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Chapter Six
"Emma, love, where are we going?"
The sound of his voice startled her so much that Emma stumbled on the rough ground beneath her feet. Killian reacted instantly, his arm going around her waist to steady her. "Thank you." Her eyes met his and she saw concern mixed with so many questions in their endless blue depths.
She hated that there was nothing she could do to make this easier on him. It had been a few hours since they'd left Regina's. After a quick stop at the station to give David a bare bones briefing of what she needed him to do, Emma had parked her car near the town line and set out into the forest with Killian.
Silence had stretched between them as they walked and Emma had let herself get lost in her thoughts, mainly of him, and now that he'd asked, she realized they'd just been walking and not really searching for anything. Of course it wasn't like she knew who or what they were looking for in the first place.
"There doesn't appear to be anyone or anything in this part of the forest," Killian commented. Under different circumstances, Emma might have rolled her eyes and thanked Captain Obvious for the observation, but she was the one who had dragged him out there so she didn't blame him for the confusion.
"I know," Emma replied. "But in my experience, things tend to happen in the woods, especially near the town line or the toll bridge or that stupid well. Maybe people feel more comfortable here because it reminds them of home." That had always been her suspicion once she learned that the Enchanted Forest was a real place and not just the setting of a fairy tale.
"Perhaps." Killian fell silent as they continued walking. There were more fallen tree branches than usual and some parts of the forest were barren altogether, which Emma assumed was a consequence of Regina's attempted spell. Other than that, nothing seemed out of the ordinary and Emma really hoped Regina was having some luck with Gold because she didn't know what else to do.
As they hiked through an uphill clearing that led to a denser area of trees, Emma watched Killian out of the corner of her eye. His gaze remained focused on the path ahead, but she could see his mind was elsewhere, the occasional frown marring his features. She wondered if he was thinking about everything she'd told him or the memories that had haunted his dreams. Emma wanted him to remember who he was, but at the same time, the last thing she wanted was to cause him more pain.
Distracted by her thoughts, Emma didn't see the log until she was falling over it. Once again, Killian's reflexes saved her from face planting. He caught her, spinning her away from the ground and into his arms. Her hands landed on his chest as she attempted to recover her balance. "Thanks, sorry," she added.
"No need to stand on ceremony, love." Killian's arms tightened around her waist, a slow smirk crossing his face as she found her body pressed against his. "If you wanted me to put my arms around you, all you had to do was ask." He winked at her.
Emma laughed, but she didn't move away from his embrace. The flirty statement, the look on his face, was just so him that she suddenly felt lighter than she had all day. "This reminds me of when we climbed the beanstalk except that time I saved you from a trip wire."
"Ah, so this isn't the first time you've used misfortune as an excuse to grab me?" Killian ran his tongue over his teeth and Emma swallowed hard, the jacket and sweater combination she wore becoming much too warm. "Perhaps things are not as complicated between us as you make them out to be."
She stiffened at that, but fought the need to move out of his arms and retreat into the safety of herself. That's what she normally did when things got too real between them. But she couldn't do that in this reality, not when she was already asking way too much from him and he was doing everything she needed without question because that was just his way. It wasn't his fault that she was a goddamned open book to him and he'd been trying to make a joke and accidentally ended up calling her out on her behavior.
The smirk faded from his face and something changed in his eyes when her body remained tense, but he didn't let go of her. "Tell me the rest of our tale. What is it that prevents us from being together like this? Is it because I'm a villain?" She didn't miss the self-loathing in his voice when he practically spit the word out of his mouth.
"No," Emma replied firmly, setting aside her own issues for the moment. "You weren't just a villain. You were – are – a good man, who made a lot of mistakes. Yes, you did some vile things and I'm not condoning that, but you've been trying to make up for your past. You've been there for me and Henry and David and you're not that person anymore. You're not the problem."
