A/N: New chapter's up! Leave me comments, loves! :)

Chapter 6

Magnus poured himself a drink and sighed. There was a soft clink as a large ball of ice knocked against the side of his glass of whiskey, which gently rocked in Magnus' hand as he glided towards the open balcony doors. The accompanying bottle swung by his leg in his left hand. Usually he preferred his whiskey neat, but tonight he was feeling the urge for something cold and biting.

The autumn rain that had fallen earlier that day had finally let up an hour or so before. The night air felt chillier as a result, and the world outside felt wet and a touch miserable. He had spelled his balcony to deflect water so his seating area was still dry. In the right corner, his white hydrangeas swayed in a slight breeze.

He settled onto the black, wicker couch he had placed outside, set the opened bottle on the table beside him, and wrapped the thick, button down sweater he wore more securely around his body.

Though he still wore his makeup and pompadour, he had changed from the three-piece suit of his work day to black cotton pants, a long-sleeved red t-shirt…and the sweater. Alec's sweater. It had been left in the loft after the man had run out that morning following their…disagreement.

Magnus easily could have warmed the area with his magic, but he had elected not to and had worn the black-gone-gray, ragged cable knit item instead. Even though it stretched tight around his shoulders—he had a thicker and wider torso than Alec—Magnus buried himself in the garment and surrounded himself with the other man's aroma.

Alec's sweater smelled rich and oaky, deep and full like a dark forest filled with the quiet wonder of fecund life. Magnus inhaled a long breath and then took a sip from his glass. He rolled the whiskey over his tongue, closed his eyes, and focused on what his other senses were experiencing: the sting of the fall wind on his skin, the bite of his drink on his palate, the sound of New York winding down for the night, and the scent of Alec filling his lungs.

It was peaceful.

More peaceful than his day had been, to be sure. While his talk with Catarina had helped in many ways, in others it had made him more anxious. She had forced him to confront a hard truth: he was willing to sacrifice his own happiness to preserve Madzie's. Though it would freeze his heart in his chest, he would let Alec go if the man no longer wanted him. He'd had centuries of heartbreak as practice for surviving this one, but a quiet, tiny voice in the back of his mind screamed at him that Alec leaving him would destroy him utterly.

Magnus' hand shook slightly as he raised his glass to his lips again. So be it.

Before he could take another sip, however, his doorbell rang. His wards hadn't shivered nor had his doorman rung up a warning, so whomever it was either had a standing order to be let pass or was more powerful than he and had slipped through. He rubbed a finger lightly at the corner of his mouth as an arrogant smirk stretched over his lips. Doubtful, he thought with a bit of preening.

It wasn't Alec. He had long since given Alec a key and a welcome to always let himself in.

He also knew it wasn't Clary or Jace as those two would have simply barged in, headless of any semblance of decorum. Magnus wasn't really up for company, truth be told, and he most definitely wasn't up for shadowhunter shenanigans either. He prayed to every god he knew that he would be spared that tonight.

Magnus set his glass down on the round table beside him and rose from his seat. His silk house slippers whispered softly against his loft floor as he walked.

"Coming," he called out as he swung open his door and shaped his face into a politely annoyed scowl.

"Magnus…"

Magnus stood frozen in his place, his scowl instantly softening into a soft smile at the sight of his unexpected guest. It was Raphael. Definitely not the person he had expected to be there but welcome all the same.

Raphael looked a bit nervous. He held his body rigidly, shoulders back and arms straight down his sides as he entered through Magnus' loft door. It was more awkward than his usual casual swagger. He wore a fine, silk suit colored a dark burgundy over a black button down shirt. His hair was pleasingly coiffed, Magnus noted absently, and the pallor of his vampire nature provided a lovely contrast to the dark colors.

"Raphael, I was not expecting you this evening. You didn't even send a text."

"Yeah, well…it was a sudden decision."

Magnus gestured into his living room and Raphael followed him deeper into the loft.

"Are you hungry? I have some blood in the fridge. I could make you something."

"It's alright, I'll have something when I get back to the Dumort."

Magnus gasped and whipped his head around. "You haven't eaten at all tonight? Sit down, this will only take a second."

