Okay so, another chapter! I added some characters from Wicked World just because I liked them very much, and I think I could use them for some good things, and one in particular is the one which is going to give trembling territory and angst to this story, so wait for it. Also, since the movie is a musical, I don't feel guilty for putting these songs in this, maybe for the performers but I think the melodies fit very nicely on the story. Anyhow, fav, follow or review, they feed my soul, enjoy :)
Songs: Arms - Christina Perri (/watch?v=MeW0Sl0tNS8)
Can't Fight This Feeling - REO Speedwagon (/watch?v=zpOULjyy-n8)
Something more than a forbidden word
"Okay guys, now I'm the king and all that stuff, but it will also be my birthday soon, so do you know what does that mean?" asks Ben with a huge smile on his face, looking at Mal for a moment before looking at another point again since he's the one blushing.
Yeah, of course, it's time to kick out the VK's back to the Isle now the barrier is up again; this social experiment is finally over.
"Party?" asks Jordan, even more excited than Ben and the whole crowd in this huge table that we all now share for every meal in the day, and I seriously don't understand why I haven't seen her before. Then again I remember that she's the daughter of Genie, she lives in her lamp and I forget all about it.
"OPEN-MIC NIGHT!" I jump since I get easily scared for loud sounds.
Everybody in the cafeteria hears his message and the cheers don't take too long to appear, also with some suggestions of songs, that I don't even knew those names could exist, from the tables behind and next to ours.
"This is gonna be A-W-E-S-O-M-E, I think we all should sing about…" he keeps talking with that always-present smile, and he looks at me from time to time while I shrug even more than I usually do. Jay notices it since he puts his arm over my shoulders and pulls me closer to him.
"What's going on?" he asks with such a low and tender voice that I refuse to place my head over his shoulder while Ben talks to Lonnie, Mal, Evie and Jordan.
I look up for a moment and I see that Jay still glares and huffs to Ben in some occasions while he talks, like if with his gaze he could be able to break his nose, or his neck, or whatever.
"You know I'm not much of a singer, so I don't think I'd feel comfortable".
Back on the Isle the only singing that we, and by saying we I mean every single person in there, ever heard was when Ursula was trying to get her sea-magic to kind of work out, and she only managed to get her cave/home to fall over her since her notes were too high and deep the stone couldn't handle the vibration and it all fell down.
And secretly I know that I have talent in my blood because of dad, for what I can barely remember he was a great singer, and dancer too, but since there comes a point when in the middle of a song or in a dance routine where I feel like if I were betraying him for showing to the world what he taught me as a huge secret for living there, I don't I can handle an entire song in front of a crowd filled with lots of good people, and my 'special someone'.
"… and I know you can do it" I take the compliment but dammit, my reverie took too long to end up, I'm sure I lost half of his words. "I'll be there with you, and I'll sing too, so if you suck I'll be there to push you aside and show them that there are worst singers than you".
"Geez, thanks a lot, I guess" he ruffles my hair and his right hand strokes my cheekbone, slowly in the same way in which he does when he wants our lips to be touching, I look at him and he winks his right eye. I don't lean for a single kiss or a pressure because many people are already looking at us for being villains, and since I'm shy as hell I'll probably die for the wild blushing. "I feel lucky that you are with me".
"Exactly, lucky you, and partially lucky me" he winks his right eye again.
I punch him in the arm and we laugh, when he turns his head to get in the conversation about the songs I don't say anything, I look down at the table and poke a strawberry cake that I left for later with a fork. Turns out that, unlike Mal, I don't like strawberries, and also I'm in my limit because since the victory pizza with the team I discovered how good Auradon's food, like literally, I've been losing so much awesome things for not wanting to try anything new.
Perhaps that make out session with my hot teacher had something to do with it too, but whatever I don't want anything else, neither to think in that plan of a party from Ben.
"Excuse me, is somebody in this place?" I turn to the right and look at a girl with long blond hair and a cute baby blue dress. She looks at me with a little smile and I shrug because someone is talking to me, I think…
"N-no, it's completely free" she smile a little more and sits next to me, too closer, her leg is touching mine but if I move it would we be a mean to do, and I'm sandwiched between her and Jay. If good hadn't being my choice then I'll probably sit on the other side of the table, or anywhere else in the cafeteria.
While she starts eating, with her back stretched, her arms near to her body, taking small pieces and chewing all of them slowly, Jay turns from time to time to ask me a few things that I can easily answer with some random yeah's or with denials.
While I do that and then I go back to end up with some fresh fruit in a bowl in front of me (the entire opposite from the fruit we get on the Isle, this is fresh and apparently healthy) I feel a gaze on me, and when I look at my right I see this girls piercing blue eyes fixed on me, then I look down, her gaze is making me to feel extremely embarrassed and terrified at the same time. It's not the first time someone does that, since we set a foot in Auradon we four have got that kind of so focused stares, but this time it's worse, like if I were being judged, and I don't deserve that since this is the first time I talk to a girl, or to her, and this is the first time a girl stares at me like that.
"C-can I help you?" I finally ask, stopping my shrug.
"May I ask why I have not seeing you before?" the way in which she talks is weird, like if she had something stuck in her mouth. "Oh, where my manners. I'm Ally, Alice in Wonderland's daughter".
"Oh, nice to meet you" I give her a little smile and I finally look at her bright eyes for more than a few milliseconds, she has really beautiful eyes. "I'm Carlos, Carlos de…".
I hesitate about it. Sure, I'm her son, it's going to be a mark that will live with me forever, but anyway I would love not to say that I am. Maybe she was sent to the Isle twenty years ago, but yet I'm sure everybody gets chills when they hear the name.
"Just Carlos" I snap, looking at my not-anymore-yummy fruit.
"Okay, Just Carlos, and now that we were properly introduced I can ask again, why I have not seeing you before?".
