"Armin!" A voice called out and the blond felt those hands on his shoulders shaking him awake. "Armin! Are you alright?!"
Armin opened his eyes and saw Jean kneeling over him – his eyes were wide and filled with worry. He blinked a few times to find that his eyes were filled with tears and the blanket was tangled around his legs as if he had been thrashing about. His partner's hand smoothed over his face gently and helped him to sit up.
His stomach lurched and he grew pale with nausea. He was glad that Jean understood what his expression meant and quickly opened the tent so Armin could throw up the food that they had shared last night on the ground. The cool air from the night's rain made vomiting almost bearable cooling the heat from his skin on his neck. He had never reacted this way to his nightmares before, but seeing Jean killed like that affected him far too greatly then he had ever imagined. He let out another cry and stomach bile spilled from his mouth again until his body had relaxed enough to allow him time to breath.
Everything about his body was sore and ached from the shock to his system. Armin just laid there on the bedrolls panting and curled up in a small ball. He felt a cool, wet cloth pressed over his face and wipe away the leavings of his sickness from his mouth.
"I would have asked if the rabbit wasn't cooked well enough, but you have been tossing all night." Jean said as he opened the canteen and offered the smaller boy some water to wash the taste out of his mouth. "You screamed my name over and over and you were sobbing."
Armin sipped on the water and spit it out of the tent to get rid of the taste before lying back down. The run was rising and a light fog had settled over the forest. It was beautiful and it kept him from remembering those images of the Titans killing his partner.
Jean on the other hand did not want to let this go. "Armin, what were you dreaming about?" His eyes turned stern and he stared down at him expecting an answer. "Are you listening? What did you dream about? Why did you scream my name?"
"Just drop it!" Armin yelled and turned away. "Leave me alone, Jean!"
"Not until you tell me what is wrong! You threw up for fuck sake!"
"I don't need your help or your pity Jean so just drop it." Armin spat before leaving the tent to go for a walk. He had to clear his head somehow. He had to get away from Jean and those dreams for just a few minutes so he could feel normal.
He heard the taller boy call out for him, but he didn't look back or stop. Armin kept walking faster and faster until he was far away from the checkpoint and he could lean against a tree to breath. His breath came out in heavy pants and sweat rolled down his throat even if the air around him was cool. Armin didn't understand why he reacted like to Jean or even to his nightmares since he had never gotten sick before. It was frightening and he didn't understand the feelings that were swarming his mind and heart. Yes, Jean was a friend and he was starting to care for him, but how much did he truly care for him?
The gentle touches, the looks, the way Jean held him at night were fogging his mind to the point the blond didn't think he could function. He had held hands with Eren and Mikasa before, but when he held hands with his partner he found something a little more profound than a mere friendship between two boys.
There were only a few conclusions that Armin thought were possible. The first was that he was over reacting to the whole situation and it was nothing. The second was that he was truly sick somehow and that this situation was only causing him deep stress. The third and final was that he was growing more and more attracted to Jean as they grew closer.
Growing attracted to Jean?
Armin's heart almost stopped and he closed his eyes tightly. That couldn't be it. Jean was a flirt and would always speak his mind, but there wasn't anything between them like that, was there? The blond knew that there was nothing wrong with liking another man in his eyes, but if he really liked Jean and found that his feelings were not wanted he didn't know how he could go on during this journey. They still had over two more weeks together.
"Oh God help me." Armin whispered and gripped onto the bark of the tree.
A twig snapped in the distance and the blond turned his head up. Did Jean follow him? He took a shaky step forward and reached his hand out.
"I'm sorry Jean, I didn't mean to run I just-" A large black figure stepped into view and reared its large head at him. A wolf bared its teeth at the trembling figure and growled low as his tail went up to prepare for an attack. Armin's body froze and he felt the breath leave his lungs in pure fear.
"G-Go away…" He whispered and tried to back up away from the beast only to find himself pressing his back against the tree he had been leaning on. "Just go away."
The wolf snarled at the boy and his claws dug into the ground as he took another step forward. Armin wanted to cry out, but when he opened his mouth no sound came out. He was paralyzed by the fear and could only watch as the wolf came closer and closer to him. His trembling hands pressed over his pants trying to see if he had some kind of weapon on him. The blond remember the knife that Jean had given to him, but he sobbed when he realized it was in his pack. He hadn't taken it out yet to keep on himself.
He was going to die.
The beast sniffed the air and his jaws opened slightly to show the rows of white, sharp teeth that would tear the boy apart in seconds. Armin closed his eyes tightly when he saw the wolf start to run towards him and put his hands over his head to try to protect himself from the attack.
He never felt the teeth sink in and he could snarling and a struggle going only a few meters in front of him. The blond opened his eyes and looked to find Jean on top of the animal's back stabbing into his broad neck with a knife. The creature growled and cried out in pain trying to get the taller boy off of it, but he held on tightly as he stabbed away until it had stopped moving.
Blood dripped down Jean's hand as he stood up and looked at Armin cowering against the tree trunk. He looked so different, so cold. Was this the first time Jean had killed something? Eren had the same look when he was nine years old after he returned with his father and Mikasa in tow.
