Out of Character (Chapter 6)
A/N: Honorable mention to QueenMojo for her awesome words and descriptions. She is a true talent. Thank you.
Rick is not sure who she is talking about. All he knows is that he can't stand to see her like this. He drops down to his knees and gathers her into his arms, not knowing what else to do. He looks back as he sees Carl sidle in slowly. He shakes his head at him as Carl takes in the scene.
The teen backs out just as slowly, his heart heavy for her, wondering exactly what happened out there. He prays his dad will help her as he makes his way downstairs and out of the house over to Carol's, his sister babbling the entire time.
Michonne clings to Rick, relishing in the warmth of his embrace, taking comfort in his strength. She reaches up to touch his face before moving in to kiss him. She starts out slow, but once she gets a good taste of him, she wants more. She drops her hands to his shirt, unbuttoning it.
Rick grabs her hands softly, breaking their kiss. "What are you doing?"
She drops her forehead to his shoulder. "I need you. I need you to help me forget."
"That won't solve anything," he returns.
"Take me away just for a little while. I want to get lost with you, in you. Please, Rick…please."
She is seeking an outlet, anything to disconnect from the pain. She searches his eyes, hoping he will give in. She sees the uncertainty there, the unasked questions. She stands up slowly and begins to disrobe. She pulls away each layer deliberately, wanting and needing to feel completely exposed to him. She wants to give him everything, including the reveal of what happened to her before she met him. She realizes she's ready, that's what she needs to try and heal and to finally move on. She just needs the immediacy of this union to connect everything else.
Once she is completely naked, she offers him her hand. He takes it and allows her to pull him to his feet. He is silent as she undresses him, placing a kiss to his exposed skin as she moves her way down his body. He wants to give her any and everything within his power. If this is what she needs, then he will provide it. He wants to be there for her in every way, no barriers, completely open to her and only her.
She guides him to the shower where the water has grown lukewarm after running for so long, but she doesn't mind as they step underneath the spray, washing away some of the dirt, blood, and grunge from their ordeal outside the walls. They take their time, cleaning each other carefully and delicately. It feels almost therapeutic to her. She sighs with contentment as he cups her face and kisses her tenderly.
He pushes her back against the wall, never breaking their kiss. He entwines his fingers with hers and lifts their hands above her head, expertly spreading her legs with one of his. He kisses his way down her body, relishing in the taste and the texture of her flesh, his hands following the path of his kisses. He focuses on her center as he hooks an arm behind one of her thighs and lifts it to his shoulder.
She shudders as he laps at her gently, the stroke of his tongue causing a sweet sensation to course through her body. "Oh, that feels so good." She drops a hand to his head, absently caressing him as she rocks her hips. She increases her rhythm, striving for a glorious release. She pants heavily as she feels the beginning of an orgasm. She jerks and tries to pull away but Rick won't allow it.
He keeps his tongue on her, ensuring a thorough climax, grabbing her gently as she loses her footing and almost slips to the floor. He kisses her one last time before standing and pulling her to him for an embrace. He reaches over and turns the knob to disconnect the water and moves with her towards the bedroom.
She nuzzles his neck. "That was incredible. Thank you."
"Oh, we ain't done yet." He informs her as he lays her down on the bed gently, covering her body with his.
"Good coz I want to taste you….all of you." She rolls over on top of him and commences to roam his body with her tongue. She can't fathom why she ever held back with him. Loving him has been so easy and she is ready to give him all of who she is. She smiles when he gasps as her hand grazes his manhood. She wants to drive him wild, so she teases him just a little more, skimming over the length of him again and again.
He rolls his hips with a loud groan, wanting desperately to feel her lips wrapped around him. "Michonne, please…."
"Please what?" She asks with a slight smile. She knows he doesn't like to say it but she's trying to break him out of that particular shell. "I want you to say it. I want you to tell me any and everything. It's just me, Rick. Just me."
He hesitates. "I….I want your mouth on me." He takes her hand and places it on his manhood. "I want your mouth right here." He pushes up into her hand so she wraps her fingers around him and starts to pump her hand up and down his shaft.
She leans over him, her mouth so close he shudders as he can feel her breath on him. "Do you want me to take you into my mouth and suck you off?"