Jay's arm goes back over my shoulders, I don't remember when he moved it away, and again he pulls me closer to him, he ruffles my hair and I force myself to not fall into his touch and hide my face in his long hair until I can rest over his shoulder, with his hands stroking my back and hearing him saying all the things he likes about me and all those cute nothings. And Ally is looking, I think.
"I'm kind of a transfer student" I say to answer her question.
"That's wonderfully awesome, I am a transfer student too. My mother's home is…".
"It's not awesome, at least not from where I come from".
"Why is that?".
She was alternating her gaze in a bunch of fruit and some hot soup while she was talking to me, but she stops in me in that last question. I like so much being heard by somebody else than my new dog, my best friend/'boyfriend' and my two other friends, and neither one of them actually listens to me.
"I come from the Isle of the Lost…" hesitating is the best that I can do now. "I'm Carlos de Vil".
"Oh, a VK!" she screams, and rather than scared she seems really surprised, almost excited. "I heard some things about you in the hallways and I really wanted to meet you, and any of your friends. Is any of them…?".
"Hey, why are you so quiet?" Jay turns his head and looks at me, he gives me a smile but then his nature makes him to stare at Ally and he outlines that stupid grin of his. "Why hello there, the name's Jay" I roll my eyes and snort, moving away from him, "Carlos, who is your pretty friend?".
Ally blushes, of course she will, but she doesn't seem delighted. No, scratch that, she's not delighted, because by how she nibbles her lower lip, her gaze and the way in which she's about to destroy her napkin tells me that she is completely mad, like for real. What the hell?!
"She's Ally, daughter of Alice" he looks at me, kind of lost in that description. "Wonderland?" I say and he nods, but deep down I hate to introduce him to her. "Ally, he's Jay, another… VK? Yeah, that, and those two over there" I point to the girls, "are Mal and Evie, more of my friends".
"Now I see, I'm finally able to meet you all" Ally smiles kindly, I like how she smiles.
"The Isle of the Lost rules" says Jay, leaning so much that his left cheek is almost rubbing against my right one. "What are you doing alone here, Ally? You're all of a pretty girl to be alone like that".
"I'm not…".
"Anyway, if you need someone to help you with your homework call Carlos, he's the brain, and if you need someone to cuddle and kiss then call me, I'm the boyfriend material" he winks and I nudge him in the ribs (totally a reflect, not a sign that I hate him to the moon and back) to prevent Ally ´s rage to keep boiling. "Right, buddy?" he shakes my arm, and damn I hate him.
I glare at him with all my hatred, like that time when he took down my raised hand in Remedial Goodness, and he just smiles and plays with his eyebrows, with how much I like when he does that. I don't answer to his question.
"It's good to know, but can we keep our conversation?" she looks at him through her hateful gaze, I nod and smile for her to keep talking. "Alone, please" she growls, talking straight to Jay.
"Okay, I get it, it's your turn to flirt, man" he shakes me and stands up, ruffling my hair again. "I'll go get something with chocolate, want some?".
"I'm fine" I smile to him and he smiles back. Damn, I finally see why people loves when he does it, he becomes in an extremely hot arrogant.
"Ally?" he asks to her, changing his voice to one in which he's not growling, ignoring completely his ways to act with a girl.
"No thanks, I'm good, but it's charming from you for asking".
He pats me on the shoulder and goes by walking, I scratch my nape with my right hand and move my head back to stare at his long hair, broad back, strong legs, muscled arms and round butt while he walks. I smile like an idiot and bite my lower lip, seeming completely like a schoolgirl with a crush for the sexy student of them all.
"Are you and Jay together?" Ally asks out of nowhere, I focus my attention back to her, she´s grinning while she has both of her hands cupping her face. That act is more stupid than the heart Evie does with her hands when Jay's not looking and she wants to piss me off.
Jay and I are not together.
Or… are we?
I mean, sure we kiss and hug and whisper stupid things at each other in the ear when we're sleeping in the same bed (he moves away my nightmares and he loves protecting/hugging someone in his sleep), and also we said that we heart each other. But we also keep punching our arms, we fight, argue and say really mean things a lot, but at least I can say we both enjoy that kind of relationship. We can't change it, we were raised that way.
"We're… friends" I answer, because that involves some kind of relationship and deep bound. "Best friends, actually".
"But are you two boyfriends? Do you date?" she notices that I'm rolling over the real topic, she's pretty good to realize it.
"Well… we…" I feel myself blushing, like crazy and per second, like if my whole body were being heated up with a candle. "We… kiss, and hug too, and too much now that I think about it. He talks to me about the things in his head and we sleep together, but beyond that then that's all we do".
"Then you are, that is so cute!" I could cover her mouth to stop her for saying such things, but it's kind of good hearing them.
"You know? I don't think we are, not for real".
Something aches in my chest, something like feeling betrayed or a thing like that, or maybe because we're talking about things that had been rolling in my head every day for almost two weeks.
"What do you mean?" she cuts a piece of bread with strawberry jam in two perfect triangles and hands me a half, I take it and eat it slowly just for being polite with she and her good action.
"I think we're just fooling around, plain and simple".
Why the hell am I talking about this kind of things with a perfect stranger? I never thought that my need to be heard was this kind of desperate.
"Before we came here we had our first kiss and I told him that I have feelings for him, something that is forbidden there. He said that he has feelings for me too, and since then he hadn't asked me a thing to make it official or whatever, that's why I think we're just fooling around".
"So you want him to ask you to be his boyfriend?".
Hearing that word tells me that I'm avoiding to be labeled with it, I'm trying to set free a thing that some part inside of me still wants to keep locked up and just to torture my mind. I gave my feelings to him in a silver tray and he's not taking them in the way that I thought he would do it. I should stop this right now before, now being selfish, I end up hurt.
