This is one of those rush-chapters. Written in a soggy halfday-halfnight state of mind. And I'm darn proud of it. I wrote this the night I got home from England, about ninety days ago. This might be the most realistic and biggest piece of chaos I wrote down.
I put in a few warnings, some things may be very graphic. I wanted to write so realistic as I could make it. This is a story about war and that's where this chapter is about. About the way a human turns into an animal, kill or be killed. Even or cute little Lerner turns out less innocent.
Chapter 6) White Rabbit
The sun was down a long time ago before the platoon walked into a basis, called RedFort in Soui Cut. Lerner tired, sticky and sore till bone stumbled to a small fire, with a few soldiers around it. Four of them where playing poker, another sat down quite and eating some stuff out of a cane.
Lerner sat down next to that guy, he felt horrible and didn't want to be bothered much. His just healed wounds on his thighs where burning. He hadn't eat much that day, in the morning he felt to sick to eat, in the afternoon there was no time.
'I wish I knew what is going on here.' Lerner thought miserable.
It took the beans some time to cook, some steam came out of the hole he pierced in with a cut knife he borrowed from the silent man next to him. He watched as the flames grew around the dry wood and listened to the curses and laughter of the man playing poker, gambling away there last few pennies.
"Mind if I join you sailor?" A familiar voice asked when he was about to eat. He nodded to Mosh, who looked exhausted, a thorn bush must have cut him in the face a few time, red lines of blood crossed his face several times. When he sat down he moaned and took off his helmed.
There where also a few scratches on his skull, Lerner noticed.
Mosh saw his look and whipped over his head, leaving a red line of blood on his sleeve. "Fell down a few times, I'm not use to climb anything, defiantly not with something the weight of my own body on my back."
Lerner gave him a little smile, he'd remembered his first horrible fall down, dragging a few more soldiers along. How he had been screamed at while he was in a great deal of pain.
"I'm hungry." Mosh stated and his bright blue eyes lingered for his cane. "But I've already ate all my stuff."
Lerner swallowed the beans that tasted to nothing and handed it to Mosh. "Here this stuff tasted like crap anyway."
The boy smiled, hungrily and started to eat in a rapid speed. "How long… 've you been 'ere?" He asked between a few bites.
" 'Bout hundred something, something I guess." He answered a bit amused by the quick way the boy eat his food.
Mosh looked up from his food. "You dunno for sure?" He shrugged. "That ain't smart."
"I stopped counting, it doesn't matter much does it?" Lerner said. He'd stopped counting since he woke up in the hospitable bed. Because nobody seemed to know how long he'd been there for sure. And what did it matter? If he would die, he would die. If someone or something thought he had a good reason to get home in one piece he would get home. Somehow.
"It does, it's 'bout getting home." The boy replied. "I wanna get home."
Lerner had to grin. "Don't we all?"
"Some more then another, I just don't belong here." Mosh said a bit sad.
"Who does?" Lerner replied clear-headed.
Mosh made a motion with his head to a couple of man reloading there rifle. "They do, they don't care but I do. I'm going home, very soon."
Lerner looked at the boy, slightly mocking. "How can you be so sure, you're here for like, a month?"
He shrugged. "Elias told me, he would get me home."
Lerner froze for a moment, a few old memories flashed back. Elias laughing down in the hutch with there friends, dancing, smoking dope throw pipes, making stupid jokes no-one could remember the day after. Talking about there last sweet-sweet time with some woman. Showing off, getting high from the bowls of grass. That way they kept sane, it kept them in some kind of balance, so there mental state was still able to fight, but see the difference between fighting and murderer innocent victims. Quickly he pushed the thoughts away.
"Didn't you hear? Elias is dead."
Mosh looked up to him and gave him a half, cocky, smile. "No way man. Elias is alive."
He swallowed. "Mosh, 'm not kidding, I've heard it from Rhah and King, the whole platoon knows."
The grin fade. "No way, Elias is alive. He has to be." There was some desperation in that last word.
"Sorry to disappoint you, but he died a week or what ago." The boy seemed to winch.
"No… No, Elias talks better than a fucking priest. When he speaks, I swear even angels are listening. When he isn't all that high and looks at you, talks to you... He promised me he would survive. He told me he would take me home." Between the words of the young boy where some sobs. "He told me to believe and hold on. Fuck this, he's not dead. He can't be…"
Lerner didn't know what to answer so he kept his thought to himself and watched the fire again. The flames where dancing in a slow rhythm, curling the wood, lingering for more. It took him of guard for Mosh's next question.
