"Mrs. Tucker…are you sure about that? I mean I don't remember any of that last day at Shiloh, but I think I would remember wanting to cause harm to your husband," Artemus sounded forlorn.

"Yes, Mr. Gordon I'm sure of what I told you. John took your presence as a definite threat. Once you were transferred in his letters became bitter and full of resentment but I don't really think he meant it to be aimed at you."

"John was a very prideful man. He was as stubborn as the day is long and that stubbornness usually got the better of him. In one letter in particular he wrote about how General Grant told him he saw a lot of the qualities he admired in John in you. That seemed to send John off on a tangent. He was certain the only thing you were concerned with was taking his position at Grant's side."

"But I never…"Artemus interrupted.

"Talking with you today, Mr. Gordon I know that was the furthest thing from your mind and if John were here he would know that too. John usually talked or acted first and thought never. I told him it would be his undoing but I am sorry to say it just might be his son's as well."

"Mrs. Tucker my partner is back in Washington D.C. and since your son didn't follow me here I can only assume Jim was able to find a way to keep him there. Maybe he can talk some sense into him."

"Mr. Gordon, I sincerely hope so. The last letter we received before we heard about John was so filled with hate. A hate for the war…a hate for all the killing…and I'm sorry to say a hate for you," Mrs. Tucker rose and left the room.

Artemus could hear her rummaging in a drawer. She returned with a stack of envelopes, which she handed to him. Artemus realized these were the letters they had received from John. He didn't feel right looking at them but she assured him he needed to read them. To see the war through John's eyes and maybe he could find a way to explain it to her son. Artemus sat at the table reading the letters, doing his best to skip over the more personal notes.

These letters showed a very personal side of the war. They showed the every day struggle of a man against a nation. A man against a nation he cherished above all else. A nation that was divided to its very soul. A nation embroiled in a war that never should have been allowed to get so out of hand that it pitted brother against brother…father against son…uncle against nephew. As Artemus continued to read he came to realize that he had been Tuckers antipathies. Artemus had been everything Tucker wished he could be but for the sake of his country had chosen a different path. In the letters Tucker described Artemus as the ultimate soldier. Always doing what he was told how and when he was told not questioning his orders…only questioning things when it concerned the safety of the men. Tucker had worked hard and spent untold amounts of blood, sweat and tears to get where he was and Artemus had waltzed in and seemed to have an instant rapport with Grant that had taken Tucker months to build.

Tucker had resented the brash young officer at first and his letters home were scathing when it came to him. Artemus swallowed and forced himself to keep reading. With every letter Tucker's resentment seemed to grow but Artemus could tell it really wasn't aimed at him as much as Tucker just needed to put a face to the invisible enemy he was fighting within. As he reached for the last letter, Mrs. Tucker put out her hand to stop him.

"Mr. Gordon, this is the last letter we got from John. He must have written it before he went into that last battle. He was very angry…" Mrs. Tucker seemed to be apologizing for her husband.

Artemus opened the letter and began to read…My dearest Joan, Today we go into what could be a deciding battle. Grant wants me to lead the troops into the gates of hell and yet again that irritating ass Lt. Gordon questions my strategies and my troop movements. I have half a mind to tell him to take the men himself but if I do that there is no doubt in my mind that he would do just that and he would come back smelling like a rose. Damn, I hate him! He makes everything look so damned easy. I worked and scraped for what I have accomplished and he seems to make this whole damned war look like a walk in the park. If I return from this battle I have decided it is time to have it out with him. I need to tell him just what I think about his devil may care attitude. I know the man is sick, we all are to one degree or another…but that is no excuse for his arguing with me when I am his superior. I have left a letter for General Grant in the event I do not make it back…outlining what I think are some very viable strategies to win this blood bath and put an end to this war. Too many men have died; too many are going home less than a man…

If I do not come home to you my darling know this…I love you with all my heart and I love my son as well. I do not really blame Lt. Gordon for his part in this travesty but I will ask that I be avenged if he has any small part to play in my demise. How do you tell a soldier you envy him when he is everything you have aspired your entire career to be and his career has barely begun?