But, on the other hand, I want to hold his hand in public eye, I want to smile and kiss his cheeks, or his lips, anytime I want to everywhere I want to. I want to know if maybe, with that word coming out from his lips, we could make from this some kind of a strong commitment.
Ally knows how to make her questions, and looking at her eyes while I talk tells me that I'm really being heard.
I like being heard.
"Yeah" I snap, feeling the wild blushing again. "I think I would like him to ask me to be his… his… that…" Ally outlines a white smile and bites her bread, whipping the corners of her mouth like a complete lady with her napkin.
There it is, a perfect confession for the perfect stranger while the guy who should be hearing it is who knows where.
"Then I think open-mic night could be the best chance, you can sing something about love and it could be dedicated to anyone in the room".
"You say that I should sing to him?" Jay decides to come back right after that, this time he sits in the opposite side of the table, eating in silence while Mal and Evie are focused in a talk with all the girls.
"That's exactly what I'm telling you" she talks in whispers now, good thing she does because Jay can hear pretty well even with his hair over his ears. "If he doesn't do it then you can take the chance to ask him to be your boyfriend, anyway only acts talk".
"I want Jay to be my boyfriend" there, I whispered it again, high enough for Ally to hear and low enough to not cause a change in his mood.
"Think about it" she eats her bread and stands up, I didn't realize that I talked so much for her to finish with her whole breakfast. "See you in open-mic night. Bye, Carlos… bye, Jay".
She takes her tray and walks away, she finds Lonnie and Jane in the middle of the cafeteria and stays with them.
Before I could sink into my thoughts Jay kicks lightly my calf, I look at him and he has his eyebrows frowned.
"Why was Ally so mad with me?" I look at him with hatred written all over my face.
"I don't know, maybe because you were flirting with her and you just met her today?" he shrugs but he also looks sad, like if choosing good were actually taking control over him.
"I guess I have to say sorry, or whatever".
That moves away the pain on my chest a little, still I have a lump in my throat, it could be moved away if he says or I say the right words in the right time, or with the right song now the opportunity is there.
"So, open-mic night" he stretches his spoon and I lean to eat the corn flakes covered with chocolate that he's eating. "You have any idea?".
"I don't know" I look at him until he can't handle it, then he looks away and I chuckle a bit. "I'll get something in mind".
I hit the tips of my boots while I keep reading for my essay about learning and behavior, in addition to its various applications. Although the subject is Literature the former Queen Belle, who happens to be my gentle but still strict teacher, achieves that it turns to seem to me very interesting the way with which she can relate topics that don't have little relation to the subject. She's smart too, perhaps not too much to marry Beast and have a so repressed son like Ben, but she's smart enough to make me get interested to know all about why these issues are somehow related.
"Can we go now?" I ask for like the fourth time.
Jay has been inside the bathroom for almost an hour, and the running water tells me that he's still showering. I get that we had practice and he's tired and soared for tackling, running and roaring, but it's time enough to have his whole being cleaned and nit; it took me like ten minutes to shower and get dressed, but I have to remember that I'm smaller than him.
"Just a minute" the same answer for the fourth time.
I grunt and pat my side, Dude hears that since he jumps to my bed, he twirls a few times and lays down, letting me to pet him for like the millionth time in the day. I'm going to keep him, the plan was ruined. I'm so glad about it.
Jay still don't let him to be on his bed, or near his clothes since he says our new pet leaves fur over them, but it's so obvious and I notice that he just don't like to have him closer, maybe because he still remembers that thanks to Ben I'm not afraid of dogs anymore, or maybe because he just don't like dogs.
Finally the shower stops.
I internally count down only five minutes, the time it takes him to get dried and dressed and all that stuff before he comes out of there. I focus again on my reading.
It is likely that conditioning is not a full explanation of why someone is attracted to a person and not to another, but it has bases which are easy to start their understanding. Classical conditioning is an innate mechanism by which someone learns to encode and store various types of information. In short, an unconditional reflex is made by an unconditional stimulus (US) and the response that this causes, the unconditional response (UR). In the attraction, the US may be the presence of a person, the UR would be the feeling that occurs in the body. On the other side there's the conditional reflex, which consists on a conditional stimulus (CS) and the response it evokes in a reliable manner, the conditional response (CR). Going back again to the attraction, the similarity of various physical features, the hairstyle, even the shape of the face of the other person, the fact of thinking about them can produce that those CS could end up within a guaranteed CR. This can be difficult to understand at first, but if it comes to polarize it to the various experiences that arise in our everyday life then it's easier to understand these approaches.
The door of the bathroom opens and I look up. Huge mistake.
"Hey, have you seen my towel? I just can't find it" he steps in the frame of the door, his right hand behind his neck, the bicep flexing gorgeously with all that smooth, tanned skin.
His towel is on his hips, hanging extremely low (I can see where the pubic hair begins to grow in that 'v' that he has on his pelvis!), his upper part is completely exposed and that relaxed grin and whole expression makes me to shiver in my place.
It's, literally, the first time I see the front part of his body completely bare, he always wear a shirt or a tank top at least, but this change is good, extremely good actually, although I notice that my pants are starting to get a little tighter more and more in my waist. Abs, pecs, happy trial, biceps, skin exposed, his calmed smile; I want it all.
If he decides to come, lean over me and kiss me just like that I'm sure my outfit will be gone in the act.
"Carlos?" he asks, teasing me and pulling me out of my reverie.
"Y-yeah…?" I run out of breath, I cling to the book and the mattress, leaving Dude alone for suffering of my grip in his fur. This is too much, but I love it.
"My towel, have you seen it?" he changes the hand that holds the knot on his waist to flex his left arm. «Let it fall, Jay. Let. It. Fall».
"I-it's o-on your w-waist…" I hate this stuttering now.