"Do you know… how."
He blinked and was a bit of track for a moment. "Don't know. Don't want to think about it." He said after he saw Mosh his risen eyebrow, like he sensed he was lying to him.
Mosh opened his mouth to make a remark but got interrupted by a gigantic ball of fire coming from the other side of the basis. Everyone around them where jumped in fighting position, the only problem was, where were they up against?
"THE ARMOURY!" Someone yelled from over the field. "THE BLOWN UP THE ARMOURY!" Then there where a few shots and the voice was cut off.
Panic started to spread over RedFort, man came running out of there barracks, only half clothed holding there gun in a unsafe position. A few foot from them a RPJ-rocket when off, crossing the field and burying his heated body into the nearest wall of RedFort's radio station. Soldiers where trying to find the sores of the attack and spread across the jungle edge, pulling pins out of there grenades and throwing them in.
"THE TOOK OVER THE NORTH SIDE!" Smoke started to blow into the camp just after a loud explosion.
There where screams coming from the long row of barracks and in a blink of an eyes dozen Gooks came running upon there field. A few soldiers where to shook to even aim there gun and where slaughtered by the simple armoury of the Vietcong soldiers. It was a horrible sight to see a knife go throw the back of a human, or hearing the skull crack by a man that run, blinded by fear, right into a backside of a rifle. The smell of blood filled the air, as some bright white light that suddenly shone into the camp.
"QUICK GET INTO POSITION! AND GET DOWN! DOWN MAN!DOWN!!!"
Slowly the platoon started to get back in pieces, the surprise attack had a big impacted on the man, not just the soldiers but also the majors, lieutenant and sergeants. But they started to recover and soon orders got barked and the payback could start. 'Nam's where well trained, fast and knew there grounds. But the American's where stronger then the averages Vietnamese and there weapons where far more advanced.
"ENZO GET SOME MAN IN TE FIELDS!"
"DIEGO GET TO THE EDGES AND TRY TO SEE WHERE WERE UP AGAINST!"
"BRATLEY MAKE SURE YOU KILL THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS!"
Orders got screamed around, panic started to turn into rage. They where like trapped animals, a dangerous mixture. Lethal. Through the fog of the explosions you could see man firing there machineguns M-16, M-14, RPJ, rifles, shotguns, hand grenades, it was hard to see through the thick layer of smoke and the blinding white lights the gooks had send into the air.
Sergeant Enzo was running throw the soon to be red battlefield and tried to find some soldiers to get throw into the jungle. They needed to know how many Gooks where running around and deep in the bush it was hard to get some backup. Plus some motherfucker committed suicide right when he run into the radio station with a bomb clutched in his hands.
'MOTHERFUCKING GOOK!' Enzo jumped and duck just in time a row of bullets just passed his head and pierced throw a hip of somebody else, he could here the man behind him scream and fall down. A pity but he couldn't help. So he grabbed his M-14, and shot the murderer in front of him throw his chest. He hit a lung and shot again. 'Die fuck-face, die motherfucker!'
They guy was still struggling on the floor, his arms jolting in the air like a dying cockroach. It only heated his rage and the adrenalin rushing through his body didn't help the clear thinking. In a fight like this there wasn't much humanity left, they where animals, all of them. Killing other beasts.
Enzo kept firing and firing until there wasn't much more left then a bloody lump of something that once had looked like a human. He stopped, satisfied and whipped of the blood of his opponent with his wrist. Sudden he remembered he had to find a few man that where still alive and still capable of following orders. It was common that some man got insane in this kind of twisted gruesome way to fight for there money. Sometimes he didn't get it, he just didn't get it. Why? Why in the world did he came here? Why, why in the world wasn't he back with his wife and his kids? Why, why did he come here to shout orders and to kill another?
Right now there wasn't much to think, this was just basic survival instincts. Even Gandi would grab a rifle if he wanted to live. It's all in the books, Darwin, struggle to survive.
But after this, who wanted to keep on living? Because some things you can't get out of your head, some faces will hunt you forever, in your sleep, in your dreams. Until the day you die.
After he found some capable man he run into the forest and screamed as the run throw the trees, there only safety and cover.
They didn't know that there where over five thousand gooks surrounding there camp. They surely knew there went on something with the Vietcong, but never something big like this. Not this well trained, not something this tactic. It was revenge would the survivors hear, long, long after. The few who lived through the catastrophic massager.
