This chapter's dedicated to Cuhmeel because she just turned a certain number of years old and I wanted to give her a nice present (even though this is long overdue.) Check out her stories!

Not my rules. Not my characters. Not my setting.

Yes, my plot.

Enjoy!

Rule 84

I cast a petrifying spell on them from behind so they wouldn't see me. Then I wrapped a piece of cloth over their eyes so they really couldn't see me. I was so excited for this plan to work, I could have giggled with delight, but giggling attracts a cousin of those pesky Nargles. I don't want a second rate version of those Nargles! I want the first rate, no exceptions. But I digress; I must finish what I started.

"Levicorpus," I whispered. I knew their ears could still detect sound. I know what people say about me; but honestly, I'm not loony! I'm perfectly normal.

It's everyone else who's off their rockers.

I had been preparing this little surprise for a few weeks now. No one knows about it, save for a few eavesdroppers in the washroom when I was talking it over in the mirror. The Ravenclaw girls gave me some strange looks which I returned with a smile. It seemed to scare them, because they walked away. And they call me weird?! I was being polite and they just walk away.

Can you imagine that? You're minding your own business, talking to yourself in the mirror, and some abnormally large nosed girl and her little posse of other malformed creatures walk in and judge you with their beady eyes! It's discomforting, of course, but I didn't let it bother me. But seriously;

I'm the weird one!?

I guess it's one of those things that I'll never understand.

This took a lot of planning. I had to figure out their schedules. I even followed the two (separately of course, they were hardly around each other) for a few days to get their routine memorized. They didn't seem to suspect a thing! There were days when they were walking alone where they would stop and turn around, but I'm a quick one! I was always far enough away to find a hiding spot.

I had been thinking about it for a while; it just interested me so much. I heard some girls talking about it in the common room while I searched for Crumple Horned Snorkacks. I was listened so intently when they went on and on about what they wished would happen. I thought they were actually going to go on with it! But they separated and I was left completely alone to my thoughts.

I was not turned on by the fact that these girls wanted those two boys locked in a closet with each other. I have better things to do with my life besides drooling over boys. Imagine me looking you curiously in the eyes.

Or girls, you pervert.

When I realized they really weren't going to do it, I formed a plan of my own; this plan that I was actually doing—by myself! It was quite simple; it only had six steps.

Step one—find Harry to petrify and blindfold him.

Step two—levitate him to the closet.

Step three—repeat step one, only on Malfoy.

Step four—repeat step two, only on Malfoy.

Step five—before closing the door, remove the spell from the pair.

Step six—lock the closet door and watch the magic happen from the peephole I made.

Very simple, don't you agree? I even brought my own snacks.

Oh! It's starting. Let me narrate the scene for you;

Harry took off the blindfold and fixed his glasses once I shut the door. It was a close one; he could've seen me! But good thing that he didn't. He groaned as he sat up. Hmm, maybe I should have been gentler with them.

Oh well! They'll never know it was me. I'm sneaky, like…like something really sneaky! I'm so clever. Malfoy shot up once the spell was lifted, but he freaked out and cried, "I'm blind! Dear Merlin, I've gone blind. Somebody help me!" Yeah, that's attractive. Harry chuckled.

"Take off the blindfold, genius." The blonde followed suit and opened his eyes. I left the closet lightly dimmed so it wasn't pitch black is it usually was, so Draco Malfoy didn't have much problem seeing Harry Potter across from him in the small space.

"What the hell are you doing in here, Potter?" the-Slytherin-commonly-known-as-Ferret spat. Harry raised a dark eye brow.

"I could ask the same of you," The-Chosen-One said simply. "But I think we've been kidnapped."

He was sort of right, right? I couldn't make any noises for fear of being discovered. "Kidnapped?!" Malfoy cried, appalled. "I know that I'm extremely attractive, but who the hell would stoop to the level of kidnapping? It's insane!" Why, in Merlin's beard, did everyone think I was insane!? I honestly don't get it. I just petrified, blindfolded, and levitated two of my peers into a closet together to see if they would—

Shit, Snape just turned the corner. I really didn't want to miss any of the show, but I couldn't get caught! I ran behind a pillar, hoping the greasy haired, huge-nosed, albino skinned Potions' teacher didn't see me. He walked by and looked at the pillar. Drat, he saw me! But apparently, he didn't care much, as he didn't stop to reprimand me for standing by the pillar. I guess he thought it was completely normal.

I wish everyone thought I was completely normal; then I wouldn't have to deal with all their jokes and insults. I have feelings too, contrary to belief! I have as many feelings as Snape does, if not more! Snape seems like a very caring creature underneath all of that evil… and hair grease.

I returned to the peephole and saw that Harry and Malfoy were sitting back to back, with crossed legs and crossed arms. "How the hell do we get out of here?" Malfoy asked. "I'm getting claustrophobic."

