As You Wish Chapter 6: Dontcha, a naruto fanfic

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FYI, the full chapter title is "Dontcha wish your boyfriend was hot like Hi", but that didn't fit. :(

It was well past midnight when Kakuzu, tired and irritated, sat opposite of the man that had been a mere ghost only minutes before, he was sure. "Alright, let's try this again: you flew to the bed, and suddenly your body became solid?"

Hidan nodded and clicked his tongue in annoyance when a strand of hair loosened yet again and he needed to brush it back for the millionth time. "God fucking damnit, why won't it stay the way it always did?!"

"You probably need hairgel. Human hair does not – nevermind." Kakuzu pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm going to call Itachi first thing in the morning and ask him to take over the restaurant tomorrow. We need you to –"

A loud rumbling noise interrupted Kakuzu and Hidan looked around, startled, before suddenly clutching at his stomach. "Shit, Kakuzu, this is – this does not feel good. It's like… uncomfortable. To the point where I want it to go away. Kinda like someone's twisting my insides around."

Kakuzu sighed. "It's pain, Hidan. You'll feel plenty of it now that you're human. This particular feeling is hunger."

Hidan frowned. "Being human sucks."

"Come on." Kakuzu climbed out of the bed. "We'll get you something to eat."

Hidan supported himself up on his hands, pushed himself up and swung his legs off the bed. Alright, that worked. Now he just needed to stand up… walking couldn't be that hard, right? After all, humans walked pretty early in their life. He narrowed his eyes, trying to remember how Kakuzu had gotten up. Pull himself up, straighten his knees and – "Whoah!"

Kakuzu barely managed to catch Hidan before the former genie fell face-forward by grabbing his wrist and pulling him up against himself. Hidan could only blink in shock, feeling the pressure of Kakuzu's hand tight around his wrist, and Kakuzu's arm warm and firm around his middle, supporting him. His heart beat rapidly in his chest and his face suddenly felt incredibly hot.

Hidan was so overwhelmed by all these sensations that he completely forgot to move. Kakuzu could only sigh. "You just had too much swing. Try again."

The silver-haired man snorted and yanked his arm free. "Don't touch me." He managed somehow; he swayed a little too much when he walked, trying to get the right balance, walking speed and distance between his feet, but he managed to get to the bedroom door and –bam – smacked straight into it.

Kakuzu blinked before slapping his hand over his face, sighing. "Humans have to open doors, Hidan."

"Shut up," the silver-haired man grumbled, though it sounded kind of nasal now. "I knew that."

"Right."

"This fucking hurts."

"Yet sadly, it was not hard enough to break your nose. Now hurry up, I don't want to stay in here forever." Kakuzu grabbed Hidan by the shoulder, pulled him back and opened the door before walking though it past the still grumbling ex-genie. "Since you've never eaten before, you don't have a preference in food, do you?"

The first thing Hidan ever ate was leftover spare ribs. It quickly became apparent to him that yes, he would definitely like eating. He liked the way things could taste so differently, and yet they all tasted good. They even felt differently when he chewed – they were hard, crunchy, soft, and chewy and the list went on.

Maybe being human wouldn't be so bad after all.

After eating and practicing walking, the sun was starting to rise and Hidan was exhausted. Kakuzu decided to be nice for once and let him sleep in his bed while he took care of other things.

The first thing he did was to go to the restaurant, where he had a long talk with Kisame and Itachi about how an important and difficult situation came up, and the two agreed to help him with managing the restaurant until he had run interviews to employ an assistant for himself.

For the first time in a long time, he also checked on his shares. Hidan's appearance had really turned his life upside down, he noted with a sigh. But the shares rose just in time for him to sell some and buy some others and he found a good deal, earning him some money.

"Violet…"

He opened his eyes and blinked lazily; why was his sight so fuzzy? He couldn't see or here well, but what he heard was Yellow's voice, and what he saw was a young face framed by long blond here and a wide, wide grin.

"Do you want to see my art, Violet?"

He tried to say something along the lines of "Fuck no", but all that came out was a weird gurgling noise, and without his consent, his hands reached out – but the hands that should be his were tiny and chubby.

What the hell was going on?!

Yellow grinned down at him and opened his palms, from which two white birds (not real ones, he quickly noticed. He still had a grudge against birds.) arose, flying into the air and exploding in a burst of colours.