Magnus hurried over to his drinks station and began pulling open cabinets to find the ingredients he needed.

Magnus considered his alcohol options. "What do you think goes best with a cherry liqueur, bovine or equine?"

Over the counter of the drinks station, Magnus saw Raphael scowl a bit as he examined a wall of photographs and paintings on the far left of the room.

"I can honestly say I have never asked that question in my entire un-life, Magnus. I can just drink plain blood; you don't need to make everything into one of your overdone cocktails."

Raphael leaned in closer to a few hung frames as if it was his first time seeing them despite the fact that he had been in Magnus' loft and seen those exact pictures a hundred times before.

Raphael was fidgeting, or rather he was doing the Raphael equivalent of fidgeting. Magnus narrowed his eyes and decided to definitely add liquor. Maybe it would loosen Raphael up.

"Rude. Everyone loves my drinks."

Raphael turned to raise an eyebrow. "Everyone?"

Magnus rolled his eyes and said, "Well…except possibly Alec, but no matter about that, because I will find a drink for him soon enough."

As he spoke, he set to mixing up a Red Russian, intending on replacing the usual cranberry juice with blood.

"I think bovine would go well. I just got in a new batch of J-Positive a week ago. The broker assures me it was well oxygenated."

He summoned a chilled bag of blood from his plasma fridge and added some of it to his vampire mixer—both bag and mixer were spelled to prevent coagulation and encourage preservation. He went heavy on the blood since Raphael had said he hadn't eaten yet. He saved the rest of the blood and returned it to storage.

Magnus shook the mixer thoroughly and poured the finished drink into a glass. He forwent the ice as he didn't want the blood to dilute any further than it already would with the alcohol. Then he garnished the drink with a lemon wedge and moved towards his wayward, semi-adopted son with the glass outstretched and the mixer still in his other hand.

"Here you are. One Blood Russian," he said with a cheeky smile. "I was out on the balcony before you came. Shall we talk there?"

Raphael took the offered drink and followed Magnus out into the chilly, evening air.

Magnus wrapped the sweater he wore around him and sat on the wicker couch again, setting the vampire mixer next to his bottle of whiskey and taking up his own glass again. He sipped at his drink slowly and waited for Raphael to speak.

Raphael leaned back against the brick railing of Magnus' balcony drinking his own drink. Magnus noted that the vampire didn't grimace, so he counted the cocktail as a win and made a note to remember the mix for future vampire guests.

"I talked with Cat today," Raphael started.

"Did you? I saw her a few hours ago myself. We had lunch."

Raphael nodded but did not comment on that.

"Did she tell you about Manu?" Magnus asked, trying to keep the conversation going as Raphael faltered.

Raphael nodded again and his mouth stayed shut.

Magnus grew a tad impatient. "Raphael, I have to confess, I don't know why you've come here. You've barely said anything at all."

Raphael sighed and swigged more of his Blood Russian, turning out to face the city lights across the river.

Despite the noise of traffic from below, Raphael's voice was clear to Magnus as he spoke. "I talked to Cat today and she told me I was being selfish."

Magnus paused. "Selfish?" he asked tentatively.

"She was right."

He at least was talking now so Magnus let Raphael speak without interruptions, though he was even more confused than before. He poured more whiskey into his glass and kept drinking.

Raphael shifted and turned sideways to look at him. "Last week when I got angry over Clary and yelled at you, I shouldn't have done that." He looked down at his glass and said, "And during Valentine's attack, I shouldn't have had my vampires restrain you either, that was…rude."

"Rude?" Magnus queried with slightly mocking lilt. He could admit to himself that he was still bitter about that incident. He had never had a child of his actually restrain his magic like that before. It had not been an experience he had ever thought he would have, especially not done by Raphael.

Raphael flinched, avoiding Magnus' eyes. His head dipped in acquiescence and he added, "It was…the height of offensive. I shamed myself." His voice was pained at that last, vocal chords straining in his throat as he struggled to articulate.

Magnus held his breath.

Raphael was not one to express his emotions so openly. Not these kinds of emotions, at least. He was not repressed so much as reserved. He had needed to become an adult far earlier than any child should, even before he had been a vampire. He had trained himself, even as early as his teens, to cover his pain or fear with faultless bravado and unflinching intimidation. He had a core of iron in him. It was what made him such a formidable leader.

