Sorry it took me so long to update I don't really have an excuse except for that I'm not sure how I feel about how this turned out. Not my best work but I guess I'll just let you be the judge.

Chapter Six : My Heart Won't Travel

~So can we just slow down while you make this mistake? Just slow down
so my heart don't break. – Julia Sheer~

I lean up, aiming for Nick's swollen lips -courtesy of yours truly- just as he leans back away from me. I lean further into him but he repeats his previous actions. What the hell? "Niiick."

He looks down at me, amused, with his hands -on either side of me- holding him up on top of me on my large bed. "Are you actually... whining?" He grins at me with a look of accomplishment on his face.

I look up at him, pout my lips and widen my eyes a little. And just like that, he's putty in my hands. I reach up and slide my hands through the hair on the back of his head, pulling his face closer to mine. He nudges my nose with his and kisses my cheek, moving down to my jaw, my chin, and around to my other cheek. Basically everywhere but my lips. He knows what that does to me. "Do you want me to kill you?" I mumble against his lips before capturing them with mine.

He parts my lips with his tongue and soon enough, the butterflies in my stomach are going mad, all courtesy of the guy on top of me and the tongue battle occurring between us.

"I wish you didn't have to go back," I say, using my thumb to wipe the glossy substance off his lips, "I wish you could stay here forever..."

He doesn't say anything, knowing very well where I'm headed with this. We've had this conversation numerous times before; it never ends well considering we don't exactly see eye to eye on this particular subject. It's a shame; really, because aside from our opposing views on the subject, I think it's safe to say we are just about one of the most perfect couples out there. I mean really, as cheesy as it sounds, I truly think we were made for each other. Problem is we are separated by thousands of miles.

The past two days have been incredible; just the two of us having a blast together. Ever since he got here on Monday, we have been inseparable. On Monday, we spent a day at a water park with a couple of our other friends from Les Miserables, and today we had a nice chill day just walking around in little boutiques and later had lunch at my favorite restaurant. He's treating me like a princess and I can't help the guilt that's devouring me inside because I feel I'm not equally contributing to our relationship.

Nick doesn't think it's 'that big of a deal', the long distance relationship thing. I, on the other hand, feel like its torture, I honestly don't see what the point of the relationship is if we're never together, I mean, it's not like we plan on marrying each other. Don't get me wrong, I really like Nick, and my feelings for him deepen each and every day but that's what I'm afraid of, I might fall in love with him and get my heart broken in the end. Now, is that necessary?

I would never tell him all of this of course, just subtly suggest it. Which is what I've been trying to do for the past few days, but he just does not understand.

"Nick?"

"Hm Baby?" I cringe unintentionally. Oh, he's good. But I decide to stand my ground.

"If I ask you something, do you promise not to get mad?"

He looks down at me skeptically, "depends. What is it?"

"Am I really worth all of this?"

"Worth all of what?"

"This!" I emphasize my point by gesturing at the both of us. "You just dropping everything and randomly paying me a visit, watching all your friends with their girlfriends or boyfriends knowing you can't have what they have; a normal relationship with your own girlfriend-"

"Where is all of this coming from?" he interrupts, moving from on top of me to the edge of the bed. He runs his fingers through this hair in frustration.
"What're you trying to say, Luce?"

I move over next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Don't get angry, I'm just saying, what's the point of all of this if we barely ever get to see each other?"

"What the hell, Lucie?" In one abrupt movement, he gets up off the bed and turns around to face me, his face only confirming his anger as he glares at me. It scares me a little; I definitely did not anticipate this reaction. "You couldn't have broken up with me before I flew out here to see you?"

"I'm not breaking up with you, Nick."

"Then tell me what the hell you're doing 'cause I am so confused right now."

Why he is getting so angry? I have no idea, but I do know that his attitude is beginning to piss me off. "Look, I'm just trying to be rational here, I'm just being caring and all you're doing is yelling at me."

He leans over, so that he's at eye level with me and looks me straight in the eyes. "Did you ever think that maybe I'm yelling at you because I don't wanna lose you? Remember when you were little and your mom would yell at you whenever you did something dangerous or stupid? Sometimes people yell at you because they care about you...because they love you."

I shut my eyes tightly because I can already feel the tears fogging my view and all I can think about is: why didn't I do this earlier? "This is what I was afraid of, I knew this would happen!" I quickly rise up from my position on my bed and head for the door."

He grabs onto my arm, stopping me from going any further. "What? What're you so afraid of? That I love you?"

"You have to understand Nick, I just can't do that to myself, I can't do that to you, it won't end well and you know that."

He lets his arms drop to either side of him. He looks at me with so much hurt in his eyes, I swear I'm two seconds away from taking back everything I just said and falling back into his arms, but I stand my ground.

"Are you saying you don't...you don't love me back?" He says in a low whisper and at the sound of his voice cracking a tear rolls down my left cheek but I quickly wipe it away.

"Nick, you know I like you a lot-"

"But that's not enough..."

I sigh and look at him regretfully, but I know it's for the best.

"Fine." He sighs and I think I hear him mutter 'it's not like it's the first time' or something similar to that. "But I know you, and you know where to find me if you ever come to your senses again." He attempts a smile to lighten up the mood and I return one just as weak and insincere just to be polite. He holds out his arms for me. "Can I at least get a hug?"

I step into him, wrapping my arms around his torso and I feel him kiss the top of my head, letting his lips linger there for a while. As much as it hurts to think this is probably the last time I'll ever feel his arms around me like this and his lips on any part of my body -hell, this could be the last I'll ever see him- I know in my heart this is this is for the best...even if I do have to keep repeating it to myself over and over.

"You don't have to leave, Nick." I'm sitting on my bed watching him pack. He's leaving tonight and I'm trying to stop him because I really don't want to end things on a bad note.

"What? You expect me to stay here and sleep in your bed as if nothing's changed?"

"Well no, but-"

"Luce, you obviously don't understand but I love you, I can't just stay here with false hope that you'll somehow eventually feel the same way. You're the one who wanted this."

"Nick-"

"I'm not mad at you, if that's what you're worried about."

"Just please don't be bitter, I don't want to hear any angry songs about me."

He smiles at me for the first time since last night. "I'm not bitter, heart broken maybe, but not bitter." And I believe him, which reduces my stress level by tons. "As for the angry song, I can't promise anything." He winks at me and continues packing. He's so understanding, any other guy would have thrown a tantrum and ran out the chance they got. I can't believe he loves me, it's just so hard to process the thought...but once again, it's for the best.

"I love you."

"Nick-"

"I know, I just think you should hear it one last time."

I step into him, wrapping my arms around his torso and resting my head on his chest. "I'm going to miss you. I hope you know I really do care about you."

"I know babe." He kisses the top of my head. "I know you're just being the mature one. Damn Europeans." He mutters the last part so I won't hear but I decide to let it slide for his sake.

I watch as he turns around and begins to walk in the opposite direction. "Keep in touch, okay?" I call out to him and he turns around and winks at me, I'm not sure if he heard me or not, all I know is that more than anything, I wish things were more convenient for us and we didn't live miles upon miles apart. I also hope to God, he doesn't forget me.

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Twitter: Hortenceee