A baby laughed and he wondered where it came from, but when he saw "his" tiny chubby hands move, he quickly realized that it must have been his own. Yellow's grinning face came back into view. "Did you like it, yeah? Art is a blast!"

"Yellow," he could hear his sister's voice chide, "Violet's a baby, don't scare him with your fireworks!"

"But he likes them, yeah! He laughed!"

She sighed, and finally her face came into view. She looked younger and – whoah, did she smile? He was pretty sure he had never seen her smile before. "I came to say bye. Orange and I will be sent to earth soon to serve the humans for a while. Try not to miss me too much, okay?"

Yellow rolled his eyes. "He's a baby, Blue, he's not going to miss you."

Blue turned to him, glaring. "You better run now…"

When Kakuzu arrived back home, Hidan was sitting on the windowsill again, watching the prism. The sunlight touched his pale skin in the most angelic way Kakuzu could imagine, making it look as if he glowed.

Almost out of instinct, he reached out to touch the ex-genie's arm, wanting assurance that he really was still here and not transparent again.

Hidan glanced down at Kakuzu's hand on his arm for a moment before looking at the prism again. "I think I timetraveled while I slept, seriously."

Kakuzu couldn't help but smile. "It's called a dream. While you sleep, your subconscious tries to digest what was on your mind. What did you dream?"

Hidan shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest. "Nonesense about my siblings."

"A memory?"

"I don't remember my childhood. Too long ago."

"I see." Kakuzu studied Hidan; his face was pale, but that was nothing new. His eyes seemed more vibrant than ever, shining purple, and even his hair, which Kakuzu had always thought of as silver, had a pale violet tint when the sun shone on it. His gaze wandered further down, over his chest and arms. "You're cold."

Hidan frowned. "I'm what?"

"You don't feel comfortable, right? It's not like pain, but uncomfortable." Damn, how did you explain how being cold felt to someone? "You've crossed your arms over your chest for warmth and there are goose bumps on your skin."

Damn, did he feel stupid. It wasn't summer; of course Hidan would be cold shirtless.

"So what do I do to make it go away?"

Kakuzu thought for a moment. "First, we'll get you into the shower. Then I'll lend you some of my clothes so we can go get clothes for you." Maybe they should ask Sakura for help – then again, she didn't seem like the fashion doll type.

Okay, so helping Hidan shower was weird. Kakuzu ended up in his boxers himself because he didn't want to get his clothes wet and that stupid idiot kept complaining. First the water was too hot, then it was too cold, and he didn't know what to do with the shampoo, then he got it in his eye, he didn't like the way the shower gel smelled and then he slipped and bruised his poor behind.

Kakuzu decided that the next time he moved to a different apartment, he would need a bathtub and, if Hidan remained with a physical body, an extra room.

Hidan wasn't that much shorter than Kakuzu – 8cm, and yes, they had measured it – and his stature was also buff, but Kakuzu still had a hard time picking clothes of his own that would fit the ex-genie.

Of course, a big source of distraction was Hidan standing beside him. Naked.

"Alright," he finally mumbled. "These are boxers. They're underwear. Put them on."

And finally, Hidan wasn't as naked anymore. Hidan being Hidan though – he complained. "I don't like this, seriously. Do I have to wear them?"

"Yes." He sighed, holding out a very old pair of jeans. "Now these. They're jeans."

Hidan had a little more problems putting them on; they were a little tight even on him, and Kakuzu remembered that the reason he didn't wear them anymore was that he had accidentally washed them too hot and thus they had shrunk. In the end they fit him though – and actually, his butt looked rather nice in them, too.

"Alright. I'm not giving you one of my expensive shirts, so here, this is a sweater." An argyle sweater at that; completely nerdy, and of course Hidan pulled a face.

"It's fucking ugly, seriously. I'm not wearing it."

"I wish for you too wear this sweater."

"Damn you! Kakuzu, you dick!"

And ah, he was relieved to see that Hidan could still use his magic. He smirked at the ex-genie, studying his now slightly messed up hair, red cheeks, sulky frown and argyle sweater. "While we're at it, we're going to need money to buy things for you and I'm not spending my hard-earned money on you. I wish for 1000 bucks in cash."

