Chapter Six: Lyle

Back in South Park, Stan marched down the sidewalk, still huffing over his conversation with Kyle.

Meanwhile, Lyle sat on the couch at his house, watching wrestling. The doorbell rang. He grumbled to himself and answered. A sheepish-looking Stan stood on the porch.

"You're that Dan-looking kid, aren't you?" he slurred over a mouthful of gum, which he then proceeded to spit out next to Stan's feet.

"No, I told you it's Stan. Dan was your friend in North Park, wasn't he?" he replied, stepping to the side a bit. Lyle frowned.

"How d'you know Dan?" he inquired.

"Uh, never mind. You…wanna go throw rocks at cars with me?"

"God, this town kicks ass." Lyle stepped out, closed the door behind him, and left with Stan. "Why do you wanna hang out with me so much?" The two boys climbed a hill.

"Well, uh…" stammered Stan, "you're new here, and, uh…you just shouldn't feel lonely or anything."

"Back where I'm from, I had no friends. None that mattered to me, anyway, except for my girlfriend."

"Girlfriend? Who?"

"Andrea was her name."

"…Andrea…Rosenblatt?"

Lyle paused and frowned. Stan noticed and turned to see him run up and grab him by the collar.

"All right, what the fuck is this? You ARE Dan, aren't you? Why'd you follow me to South Park, man?!" he yelled, shaking Stan and gritting his yellow teeth.

"Ahh!" cried Stan in fear. "Lemme go! I-I'm not Dan! I'm Stan Marsh! Stan Marsh!"

"Then how the hell do you know my girlfriend? How do you know Dan!"

"I-it was Kyle! Kyle told me!"

"Who's Kyle?" demanded Lyle, shoving Stan away from himself.

"He's my best friend. He moved to North Park not long before you came here, but I still talk to him." explained Stan, rubbing his neck.

"Is he…He-he's not Jewish is he?!"

"Yeah, he is. That's why he's friends with Andrea. Dan, too."

"Lyle turned away. "He'd better fucking never touch my girl." he muttered lowly to himself. And with that word and tightened fists, he turned on his heel and ran. But then he stopped and jabbed a finger at Stan's face. "I want that fucker's number!"

"Why?"

"Give…me…his fucking…number."

"Only if you promise to stay the hell away from him!"

Lyle glared. Stan glared.

"No need to worry," Lyle assured, squinting fiercely.

"I don't believe you."

"Will you believe me when my foot's in your fucking nuts?!"

"Better mine than Kyle's!"

Lyle growled.

"Just leave him alone." huffed Stan.

"Look," sighed Lyle. "If I really wanted to do anything, I wouldn't bother calling him; I would just go straight down there. All I wanna do is find out how Andrea's doing."

"So call HER."

"Don't you think I wanna? I don't have her number anymore."

"Call Dan."

"Goddammit, gimme that number!!"

Lyle tore forward and shoved Stan down on the hill violently. He then kicked the defenseless, cowering boy right between the legs. Stan shrieked in pain as Lyle stood and brushed himself off. His glare bore down into Stan's cringe.

"I WILL get that fucking turd's number if it's the last thing I do. You tell anyone about this and you're DEAD." he growled slowly in a low, menacing tone. When Stan opened his eyes, Lyle was gone. He coughed and stumbled to his feet. Muttering a string of obscenities, he staggered back home.

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Andrea's phone rang. She answered to hear none other than Lyle asking for her.

"Lyle!" she gasped happily. "How'd you get my new cell number?"

"Oh, I called Dan and asked him." Lyle sighed pacing the floor. "How's it going?"

"…"

"That good, huh? I'm sorry I left you…"

"It's okay. I'm glad you could get away from this town. So how's South Park?"

"Aw, babe, it rocks. Everyone knows I'm Jewish, but they don't even care! Nobody does!"

"That's good…"

There was another pause. Lyle suddenly remembered why he'd called. "Andrea, who's Kyle?"

"…Kyle?"

"I heard that he moved at the same time I did. To North Park."

"Why do you ask?"
"I just…I met his old best friend, and he thinks I should meet 'im."

"Oh, I can give you his number! Lemme check my phone."

Lyle grinned.

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Kyle's phone rang next. "Hello?" he spoke into the receiver.

"…is there a Kyle Broflovski there?" came an unfamiliar voice.

"…yeah, I'm Kyle."

"Yeah? Y'know who I am?"

"Uh, no."

"You know Andrea."

"All right, who is this?"

"Her boyfriend. I'm Lyle Brockman."

Kyle froze. "Lyle?"

"That's right. Just what the fuck have you been doing with my girl?!"

"What do you mean, she's just my friend! A-and how'd you get my number?"

"Well, I had to ask Andrea, 'cause your friend Stan wouldn't tell."

Kyle's jaw dropped. "What the fuck did you do?!"

"That little shit had it coming!"

"Had what coming? You'd better not touch Stan!"

"I think it's time to move back to North Park." Click.

"What? Hello? Hello!" Kyle's calls were not heard. "Goddammit!" he yelled, hanging up the phone. "Stan…"

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Lyle's mother passed by his room, stopping when she heard a loud sobbing coming from inside. Concerned, she knocked and entered.

"Lyle, sweetie? What's wrong?" pleaded his mother when she saw him burying his face in his pillow. She sat down on the side of his bed and rubbed his back.

"I wanna- sniff- I w-wanna go back ho-home!" he cried, muffled by the pillow. "I miss my f- my fr-friends!"

"Oh, sweetheart, you can't possibly miss North Park. Don't you like being accepted again?"

"But I…I miss A-Andrea! And Dan! And Benny and H-Hartman, too!"

"I'm so sorry, darling, but you need to give this place a chance."

"I did, and…it's okay, but-"

"Then there's no problem, right? Come on, now, why don't you invite one of your new friends over?"

Lyle shook his head quickly.

"All right, well, dinner will be ready in a little bit." Lyle's mom kissed him on the top of his hat and left.

Lyle growled, sitting up. "It didn't work." he grumbled.

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Stan's phone rang. It was Kyle.

"Yeah?" Stan replied to his friend's greeting with a frown.

"Stan! Are you okay? What did Kyle do?" cried Kyle on the other end.

Stan blinked. "He kicked me in the nuts. Really, really hard."

"That asslicker called me just now and told me he had done something to you! What the hell happened?"

"…I just told you."

"So you're all right?"

"No, Kyle, I'm not. I had to limp all the way home earlier, and my balls still hurt. A lot."

"Oh, thank God."

"What?!"

"Stan- what's Lyle going to do now? Where is he?"

"He's probably at home. He only told me he would get your phone number."

"You didn't tell him anything, did you?"

"No."

"But what do I do if he moves back? Aw, shit!"

The two thought.

"Stan!" blurted Kyle. "You guys have to be Lyle's best friends!"

"Huh?"

"Just to make sure he really loves it there in South Park. That way, he won't wanna move back!"

"Dude, he's not like that."

"Please, just try, okay?"

Stan sighed. "Fine. But Kyle?"

"Yeah?"

"Even if I am his best friend…he'll never be mine."

Click.

…

Click.