His eyes searched hers and Emma kept her gaze steady, wanting him to see that she meant every word because she did. Hook had done some terrible things in the name of his revenge, but he'd set all of it aside and come back for her. He'd helped them save Henry and he'd saved David and he'd helped rescue Neal and all he'd asked for in return was a chance to win her heart when she was ready. And then Pan had cast his curse and everything went to hell again, but none of that changed what he'd done for her and her family.
Killian must have found what he was looking for because he nodded slightly, but this time, he released his grip on her and looked away, staring out across the wide expanse of trees ahead of them. "Is it Neal, then?" His gaze was still on the trees so he didn't see Emma's mouth fall open at the unexpected question. After her chat with Neal yesterday, she wouldn't have guessed that Killian would jump to that conclusion.
"What's the story here?" Emma asked. She knew it probably seemed like she was deflecting and maybe part of her was, but she needed an answer. "When I talked to him yesterday, things seemed pretty easygoing between us and you both mentioned that you were having fun together at David's party. Are we all friends?"
"Aye." Killian turned to face her again and if he was put off by her stall tactics, he didn't show it. "Neal is Henry's father, but you two haven't been together since before he was born. That's all I know." Emma saw the frustration in his eyes as he obviously tried to recall more of the story, but there didn't seem to be any other information. "Were you – are you – together now?"
"No," Emma replied and she didn't miss the relief that crossed his face. She couldn't really blame him for that, all things considered. "I meant it when I said things were complicated. I hadn't seen Neal for over eleven years and then I found out that he was Gold's son and he was back in Henry's life and then Henry got kidnapped and – what?" Killian watched her, eyebrow raised and a familiar look in his eyes – the look he gave her when he assumed she was holding something back.
"You've already told me this part of the tale," Killian pointed out. "You left me in New York after I tried to kill Gold and then we all converged back here in Storybrooke right before Pan's minions took Henry to Neverland. None of that answers my question." He took a step closer to her, his eyes boring into hers. "You say it's not me and it's not Neal keeping us apart, so what is it? Do you not return my feelings at all?"
There was hitch in his voice that nearly broke her. Emma hated talking about her feelings – she hated thinking about her feelings or acknowledging them in any way because that made them real and real feelings had always led to heartbreak. But this version of Killian didn't know that because they were happy together or they had been until she'd ruined everything with the truth.
She couldn't be selfish with him again. Emma thought back to the Echo Caves and how he'd laid his heart out at her feet in front of her parents to help her get to Neal. She'd refused to dwell on it at the time, but Emma understood how painful and selfless that had been and now it was her turn.
"It's not that simple." She saw his face fall again as they trudged through the next section of trees and came to the clearing by the lake. Emma reached for Killian's hand and gently tugged him toward the bench. Once they were seated, he immediately let go of her hand and Emma tried not to be offended. She knew he was probably just attempting to give her space. She summoned her courage and started talking.
"I fell in love with Neal when I was a teenager. I was young and stupid and I'd felt unwanted my entire life, but I believed he was my happily ever after," Emma said. She glanced at Killian and could see he was listening intently. Nerves fluttered in her stomach, but she kept going. She told him how things had ended with Neal and she'd found herself alone and pregnant in jail. His jaw clenched and she recognized the anger flaring in his eyes, but he still didn't comment.
Emma explained that she gave up Henry to give him his best chance, but from that moment, she kept her heart closed because she never wanted to trust anyone again. "Even with Henry when I first came to Storybrooke, I was distant. Everyone leaves me. That's just what I'm used to so if I don't let anyone in, I can't get hurt."
Her voice cracked and Killian laid his hand over hers. "That must have made for a lonely existence."
"It did," Emma confirmed. She used her free hand to brush away the tears threatening to fall. "I don't let people in and you started pushing my buttons the day we met because you understood me. I hated it," she admitted with a sheepish smile.