In the middle of it stood Lerner, wide eyes, mouth open to scream. He knew how to shoot, he knew how to aim and to kill. But failed to get his gun up. He stood on the edge of the camp watching the middle circle of the fight. He knew there could be gooks coming from behind him, he knew he had to do something. But his legs felt numb and his eyes could only fix on the flashing of the guns.
'Is this why I survived? To see this? To watch it over and over again?' His hands where turned into fist, his nails duck deep into his skin. His knuckles where white but he didn't see it. Didn't feel it when someone tugged on his jacket.
Until he got slammed down. 'They got me!' This was the point there was no way back and sudden he didn't feel so powerless. He started to scream like a madman and smashed right into his opponent. A high cry and a body landed between the fire and the bags.
'SHIT!' He'd beat Mosh right in the face, full force. He crawled up to him on hand and knees.
"You're alright?! You're alright?!" His voice missed a few tones and sounded so close to hysterical. The boy opened one eye, the other was unable to, it started to get thick right away and it must hurt like hell. 'SHIT HOLY SHIT!' This was the first time he hit somebody so hard he passed out.
He looked around for any help, to much to ask. Everyone was trying to save his own ass, tried to follow up the given order and tried to stay alive.
He saw a gook appear through the fog, it held some kind of gun he didn't knew anything about and it was easy to see Lerner was about to get his next victim. The NVA soldier let out a loud roar and aimed. A moment time seemed to freeze, a shadow appeared next to the gook and beat it in the face with the butt of a rifle. The gun went off, but missed his target, and scratched only Lerner's shoulder.
He cried out but didn't feel much of the pain. Instead of focussing on the wound he crawled back to Mosh who started to regain consciousness. He held the boy's head up and shook him. His blue eye opened and he stared up into the dark night, just a few seconds before they met Lerner's desperate gaze.
"W-what?!" He saw the boy's lips say. His eyes turned back and he passed out again.
"GET THE HELL OUT!" Some soldier screamed, with a screeching voice, filled with fear. "I SAW THEM! THERE COMING!... TO MUCH!" The man disappeared between the trees of the thick jungle.
Lerner was on his feet in a blink of a eye and pulled Mosh over his shoulder, who surprisingly didn't weigh as much as he had suspected, but there was also a lot of adrenaline rushing through his veins. Uncontrollably he started to scream, every normal thinking person could tell that was stupid as hell. True, but there wasn't much time to think clearly, so he let the animal instinct take over. 'Survive, just survive and kill if you have to.'
He run into the jungle, blinded because of the white lights the gooks had send in air, slamming a couple of times in trees. He had his gun ready to shoot, his index finger pressing against the trigger of his M-14. Everything that moved, he would shoot it. Everything that he could not identify as something of his. 'I'll kill ya, I will kill ya!'
He saw a few slit-eyes appear from his right, crossing through the bushes, holding a simple AK-47 rifle. It where tree maybe four man for all he could see.
Quickly he throw the boy down who made a hurtful sound when he landed against a stump. Lerner didn't hear it, or choose to ignore it. He duck down behind a well planted anthill and aimed.
One of the Vietcong warriors got hit in the kneecap and let out a loud scream and dropped his weapon to hold his stained knee, as if he thought he might heal the broke boon with his hands.
Lerner hadn't thought he would be able to hit them and started to grin, a devilish grin too close to insanity. He jumped up, in full view of the dinks. "Tell Ho Chi Minh to kiss my white trash ass!"
The soldiers of the Vietcong suddenly noticed the crazy American that had shot one of there friends. Revenges was so easy taken today. What they didn't see was the pin landing just behind Lerner's boots. Before they could aim they got blown away by a simple hand grenade.
Lerner watched the explosion rage away two bodies, watches as they fell down on the ground, lifeless and broken. He leap over the anthill and walked towards the wounded gook in dreadful pain, still clutching his knee, not interested in the rest of the world. Just in pain, pure pain, like every other human would.
His grin disappeared and he watched the man in front of him for a moment. Manny, Sal and many more of his friends had been this vulnerable. His rages and insanity washed away. He sat down facing the man in agony. He could see bone sticking out of the bloody wound.
He stared at the frozen gaze of the man when he pulled his gun against his forehead. In two brown eyes it lay, fear and redemption.
"Kill me." The Vietcong spook with a tremble.
And he did, he pulled the trigger. BANG and the pain was gone. He blinked, the body dropped backwards with a hole in his head. Drips of blood where over his face, on his mouth, neck and around his eyes. It was everywhere around him. In the air her breathed, the smell the tast…
He got sick and puked. Gagged and vomited in the grass. Blood, it made him so sick. His hands trembled so much he could barely hold his gun. And they where covered with blood, blood so much of it. He started to rub over his face, scrub it off with the rough end of his sleeves.
