Author's Note/ Disclaimer: this chapter is mildly graphic, and contains a violent rape scene. If this bothers or offends you - please don't read it. The chapter after this one will make everything clear enough, should you decide to skip it.
Chris:
"Never let this go"
The room spun around me, but I focused on her face. My Alexandra, and the tiny bottle of pills she held out for me to take.
"I want to know why, Chris." She repeated.
"What have you told IAB?" I finally managed.
"Nothing. There was nothing to tell, because I didn't know anything until they brought it to my attention. Were these drugs evidence?"
"That depends." I whispered, taking a step closer to her.
"On what?!" she roared. "Either they are, or they aren't! And either way, it's not your name on the bottle…"
"What are you going to do about it?"
"The right thing. I'm going to turn them over. If you… if you had a problem, you could have come to me… anytime. Or Olivia. I'm sure even Elliot would've helped you. But now you've done something unforgivable Chris. I can't… it would go against everything I have in me as a lawyer to not turn you in."
"Don't you love me, Alexandra?"
I watched as her breath caught in her throat, and she choked out a response.
"It's irrelevant."
I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, and I felt as she struggled, desperately trying to wrench herself free from my grip. I had only wanted a moment, I only wanted her to listen.
"Let me go you fool!"
"I'll have no more of this crap!" I spat angrily. "You'll not be turning anything over!"
"Enough, Chris! You're high out of your mind!"
My mind couldn't listen to it anymore, and in an attempt to silence her, I lowered my mouth to hers, crashing our lips together. She beat her hands against my chest, never relenting, refusing to return the embrace.
"No! I don't want any part of this!" she cried helplessly.
I watched my hand reel back, as if in slow motion, and connect with her face. The sound of the slap reverberated throughout the room, and it knocked loose the tears that began to trail down her cheeks.
"Stop." She whispered. "Please, stop."
Her words had barely hit my thoughts before I was ignoring them, and throwing her down on our bed, tearing the clothes from her body. I watched her as she froze. Watched as she struggled internally for the next breath. Her body went limp with fear like a lifeless, worn, childhood toy. Yet a defiant sense of strength and a will to live and survive kicked in and begin to flow through her. She wriggled against me, her elbows occasionally jabbed me in the ribs which only angered me further. With one arm around her neck occasionally I tightened my grip, while I still had her pinned against my chest. I don't speak. Not one single word. I climbed on top of her, the weight of my body pressed heavily against hers, my mouth just above her ear.
She cried endlessly as I forced myself inside her, begging and pleading with me to stop. The drugs ruled my mind, I knew nothing else.
"Don't you love me, Alexandra?" I repeated, before kissing her again.
And she whimpered as I emptied myself inside her.
The simple sound of it, the helpless act of giving up, made me realize the horror of what I'd done. I looked at her face, it was cut where my watch had grazed her, and I could see on her arms, legs, chest where the bruises would soon form.
"I… I… oh my god." Tears welled in my eyes, bile rose in my throat. I found I was singularly thankful that the bathroom was so close by, for I'd barely made it there in time before falling to my knees and retching violently.
She stood behind me the whole time, arms folded across her chest, icy blue eyes bone dry.
"I'll turn myself over, Alexandra. You need not worry."
She swallowed hard, and passed me my toothbrush before speaking.
"No, no don't do that."
I looked at her hand, where she still cradled the little bottle of pills. With a flick of her wrist, she dumped them down the toilet. With a single flush, they'd vanished.
"No more of this." She muttered softly. "If you do it again, I won't wait Chris. I'll go straight to the police."
"You should go now, for what I've done to you."
"I should." She agreed quietly. "And I can't say exactly why I won't. Maybe I do love you. I don't really know anything right now, except that you're sorry. It's enough. It has to be."
"You mean… you're not leaving?"
"Haven't I just said I'm not?" she said sharply. "I'm going to shower, and you're going to sleep. Come tomorrow, we'll never speak of, never think of this again."
I looked at her face again, where her blonde hair had fallen over her eyes, it had become matted with the blood from the cut. I knew this would be something neither of us would forget, come morning.
But I'd gotten what I wanted, and it was all over for now. So I only nodded agreement with her orders, and dragged myself off to bed, willing myself to forget.
Don't forget to review. The lack of reviews is sad ...