"Because my life went down the same lonely path," Killian said. His voice was quiet and the familiar sadness reflected in his eyes when Emma met his gaze, surprised to hear him say that. "It was a feeling I had in the dream," he explained. "Then I remembered you asking me to part of something."
Emma nodded. "We've both been carrying around a lot of pain and anger. But I never had to explain myself to you because you saw past all of my walls and issues. I didn't appreciate that." He snorted and she tried and failed to glare at him, laughing instead.
He sent her a knowing look. "You're stubborn in this life too, love."
"Anyway," Emma continued pointedly, unable to stop smiling while he just sat there grinning at her. "Neal coming back brought up a lot of unresolved feelings and Henry wanted his parents to get back together and Neal wanted another chance too."
Killian's smile faded, but he kept his hand on hers. "What did you want?"
"I wanted the whole thing to go away," Emma replied. "When I thought Neal was dead, I…" She swallowed hard, hating herself all over again for being so cold. "I was relieved because it meant I didn't have to deal with him and the pain. I loved him. I do love him. But not the way I did when I was seventeen and I never will again. A future with Neal is not an option for me because I'm not in love with him."
As soon as the words left her mouth, Emma felt enormous relief wash over her. She'd dodged her parents' questions and Neal's requests for a second chance and she'd admitted her secret to Neal in the Echo Caves, but somehow this felt different. This was her finally finding the strength to let go and it felt good – so much better than she'd ever imagined.
"Perhaps the distance this world provides made it easier to find perspective," Killian commented and Emma wondered if he had some kind of superpower that let him read her mind no matter what reality they were in.
"I like that we coexist here." She knew it wasn't real, but maybe it could be once things went back to normal – if they went back to normal. Things would be awkward at first, but they could find a way to be friends for Henry's sake. The mere possibility made her feel peaceful in a way that she hadn't ever expected to feel again. "Thank you, Killian."
He raised an eyebrow. "For asking too many questions?"
"No." Emma rolled her eyes more out of habit than actual annoyance. "For giving me the push I needed, even if I didn't want one. You do that a lot and I've never thanked you." Instead, she normally threw her walls up higher, made a sarcastic comment or just walked away altogether.
A faint blush colored his cheeks and his gaze shifted to the lake as he reached up to scratch behind his ear. "There's no need to thank me. Should we keep walking or turn back?"
The abrupt subject change momentarily confused her, but then Emma realized he feared the answer to his original question. She reached for his hand again and waited for him to look at her. When he did, she saw the nerves swimming in his eyes and somehow that gave her the courage she needed.
"After you saved David's life in Neverland, you more or less dared me to kiss you and I did." His eyebrows practically shot up to his hairline and she felt her face grow warmer. "I told you it was a one-time thing, but you didn't believe me. You understood that I needed to focus on Henry, but you promised to win my heart once we got back."
Despite the tension, Killian managed to give her a smug look. "That does sound like a promise I would make."
Emma laughed. "You made me another one too when we were getting ready to leave Storybrooke behind to escape the curse. You said you'd think of me every day and I said 'good'." She tightened her grip on his hand, her gaze never leaving his. "I meant that."
He watched her closely, not saying anything and Emma felt her heart pounding against the wall of her chest. She knew it wasn't exactly a romantic declaration and part of her understood why it might not be enough for him, but it was all she had. He mattered to her and she cared about him, but saying the words would make it too real and she couldn't handle that on top of everything else she was juggling.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Killian leaned into her and pressed a kiss to her cheek, his lips lingering against her skin. "Good," he whispered and there was nothing Emma could do to stop the shudder that went through her. Killian chuckled and got to his feet, pulling Emma up with him. "Shall we go back?"
Emma nodded, not really trusting her voice at the moment. Sooner or later, she knew she'd have to deal with her feelings for Killian and what she wanted. For now, she was just grateful that he seemed willing to stay by her side even though she probably didn't deserve him.