Though sometimes it manifests as mulishness, Magnus thought.

Still, even that strained voice told Magnus that Raphael was feeling much more than he let on. Magnus had had decades to become familiar with the man's body language, his voice, the look in his eyes when he kept in so much that he could not say.

So Magnus raised his left hand to Raphael, calling him to where he sat on the couch. He said not a word, simply held his hand out for the other to take.

Raphael let out a shaking breath and rushed to grab the offered hand. Magnus pulled the other man down next to him on the couch but carefully did not let go.

"I'm- I'm sorry, Magnus," Raphael said, voice thick and hesitant. He stared straight into Magnus' un-glamoured eyes as he spoke, facing his shame head on. Magnus searched Raphael's face. The other man was worried and a touch afraid.

Magnus smiled. "You're forgiven, Raphael."

Raphael closed his eyes and exhaled but his brow was still furrowed, mouth turned down into a frown. There was more, though Raphael did not speak.

"Say what's on your mind, Rapha," Magnus continued, squeezing the hand in his and resting both on his knee.

Raphael gave a little head shake. "I am sorry for how I handled everything but I'm not really sorry for how I feel about Clary."

It was Magnus' turn to look away. He pulled his hand from Raphael's and reached to pour more from his whiskey bottle.

"This again," he said in frustration.

"Yes, this again," returned Raphael. His voice sounded tight. The mulishness rearing its head again.

Magnus thought about Catarina a few days before. She had told him to think about Raphael's perspective. He bit his lip and studied the condensation on his whiskey glass, rubbing his thumb across the slight moisture.

"Magnus, I don't want to argue more but I will not change my stance on this. I should not have touched your ability to do magic but Meliorn was right. You and Luke are compromised by shadowhunters…and for you it's not just Alec but Clary as well."

Mentioning Isabelle in that moment would have been unconscionably cruel, especially with how it had ended between them recently. He could never be cruel to Raphael, so he kept silent. He listened like Catarina had told him.

Raphael's voice gentled. "It's- I know that Clary is different for you. You watched her grow throughout the years in a way that you'd never done before…"

Magnus caught Raphael's eye. His tone had gone a bit strange. Something Magnus had never heard from him before.

Raphael's jaw clenched. "I came to you as a vampire already and stayed this way until now. From what you and Ragnor have told me, I know that you have not really had children who grew up around you before. Not like Clary did."

Wonder swept over Magnus then. His mouth gaped a little and he swept his eyes over Raphael's entire form, taking in his body language.

"Are you jealous? Of Clary?"

"Don't be absurd," Raphael snapped quickly. "I am simply bringing to your attention your damned bleeding heart."

But Magnus would not be swayed from his discovery and the rigid way Raphael held himself gave proof to the fact. Jealousy. How startling. It was certainly not something Magnus had ever contemplated.

In truth, it was rare for Magnus to have near him more than one downworlder he considered a child, and during the same period of time. Often they were only in his life for short periods, a few months or a couple of years, and then gone about their lives or placed with a more permanent family if they were very young. It was what he had been trying to do with Madzie for so many months.

Sometimes he saw them again, sporadically usually, but sometimes they never returned. His heart still held them close, of course, but he had never been one to cling to someone who needed to grow away from him. Instead, he had tried to find comfort in the fact that they had found fulfilling lives and did not need him anymore.

Raphael was an exception. A child he had met when he was young and newly turned who stayed with him for a time and left, but who remained a constant fixture in his life nonetheless. Magnus had watched over him as the fledgling boy turned into a trusted lieutenant and then into a fearless leader.

Over the decades, Raphael had settled into a mercurial place in Magnus' life, shifting back and forth from child to friend to comrade, and occasionally to rival. Yet always there and always changing. Raphael had spoken like Magnus had never watched him grow up, but Magnus wondered if that was true.

"All the people I take in are unique, Rapha." He placed a hand on Raphael's shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "You say I have only seen Clary 'grow up' but I beg to disagree. I have seen you go from that revenant scrabbling the walls of a blood soaked room, lost and bitter and hurting, to the most powerful vampire clan leader in New York."

