Disclaimer: I own nothing! Only the twist in the plot. Everything else, characters, settings, lyrics, all belong to their rightful owners!
Description: The title definitely explains a lot!
You don't remember my name.
I don't really care.
Can we play the game your way?
Can I really lose control?
Just once in my life,
I think it'd be nice,
Just to lose control, just once,
With all the pretty flowers in the dust.
Lyrics from "Lose Control" by Evanescence
It was sitting on a blue bud. Waiting. Its wings an undistinguished yellow. I could almost see the fractals from where I was. Then the petals moved. And it flapped its wings.
It was dim. We were in a stationery cupboard. And there was…nougat involved…?
His hand was on my belly, his body rubbing against behind me. Tracing small kissed along my neck. I sighed unwillingly. For a moment there I couldn't even remember my name. I knew the children were inches away, on the other side of the cupboard. I could faintly hear their voices. And didn't even really care. Maybe I didn't want to be in control, just this once. I'm nearly sure I wanted to let go. I always fight with the idea of losing control, of letting go in the back of my head. And I always win. Time stopped. Literally. He did that. I was playing by his rules. Not that I would admit it even to myself. That was then.
This is now.
His hands are on my belly, his body so close, too close. But his hands are cold. I expected them to be warm and reassuring. I was wrong. I feel as if I am forgetting something. Something important. His name. What was it? What was it…..? He is whispering in my ear. But he sounds far away. As if he was never really here. I turn to face him, see if he is with me still. Our eyes meet. His lips go up in a smile. I don't have a care in the world. I hear children's voices from afar. Time stops. I think I did that. This time. But there is something, something important I'm forgetting. I find myself wondering. Why? Why are his hands cold, when I remember them warm? Why are his locks blond when I remember them brown? And why are his eyes…eye…so…merciless? But he smiles. And I don't care. I follow him into the room. Willingly. I play by his rules. Now.
It was only chicory…And the butterfly was nowhere to be seen.
A figure was approaching. My heart skipped a bit. Then I noticed the shaved head, and the sandals.
Is the horse yours? , he asked. It's chewing the grass. He made it sound as if it shouldn't have.
He is Binky. He brought me here.
I Looked at Binky and it stared back with innocent eyes, a patch of grass hanging from his mouth. He put it down slowly.
Wen said: follow me. And I did. Sitting on the stone seat we were. There was wine.
Lobsang is not here. , he said. He hasn't been for a while.
Where is he, then?
He smiled at me absent-mindedly. You ask the wrong questions. , he answered. But even if you asked the right ones, I don't think I could help you.
But you know everything!
I do. But there are things that you have to learn yourself. Wen stood up. Enjoy the perfect moment. Enjoy the wine. I hope you find what you seek, Susan. There was a bright blue light.
I was left alone to ponder. And with the last sip of wine, it hit me. When was Lobsang?
Author's Note: This chapter was due a lot earlier, but got delayed due to a lot of vexing things happening to and around me. To give you a clue, I spent the whole Easter at the hospital with my boyfriend (he broke his leg). And the latest vexation is exam period- I'm still going through that. But I wanted to update so that you wouldn't think I'm dead and forget all about me and this fic. So, I'm still here guys! And hopefully by July you'll have a new chapter. That is if you enjoyed this one (wink wink, nudge nudge).