A/N: So...now back to our usual plotlines. I'm sorry but I've had major writers block and I almost gave up on this Chapter. It's a huge part in Kurt's life that will change his views forever. Also, updates are officially every Friday so remember the day.

To mzjem: For a cupcake you sure got a lot of cheese. You sure you aren't a cheese cupcake?

To sugarskull85: Aww. Maybe I should add songs more often.

To Sarahamanda Klaine: Thank you. I'm glad you liked the Chapter J

To Azaelia67: Thank you. I'm glad you think so. Yeah Piano is basically his everything. I love the piano myself.

To ronnyangel88: I will try but I don't make any promises, I will tone it down but it'll still be there. I'm sorry, I can't help it, it's part of the story. Also, Uncle Charlie is making me do it.

To drumline: Thank you very much.

To MissZee: Thank you, I appreciate your feedback and I'm glad you like the story. Patience, my friend, patience. He will appear soon. Just a few more chapters.

Warnings: Dark Content that may trigger. Mentions of child sexual abuse. Mentions of sexual abuse (will not be graphic, neither will it be explained in detail). There will be self harm and eating disorders. This story is not for everyone, if you are not comfortable with the content, please refrain from reading.

Disclaimers: I do not own Glee, neither will I ever own Glee but I do own Uncle Charlie, which sucks but I can't do anything about it.

Age 10

Kurt hadn't even expected it to happen. He hadn't been ready for it.

He had just come home from school when Uncle Charlie came out of nowhere and pushed him to his bedroom.

Kurt was a smart kid. He may have only been ten but he was a smart kid, smarter than his teachers gave him credit for. So of course, when he saw the dark and dangerous look in his Uncle's eyes, he got scared and tried to run away. Run away from the danger that was so obviously there.

Uncle Charlie had started to get more violent since the death of his mother. He got rougher, angrier. Kurt had no idea why but he knew this Uncle Charlie scared him. He was different from the nice man Kurt knew as a child, the one that came bearing gifts and promises of making Kurt a big boy. All he wanted to do now was get away from him. But Uncle Charlie was bigger and stronger. Kurt stood no chance.

Uncle Charlie came nearer and nearer as Kurt backed up against the bed, his eyes overflowing with fear. Uncle Charlie's hands reach out to grab the ten year old and bring him close enough to whisper in his ear.

"Let's complete the process Kurtie, let's make you a big boy."

Kurt woke up screaming in his bed, beads of sweat trickled down his forehead as he tried to catch his breath. His eccentric blue eyes were wide in fear, his fingers clenching his sheets, his knuckles almost white. He pushed himself off his bed and rushed to the bathroom, barged in and kneeled in front of the toilet seat as he puked out whatever scraps he had for dinner the previous night. His stomach was officially empty by the time he was done and he couldn't bring himself to move from his position on the cold hard floor.

He hadn't had that dream for months. He had thought he was home free but apparently he was wrong. That nightmare had haunted him since he was 10. Every night he would wake up with a start, screaming and panting. His father had rushed into the room multiple times, almost tripping on himself. He assumed that it was a nightmare related to his mother's death. And Kurt let him, let him assume, let him comfort him for all the wrong reasons. Kurt didn't care at the time, all he wanted was to feel safe in his father's arms.

Kurt was lucky his bedroom was soundproof. It was one of the reasons he had requested his bedroom be relocated to the basement. He didn't know what he would have done if his overprotective father had to come down to see his mess of a son in Kurt's condition. His father didn't need to see him like this, he's seen enough already. He couldn't put his father through that again. He didn't know how long he could lie to his father anymore and this was pushing it. He was too vulnerable after his nightmares, crying and puking. He was afraid he was going to blurt something out in the presence of his father. He was actually surprised he hadn't already done that.

Of course there was another reason he wanted the basement. He shuddered just at the thought of it. He could say he never wanted to relive the experience he had when he was ten but then he was lying because he did. Almost every day. It wasn't like he had a choice, really. It wasn't like Uncle Charlie gave him one.