He scrubs his face with his hands, trying to maintain control. He feels the softness of her hands as she grasps his wrists and pulls his hands away from his face. Locking his eyes with hers, he frowns as he recognizes the longing. She wants him to let go. If he can let go and give her all of him here and now, then everything else will fall into place. He sits up and takes her face into his hands. "I want you to….take me….into your mouth…..and suck me….off." He exhales deeply, so glad he was able to give her what she wanted, what she needed.
She places her hands over his for a brief moment before her eyes travel down to the part of him straining for her attention. Her head drops down as she takes him into her mouth, enveloping him in warmth and moisture.
He drops back to the bed, spreading his legs as she drives him insane with her determined suction. He moves his hips up, then down, pushing into her mouth gently, matching her rhythm seamlessly. He groans as his heart rate quickens and his breaths come faster and faster as she pulls him closer and closer to climax.
She can feel him tighten and grow as his release draws near. She deliberately slows down, drawing on him long and hard. Moments later, he erupts into her mouth, pulsating and vibrating steadily.
He doesn't even attempt to catch his breath, wanting and needing the momentum to remain steady and strong. He catches her underneath her armpits and pulls her up before rolling over on top of her and smoothly entering her body with one sure stroke.
She gasps at his entry then quickly clings to him as this is the connection she has been craving. She longs for the exposure of their hearts, minds, and souls with the physical and emotional sharing of their bodies. She remembers the pain, the regret, the guilt, the anger, the anguish, the sadness but realizes she can't hold on to that and hold on to Rick at the same time. She has to release it if she is truly going to have a new start with this man that she has come to love more than life itself.
He moves inside of her, his determination and ambition to satisfy her evident with his concentration. He feels her sex clench his as she wraps her arms around him and lifts her hips over and over again.
Their mouths meet in a hungry kiss, tongues sliding and gliding across each other as they continue to rock together rhythmically. They reach climax only seconds apart, her sex pulling at his and his pulsating into hers, cultivating into a release neither of them has felt so intensely before. The release symbolizes everything bottled up in her that she wanted so much to get out.
Afterwards, he holds her tightly as the tears come again. This time, they're quiet and more controlled.
"I love you," she whispers.
He squeezes her gently. "I love you too."
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Michonne opens her eyes slowly, having no recollection of falling asleep. She looks over to her side to see a slumbering Rick and smiles as the memories of what they shared earlier come flooding back to her. She slides her body over to his, draping an arm across his waist.
His eyes pop open with her touch and he gently caresses her arm before he stretches his body with a yawn. "Were we sleeping?"
"It appears so. That was a hell of a workout, Grimes. Guess we tired ourselves out," she returns.
He looks over at her. "Are you ok?"
"I will be," she says as she stares into his eyes. She watches as he moves to leave the bed. It's now or never.
"I was married with a three year old son. I lost them…both."
Rick turns toward her, the disbelief and immediate anguish evident on his expressive face. "Babe, I…."
She trudges on because she knows she'll lose her nerve and retreat back into herself if she doesn't. "We made it out of the city and went to this camp with Mike's best friend, Terry. We were doing ok, but things started getting bad and it just went downhill from there. I found my sword at a neighbor's house and I made myself learn to use it. I was determined to make it. I had to…for them, you know. So, I started going on runs, contributing in any way that I could. I don't know if Mike resented me for that, but he never got on board with me. I tried to understand, but I wanted him to realize how dire things were. I don't think he ever did. He kept thinking that some cavalry….he was into westerns…. was going to show up…the government, the military, some official conglomerate and tell us that the breakout had been handled and we could all go back to our homes, our lives….to the way it used to be. I wanted to believe that, too and a part of me did but I had to live with what was going on right then and there. We argued and things weren't the best, but I had to do what needed to be done." She takes a deep, calming breath before she continues. "I had all kinds of doubts that morning. I kept telling myself to stay, but I looked around and saw how bad things had gotten. We barely had any food, the water was gone, so I didn't have a choice. I had to go out there and see what I could find for my family. That was the best run we'd had since we got there, but when we returned….the….fences were down. Our camp had been…overrun. Mike and Terry had been bitten and my….my baby…boy…" She shakes her head as she can't bring herself to say out loud the condition she found her son in.
