Chapter 6

AN: Well…It will get better, I promise…. Hang in there!

For a moment, Derek just held onto her, trying to think, to absorb what just happened to them. His heart was pounding in his ears, and he knew it had absolutely nothing to do with the exertion that they both had. He had a bit of shock, but also a bit of peace. Finally, he showed her exactly how he felt.

But on the skirt of that, there was fear there too. She wanted it, he knew she did, but was it for the same reasons he had? He highly doubted that. He wanted to meld with her, to become part of her so much that there was no room for Lynch, no room for anyone else. That pounding in his heart was becoming a definite ache.

Unfortunately, the only thing he knew for certain, was that their friendship as they knew it was permanently over. And more than that, he didn't want to go back. He would never forget what it felt like holding her, kissing her, being inside her. How could he just be a friend? No, he did not want that.

But the important question was: what did she really want?

So, he rested, his hand against the door, caught his breath, and did something he rarely did. He hoped and prayed for once in his God-forsaken life, he was the lucky one.

Reality returned, grim and unwanted, far too soon. Her feet touched the ground, and with that, she realized they never even removed their shoes. She was fully dressed, except for a breast that was tugged out of her low cut blouse and her panties that lay torn on the ground. A massive amount of shame, of guilt, rode over her.

She taunted him. She teased him, teased his manhood, and this is what she got for it. She wasn't proud of what she did. She loved him, she always dreamed of making love to him. But she didn't want him like this, out to prove a point. Never like this. She knew in that instant that everything changed; nothing would ever be the same between them.

He didn't say a word, he just leaned with one hand against the door over her right shoulder, breathing heavily. His eyes were closed, like he was trying to come to grips with something. He reached down to refasten his pants, then took a step back from her. There was obvious regret in his eyes. "Penelope, I-"

"No, it's okay, Derek," she said, attempting damage control. Maybe she could salvage some of their friendship? "I don't want to talk about it. Let's just forget it."

"Forget it?" he said, his eyes flashing anger before his face grew shuttered. "Yes, we wouldn't want anyone to know we fucked, now would we?"

She looked at him, and her stomach plummeted. She felt like vomiting, but she kept it under control. She winced at his words. So she really was just another conquest to him. Out to prove his manhood. Like he was tallying sexual partners, she thought. Morgan:612, Garcia: 4.

She refused to let him know how hurt she felt. "Yes. That's right."

"You do realize I just came in you," he said, like he was commenting on the weather. He was cold, emotionless, almost cruel. "Are you on the pill?"

The crudeness of what he said hit her hard. He certainly didn't want a baby from her; having sex with her was obviously the biggest mistake of his life. "No," she said, tears rising in her eyes. She tried her best to tamp them down.

"You use nothing with Lynch?" he growled at her.

"Of course I do!" she yelled back. She wanted to punch him, to throw herself against his chest and beat him, then beg him to hold her. She dragged a breath into her aching chest. "He does, too. I never expected this."

She didn't add that she never lost control so much with anyone that protection didn't even come up. She didn't add that even if she did think about it, everything felt so perfect from the moment he slid into her that she didn't want to stop. Couldn't stop. That he touched her heart, not just her body.

"You will let me know if anything happens," he said, interrupting her thoughts. It was not a question, it was a statement.

She needed to get out of here, and quickly, before she did something stupid, like cry a river in front of him. She quickly grabbed her purse, turned and opened the door. "Of course."

He never even turned to watch her go.