He looks down and pretends to realize how stupid he was by not noticing it was there a minute ago.
"You're so right, you smarts drive me crazy for you".
It's like nine o'clock in the night but the sudden heat in the room feels like if the sun was shining bright and throwing a heat wave without mercy through the windows. He stands there for another second, then he finally starts to walk to his drawers, taking out some underwear, pants and a very nice shirt.
Even when he has one hell of a body, his back is so broad and worked that it drives me crazy.
Jay is not this kind of gym-obsessed guy, he likes to work out from time to time, and still he's not a ball of lots of muscles and that kind of things. Even when the front is amazing the back is better.
When the towel gets spread I just roll over myself and crash hopelessly to the floor, in the same moment when the towel falls too.
I see him turn on his heels to come closer.
"Don't come, I'm okay. The floor wanted me to say hi with my body so I did" if I didn't want to seem suspicious then the accelerated rhythm of my voice betrayed me along with all I just did.
"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard".
"Anyhow don't come, just… get dressed, we're late".
He turns back and I fight my urge to get up and see everything he has to offer to me.
It has been a while ago since I started to see Jay for his body, mostly, and I hope that doesn't change how I feel for him. Sure, I always stared at his arms more than the necessary, and he's a person, he's more than just his physical appearance, but now I want… everything, I want to get everything from him, starting with soft kisses all the way down to sweaty bodies, pleasure and… love.
I get up when I see pants on his legs and shoes on his feet, I shake off the dust in my clothes and catch him in the middle of buttoning up his shirt.
"How do I look?" he asks with a raised eyebrow and that smirk of his.
I place a marker in the book and leave it on the mattress, then I approach to him and move his hands to finish buttoning up his shirt, with how much he hates someone to help him to do anything. I only leave three buttons open to give some of him to everybody.
"Stunning" I look into his eyes, now I don't have to stretch my neck so much to do it. I'm growing, finally. "How do I look?" I ask while I slide my hands down his body and I leave them on his waist.
"Cute and stunning, just how you usually do" he settles my red tie.
He places his hands on my waist too and I'm the one who kisses him first, he's taken aback and yet he pulls me closer to him while we both sigh, he cups my cheek and sighs on my face, taking my breath away a little more.
Even when we have a fight for dominance, which I'm not going to give, now my heart is not going to explode in my chest. Yeah it beats fast, but it warms my chest and my whole being, the entire reaction of some substances on my body and brain to make me feel something more than a forbidden word.
Love.
I'm feeling loved for the very first time in my whole life.
I couldn't ask for more.
"Still I want to know what are you going to sing" he moves away to talk so suddenly that I move my head forward for more kisses. I open my eyes to see an inquisitive look on his face.
"It's a surprise" I kiss him one more time, to don't have this need anymore, and then we undo our knot of limbs.
I take Dude's belt and place it on his neck, just in time before a knock on the door make its appearance. Jay opens the door and Mal, Evie, Ben and Doug are outside, all of them with their usual colors in their fancy outfits.
"Let's go then" I say.
We step out on the hallway and to the outside of the building, a cold breeze blows and makes all of us to shiver a little. We walk to the courtyard where Family Day took place, there are some huge spotlights in the grass, they turn from time to time and the lights go all the way up to the sky, also there's the biggest tent I've ever seen. Outside it is white, when we get inside it is lighten up with some golden lights and candles, I see there's a huge stage, a band tuning their instruments, of course there is a dance floor, and LOTS of tables. I don't know why I think this is everything but a small party.
"Dude, this is amazingly huge… and… expensive…" Jay gasps when I look at him. I see that twinkle in his eyes, the one that shines when he's planning his way out when he has the loot on his hands.
I nudge him in the ribs and that seems to bring him back to reality since he blinks, out of his reverie, and smiles to me before we all start walking to the fanciest table of them all, literally. I'm sure there wasn't enough space for another ice statue.
Everybody take their seat while I start walking around the statues, watching Beast, Belle and Ben perfectly showed in the ice, surely Elsa had something to do with them, they are so worked that it's obvious they were made with her magic, and luckily this time she didn't froze the whole kingdom. I remember the time when, on the Isle, it was heard that she was going to be sent there, but in the end she never set a foot on it since she didn't do it for being evil, it was just a small and yet huge mistake.
"You like what you see here?" Ben asks, smiling and with his arms behind his back.
"Yeah, though this is too much. All of this" I say, shrugging and with my real thoughts on my lips. That wasn't supposed to came out like that, but I said it and I can't take it back.
"Yeah, it kinda is" he chuckles and slides his hand behind his neck, he looks down, something like embarrassed. "My parents always want things to be huge and extremely celebrated".
"But this was your plan, not theirs. Also now you are the king…" I look at him.
"And yet they took it to make it theirs, but I think its fine" he looks back at me and I immediately look at my feet.
I play with an imaginary pebble while in my mind I change the subject and now I think about the song I'll be singing when I set a foot on the stage.
I read a book about sentimental songs that was almost hidden in the very end of the library, and since while I was reading it I didn't puke all over the book for so many things about love and that kind of things, the description about me that I've heard for a while now is completely accurate.
The worst villain of them all.
The one I chose describes perfectly how I feel about Jay, all the things that I'm scared to say in his ear when we cuddle in his bed after a long make-out session, it's a perfect song for me to open up my heart to him, and… to the crowd.
Yet I'm not sure if my feelings are welcomed in Auradon.
I look up and Ben is still looking down at me, smiling like an idiot and with both of his arms behind his back.
"C-can I ask you something?" I say, looking at him for a minute and back to my boots. I almost punch him when he places his hands on my shoulders and gives me a squeeze.
"Anything, buddy".
I feel a shiver on my back, not for his words, for something else. I look over his shoulder and Jay is staring at us, he's murdering Ben with his gaze while he 'talks' to Mal. I give him a little smile and that doesn't seem to lighten his mood, now he looks more pissed off.
