Chap 5: Unpublished stories

Yes! I officially watched the whole episode of Always not last Monday night but the one before that – July 2 – (it was on TV on Sunday July 2 but I was studying so I had to record it)!

SPOILER ALERT! DO NOT READ NEXT TWENTY (GIVE OR TAKE) SENTENCES IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS!

I was sitting there with my parents watching it and when Castle poured his heart out to Beckett and she didn't do anything and he left, Mum said: "She's screwed up this time!"

And I was thinking in my head, 'Yeah, and by the end of the episode she will have unscrewed everything! And by the start of next season he will have screwed her!' Hehehe I'm so dirty, I know. Oh well ;)

And when they were kissing at the end of the episode, Dad jokingly said. "*my name* don't watch! They're doing naughty things!"

And Mum said, "*my name* this is definitely pillow rated!"

Whenever things get too hot during TV shows or movies Mum will 'pillow rate' them for my little bro and I, and we're supposed to cover our eyes with a pillow so we can't peek through the cracks of our fingers, which I got caught out doing a number of times ;)

Of course, I didn't cover my eyes with a pillow and then Castle unbuttoned Beckett's shirt and Mum was like, "*my name*. Pillow. Now."

And I was like, "Nah, it's just her scar and he doesn't take her bra off. It's all good. It doesn't get too dirty." ;)

She seemed to have forgotten that the night after it came out in America, I made her watch the kiss on YouTube with me, and said the exact same thing then, too.

It was pretty funny…

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle :(

BTW I've decided that this is set between Undead Again and Always.

After finally unwrapping all of the gifts, reading all of the quotes, and smelling all of the candles, only one thing sits on my desk untouched.

The sheets of paper.

I notice that, protruding from the top, is a piece of cardboard. A bookmark, I presume.

I reach toward it, asking when I pick it up and rest it on my lap, "What's this?"

"Ummm. It's one of my manuscripts." He says nervously, followed by "Kind of." Under his breath.

"For what? The next Nikki Heat?" I open to the first page, but it is blank. No writing whatsoever. I turn to the next page and see the dedication. This is our story, our song, our journey, our life. Our Always.

I suck in a shaky breath and turn the page. I scan the page, picking up many familiar names. A very familiar setting. A life-changing encounter.

Prologue

I sat beside Alexis at the book launch party for Storm Fall as my mother walked away from us in search of a new 'friend'. I'm bored of the monotony, the predictability of my life, and shocked by my daughter's lack of… teenagerness.

"Life should be an adventure. You want to know why I killed Derrick? There were no more surprises. I knew exactly what was going to happen every moment of every scene. It's just like these parties: they become so predictable. 'I'm your biggest fan!', 'where do you get your ideas?'."

"And the ever popular 'will you sign my chest?'."

"That one I don't mind so much."

"Yeah, well, FYI, I do." Ok, so maybe she didn't completely lack teenagerness.

"Just once I'd like someone to come up to me and say something new." I whined.

"Mr Castle." A strong voice said from behind me, and I turned pulling a Sharpie out of my pocket and uncapping it as I put on my award-winning smile, expecting another bimbo to want me to sign their chest.

"Where would you like it?"

But, the person I saw standing before me definitely did not want me to sign her chest, which slightly disappointed me, as she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in my long existence of looking at women.

"Detective Beckett, NYPD. We need to ask you a few questions about a murder that took place earlier this evening." The woman said, and she held up her badge.

'Shit! She's a cop!' I thought. And then I registered what she had said. I was tempted, oh so very tempted, to make some smart ass comment, like, 'I'm sorry, but I don't think I had time to kill anyone tonight. Just let me check my calendar,' but I could tell by the look on her face that she was a hard woman a definitely would not be in the mood for one of my wise-cracks. I could also tell that if I did say something stupid, she would probably handcuff me and drag me away from the party by my ear.

That would not be good for sales.

I could already see my publicist, Paula, and my publisher (also my ex-wife), Gina, plotting my murder if anything like that happened.