Magnus moved his hand to Raphael's cool cheek and rubbed a thumb over his temple. Raphael was paying rapt attention to Magnus, focusing hard on his words.

"Of all the children I have ever taken in, none have grown more before my eyes than you, Raphael."

Raphael froze in front of him with eyes suspiciously bright. He was silent. Magnus gave a gentle smile.

He took Raphael's empty glass and turned away to pour him more from the mixer, giving the vampire time to compose himself. Magnus felt his throat tighten. Perhaps I needed a moment as well, he thought.

By the time Magnus turned back around with Raphael's refilled drink, the vampire had recovered from whatever emotion he was feeling. He had unbuttoned his suit jacket and leaned back to lounge more casually on the wicker couch. He took the glass Magnus handed him and sipped nonchalantly as if the two men had never had the emotionally intimate moment at all.

Magnus crossed his legs and clasped his hands around his raised knee, leaving his empty whiskey glass on the table for now. He studied the Manhattan Bridge and the car lights flitting across it in the distance.

"Catarina said much the same as you, Raphael," he started. "About Clary and my judgement with regards to her. She told me to 'recognize the truth of my heart.' I am not…unaware of my bias. Even without you or Cat or Meliorn reminding me. You are right. Clary is a bit special to me."

He looked at Raphael and the vampire gave a self-satisfied hum. "But you're a little bit off about why, Raphael. You're a bit wrong about that."

Magnus circled his thumbs, brushing against the soft pants he wore. He shook his head a little and took in a slow inhalation.

"I took her childhood away from her, Rapha," he said, voice unsteady. "I stole it from her one memory at a time."

Raphael straightened slowly and watched Magnus carefully.

"When she was little, I would watch her draw and play. She was so vibrant and happy. Sometimes Jocelyn and Luke would leave her with me to babysit when they couldn't find anyone else." Magnus measured his words then, unsure how to articulate what he had done to Clary.

"She would get so scared, Raphael," he whispered. "Every time. I would start the memory spell and Clary would get so frightened, even with Jocelyn or Luke there to comfort her. It never mattered. Her body would get tense and her voice would shake as she begged us not to do it. We always had to tie her down to finish the spell."

Magnus was breathing faster and his hands gripped his knee painfully. Raphael stayed silent.

"I told myself over and over that it was Jocelyn's choice. That though I didn't agree, what we were doing was what their family needed."

"She was her mother, Magnus. It was her decision."

Magnus jerked his head sharply to the left in dismissal. "No, I was trying to absolve myself. I ripped a little girl's mind to shreds, tore out pieces of her life, and stuck them in a demon. And then we lost the memories forever."

He fell silent, remembering meeting Clary again after over a year since her previous memory wipe. She had bumped into him in his club. She had been crying, face crumpled in fear from what he had later learned was her first time seeing a demon kill. The frisson of guilt he had felt when she had bumped him had shaken him to the core. Afterwards, he had only been able to watch in shock as Clary had melted into the crowd of dancing bodies.

The same guilt had made him leave his protective lair and meet with her and Jace about the necklace. He had desired the necklace too, of course. It was a precious memory, after all, but ultimately it had been Clary who had made him agree to the shadowhunters' dangerous meeting, going against his dear Elias' wishes. Then everything had gone completely to hell—quite literally in one way—and he had lost Elias and so many others to the Circle. One child dead because of his choking guilt over another.

Magnus looked over to Raphael, his face heavy with his own shame.

"Clary came to me after Jocelyn died. She wanted to find a way to resurrect her. The only thing I had for her were platitudes about death and a faded memory of a time she can never get back, pulled from my own head."

It was Raphael's turn to give comfort and he squeezed Magnus' shoulder as a return of Magnus' previous gesture.

Magnus rose from his seat and crossed over to his hydrangeas in the corner. He gently held a white flowerhead in his hand. The plants would need to be pruned soon for the winter. Perhaps in three weeks he would set to work. Make it a whole learning experience with Madzie.

"Do you know the meaning of the hydrangea in the language of flowers?" he asked suddenly.

He did not turn around to look but he heard Raphael make a noise to indicate that he did not know. He heard a clink as if Raphael had set his glass on the table.