"Let's go outside" I shrug to take his hands away from me.
I walk to one side of the tent, the fresh breeze that blows outside moves the foliage on the trees, the flags in the walls, and it cools me down a little. I can't stop Jay from thinking that I like Ben more than a friend, which I don't of course, he is with Mal and he's cute and all but… no, I don't feel really connected with him, there's not this strong bound like the one between Jay and me, both because of our friendship and our feelings.
"This breeze is really great" Ben says, taking a deep breath and stretching his whole body.
"Yeah, it is".
If Ben yells loud enough after I ask him the things that I have in my mind I'm sure that the guards will be surrounding me in a second and throwing me back to the Isle in the next one.
I want to feel free to show Jay how I feel for him in public, so screw it.
"So, what did you…?".
"Is it something bad if I have feelings for another guy and I want to sing about it tonight but I'm scared that all the people here may take it bad and kill right there?".
Ben looks at me, surprised and yet still smiling, he walks towards me and places his hand on my shoulder, then he cups my cheek. I look into his green eyes and I feel panic running in my blood. Oh no…
"Listen, Carlos, I'm flattered, really flattered, but I'm in love with Mal and I don't think my people…".
"What!? Ew! No! I'm not talking about you!".
Damn! These people really think everything revolves around them, and, if I had a list of people that I like more than a friend, Ben would be in the very bottom of it.
"You don't?" he takes his hand away and sighs, kind of relieved.
"No, of course not. I'm talking about Jay".
«Geez! Really brain, really? You're just making me to say things that I would love to keep inside».
We stare at each other from time to time, not moving, his smile is not as wide as it usually is but it's still there, I play with more invisible pebbles on my feet while all the people begin to fill up the tent, their conversations are starting to get really loud.
"So, you and Jay? Feelings?".
"Yeah, that's it" I say, matter-of-factly. "I h-heart him".
That's it, I stepped over the limit, I'm going to live in the forest since I would NEVER be able to look at him now that he knows the cornerstone of my new-and-hidden-relationship with Jay and also that I'm something like in love with a guy.
I move on my heels, shrugging like if I were tied up with a rope until it hurts, i breath heavily for the expectation of his reaction, I'm also sweating for both this and my song. My stomach hurts, my head too, I'm simply going to die in the party before his birthday.
Still, I'm relieved. Yeah, that's the word, I'm so relieved that someone else than Mal, Evie and Jay himself knows about my feelings.
"P-please say something" I force my throat to not get hoarse and express the words without trouble.
"Jay and Carlos. Carlos and Jay" he says, slowly, like if he were getting used to the idea and to the way how our names come out together from his mouth. "Yeah, Carlos and Jay sound good, and I like that idea".
I look up and see that stupid smile still present, maybe a little wider, but there. Nothing in his body language screams panic or arrogance, or 'I'm kicking you out of my kingdom'. Instead, all in his expression and posture says 'I'm accepting how you're feeling about your best friend. I'm accepting you'.
"You're… not scared?" I ask, kind of shocked.
"Why would I be?".
"I don't know, maybe because I told you I like my best friend, that I like a guy. There are people who would be scared".
"Yeah, there are people, but I'm not one of them. I'm the king now, I must understand and comprehend all the things that could trouble my people".
Perhaps he's a young idiot but he knows what to say.
Some guests come near him to say hi, some of them even say hi to me with smiles or stretched hands, and some others with rolled eyes. Ben dismisses them by saying that he'll be there in a minute.
When no more people come closer the silence between us starts to become annoying, I can't break it because my mouth will never stop about this affection I have for a guy and all the other stuff in my mind.
"Jay is a hot guy, don't you think?" he snaps.
I want to think he said that just to make some conversation, so that I try to swallow the lump in my throat and calm down my impulses to punch him.
"Yeah, he is" I admit, feeling a light heat in the cheeks.
"He has amazing arms, I'm kinda jealous about them" I frown but refuse to look at him. "Also he has a bright smile, he's strong, adding that his face is tough and yet charming, besides he's…".
"He's more than just his physical" I finally look up, hating this conversation and Ben for talking like that about him since every single person here only focuses in that. "He's a person, he's insecure about some things, he has troubles like everyone else, he has feelings and emotions. He can listen to you and give you kind words, he's the entire opposite of a muscled douche, so that I don't want to hear more about only his physic coming from you or anyone else because no one knows him like I do, no one".
Until now I can feel my jaw clenched, my hands turned into fists, that scared expression on his face and that he's cornered against a tree.
I take a deep breath and my whole body relaxes in the act, I move a few steps back, Ben can relax too since he sighs and moves the back of his hands over his forehead to remove some sweat.
"I'm… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to explode like that" I look into his eyes just to say that, then I look at my boots.
"You do heart him" he takes my shoulders and gives them a light squeeze.
"It's just that no one had ever tried to know him deeper".
"Or maybe he just feels comfortable being like that, I could say his true self, only with you".
I shrug to remove his hands and cross my arms since this is the kind of things that I would like to figure out alone, or asking them straight to Jay. However, Ben knows what to say.
"Feelings are something that any single person could have, but you can only experience them by yourself, so that I don't feel scared, disgusted, or anything of that now that I know how you feel about Jay" he lifts my face with his fingers. "I'm proud of you to allow those feelings to come out and guide you, you will not hear a thing from me and I'll make sure my people accept it".
"I don't want everyone to know… not yet".
"I'll keep it down, I promise" and he pulls me into a hug, patting my back and shaking my arms.
"Thanks, Ben" I say when we move apart, I feel sudden cold for some reason.
"Anytime bud… eh, hey Jay".
I freeze there while I hear his loud stomps approaching, he walks next to me and hits my arm with his shoulder, he pats Ben's right shoulder and I can't move at all.