Harry was facing the door, so I saw his eyes roll. "Stop being such a girl. Someone is bound to notice us missing."

"Of course people will notice my absence! I'm Draco Malfoy!"

Harry twisted his neck toward Malfoy. "Yeah, you're Draco Malfoy, the biggest git to ever walk the planet. Don't you think people would care more that I'm gone? I'm The-Boy-Who-Lived!"

Wow, I thought. Conceited, much? I couldn't voice my opinion, but it didn't seem to matter. Malfoy beat me to it. "I didn't know you had you had a narcissistic side to you, your highness."

"You take advantage of it after a while. You would know. But the only thing you have is your name. I've actually done something, and I'm still in the process of doing something. You've got your father's money and that's it."

"Don't forget my good looks, scarhead."

"I would never forget those, ferret face."

"Glad you saw it my way, you wanker."

Harry's eyes went wide. "How'd you know!?"

Malfoy turned around. "How'd I know what?" He seemed like he didn't know what Harry was talking about. I had to stifle a giggle.

Harry turned red. "Oh, ahem. Nothing."

It finally dawned on Malfoy. "You whomp your willow!" he gasped.

"I do not!" Harry tried to cover up, but he was caught. Smart boy, he is.

"So you polish your wand?" The Slytherin was definitely enjoying it.

"What the hell, Malfoy?! No!" The Gryffindor, on the other hand, felt quite the opposite.

"Beat your bludger?" Malfoy wagged his eyebrows suggestively.

"Oh Merlin, Malfoy, just shut up!"

"One more!" Malfoy grinned evilly. It almost sounded seductive! "Do you tame your dragon?"

Harry stood up and so did Malfoy. Were they going to do it?! There was obvious sexual tension, especially after an argument like that! I almost squealed in delight. They stepped closer and closer to each other, eyes locked on each other, breathing hard, and faces angry. Almost there—

"Ahem." Oh crap. The deep tone of the sound made my heart beat quicken in terror. I didn't want to turn around, but I had no choice. I knew who it was. But why did he have to arrive at such a horrid time? It was just about to get interesting! I turned around to face my doom.

Severus Snape. "Snooping, are we?"

I gazed at him. I had to think of something... Anything! "I'm looking for Crumple-Horned Snokacks, sir. Would you like to lend a hand?" He raised an eyebrow, and his mouth seemed to be in a permanent sneer. I guess it's true, what an old teacher said. 'If you keep your face like that too long, it will get stuck like that.'

Poor Professor Snape.

"No, I'd rather not. What is inside the closet that is so damn interesting?" Suddenly, something inside the closet crashed. Yes! They were doing it! But I groaned inwardly. I was missing it because of Snape! He turned his head toward the door and took out his wand. "Let's take a look see."

He waved his wand and didn't say a word. Stupid wordless magic. Stupid show off Snape. Stupid stupid stupid! When the door flung open, I was disappointed. The two boys still had clothes on, and they were not putting a basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets, if you catch my drift. Instead of the sight I planned for, Malfoy had a bloody lip, Harry had a bloody hand, and there were bruises on both the boys' faces.

Malfoy was stopped mid-punch. The Slytherin and the Gryffindor looked at Snape and me and pulled away instantly. "Well, well, well. What do we have here?"

Harry spoke first. "Someone locked us in here, Professor!"

"And you know how Potter and I aren't very fond of each other. It was bound to happen," continued Malfoy.

"It seems that this class mate of yours is the main suspect." The two boys glared at me.

"I can explain!" I confessed quickly. "I heard some girls talking and they said that it would be really great if someone locked Harry and Malfoy in a closet to figure out whether they would do it and I was curious so I thought "What the hell? I might as well do it if no one else has the courage to so I did and boy, was it easy! But it ended so much differently than I had hoped and planned. But cut me some slack, it was a good plan, and it could have worked if you guys would pay less attention to the hostility and paid more attention to the obvious sexual tension you have between you! You are the only ones who don't see it and it was about time that you did, now aren't you glad that I risked life and limb to have you guys figure out your true love for each other?!" I managed to get that rant in a huge breath. The first response I got was three pairs of eyes staring at me, completely astonished.

Snape opened his mouth to speak, finally. "20 points from Ravenclaw and a week of detention with anyone but me. As for you two boys," he said, turning to the bloodied and beaten pair, "You two get 15 points deduced from each of your Houses and detention with me. But get to the hospital wing; I'm sure nobody would like it if you two walked around school in your hopeless condition." He silently walked away without another word.

Harry and Malfoy turned to me and I smiled. "Can I try my plan again?"

Malfoy and Harry looked at each other and nodded, as if they had come to some kind of silent agreement. Malfoy turned back to me and said one word that made me terrified for my life.

"Run."

Rule 84; I am not allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see if hot gay sex will occur.

Sorry for the late update.

Reviews are appreciated! :D