(~)(~)(~)
As her eyes scanned the paperwork in front of her, Emma absently reached for the coffee mug on her desk. She took a sip and immediately fought the urge to spit the ice cold liquid back into the cup. "Gross," she muttered. Emma set it back down, out of her reach and signed her name at the bottom of the police report. The drunk and disorderly bust outside the Rabbit Hole and a broken window at the drug store were the only incidents that week, aside from the remaining cleanup from the storm-slash-curse.
Two weeks had passed by since she'd attempted to leave town with Henry only to wake up in a new life and they were no closer to finding out what happened or why. They hadn't discovered any new residents in Storybrooke, there were no threats or villains lurking around and everyone still seemed as happy as they'd been that first day. Even though it frustrated her to have this mystery hanging over her head, Emma had to admit that living in a town filled with content citizens and peace and quiet felt pretty good.
Of course her mind never strayed from the curse hijacking for long. Regina had concluded that Gold was either under the curse or he'd gotten a lot better at pretending since the first curse. They'd talked to Tinker Bell and Mother Superior, but neither of them seemed to know they were capable of magic nor did any of the other fairies. Regina continued to grumble about the person powerful enough to override her magic, but other than that, she didn't seem too concerned with getting answers.
If she was being honest with herself, Emma couldn't really blame her because it wasn't like she was doing everything in her power to find the truth either. She did feel guilty that people forgot who they were, like her parents, but at the same time, they were happy with their current lives. It wasn't like when Regina cursed everyone to forget who they were. Or at least that was what Emma told herself when she tried to ignore the fact that she was probably being selfish.
"Emma?"
She nearly jumped out of her chair at the sound of David's voice. Emma glanced up and her father sent her an apologetic look from the doorway. "Sorry, I said hello when I came in, but I guess you didn't hear me. Is everything all right?"
That was a loaded question if she'd ever heard one. Emma had considered telling her parents the truth, but after the pain she'd watched Killian go through, she hadn't been able to do it. She didn't see the point of telling them their lives were based on lies when they still didn't have the facts. Guilt churned in her stomach, but she pushed it aside. "Did you need something?"
David shook his head. "I just wanted to tell you that I ran final patrol for the night and the streets are quiet. I'm heading home, but I already forwarded the switchboard to my cell. Do you want a ride back to your place?"
Emma opened her mouth to tell him that she wanted to finish the paperwork, but she'd already done that and David knew how little crime there'd been that week so the excuse wouldn't fly. She sent him a genuine smile. "That would be great, thanks." She tidied up her desk, grabbed the stale coffee and paused to drop the mug in the sink before she slipped on her coat and followed David out the door to his truck.
He opened the passenger door for her and then moved around to the driver's side. Emma pulled on her seatbelt and noticed a familiar look on her father's face – the one that said he wanted to talk to her about something, but didn't know the best way to start the conversation. She figured the least she could do was help him. "Is there something on your mind?"
David laughed. "You've always been a little too good at that." He started the car, glanced in the side mirror and pulled away from the curb. "I just wanted to ask if you've noticed anything odd about Killian lately. He's been quieter than usual and that's not like him. I don't want to pry, but as much as he says he's fine…" His voice trailed off and he glanced at her sideways.
The guilt she'd buried earlier resurfaced and Emma did her best to keep her expression carefully blank. She couldn't lie to her father and tell him that everything was fine because it wasn't. Ever since she'd told Killian the truth, bits and pieces of memories had started mixing into his dreams at night, but the details were often jumbled and there were times that Emma couldn't fill in the blanks for him because he had over three-hundred years of memories.
"He hasn't been sleeping well," Emma admitted. Part of her felt like she was betraying his confidence, but Killian and David were friends in this world and David's concern was genuine. "I think he might be coming down with something after pushing himself too hard at the docks." That part was an outright lie, but Emma didn't know how else to explain it since the truth was not an option.