"You're parents are here, they're looking for you".
"Oh, I should talk to them. Make sure to be inside in a while, the party is about to start and also the sequence for the performances will be said".
"We'll be there in a minute".
He never stops with his deep voice; he's angry, jealous in the least. Ben lets out a nervous chuckle and goes, the Jay walks in front of me, he stands there and I see his jaw clenched and hateful gaze.
For a moment there's just silence, the heat coming from him is not because he's wearing a jacket, he really is boiling with anger. I dare to look into his eyes for a moment and I find a so fixed gaze on me, trying to drill into my chest to make explode or something.
"I'm trying" he says in a shaky voice. Oh no! "I know you don't like when the girls come to talk to me or that I flirt with them, but I'm trying. I'm trying to fight against it but it's something that I've done through years and it can't stop just like that and there".
"Jay, I don't…".
"If you don't feel comfortable with this, with me, we could stop. I promise not to behave like an idiot if you want to be with Ben. I want you to be…".
I kiss him right there, outside the tent and with cheers in the inside after someone's speech. He places his hands on my cheeks and the kiss becomes rough, a battle for dominance with bites and moans involved, all for a few seconds that manage to take my breath away when we split apart.
"I don't give a damn about Ben, all I care, need and heart is you" I look into his eyes and caress his cheek with my thumb, it's the first time I do it and he seems to fight against his urge to yield to my touch.
"I want to believe you, but it's just words coming out".
"Then I'll show you".
I move away from him and walk inside the tent, feeling kind of hurt because he doesn't trust in me when I talk to him. The world is just sending trials for me to prove how much I care about Jay, and I do, very much, so I'll just say that it's enough for all that crap that comes against me.
"Alright people, it's party time!" says Jordan while she walks around in the stage, encouraging people to cheer and make some noise. "We have a huge list of songs and performers, so let's just being! The first will be…" she says, looking into a clipboard. "Carlos de Vil!".
Half of the crowd cheer and clap, the other half is expecting a good show or they don't really care about it.
I find Ben in our table and he lifts his thumbs up. «Damn you, Ben».
It's not a coincidence that after that little talk my name is the first one in the list. The air feels thick and I'm shaking, Jay's glare is not helping at all while he goes back to the table and sits down with his arms crossed.
"Carlos! Come here!" Jordan says, bringing me back to the world.
I walk with my feet feeling heavy, avoiding the waiters and also walking between the tables and the guests who were spread all over the dance floor. The steps that I have to climb up to the stage makes that some weird tingling come to my stomach and the shaking goes to my hands too.
Jordan places the mic in a base and gives me a warm smile, I tap in it to prove that its working and I finally look at the crowd while a white spotlight turns on over me.
"Uh, h-hey…" a sharp sound comes from the mic and the crowd covers their ears until the sound is gone, "hey everyone…" I say while I get all the looks from everyone in the tent, trembling like if I were about to be judged or something, but for the song I'm sure I'm going to be judged. "So… open-mic night and Ben's birthday, let's have some fun, I guess…".
I look back to the band and give them a slight nod, then I move my gaze back to my friends and I feel myself blushing. Mal has her personal smirk on her face, Evie lifts her thumbs to encourage me, and Jay… well, I'm not sure if he's still seems upset because I didn't tell him what I'm about to sing or if he is for how he saw me with Ben outside, but I just clear my throat and focus that this is for him.
I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart
But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start
You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go
I fight back with my stupid panic of looking up and I do it, luckily finding his gaze in my direction, and I never felt so good for finding his eyes on me and I give him a staring gaze, especially with these next words.
You put your arms around me and I'm home
That gives the crowd something to cheer me and they get up from their places, a few people even gather together in the dancefloor to share a dance with friends or with a special person. On the other hand, Jay seems stunned because I sang that part straight for him, not even glancing down for a single and little second. I can do this.
How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around?
I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown
I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home
These people really know how to party, I mean, they all dance in some kind of very planned choreography while I take the mic from its base to walk around the stage, feeling like some kind of talented person in this singing stuff. I would like to be dancing too, with that special someone not only because he holds my heart, but because he's also my best friend. Who could ask for more?
The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved
I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone
You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go…
Mal, Evie, Doug, Ben and Jay get up and slowly walk towards me. Ben takes Mal's hand and pulls her for a dance with the crowd, so does Doug with Evie, so everything comes down to be me in the stage and Jay in front of me, staring and smiling at me. Looking into his eyes gives back this lump in my throat and my moisten eyes; the feeling of betrayal against dad comes too, but it's mostly because Jay is really making his promise true about being there for me.
I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth
And I've never opened up
I've never truly loved 'til you put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go
I spot Ally in the crowd, she's not dancing but she's with her hands nearer to her chest, she's smiling and seems touched because I took her advice, I dedicate to her some of the stanzas since she's amazing, Although I met her today she also knows what to say in desperate situations, I never thought that meeting a complete stranger in breakfast was going to led me straight to this, to sing openly about my feelings in front of a bunch of important people, my best friends in the world and my special someone.
I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home
I kneel to look into his eyes again, I fight back my urge to cry in this public place to just end up with this silly song about knowing that I belong to him.
You put your arms around me and I'm home
The music stops and so does my performance.
I get up and the crowd goes crazy with that, literally, they're all standing up, clapping and whistling too. The people in the dance floor stretch their hands and I kneel back to hold them, the girls seem to find me somehow attractive, perhaps because it's not common from a guy to open his heart just like that to someone, or maybe because they think that I'm minimally attractive.
Whatever the reason is now my life doesn't suck like it usually does.
"That was incredible!" Jordan says when she appears next to me, she claps too and has a wide smile on her face. "Ladies and gentleman, the Isle of the Lost has talent in their kids!".