Rick gathers her into his arms. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
She returns his hug, tears spilling down her cheeks. "All they had to do was protect him, Rick. Just keep my baby safe. I was so….angry. I couldn't see anything else. I didn't want to see anything else. I should've died out there too, but I didn't." She hesitates. "Those….walkers Merle told you about? My so called pets? That was Mike and Terry. I kept them as a reminder. I thought it was what I deserved for failing. I wasn't there to keep my son alive. I'm his mother and I should've been there. He shouldn't have….died….like that."
She pulls back to look at him. "Seeing Val shoot Jason brought up everything I had been suppressing. I feel responsible for his death, too. I encouraged him to go on this run and he isn't here because of me."
Rick understands her admission all too well as he has had the exact same feelings about people he tasked himself to protect. People who didn't survive no matter how hard he tried to keep them safe. "I don't have the right words to say. I can't tell you how to feel, but you know it was never your intention for any of that to happen. There was no way for you to know the truth about Terrell and Rashad. Daryl and Aaron thought they were good people, so why should we have thought any differently?"
"But you tried to tell me. You told me not to let my guard down and I thought I had things under control, but I never did. You were right. I did relax and look what happened." She meets his eyes. "We're never going to be safe, are we?"
"I don't know. But we have to try, right? You told me that, remember? We won't know unless we try," he reiterates.
She nods.
He kisses her softly, tenderly. "Thank you for sharing that. I know it was hard, but I'm glad you told me."
"Me, too. I…I feel lighter…..not as burdened as before," she shares. She wants to ask him about Lori, but doesn't want to push him. She needs him to bring it to her of his own volition. She searches his eyes, not wanting to put too much emphasis on his willingness or unwillingness to share his pain with her, but unable to quell it.
He looks away from her, not wanting her to see too deeply into his soul. He can't explain it, this reluctance to unburden himself to her. He wants nothing more than to give this relationship his all. He knows how damaging it can be to hold back. He caves as soon as he meets her eyes again and recognizes the longing there. "I….I don't know….if Judith is my baby or not."
Michonne frowns as some of the things she heard at the prison come back to her. So there was some truth to that?
"I was shot in the line of duty before the outbreak. I don't know how long I was in the hospital…long enough for my wife to think I was dead. She got out with Carl and my best friend, Shane. I guess it wasn't long after that when they got together." He pauses as if he is calling it to memory. "I found them in a camp outside of Atlanta. That had to be the best day of my life as I wasn't sure if I'd find them alive or not. It didn't take me long to put two and two together, but I forgave her. I tried to understand what kind of position she was in. I don't know what I would've done in that situation, but I wanted to be the better man. Not long after that she found out she was pregnant and right off she told me that even if the baby was Shane's, it was going to be mine. She was my wife. What was I supposed to do?"
Michonne grasps his hand with a squeeze, not even wanting to contemplate dealing with those type issues in addition to the chaos of the world.
"Shane was my best friend, but he started to resent me. He challenged me…my leadership. He didn't think I was fit to keep my family safe. He thought he could do a better job, so he opted to take me out of the equation. I…I uh…." He clears his throat as if it's difficult for him to continue. "I….killed him. I killed my best friend, but he left me no choice. It was him or me…and when I told Lori what I had to do…..she just….she looked at me as if I was the scum of the earth. I don't know if she actually loved Shane or…I don't know. I don't even want to think about it, but something changed in me then. I wasn't going to be the pushover anymore and it was my way or no way."
"You did what you had to do. That's why you're still here…why we're still here," she reminds him.
"I was awful to her the entire pregnancy. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to interact with her, but I still wanted to take care of her. I still loved her. She died giving birth to Judy, but it was my fault. I let one of the prisoners go and he came back and let walkers in and that's how everything went to shit. I failed to do what needed to be done and that's why my wife isn't here." He sighs heavily. "Tell me if that's a blessing or a curse because I can't imagine my life without you in it….not now. If things hadn't happened the way they did, would we still be here….together? Am I wrong for wanting a life with you?"
"I don't want to speculate on the events that brought us here, but I'm glad we're together. I don't want to be without you or Carl or Judith and I can't find anything wrong with feeling that way." She sighs. "I'm glad we had this talk. It makes things….clearer."
Rick nods in agreement. "What was your son's name?"
Michonne smiles. "Andre. His name was Andre Anthony." She says his name confidently and proudly.