"That's new." Alexis said, a laugh in her voice as she leant over my shoulder and took the Sharpie from my hand.

I close my eyes and whisper to him, "You wrote our story?"

"Yes." He answers softly.

"Why?"

"Because I wanted a record of it. Of our time together. At the end of every case I wrote about it in a journal, and decided to put it all together. Kate, look at me." I feel his hand fall on top of mine on the manuscript.

Slowly, I open my eyes.

"I'm not going to publish it." He whispers. "This is our story. Not anyone else's. I just thought that maybe it'd be nice. I thought you'd like it. A little record of everything we've been through."

I laugh weakly at him. "You call this a 'little' record?"

"I have condensed it from the journal entries. It would've been twice as long as that if I'd kept everything in. I mean, you have to think I've squashed four years into that."

I nod my head and turn the page, finding the bookmark. It is then that I realise not only is there one bookmark, but there are three scattered at various places throughout the 'novel'. Actually, it's probably more a written documentary of our life than a novel.

I read the first bookmark carefully, knowing that he would've chosen it for a reason, as I read it, I realise it's not at all difficult to work out why he put this one at the start of the first chapter.

Hold onto your Dreams

Keep alive the hope in your

dreams. Hope provides us

strength against giving up.

Believe in yourself. Self

belief enables you to persevere.

Never quit. Allow no one to

control your happiness.

Take responsibility for your

actions.

Success is not what you have,

but how you feel. Your

feelings are your wealth.

When things seem bad, focus

on the incredible beauty around

you.

All obstacles have their season

and time of passing.

Ask and you will receive.

Reach out. No one is an island.

Accept love that is offered.

Love is our deepest wellspring

of joy.

Chase your dreams with love

and enthusiasm, and allow life

to meet you halfway.

Learn from mistakes and

remember your dreams.

Only do that which increases

your self-respect. Self-respect

allows you to feel good about

life.

Remember to laugh and cry.

Both give balance and fullness

to life.

But above all, hold onto your

dreams.

I look up at him and whisper, "I'm trying."

"I know," He whispers back, nodding his head. "I know."

I flip to the next bookmark,

FRIEND

Faithful,

Fun and Fantastic

Reliable

and Resolute

Incredible

and Indispensable

Encouraging

and Enriching

Nice

and Nurturing

Dear,

Devoted and Dependable

I scan my eyes over the page, picking up key words: Alexis, conversation, Beckett, drugs, pregnant, Ryan, Esposito, rebel, teenager, terrified, mistake.

Uh, when Alexis asked me about going on exchange. I smile as I remember, not only my conversation with Castle when he tried to information out of me, but the one with Alexis, too. I was so surprised when she came to me for advice. Surprised and happy.

I finally flip to the last bookmark, which is quite close to the end, actually.

This time I decide to read the page first instead of the bookmark:

is revenge from a distance. Murder is up close and personal. It doesn't make sense he would do both." I rationalise.

"Don't underestimate him. I mean, the only reason he copped to the blackmail was to avoid murder charges. And like any psychopath, he's a great actor. Oh, speaking of-"

"Psychopaths or actors?" I cut her off.

"I-I was thinking about your mom."

"Oh, so a little of both."

She ignores my comment and continues, "I think we can make the play."

"Really? So you want to venture into the dark, scary woods?"

"Don't worry Castle, I got a gun. I'll protect you from the Big Bad Wolf." She teases.

"You'd use your gun on my mother?" I ask her and I see the unsureness flit across her face; the worry that maybe what she said didn't exactly come out as it was supposed to. "I'm touched. Thank you." I say in a serious tone.

I see her press her lips together to stop from smiling, but it does her no good. I can see the laughter sparkling in her eyes, something which she cannot, no matter how hard she may try, suppress and hide from me.

