Chapter 6

I hope you all are enjoying the story so far. I read it too myself and laughed at how depressing Morgana was in the last chapter, so maybe she needs someone to cheer her up. :D

"It's so hard to forget pain, but it's even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace."

Staring at the clock watching the second hand tick around in a rhythmic motion. Tick, tock, tick ,tock he heard in the dead silence that filled the classroom he was. He was supposed to be doing a maths test but all he could think about was Morgana. How distant she was with him this morning. It had only been two weeks of them knowing each other but every day he watched he become more and more distant. Like she wasn't connected. Like her body was here but he presence was somewhere else. He didn't like seeing her like this. Her smiles were never as true as they had been the first day they had met. She still smiled at him on their dates together, actually she smiled at him every time they eyes met, but it seemed forced. It's her grief, her way of dealing with things he thought, as he glanced around the room watching as people scribbled down answers where as he had only managed his name before his mind had wondered. I wish I could help her, take away the pain and sadness in her eyes. Make her laugh and watch her delicious lips curve into a smile so wide and laugh so heart-warming it was infectious. But how? She won't even tell me what's wrong. I need to get her alone to talk. Explain that she doesn't have to go through it alone she has me. But how could she not know that already? His mind filling with all these thoughts, all these ways he would talk to her and comfort her. He wanted to comfort her so badly.

Suddenly he grabbed his mobile from his blazer pocket and sifted through his contacts until his finger found her name. Even the sights of her name on his screen made him giddy and ache all at the same time. Clicking on her number he texted her.

Hey, listen I think we should meet up and talk. I know it sounds weird but I'll explain later.

Meet me at the park at 7 tonight.

Love you

He quickly put his phone back in his pocket before eventually starting the test.

The vibration of her phone made her jump in the plastic, brown seat she was sitting in. Miss Morgause was standing facing the board scribbling down the sentence 'Je tiens à vous rencontrer.', (which in English means 'I would like to meet you.'), in her signature small hand writing that Morgana had to squint to see. Gwen was in the seat next to her, her head rested on her hands as she tried not to drift off into sleep at the sound of the French language coming out of Miss Morgauses' mouth.

Morgana placed her hand in her blazer pocket and discreetly removed her IPhone and placed it under the desk so Morgause wouldn't see. Merlin's name popped up on her screen with three x's next to it letting her know that the text was from him. She smiled to herself as she unlocked her phone and opened up the text message.

Hey, listen I think we should meet up and talk. I know it sounds weird but I'll explain later.

Meet me at the park at 7 tonight.

Love you

She frowned before locking her phone and placing it back in its original place. This doesn't sound good, was her first thought. What if he is breaking up with me? I mean there's no reason why he shouldn't, I've been flaky and distant and haven't let him know how I feel about him, about us, or about anything.

"What's wrong?" Gwen asked in a hushed whisper careful not to get Morgause's attention.

"It's Merlin. I think he is going to break up with me." Morgana whispered back. The thought of Merlin ending their relationship was heart-breaking. He was the only good thing that had happened to her since her father's death, and the thought of being alone again trapped in the silence made her sick.

"I'm sure he won't. Honestly Morgana, don't worry. He wouldn't do that to you, I promise." Gwen said reassuringly. How could she know? Morgana thought.

"I know what you're thinking, 'How could she know', am I right? Well Morgana I'll tell you how I know. The way he looks at you is the same way Arthur used to look at me, and the way you look at him is well you know what it is. Merlin loves you and you know it ok. So stop worrying." With that comment from Gwen, Morgana felt better and began to listen to the sharpness in Miss Morgause's tone as she participated in the lesson.

It was 7:10 and Morgana wasn't here. Merlin sighed as he drew his eyes from his watch, which he had been checking every five seconds since it had turned 7:00. She wasn't coming he thought as he stared at the tree in front of him, watching as the dark green leaves swayed in the gentile even breeze. It wasn't a particularly dark evening. The sun had set and an overcast of slightly tinged pink clouds filled the sky, only letting dim light through there surface. It wasn't cold either. Being the beginning of October usually you would feel cold but not this evening, all there was, was a slight chill as the breeze skimmed his exposed arms. Merlin hadn't bothered with a jacket, instead a lose fitting top and jeans which he wore nearly all the time outside of school and his black converse.

7:11 appeared in green lines on his watch and again he sighed.

"She's not coming." He exhaled as he moved off the bench and stood slowly. Just as he was about to walk away he saw her coming over, walking through the maze of tree's and toward the bench by which he now stood next too.

She looked beautifully understated. Her hair tied back in a loose bun leaving all her features exposed. She too wore a lose fitting top, but on her legs were black skinny jeans. His eyes skimmed over every inch of her, from her piercing jade eyes to her covered feet.

"Hey," he said to her as she reached his side, "I thought you weren't coming."

She smiled taking his hand and lowering herself and Merlin onto the bench. "Of course I was coming. You asked me too didn't you?"

The smile she gave him didn't quite reach her eyes. There was no glint in them, just hollow colours mixed together. He smiled back though before he explained why they needed to meet.

"Morgana, don't think that I wanted to meet you to break up or something because that isn't true I er I-" he stammered with nerves before continuing. "I just wanted to make sure you're ok. You haven't been yourself lately. Distant. You know what I mean?"

She nodded. She knew exactly what he meant. Could he see it. Was she really that easy to read, like a private diary sprawled open for all too see. The thought scared her and he could see her expression change from curious to vulnerable. He didn't like seeing her like this. Usually she was so strong and confident but now she was like a baby that wanted to be held.

"I, I can't cope Merlin. Five years and you'd think it would get better, that pain and grief would settle down and I'd be able to be normal, but they don't. They keep eating and eating away at me until I scream or cry. But the problem is I can't do that. I can't scream. I can't cry. I just feel numb. You know? Like you could stab me and I wouldn't feel it. You know Merlin, I used to think good things happened to good people, that the universe rewarded us for every good dead we had done, for every life we have saved, but if that is so then my dad must have been a bad person. He must have done awful things to deserve to die," he could hear the anger rising in her voice the mixed feelings of pain, grief and anger all fused into one but as soon as he heard that it changed. It became weak again. "What if my dad wasn't a bad person, what if I am? What if I'm the reason he's dead? The reason that everything, every person I get close to disappears. Maybe this is a karmic pay back, the universes way of telling me I suck. That I will never have a family and never be close to someone. Never be loved." She sobbed as all of her emotions came spilling out of her like running water from a tap.

He felt his heart break as each tear ran down her cheeks. As every breath she took sounded heavier than the last. She wasn't a bad person. None of this was her fault. The universe wasn't giving her a karmic pay back. She was perfect in every single way and he needed to let her know.

"I love you." He said slowly caressing her face with his right hand while tilting her head up to face him with the other. "None of this is your fault. You're not a bad person you have so much good in you. You're perfect."

He lent into her face feeling her breath mingling with his. Warm and sweet. Then their lips met.

They had just shared their first kiss.