He whipped of the spit from the corners of his mouth and slowly the shots and screams came back. He crawled back to the stump where he had left the beaten boy. He seemed aware of here he was, his eyes moved around trying to see what he was up against. There was some fear rushing through them when he saw Lerner coming up to him.
It took a moment for them both to see some reconnection in there eyes. Lerner couldn't say a thing, his thought where still with the dead knee-less body. He took the boy and lifted him over his shoulders and started to run again, away from that place away from death.
There was a battle going on that they couldn't win, maybe the war but not this battle. Lerner didn't know that at the moment, he just wanted to get away from his victim. Not that he ever could, those pair of brown eyes would follow him for the rest of his life. He wanted to run deep into the jungle and disappear, or get killed. He forgot Mosh that nudged from side to side with every step. He was sure he would keep running until he dropped dead.
But all the sudden the ground beneath him disappeared and he was sure hell was getting him. He slide through a narrow tunnel and ended in a dark hole. His eyes grew huge and he felt around for a flashlight, but Mosh stopped him. In the dim light that shown into the tunnel he saw Mosh place his index finger on his mouth.
He kept silent and listened. Footsteps run above him, shot got fired and he could smell smoke.
Meanwhile Mosh had crawled up and pulled on Lerner's jacket, urging him till the most far-away corner.
The boy pressed himself against the muddy wall and sat quite listening and watching the end of the tunnel. Lerner's strength started to wore off now he sat still. He was panting, his breathing ragging through his dry throat. And he started to feel his shoulder, there was something wrong with it.
He tried to explain that to Mosh, but couldn't find the words, or any words. He panted and tried to point out that he was hurt.
Mosh understood, thank God. He felt him get his jacket off, a big piece of his shoulder was raw and bleeding but that was mostly because of the distance he had walked with Mosh on his shoulder, then he didn't remember he was hit.
The bullet hadn't gone that deep, only tear some flesh, thanks to distance between him and the shooter.
"I can see it, hold still!" Mosh whispered and placed his hand right under the wound. Lerner let out a cry and squeezed his eyes shut by the stings running around the gash. "Hold it in, Lerner, hold it in!"
That was easily said, he almost bit his lip off when Mosh's fingers jerked into the wound and pulled out the piece of iron without any painkiller, drug or whatsoever. Only some plain water that was lukewarm.
But it tasted wonderful when he got the bottle against his lips. He drank greedily and grunted when he didn't got more.
Mosh started to tore a piece off his shirt, cleaned it a bit with water and bandaged it around his shoulder. Lerner watched and sometimes tensed and didn't speak.
There was a sound of upcoming boots and something yelled in Vietnamese. Frightened Mosh looked to the edge of the tunnel, shadows run by. He snatched Lerner's gun out of his hands and aimed at the edge.
That's how they sat for more then a hour, hearing the rapid breathing of the other and the battle going on outside. Lerner wanted to get up and fight but couldn't find any energy left.
And Mosh, he couldn't blame the kid. Because he was still a kid, a rockie pushed into a battlefield be on his powers. A few times they where sure someone would fall down too and a few times Mosh nearly pulled the trigger. Lerner was only trying to keep his eyes open, blinking and watching the shadows linger over the edge of there safe place. Somehow he had to think about the song, 'White Rabbit.' It made him smile, seeing the irony of it all. How he'd loved to dance on that music, stoned or drunk, sometimes both.
'And if you go chasing rabbits,
And you know you're going to fall,
Tell 'em a hookah smoking caterpillar,
Has given you the call,
Recall Alice,
When she was just small.'
How'd he'd been dancing, smoking and laughing remembering a girl called Alice calling his one small. How'd been cheering and see the sun come up that time.
Somehow that white rabbit made a smile appear on his face just about the moment he started to fall and how he would dream about a girl with a broken knee and dark brown eyes without a shade of forgives.
What happens inside a persons mind has always fascinates me. And this is why I write this fiction. How much can you keep your sanity while your in hell. When you see your friends die and end lives yourself.
I told you before it's not going to be pretty. And it won't, this might be the darkest and (well I won't say depression) Angstis (that's not a real word) story I wrote.
Still I want to write it, because it interest me and somehow a few other people, because your reading it right now.
I earned a review and I need it. Because this is really a thing that shocked me to be written by me
X Nuky