"Like many things, the meaning changes depending on time and place and color of flower, of course." He stroked a leaf as he spoke then moved to another flowerhead. "For some they mean 'something sincere.' For others they represent a 'deep gratefulness for understanding.' In parts of Asia, a pink hydrangea means 'you are the beat of my heart.' Pretty meanings, yes?"

Magnus turned to Raphael abruptly and smiled viciously. "When I was in London in the 1870s—the time when I met Tessa and grew to love these flowers—the hydrangea represented 'heartlessness.'"

Raphael's face clouded with anger. He stood and strode over to Magnus, grabbing one of his upper arms tight, though still mindful of his vampire strength, and shaking Magnus a little.

"Will you flagellate yourself for all of eternity? Let Clary say and do anything to you to assuage your guilt? That will not help her or the Down World. Shall we all pay the price of your self-castigation?"

Magnus felt shame again. He closed his eyes and crossed his arms, rubbing one bicep with a thumb.

Was he really making others pay for his guilt? He knew that Clary was a weak spot but was he putting others in danger for it? He had thrown Camille to the Clave at the first sign that her reckless actions were threatening Raphael and Simon. Was he just as guilty of that sin?

Raphael's voice softened. "You did as much as you could, Magnus. More than anyone would expect. Try to find forgiveness from Clary, if that helps, but for God's sake, don't ruin yourself in some misguided attempt to do right by her."

"Perhaps you are right." Magnus looked at Raphael with a self-deprecating grin and rubbed Raphael's hand on his arm. He moved away and flopped himself back onto the couch, pouring another glass for Raphael and taking up his whiskey again. "I will think on it."

Raphael jerked sharply on his suit jacket and followed Magnus back to the wicker couch, accepting his refilled glass. "That's all I ask."

Magnus snorted. "No, it's not all you ask. You wanted to kill Clary, Raphael. I haven't forgotten that. I won't countenance Clary dying. Not by your hand or any other. I will work on holding Clary accountable more; in return, you will stop offering up her life as the solution to every problem."

Raphael scoffed and pursed his lips but gave a short nod in agreement. "Fine," he said begrudgingly.

Magnus laughed. "Was that so painful?"

"Only a little," Raphael replied with a grin, vampire teeth flashing.

They were silent for a period, just drinking and watching the city lights, then Raphael made a gesture. It was a slight hesitating movement in his lips as if he were about to speak but was uncertain of whether he should.

"Mi padre…" he started falteringly. "I told you once of him."

"He was not a good man."

The only thing Raphael had told Magnus concerning his father was that he had hit him once back in Raphael's home town of Zacatecas, Mexico. Raphael had very resolutely made sure the man never did such again. As the son of two awful fathers, Magnus had instantly related.

"Yes," Raphael said slowly. "'Not a good man' sums it up."

The vampire twisted his head and pulled at his collar a bit. Magnus watched him steadily and waited for him to continue, which Raphael did soon enough.

"The word 'father' has no meaning for me. It is a dead word written on the face of a dead man." He turned to look at Magnus. "Know that though I have thrown away the word and all but forgotten he who gave me this face, I will never do this to you. You are the father of my heart."

Magnus had no words for Raphael. His heart squeezed tight in his chest and he felt an overwhelming swell of love and affection. He had understood for many decades that Raphael felt grateful to him for his help restoring his faith and keeping his promise to his dear mother, but the other man had never verbalized it.

In all that time, Magnus had known of the gratitude but this was the first time Raphael had referred to him as a type of father. Magnus had felt like Raphael was like a son to him for a long time, of course, and he freely told Raphael about that affection. He had never dared to think Raphael would acknowledge that connection in this way.

Faced with the bold truth of Raphael's bared emotions, Magnus felt an eternal joy.

It was late when Alec finally made it to Magnus' loft. Nearly 2 in the morning, by his estimation. Jace had logged a demon materialization on Staten Island, so the Lightwood siblings had gone to handle it. He had only managed to take a quick shower before heading to Magnus' and he hoped he didn't still smell of demon ichor.

He used his key as he normally did these days and let himself in.

"Magnus?" he called out as he un-glamoured his weapons, unbuckled their holsters, and rested them near the door.

