Me: SHUT UP AND LET ME FINISH!!!
Edward: O.O
Bella: umm I don't really appreciate you talking about me while I'm present, not saying I would like it better if I wasn't here but…..DON'T TALK TO MY BOYFRIEND LIKE THAT!!!!!
Me: okay listen klutzy, ONE I'm writing this f********* story. TWO I can do anything to you guys just by typing the damn keys. Watch this lover boy and klutzy.
Edward ran over to Bella in dramatic way (there's really no slow motion he's just an ass) and tackles her to the ground and starts to slap the crap out of her.
Me: BWAHAHAHAHHAHA
Bella: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH THE PAIN!!!
Edward: MAKE ME STOP !!!!!
Me: Okay then…..(evil look)
Edward comes over to me and says:
Edward: You are the most gorgeous person in the world I'm leaving you Bella for the Author!
Me: (laughs hysterically)
Bella: NO!!!!!!!!! STOP IT PLEASE!!!!!!!
Edward: WHAT SHE SAID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Okay then….oh you guys will love this one.
Bella: Oh Emmett!!!!!
Random metal chair falls from sky and Edward magically sits and chair and gets strapped down by metal bars. If Edward doesn't like what I'm doing he gets shocked.
Emmett: Yeah Bells?
Edward: NOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bella: KISS ME YOU FOOL!
Bella starts kissing Emmett
Author makes Emmett be happy with it.
Edward: MY EYES!!!!!!! THEY BURN!!!!!!!!!!!
Edward gets shocked by wires that's on chair.
Me: So….who's in charge again Edward?
Edward: (while dry sobbing) you are!
Me: who controls this story?
Edward: YOU DO!
Me: who's queen of the world?
Edward: WTF??
Edward gets shocked horribly while I'm laughing evily
Edward: FINE!!!! YOU ARE!!!!!!!
Me: that's more like it.
Author makes everything go back to the way it was (none of this ever happened)
Edward: Oh and by the way before you go and change the story like nothing happened……..you must be pretty old to be so evil.
Me: hahahahaha that's where your wrong Eddie.
Edward: DON'T CALL ME EDDIE! And how old are you?
Me: *tries to hold back evil laughter* IM 14!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
EDWARD AND BELLA: WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FIN!! LOL NAH IM STILL PLAYING THERE'S MORE TO COME PEOPLES!!!! (I REALLY AM 14 :D)