David frowned. "Maybe he should take a few days off until he's feeling better. Maybe you both should," he added, glancing over at her again. "And I know what you're going to say, but it never hurt anyone to have a few days of rest. You two can return the favor and cover for me after the wedding. In the meantime, Robin and I will handle everything."
Emma recognized his 'commanding prince' tone and knew that arguing would be pointless. "I'll talk to him," she agreed as David brought the truck to a stop in front of their apartment building. She leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Thanks for always looking out for both of us. Say hi to Mary Margaret for me."
She climbed out of the truck and closed the door behind her, noting the proud smile on her father's face. Emma bit her lip, doing her best to ignore the sudden tightness in her chest. David was still David, but she missed him being her father. There had to be a way to break this curse and get everyone their memories back. "Too bad you have no clue what that is," she muttered to herself as she climbed the stairs to their apartment.
Pulling out her keys, Emma unlocked the door and started to call out that she was home, but stopped when she caught sight of Henry frantically waving his hands from the couch. She raised an eyebrow and he pointed to Killian, who was carefully lifting a sleeping Roland from the middle of a pillow fort on the floor. He straightened up and mouthed a hello in Emma's direction before he carried Roland down the hall to Henry's room.
Emma decided that there was no reason to even acknowledge whatever the hell was happening to her female organs at the sight and she definitely did not want to think about why her heart felt like it would burst out of her chest at any moment. Instead, she quietly closed the door at her back, hung her coat in the closet and then went to join Henry on the couch, pausing to drop a kiss to the top of his head. "Hey kid," she greeted. "Did you boys have fun tonight?
"Hey Mom," Henry replied with a grin. "We did. Killian got us pizza and we had ice cream while we watched Star Wars. Roland stayed up past his bedtime, but then he just fell over in the fort." He snickered and then immediately launched into puppy eyes. "Can I watch Empire Strikes Back with you guys, please?"
"Your movie privileges have been suspended, lad," Killian told him sternly as he walked back into the room and moved around the couch, sending Henry an affronted look. "What happened to the ice cream being our secret?" He raised an eyebrow.
Henry looked sheepish for about two seconds before he turned back to Emma and smirked. "Killian's worried Aunt Regina's going to come after him for giving Roland too much sugar. I think he's scared of her," he said in an exaggerated whisper.
Killian scoffed. "I most certainly am not and just for that, you can dismantle the fort on your own." He motioned for Henry to get to work. Henry laughed, but he scrambled off the couch and started placing the cushions and blankets back where they belonged. Satisfied, Killian took his seat beside Emma. "Any problems at the station?" he asked.
She shook her head, unable to keep the smile off her face. Moments like this made it a lot easier for her to ignore the fact that they were cursed. "Everything's fine. Crime in Storybrooke remains nonexistent." Emma wanted to tell him about her conversation with David, but that would have to wait until Henry went to sleep. "Maybe one movie won't hurt."
Henry cheered and Killian sighed like it was a chore, even as he shifted closer to the end of the couch to make room for Henry. "You'd best not fall asleep because I'm not carrying you to bed as well," he warned, reaching for the remote. Henry sent him a smug look as he settled between the two of them on the couch, but Emma didn't miss the way her son leaned toward Killian as he got settled. And suddenly her heart was turning over in her chest again.
Emma's mind drifted as the movie played. This domestic thing she had going with Henry and Killian still felt surreal to her sometimes. Killian was so patient with Henry when he helped him with his homework or made sure that he did his chores. Her son worshipped Killian in return and more often than not, Emma felt guilty for not telling Henry the truth. But Regina didn't think it was a good idea, especially since Henry spent a lot of time with Neal, and therefore Gold and Belle, and she didn't want to risk more people finding out about the curse or spell or whatever the hell had happened to them.
Of course if she was being honest with herself, which she usually wasn't, Emma would have to admit that she didn't want to give up moments like this or even the moments when it was just her and Killian hanging around the apartment when Henry was with Neal or Regina. Even though she'd lived with her parents for awhile, this felt more like her own little family and it was complicated, but they were still hers and for the first time in her life, she felt like she had a real home. The thought overwhelmed her and Emma quickly turned her attention to the movie, letting herself get lost in their lives instead of her own.