"Magnus?"

Alec hung up his jacket and moved into the loft. He heard murmurs coming from the living room area.

"On the balcony, Alexander," he heard, then Magnus' voice lowered back to murmurs. Someone was already here.

A laugh filled the loft, low and gravely…and not Magnus' laugh. Alec picked up the pace and hurried through the open balcony doors. The cold made him shiver but he resisted the urge to rub his arms.

He glanced to his left and found Magnus sitting on his patio couch, face thrown back in glee. He had a drink in his hand and his face was slightly flushed, either from the cold, the drink, or the laughter he had just let out.

Magnus still had his hair done up like he'd remembered and his hands were covered in rings. He wore casual clothes though, having clearly changed out of his suit. Also, Alec wasn't certain but he was pretty sure the other man was wearing his sweater.

Beside Magnus sat Raphael. He had his suit jacket off and thrown over the back of the couch. He also had a drink in hand; red, likely blood, and nearly gone from the glass. A plate of lemons, a whiskey bottle, and a large mixer sat next to them both on the small patio table.

Raphael was smiling widely at Magnus when Alec came through the door but he turned at the sight of Alec. His wide smile, one Alec had never seen before, transformed into such a knowing smirk, and Alec wondered if the two had been talking about him.

"Raphael," Alec said neutrally.

He was trying not to sound nasty, given Magnus' presence, but Alec still had a hard time around the vampire. Even though both Isabelle and Magnus had tried multiple times to insist that her addiction problems weren't truly Raphael's fault and that he was a victim as well, Alec struggled to accept it. Every time he saw the man now, all he can remember is walking in on him sucking the blood from his little sister and her looking like death warmed over. He knew in his mind that Aldertree was the real perpetrator, but his heart hadn't quite caught up. Not even all these months later.

"Lightwood," Raphael replied. "Coming in quite late, aren't you? What if Magnus had been asleep?"

Alec bristled. "What are you doing here so late then?" Didn't he have a vampire clan to run?

Magnus made a tutting noise. "Boys, boys…let's not start a war in my home, yes? I just redid this balcony, you know."

Raphael sucked his teeth but relented. Alec felt it was in good form to do the same.

Raphael stood then and set his glass on the small table by the patio couch. He grabbed up his suit jacket and pulled it on.

"Magnus, it's time I got going anyway. Hopefully Simon hasn't burned down the entire Dumort by now."

Magnus set his glass down as well and rose. Alec shuffled awkwardly out of their way as they walked back through the living room to the front door. Alec continued his awkward shuffle nearby, trying not to look so much like he was intruding even though he was clearly hearing everything.

"Call me, alright, Rapha?" Magnus said to him. His boyfriend opened the door for the other man and stepped to the side.

Raphael gave a quick glance back to Alec and then said to Magnus, "Remember what I said, Magnus. I meant every word."

Then Alec watched as Magnus' whole posture changed in a way familiar to Alec though he wasn't sure in what way. His face grew soft and indulgent, then he raised a hand to gently cup Raphael's face.

"I won't, mijo. Thank you."

Raphael took hold of the hand on his face, pressed a short kiss to its back, and was gone from the loft without another word.

Magnus closed the door gently, waved a blue covered hand to bring up a ward, and turned to Alec.

Alec was busy thinking. He had come here tonight with a purpose. A plan to talk to Magnus and work out their problems. Or at least talk enough that he healed some of the rift between them. He hadn't expected Raphael to be there, and his presence had slightly thrown Alec off. A recurring theme that day, it seemed, what with Madzie that morning and Raj that afternoon.

All at once Alec realized where he'd seen that soft posture Magnus had sported mere seconds ago. It was the look Magnus got whenever he talked to Madzie.

Alec licked his lips, mouth suddenly dry. Madzie was the reason he was here after all. Or his feelings about Madzie and Magnus, rather. He felt awkward suddenly though and whatever he had been planning to say had disappeared from his mind.

He had never really considered Raphael and Madzie in the same way before. Well, he had known Magnus and Raphael were very close. Magnus' reaction when Alec had punched the vampire out had attested to that. Just then, however, Magnus had called Raphael "son" and the other man had in turn kissed his hand. It had felt like a deeply personal moment, and a part of Alec had felt like he was intruding.