That's a weird speech but the crowd takes it.
"Make some noise for Carlos!" they do and I feel a little scared for all the noise, I try not to shrug and I make a little bow.
"Thanks everyone" and like a shot I get the hell down the stage.
I walk between the people, pushing and being pushed, the air feels heavier in the dance floor but a hand manages to catch the sleeve from my jacket and it pulls me until I collide against Jay. Mal, Evie and the guys are near too, they all just give some thumbs up and smiles but are more focused in their conversation.
"So, emotional songs, that's what you were going to sing" he arches his right eyebrow and smiles. I know that smile, he's about to burst in laugher.
"Yeah… I didn't say a thing to avoid these comments".
"Which comments?" he asks, using an offended voice.
"Oh please, we both know you're holding back your urges to laugh in my face. Go on, do it, anyhow I already showed you my point".
"And now it's my turn" he winks his right eye and that takes me by surprise. I try to get the words correctly in my head but I just had a mental crash.
"What are you…?".
"Well look at this, another person from the Isle" Jordan says, and for the smile on both Evie and Mal's face, the confidence smile, I know they know something that I don't know and that's going to happen. "Jay! Get up here man!".
In a blink he's almost in the stage, everyone makes some space for him while we go back to our table, but something is telling me that I will not be seated for too long, not now that he's finally on the stage and that the girls know something. I hate any kinds of surprises, this has to be a very good one for me to maybe forget that I hate them with my whole being.
"Nothing to say, let's get this party started!" Jay says against the mic, and that makes that literally ALL the girls gather together in front of the stage. I sink into my place but Evie's hand on my shoulder makes me to get up again. "You should be thinking that I'll be singing something to show you my awesome dance skills" he winks an eye and the crowd laughs, even I do it for some reason, "but, oh no, big mistake, I'll show you that we four, the VK's as many of you call us, have a heart".
Jay blows a kiss towards our table and a few girls in front of him think that it's for them. He seems to notice it since, lifting a hand to stop the band from starting with the music, he frowns and point towards us… or, to me? Hard to say from so far, but I think he did it.
Evie don't let me to be swallowed by the Earth, or by my chair, and she makes me to stand on my feet, we start walking towards the stage while Jay gives a sign to the band to finally start with his performance. I hate being watched, I hate the whispers, I hate the jealous girls that surround me, I hate surprises, I just hate it all. And yet I don't hate the fact the he's going to give me whatever he's going to sing.
I can't fight this feeling any longer
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow
What started out as friendship, has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to let it show
Even when this bunch of crazy girls for him are still trying to guess towards who he pointed I get to move between them to get closer and closer to the stage, leaving Evie behind, feeling flattered and shy because I don't think that the slow way in which he says the words, the perfect pitch and the feeling invested on it could be devoted to me. I'm not that special.
I tell myself that I can't hold out forever
I said there is no reason for my fear
Cause I feel so secure when we're together
You give my life direction
You make everything so clear
I'm finally in front of the stage, not breathing, hearing some whispers from the girls, watching him while he sways a little with the mic on his hands, and when he spots me in the bunch of people he smiles, the warmest and sweetest smile that I've ever seen on him, and the most special one he has ever gave me.
And even as I wander
I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window
On a cold, dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might
He looks deep into my eyes, in a blink he's nearer to the band and in the next one he skids on his knees until he's in front of me, literally the only thing that can split us apart is the stage. No more barriers or second thoughts of our feelings, now we're exposed to the world.
And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I've started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore
The conclusion sinks completely. I'm in love with my best friend, I'm in love with Jay; it's so embarrassing. He stretches his hand and I do too, with a quick and strong movement he manages to lift me up and I fall on my feet on the stage. We can't hide it, not anymore
My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you
I've been runnin' round in circles in my mind
And it always seems that I'm following you bud
Cause you take me to the places that alone I'd never find
Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I've started fighting for
Even if I have to crawl upon your floor
Come crashing through your door
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore
Ooh-ohh, ooh-ohh
He holds the last note longer than the necessary, but that gives more life to the encouragement and the cheers coming from the crowd for what he just did. The sound is even deafening than the one for me, he's the star and everyone loves him, everything that he does is completely cool and amazing.
I try to move back, I don't know why I'm on the stage, but when I try to move back I realize something. He's holding my hand, our fingers are entwined and the beating of my heart rushes for that.
"Hey Auradon!" Jay says to the mic but he looks at me, then he just raises an eyebrow, "watch and deal with this".
Time stops in the second after his words.
I close my eyes and tilt my head to the right.
At first he just let the mic fall, it made a sound when it hit the floor, the hand that was holding it makes a super coordinated motion with the other one to go up and take my jacket, he just pulls me closer to him, no space between us, his soft lips against mine and our bodies completely closer, making me feel warmer for both his heath and the blushing. Our feelings exposed.
I get on my tiptoes and let that sigh imprisoned in my soul to finally come out, I surround his head with my arms and he places his hands on my waist, he sighs in that very moment.
I'm happier than the day I ate chocolate for the first time, happier than the day I got over my fears of dogs, happier than the day we had our first kiss, happier than the day we confessed our feelings. I can't be more freaking happier, what I most wanted is finally happening.
"Carlos de Vil, do you wanna be my…?".
"Yeah, yeah I do…".
And I just kiss him again, letting my eyes closed and doing small pressures against his lips, this time not battling for dominance, not making from something heated or uncomfortable for us or for the crowd from this, we're just being slow, we're gentle, we're enjoying each other now that everyone knows it.
I can't be happier now, I'm finally complete. He's my other half.
I hear someone clapping in the distance, then the crowd starts to make the same thing and some cheering comes too, but the weird thing is that I start to not hearing them, the world doesn't exist anymore, it's just Jay and me now, our reality; us.