Hidan smiled sweetly, snapping his fingers. "Granted."

At first there was nothing and Kakuzu started to feel suspicious, but then there were strange noises – like scratching or buzzing.

Kakuzu slowly, very slowly looked down at the floor.

Scratching and buzzing… like bugs. Like 1000 bugs.

His fists were shaking with anger and he promptly slammed down his foot, crushing a few of the poor animals. "Hidan…"

The genie's sweet smile turned into a smirk. "You said 1000 bugs. I only granted your wish."

"Bucks! Money! Get back here you little –"

Kakuzu hated shopping for three reasons. The first was that he had to spend money, the second was that there were people all around him and the third was that whenever he went to the city with someone, he lost them.

And so, after he paid for a large bag with clothes for Hidan, he turned around and was met with nothing.

Hidan sighed loudly, practically throwing himself onto a bench by a small fountain. Sadly, the water was turned off – Hidan thought that it might have been cool to play with the water for a bit. He liked water.

Damn it, his feet ached, he was irritated from his sense of balance still being slightly whack and he had lost Kakuzu. What was he going to do now? He didn't know the way back to Kakuzu's apartment and if he was far too tired to go search for him. Maybe if he was lucky enough, Kakuzu might find him…

Either way, he needed a break, so he stayed firmly on his ass. Until he heard giggling. He quickly looked around scowling. Was someone mocking him?!

Sure enough, there was a group of girls in their late teens standing not too far from him; they kept looking at him, whispering and giggling. He made sure to put on his best glare.

After about a minute, one of the girls finally approached him; when he saw her weird orange tan and painted face he immediately disliked her. "Can I sit next to you?"

"No."

"Wow. Uh, direct." She forced a grin. "Are you waiting for someone?"

"Yes."

"Your girlfriend?"

Hidan rolled his eyes. "Fuck no. I'm waiting for my master."

She appeared confused for a moment before her jaw dropped open. "Your – whoah. Whoah, okay. Sorry, I didn't –"

"Hidan," a low voice growled darkly, and sure enough, Hidan spotted Kakuzu and boy, did he look pissed. "You better get your scrawny ass over right now before I kill you."

Now, Hidan was not dumb. He was rebellious and spiteful and liked to pick fights, but he knew when it was better to just do what Kakuzu said – and this was exactly one of those moments, and so he grudgingly got up. "Don't be so pissed! I was the one who lost you; it was way more dangerous for me, seriously!"

"Why else do you think I was –" Kakuzu stopped talking and narrowed his eyes even more. "Let's just go now. We have some essentials and clothes; we can get the rest another time." Without waiting for a reply, he turned around and walked off.

Hidan quickly caught up. "Hey, hey, hey! You fucking – I don't want to walk, my feet seriously hurt and I'm tired and hungry and thirsty! Kakuzu! Kakuzu, wait!"

"I'm home!"

Tobi hummed under his breath and bumped the door closed with his bum since his hands were occupied with bags and keys before he toed off his shoes and then proceeded to the living room of his small apartment. "I brought dinner! Hey, Deidara, are you there?"

When he got no reply, he left the bag with food in the kitchen, put his keys on the counter and shrugged off his jacket. "Deidara?"

He found the blond in the living room, wearing one of his old shirts backwards, bangs for once not in his face, forming a lump of clay.

Tobi grinned, approaching his roommate. "Whatcha doing, Deidara? Aren't you hungry?"

The blond sent him a dirty look. "Don't annoy me, I'm making art."

"Art?" The Uchiha raised an eyebrow, looking down at the rather formless clay. "It must be modern art then…" He slapped Deidara's back in a friendly way. "Isn't that right?!"

If looks could kill, Tobi would have been as dead as someone who got crushed by a rock. "Shut your mouth, yeah."

But of course, Tobi completely ignored it. "So what is it supposed to be?" His face scrunched up quizzically. "Oh, I know! It's… a lump of clay in the shape of a lump of clay!"

Deidara's hand twitched. "One more word and you will regret it, Tobi."

"Don't worry." He grinned at his roommate. "Tobi understands your tortured heart! Even if others don't call it art, Tobi considers it as a masterpiece!"

Getting the clay removed from his nose, ears, teeth and hair was more of a bitch than Tobi could have imagined.