A viciously jealous part of him rose up then but Alec beat it back down and smothered it.

"What was Raphael doing here?" Alright, maybe he hadn't quite smothered it because that had come out far too caustically. Too late, however; the words were already out there.

Magnus gave a confused smile but good-naturedly answered. "Oh, he just came by to talk about some things. Time really got away from us. I didn't realize it was so late."

Alec nodded and licked his lips again, feeling like he was at an impasse.

"I came over to talk too," he managed.

Magnus checked his watch, then yawned. "It's so late, darling. I thought you wouldn't be coming by tonight."

Magnus moved back into the living room. He snapped his fingers to call his magic and made a motion. Alec saw from the window that the drinks outside disappeared. Magnus made another wave and the balcony doors shut.

"What did you wish to talk about, Alexander?" Magnus asked as he dropped down on the living room couch. He adjusted the sweater he was wearing as he settled back.

Alec gingerly sat down next to him. He leaned forward, pressed his elbows onto his spread thighs, and laced his fingers together. Alec stared at the table for a second longer and then spoke, keeping his eyes forward so he wouldn't get too tongue tied looking at Magnus.

"I wanted to talk about this morning…Madzie a- and everything else."

"I thought you would need more time."

"I do. I mean, I still need more time," Alec said. "I just meant that I still don't know what I'm feeling."

"Okay…" From the corner of his eye, he saw Magnus cross his legs.

"I talked to Izzy and Jace about it today. They said a lot of things that made me think."

He felt Magnus rub a hand soothingly over his back. "Do you want to talk about it now?"

Alec instinctively leaned into the touch. Magnus' hand paused, then continued in slow circles.

"Not now," Alec said. "I still need…I'm still processing things. I just came here because I needed…I don't know. I wanted to see you."

Magnus hummed. His legs uncrossed and Alec felt the couch dip as Magnus got closer. Magnus reached his right hand to gently settle on Alec's forearm, leaned his front into Alec's side, and rested his left arm in a V-shape across Alec's back.

Alec felt Magnus lay his cheek onto Alec's shoulder blade, face turned to Alec's spine. When he spoke, Alec could feel the words vibrating across his back.

"I wanted to see you too. I missed you." Magnus' thumb stroked on his forearm softly. Alec reached over to cover the hand with his own and his fingers brushed against the sleeve of the sweater Magnus wore.

"Is this my sweater?"

Magnus nodded against his back.

"Why are you wearing my sweater?"

Magnus paused. "I missed you."

Three words. That's all it took to unmake him.

Alec let out a shuddering breath and snapped his eyes shut, trying to hold on to his heart. It was a losing battle. One he had gladly lost a year before when he had stepped down from his wedding altar and kissed Magnus in front of his entire world.

Alec started to move back against the couch and Magnus unfolded from around him to give him room. Magnus made a move like he was going to scoot away completely but before he could, Alec grabbed his hand again, pulled him back around, and kissed him. Magnus gasped and Alec took the opportunity to deepen the kiss.

Alec started with slow dips of his tongue into Magnus' open mouth, taking his time and tasting the other man. Magnus tasted of whiskey and lemons, sharp and bitter. Alec swiped his tongue deeper into Magnus' mouth, chasing the citrusy flavor.

Magnus groaned deep in his throat and reached a hand up to clutch at Alec's shoulder. He moved his mouth languidly against Alec's; lips sliding, tongue laving, goatee scraping, and teeth gently nibbling. It was a wet and messy kiss, and it was growing more frantic by the second.

Alec turned more fully towards Magnus and wrapped his right arm around Magnus' waist. He slid his other hand up Magnus' arm to his neck, his face, and into his coiffed hair. He was going to ruin the neat strands and he absolutely did not care.

Alec pushed forward and Magnus leaned back, never breaking their kissing, until Magnus was pressed down onto the couch and Alec was stretched over top of him. Alec broke their kiss to trail more kisses across Magnus' high cheek bones, making his way down his face and to his neck. He settled there and covered the area in pecks, pulling aside his borrowed sweater to reach more of Magnus' skin.

"Alec," Magnus moaned. It was the most heavenly sound he had ever heard Magnus make.