All my love, John

Artemus carefully folded the letter and put it back in the envelope. He wiped the tears from his eyes as Joan sat watching him. She could see what her John had seen in this man before her. She saw the empathy for her husband, the pain in his eyes. She saw what many did upon closer inspection. That Artemus Gordon was a man who would pay any price and probably had over and over again, to ensure the safety of his beloved country and the men who fought for it.

"Mr. Gordon," she started when she could find her voice, "I can't recall the number of times I read that letter to my son. As he grew up hating you…I kept telling him that wasn't what his father wanted but all he could see or hear was that last paragraph."

"Mrs. Tucker…" Artemus spoke softly, "I can fully see why your son wants me dead and based on what I've read here I can't really say that I blame him."

"But, Mr. Gordon, that is not the whole story. General Grant sent me a letter, as did several others detailing my husband's service and his death. They told the other side of the story. The side Benjamin refuses to listen to."

"They tell of John ordering you to tend to the sick and wounded to get back at you even when you were sick yourself. They tell of your own sacrifices to the war. They tell of the conflict between you and John."

"Some of the letters even told of John's final moments after he cursed you," Artemus' head snapped up at her latest revelation.

"Yes, Mr. Gordon, he did curse you but he also praised you to a fellow officer. John told him that you had done all you could to save him but he was too far gone and he had known it. He told the officer to look out for you that you would be General Grant's new protégé and confidant. He told the officer you were the best of the best and that wearing your heart on your sleeve might not be such a bad thing after all."

"I had no idea…" Artemus pained look said more than any words he could find.

"I tried to show those letters to Benjamin but he wasn't interested in them. All he cared about was allowing his hatred to fester until it overwhelmed him. It burned in him night and day and it drove him to become the hardhearted shell of a man that you met."

"I am only too sorry I couldn't reach him in time," Mrs. Tucker wiped away a tear from the corner of her eye.

"Mrs. Tucker it wasn't your fault. That war…well…it did things to men. It changed the course of everything we held dear. I wish that war had never been fought, but it was and nothing can change that. Do you still have those other letters? Maybe I can get Benjamin to read them with President Grant and maybe he can help clear the air."

"No, I don't some time ago Benjamin took them and burned them saying they were lies told by his father's enemies to save you. Maybe talking to President Grant could help Benjamin that is another reason why he went to Washington…but how can you get my Benjamin in to see President Grant?"

"Oh I still have a little bit of pull with the Old Man," Artemus grinned slightly.

"You must have a lot more then just a little pull if you can call the President of the United States Old Man, Mr. Gordon."

"Well truth be told, I kind of work for him. But I can talk to him and see what I can do for your son. I just know it would help things if I could just remember what happened," Artemus intoned.

"I have always believed it just wasn't meant to be. Some things are just better left alone, Mr. Gordon," Artemus stared open-mouthed at her.

"You know a friend of mine was trying to tell me the very same thing but I couldn't hear it when he said it," thinking of Jim, Artemus realized the trouble he would be in with his partner when he got back.

"I have taken up more than enough of your time, Mrs. Tucker. I really should be on my way," Artemus stood and stumbled unsteadily toward the door.

"Nonsense, Mr. Gordon. You must stay for supper. I made plenty and by the looks of you I would say you've been more or less drinking your meals while dealing with your own inner demons since my son stirred the pot."

"Uh…er…well…be that as it may I really do need to get back. I told my partner I would only be gone a day or two and it took me longer to find you than I thought. I've been gone too long and I do need to get back."

"All right, Mr. Gordon, I do understand. When you see my Benjamin give him this letter from me and tell him to please hurry home." Mrs. Tucker handed him an envelope, which he put in his coat pocket.