They made it through the entire movie, but Henry's eyelids were practically closed by the time the credits rolled. Emma gently tugged him off the couch and wrapped her arm around his shoulders as she led him down the hall to his room. Roland slept soundly in the bean bag chair he insisted on using for a bed when he stayed with them. Emma waited for Henry to wash up and brush his teeth and then tucked him into bed, pointedly ignoring his weak protests that he was too old for that. She pressed a lingering kiss to his forehead and watched as he drifted off before she even made it to the door.
Emma closed it behind her, leaving it open just a crack so the nightlight in the hallway illuminated part of the room in case either of the boys woke up during the night. She noticed that Killian had turned off the lights in the living room so she headed for the master bedroom and found him already in bed. "Looks like Henry wasn't the only one too tired for another movie," she teased.
"I have no idea what you mean, love." He sent her a sleepy smile and Emma just shook her head, pausing to grab her pajamas before she headed into the bathroom. Sharing a room with him had gotten less awkward after their talk near the lake, but he still kept to himself more often than not. Even though she appreciated that he wanted to give her space, Emma found herself missing the easy affection they'd shared before she'd told him the truth more and more lately.
She finished brushing her teeth and stepped out of the bathroom, half-expecting Killian to be asleep. But he was sitting up, looking even more awake than when she'd left him. "Did something happen tonight?" he asked.
For a second, Emma was confused, but then she remembered him asking about the station earlier. He must have realized there was more to that she wanted to say. He was good at that. "David drove me home and mentioned that he was worried about you." She slipped into bed beside him, mirroring his seated position as she leaned back against the headboard. "I told him that you weren't sleeping well. I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to say."
Killian nodded. "That's a plausible excuse for my behavior." He ran his hand through his hair and Emma could see the tension in his movements. She rested her hand against his arm and he sent her an appreciative look. "Perhaps I need to be more cautious to not let my thoughts get the best of me when I'm with Dave."
She wanted to apologize again for dragging him into this with her, but he'd asked her to stop after what had to have been the tenth time. "He suggested that we should both take time off work. Maybe it's not the worst idea. It's not like crime is running rampant in the streets."
Surprise crossed Killian's face as he turned to look at her. "Are you sure that's what you want? It seemed to me that you were using work as a distraction these past few nights," he commented.
Emma felt her cheeks turning red. She should have known that he would pick up on that because he picked up on everything when it came to her. "I'm sorry. I just…" She paused, not sure how to explain that being around him confused her more than ever, especially when she watched him taking care of her son. The feelings she tried so hard to ignore had been growing stronger so of course she'd done her best to ignore them and ended up avoiding Killian in the process. But she was tired of playing that game because being alone was not what she wanted. "I don't want to be distracted anymore."
He didn't say anything, but Emma caught the flash of hope in his eyes. She hesitated for less than a second before she leaned over and pressed her lips against his. It was just a whisper of a kiss, but it was enough to send her a jolt of electricity through her entire system. She kissed him again, sliding her fingers into his hair to tug him closer and he finally responded, his lips moving almost cautiously over hers like he expected her to change her mind at any second.
That was the last thing she wanted. Emma shifted closer to him, her other hand resting against his chest as he wrapped his arm around her waist and deepened the kiss, making her moan into his mouth. His lips moved hungrily over hers, his arm tightening around her and keeping her close as the frustration of the past two weeks poured out of him. Emma kissed him back just as hard and hungrily, not pulling away until her lungs felt like they were going to burst.
Breathing hard, Killian rested his forehead against hers. "That was…"
She couldn't help smiling at how completely wrecked he looked, even though she imagined she probably had a similar expression on her face as well. "Just the beginning," she told him before she leaned in and kissed him again.