Raziel, he had missed this…missed Magnus. He had seen him just that morning but so much had happened that it hadn't felt like a proper meeting. Not the way they were meant to be. Just like this, heavy and deep and longing.

Alec mouthed over Magnus' Adams Apple, always so distracting, and inhaled a deep breath through his nose. Magnus smelled of Alec and the chill of fall rain. Beneath that was pure Magnus, dark and lustrous. The headiest scent Alec had ever encountered. He could get drunk on that smell; maybe he already was.

Alec growled a little and shifted to settle more completely between Magnus' legs. He pulled his hand up from Magnus' waist to behind his neck and began massaging the older man there. Magnus hummed in appreciation and rubbed his own hands across Alec's back.

Alec moved back up to Magnus' mouth and laid more gentle kisses there. He felt a hand move to his cheek, a thumb rubbing over his eyebrow.

They stayed kissing like that for a while. Alec lost track of time. It could have been minutes or it could have been hours. Alec had no idea nor any inclination to move away to find out.

Eventually, they slowed. Magnus pulled back a half an inch and rubbed his hand through Alec's hair as Alec opened his eyes to look at the beautiful man. They were both breathing heavily but they were still so close together, one breath going back and forth from mouth to mouth.

Alec stared deeply into Magnus golden cat's eyes. They were gorgeous and deadly and vulnerable, all at once. His own eyelids felt heavy and he could barely keep them open.

Magnus smiled and pressed a kiss to Alec's temple. "Let's go to bed," he whispered against Alec's skin. His breath floated across Alec's ear and Alec trembled.

Alec nodded. The moment Magnus had said the words, every ache and pulled muscle from his earlier demon fight made itself known.

The early morning he had made to catch the earliest portal was suddenly coming back to bite him in the ass.

"To sleep?" he asked stubbornly.

Magnus chuckled lightly. "Are you really up for anything else?"

Alec felt his cheeks heat up and he was certain he was blushing fiercely. Still he smiled with Magnus and replied, "Probably not, but I was willing to make an effort, if you were."

Magnus threw his head back then and let out a loud laugh. His arms tightened around Alec and a single leg moved to wrap over Alec's thighs.

"Darling, I would love to rally with you but I think I might actually have to disappoint you."

Alec poked at Magnus' side. "Really, old man? Not even one mildly embarrassing, tired romp?"

Magnus gasped in faux affront. "Old man? How dare you! I am 585 years young, and don't you forget it."

Alec snorted. "Last month you said you were 642."

"Did I?"

"And last year you said you were around for the Fall of Rome which, if my history is correct, was over fifteen hundred years ago."

Magnus huffed. "I don't recall…."

"Sure, Magnus. Play the spotty memory card. Strange how it only happens some of the time, like when your bluff gets called." Alec's smile was threatening to tear his face in two.

Magnus laughed again and kissed him with a loud smack. Alec returned the affection.

Magnus pulled back and brushed a finger over Alec's cheek. "I'll endeavor to be more precise in the future."

Alec rolled his eyes, not believing a word.

"Now come on, Alexander, it's nearly 3:30 am. We really should be going to bed…to sleep."

Alec would not admit that he pouted in that moment but later Magnus told him he had made exactly that face.

Magnus unwrapped his limbs from around Alec and pushed up at the other man's shoulders until Alec sat up from on top of him. Magnus rose and held his hand out for Alec to take, leading them both back into his bedroom.

Alec changed into comfortable pajamas as Magnus removed his makeup, hair gel, and accessories. The two settled into Magnus' bed with Alec on his side and Magnus spooning against his back, pressing short and gentle kisses to the back of his neck. Alec had never felt safer or more cherished.

Alec had been nervous on his way over that evening. He'd been unsure how to move forward after that morning. Nothing had truly been settled for him about Madzie, nothing concrete had fallen into place in his heart really. Yet, somehow Alec felt one hundred times better.

Maybe it was that Magnus had missed him or that Alec had been so starved for Magnus too…or maybe it was just being able to joke around after such a tense day. Whatever it had been, Alec hoped the feeling would continue.

If he could keep feeling like this, all of the anxieties Alec had about the future would simply wash away.