When Jean started to approach, Armin felt his body tense up in fear again. If the taller boy noticed it or not, he didn't stop his advance until he pinned his partner against the tree.
"Don't you ever do that again." Jean said, his voice was low and dangerous. "Always carry this knife on you. No matter what. You could have been killed!" He slammed his fist near Armin's head.
Armin looked up into Jean's eyes and he saw a mixture of emotions he didn't understand. There was anger, but also fear. He was afraid that he wouldn't make it in time? That Armin would be on the ground dead from the wolf attack? Whatever it was, Armin didn't get a longer look because Jean wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly against his body. Some of the blood soaked into his white shirt, but he suddenly didn't care at all. He just remembered the words Jean had told him.
I will protect you Armin.
"I thought I lost you." Jean whispered into the smaller boy's hair and gripped onto his back. "Don't ever run away from me again."
"I-I'm sorry Jean." Armin choked out and felt tears roll down his cheeks. "I'm so sorry I just…I was…"
"It's over now, Armin." He pulled away and kissed his forehead softly. Armin's cheeks turned red at the touch of Jean's soft lips against his skin. "Let's go back and clean up. We need to get moving."
Armin nodded a little and held onto his partner's hand tightly as they stepped over the boy of the dead wolf. He looked back at the creature one last time before Jean tugged him by the hand towards the path.
Armin didn't lean Jean wash himself of the blood, but did it himself. He poured the water from his own canteen over Jean's arm and hands and used some of the soap to wash away the blood. He took his time rubbing his fingers over his hand and up his arm slowly. Armin made sure every inch of him had no sign of blood. Once they were finished, Armin and Jean packed up their camp in silence and head off down the path towards the fifth checkpoint.
It killed Armin inside to watch Jean stay quiet like this. Normally he was talkative and smiling at him, but now he looked cold and distant. He could tell it wasn't about the wolf attack or the fact he had to save him, but something else he was missing. No matter how much he tried to figure out what was wrong, the more stressed he became over it.
Thankfully, the path was not slick with mud and the pair didn't have any trouble with getting to the fifth checkpoint. Jean was still cold to his partner and went off to hunt the moment he had set their belongings down. Before he left, he pushed the knife into Armin's hand with a stern look and told him to stay put while he was gone.
It was infuriating and Armin had to hold back an angry growl trying to rise up from his chest. Did Jean think he could not hunt anymore because he froze in front of a wolf?! After a while of thinking, the blond knew that could not be it and sat down on a fall log by the tent.
It seemed like hours before Jean returned and he had a small fawn slung over his shoulders. As sad as it looked, that fawn could keep them both fed for at least another two days. Jean took the task of cutting the meat out in the woods way from Armin's eyes while the blond set up branches over the fire to dry the meat quickly so they could pack it away.
They had not spoken since the wolf attack and Armin found himself wishing for Jean's soothing voice and his playfulness. It felt wrong to stay so quiet and to not be close to him like they have been for the past few days. There was an ache in the blond's heart that he could not understand, but he knew the only way to fill it was to be close to Jean – to touch him, to be held, to laugh again.
The meat was placed in long strips over the fire after they had cooked their dinner and the two sat there in silence yet again. The fire crackling and the song of the owls were the only noises that could be heard. Armin's gaze never felt the taller boy who sat there in deep thought. He wondered what he was thinking so hard about and he found that he wanted to ask him.
It suddenly came to Armin and he knew why he was acting so distant; Jean was angry because he ran away from him and did not tell him about his dreams. It wasn't the fact that he ran away, it was the fact that Jean was offering to hear him out and he pushed it away without even thinking. Jean had been worried about him and running away from help only made it worse.
"Oh Jean." Armin said under his breath as his blue gaze softens over at the brunette. He took his place next to his partner and laid his head on his shoulder. He felt him tense, but he did not pull away nor did he wrap his arm around him like he would normally do.
"I have been having nightmares about my parents and grandpa dying for a few years now. They were sent away after the fall of Rose Maria because there were too many of us to feed. I see them being eaten by Titans almost every night until you came and held me."
Jean said nothing, but his arm moved around Armin's waist and gave him a comforting squeeze.
"Last night I saw you there in my dreams. You were trying to protect me, but a Titan grabbed you and tore you apart in front of me. I have never felt so devastated and so sick in my life. I couldn't even move to help you. I had to watch you die and…and…"
Armin didn't realize his breathing was labored until Jean pressed a gentle finger to his lips to make him stop. He looked up at him and saw a look of understanding and compassion. Once again, Jean leaned down close and pressed a few soft kisses over his forehead while his other hand smoothed over his blond hair to help him relax. His heart was pounding harder and harder until his partner pulled away and looked at the fire quietly.
Jean had spoken no words, no opinions, only listened to Armin's dreams and gave him comfort through his hands. It was all he had ever wanted.
He curled up against Jean's side and let his eyes drift close to enjoy the return of the taller boy's warmth against him and their rekindling of their odd friendship. But this wasn't any friendship Armin had known before. It was so much deeper than that, but he found himself afraid. Jean was starting to mean something to him that even Eren and Mikasa didn't reach.
Oh God I think I'm falling for Jean.