I love the fact that her eyes are an open doorway into her soul. Believe me, I know how cliché that sounds, but it's true. She can control her facial expressions, she can control her tone of voice, she can control her body movements, but she can't control her eyes. They have always been my gateway into what she feels.

Quite often, I wonder if my eyes give away as much as hers do. I wonder if she can tell when I'm sad or when I'm happy. I wonder if she can tell when I'm scared. And then, in the most perfect moments, she will answer that question for me, with a simple smile, a laugh, a look of understanding, an "are you okay, Castle?", an "Always".

When I have finished reading the page I read the bookmark:

A True Friend

A true friend will

stand by you even

when you are wrong.

A true friend

expresses genuine

interest in your life.

A true friend really

listens. A true friend

is always there for

you.

I look up at him and smile.

"You've read that page?" He asks me.

I nod my head silently at him.

"And the bookmark?"

I nod again.

"Okay, here, read this. I literally flipped a coin to decide which page to put the bookmark in."

He flips to a new page and stands up to leave, but I reach out and wrap my fingers around his wrist.

"Stay?" I ask him.

"You sure? I mean, I don't want to-"

"Rick. I'm sure." I give his wrist a squeeze and he sits back down. I look at him softly, unsure of whether I really want to read this page. I mean, considering he tried to leave to give me some privacy and all.

strict rules about interfering with another cop's investigation." Beckett says to me and looks at a file on her desk.

"I'm not asking you to do it for me. I'm asking you to do it so the real killer doesn't get away with murder."

"What makes you think I'm actually gonna fall for that blatant manipulation?" She asks me, not at all happy.

"Because it's true." I answer simply.

She stares at me for a moment, and I stare back without even flinching, before handing me the file in her hand.

"What's this?" I ask, opening it.

"A traffic cam-shot of Vales' car ten blocks from the cemetery, heading away from the overpass where Glitch was killed." She explains as I examine the photo.

"11.57." I say, reading the time-stamp. "Glitch was killed after midnight. This shows that Vales couldn't have killed him. You did this for me?" I ask, looking at her.

Beckett smirks slightly as I put the pieces together in my mind.

"All this time, you had my back."

"I had Ryan run a traffic cam search while he was pulling a plate." I briefly think I have some explaining to do, but she continues on. "It's not a smoking gun, Castle, okay? You can't even see Vales' face in the photo. It's not enough to change Slaughter's mind unless you've got something else."

Suddenly I think of that 'something else'.

"There is one more thing that doesn't make sense." I put the file down and pull a map out of my – Slaughter's – jacket pocket. "This is a map of the area. Here's the cemetery." I point to the area on the map. "Here's the overpass." I point to another area. "But to get to it, Glitch would have to climb a six foot fence. Why do that when there's a subway station a block away? Why hide when you can run?"

"Maybe we can find out." She says to me.

And just like that, we're back in business.

I take a deep breath and swallow back the tears that had arisen as I was forced to remember the time when Castle no longer wanted me. When he strutted around the precinct with that blonde bimbo and then got a new partner. To think that was just a few short weeks ago. I reach my hand up and swipe at my eyes before he has a chance to see the tears.

"I'm sorry, Kate." He whispers. "I was such a jackass. It's just, I thought that… I thought something, but then during our last case, you said something that changed everything."

I stand up from my chair. "I'll be back in a minute."

"Kate. I really am sorry. I really want to be with you when that wall comes down." He says, referencing what I said at the end of the zombie case two weeks ago.

I turn when I reach the door to the women's toilet and nod my head at him. "I know. And even if you're not there when it happens, you'll be the first to know. I promise."

Wow, that was a really long chapter! Hope it didn't bore you!

I'm dying of Castle deprivation at the moment! I mean, for the last two weeks I've been forced to study for exams and I've had no new episodes of Castle to look forward to, to get me through the week… :(

And because I live in Australia and we only got Always two weeks ago, I've worked out we won't get season 5 until next year! Arghhhhhhhh! Looks like I'm gonna be rebuilding my friendship with YouTube come October :)