I just can focus in the fact that I'm finally free, I'm able to show how I feel for him. My most wanted wish has finally come true, even when I didn't ask for it to the stars he loves to stare at.
"I heart you" I manage to whisper when I move my head back just a little. I see him grinning and he places his forehead against mine, I close my eyes once again when he caresses my cheekbone and I yield to his touch, loving the way how my face fits perfectly in his hands.
"And I you" he whispers back and that's enough for me because I like when can be himself just with me.
I open my eyes slowly, the ground doesn't hold me anymore to the reality and I feel like if I were waking up from the best dream I've ever had, and before he can kiss me again a throat gets clear next to us, we both look towards the sound and Ben is there, smiling like always, with his right arm behind his back and with a microphone in his left hand.
I move away from Jay, very compelled to do so, Ben stands between us and place his arms on our shoulders, then he makes us to look at the crowd. If the girls were more than delighted to see Jay on the stage now their expressions are the entire opposite. Most of them seem devastated, another part seems sad, a fraction devotes me looks that finely could have been killing in more than one occasion, and a much smaller percentage, I would say five percent of all the girls who used to kiss the ground where he walked, seems happy.
"Ladies and gentlemen, friends and relatives, guests from all the kingdoms comprising Auradon, I hope that until now you've been enjoying a wonderful evening" Ben speaks with a so serious voice that I would never have believed it could come from him, I guess he's starting to put himself in the position of being the king. "Some people came to doubt about my proclamation of bringing people from the Isle to our kingdom, but now, with my new and great friends standing here, I realize that, even when there was also some uncertainty in me, I made a great decision".
Many of the people who remain seated exchange questioning glances between them, also the people on the dance floor. Damn, even Jay and I turn our head a little and we frown a bit since we don't know what in the whole world is Ben talking about.
"People make decisions, those decisions are the ones which guides their lives; that's obvious. But there are few people who act on what they feel, a small amount is the one that allows themselves to act on what dictate their wishes and desires".
Ben moves away his arms and steps back, he places his hands on my shoulders and pushes me next to Jay, side by side. I raise my head a little and Jay dedicates me a smile while he also winks his right eye, I look away by the blushing.
"Carlos and Jay are proof that changing exists, they both allowed themselves to act on what they feel for each other. Ladies and gentlemen, friends, relatives and guests, the change is possible".
With those last words, that one more time confirm me that we are something like an experiment, and the kiss Jay gives me on the cheek, my knees get weakened enough so that I place my arms around his shoulders and clung to him, burying my head in his neck, sensing the scent of his cologne, his breathing strikes my ear and his hands trace small circles on my lower back. The moment, even with the crowd, is… different.
It's like if a part of my life force were shared with him.
It's like if I knew that winter will not be a so cold season.
It's like if I could know what my future holds.
It's like if we were meant to be together.
Is it stupid to think in that way? Probably, but with the way Ben perceives this thing that lives between us, and how I hope that the others perceive it, are telling me that it's not. So much.
"Eh, guys…" Ben says when the sound of the world comes back to my ears, I pull away just enough to not invade the living space of Jay, "it's not needed that you two stay here, you can leave if you wish it".
"But this is for your birthday" says Jay in a turn of the events, but anyway I know that there's still that feeling of jealousy towards Ben.
"Now it's about you, it's your moment, so that I don't feel comfortable having you here under compulsion".
"But…".
"Carlos, I insist, you two can leave. The party will continue, if you want to come back you know where we'll be".
Before we can object something else he pushes us to get down from the stage, right in the moment before Jordan returns with her clipboard and says the name of the following persons, who happens to be Audrey and Lonnie.
Jay takes the lead and we start walking through the crowd, I place my hand on his arm to not feel swallowed up by everyone while he pulls his arm closer to his body, like if by doing that he could avoid me from moving away. People gives him pats on the back and half-smiles, just like they do to me, but the girls, ugh, the girls are still looking at me like if I had taken away the bite in front of them before they could even smell the aroma.
Eh… I mustn't compare Jay with food again.
"Well yeah that you know how to put on a show" Mal growls when we approach to our table.
"Please, Ben prepared a whole song for you in front of the whole school. If what you're looking to is to call us ridiculous then the comment is for you".
Evil prepares to answer to what Jay said but in the end she remains quiet since she knows he's right, so that she just rolls her eyes and shrugs, she mumbles under her breath a couple of insults and the glowing tries to be present.
"Whatever, Carlos and I are leaving" that calls back her attention.
"Leave? Where?" she asks with a low voice but she doesn't look at us, however I notice that she raises her eyebrows more than the necessary.
"Hmmm, I don't know, probably the dorm, right?" he places his arm around my shoulders and pulls me closer to him, kissing my right temple.
"I-I guess, yeah! The d-dorm" she finally looks at us and winks her right eye towards me, the most disconcerting act that may be in this situation.
"You shouldn't leave so soon, I just got here".
The purr in her voice, that attitude that I can sense even without looking at her; this can't be happening…
The teasing, the ridiculing moments, having to work with her on one of those mediocre projects in that place we used to call as school on the Isle (a project that I ended up doing alone for obvious reasons); all that seems to go on in my head like a series of snapshots.
I lift my head up to confirm an irrefutable fact.
Freddie, with her hands on her hips, wearing a sparkling garnet dress with purple and yellow details, the series of white dots below her bright and deadly eyes, the small but stylish hat that she seems to never be able to split apart, the bewitched accessories in her neck, hair and wrists, along with the wicked smile, has managed to get out from the Isle.
One of the many love affairs from Jay has managed to leave the Isle.
"So then, what else have I missed about my ex besides seeing him kissing a guy on the stage?" she asks with sarcasm in her voice. She's getting amused by the reaction she just caused in me and with whatever that emerged in Jay since he barely moves when he breathes.
This is not okay. This is NOT okay.