Uncle Charlie was his father's younger brother. Charles Xavier Hummel was his full name, a name Kurt would spit out in disgust. He wished he wasn't related to this bastard of a man but they shared part of the same DNA. Kurt may have been his mother's son but he was his father's boy too. He didn't know how or rather why his father was related to his Uncle but they were and he couldn't do anything about it. They had been close as children so Kurt had no idea how his Uncle ended up the way he did. Sometimes he blamed himself. Uncle Charlie did too sometimes. Maybe, just maybe if he didn't exist, his Uncle wouldn't have to do this. Maybe this was all his fault after all. What if Kurt made his Uncle the way he was? Kurt felt like throwing up again at the thought.

He should hate Uncle Charlie. He should despise him, and he did. But he hated himself so much more for so many different reasons, some that didn't have anything to do with him. But that was the way things were. That was how Kurt's depression was. He would blame himself for something out of his control and hate himself for no apparent reason and Kurt even hated himself for doing it. Sometimes he didn't know if it was the depression talking or his screwed up mind and he didn't care either way.

He had considered therapy maybe, something to help him deal with his problems. But that would mean his dad would want to know why. He could always go in secret. He had enough money to get by. But would spending all his money on therapy that, for all he knew, could fail, be worth it? He would always get more money. But how long? These were all the excuses he could come up with, the pathetic excuses he could think of when there was only one reason he didn't want to see a therapist.

It was mean he would have to tell someone what was going on in the fucked up life he lived in. He would have to admit to both himself and the therapist that he was being sexually abused and he wasn't ready for that.

He wasn't ready. He wouldn't do it. He couldn't do it.

His moods changed like a girl on her period without being too overdramatic of course. He could be sad one minute and angry the next. He had his moments of happiness, especially among the Glee Clubbers but his mind would supply that he didn't deserve to be happy and he'd be depressed again. It was a constant cycle and battle of emotions but his happiness would always end up in the gutter and his depression would prevail.

He didn't like feeling worthless, he didn't like feeling pathetic and he definitely didn't like hating himself any more than a normal person would. He didn't like hurting himself on a constant feeling but he felt like he had no choice, like he wasn't in control of his body. Depression wasn't a choice. No one had depression because they wanted attention. Kurt wanted nothing more than to turn invisible or disappear all together. He hated attention on anything other than his voice or his risky sense of style. He wanted them to represent him and not the scars on his arms or the scars in his heart.

He simply didn't want to be himself. But he couldn't even if he tried because he didn't know who he was.

Kurt got up from his position on the floor, his ass already hurting from sitting on the floor for too long. It almost felt like when Uncle Charlie was around but it was less painful.

He limped back to his bed and stared at the clock on his dresser.

4:56am

He didn't have much longer to sleep before he had to wake up again for school. He didn't see the point in going back to sleep. He didn't want to risk having the same nightmare again. It would be too much to handle before school. So he stayed up. He stayed up and stared blankly at the blue coloured wall he was facing, thinking about nothing and everything at the same time. He brought his knees to his chest and encircled his arms around them, his chin placed snugly in the slight dip made by his joint knees. He didn't feel sleepy. The nightmare had woken him up completely and there was no way he was going back to bed now.

"Uncle Charlie don't please it hurts! Stop! Stop! Please Stop, Uncle Charlie Please it hurts so much."

No.

This couldn't be happening.

He hadn't had a panic attack in months ever since the nightmares stopped.

"Shut your mouth and do what I say or it'll hurt more than you can imagine."

Kurt ran his hands through his hair as he tried to steady his breathing. It was getting out of control.

Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out. Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out.

Get in control. Get in control.

Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out.

He just hoped he didn't have to deal with this in school.

Kurt was 10 years old when he lost his virginity.

Kurt was 10 when the nightmares started.

Kurt was 10 when he found out what Uncle Charlie was doing was wrong.

And Kurt was 10 when his life was ruined forever.

A/N: I really am sorry for all this. It just comes out sometimes. Some parts of this were more me speaking than Kurt, they were my personal opinions on depression. And the part about not knowing who he was, that was from personal experience. I know a lot of you want to know when Blaine is coming in. Since you're all so curious, I'll give you a countdown. There are three more Chapters until Blaine comes in. There's a reason why I promise but just bear with me for these 3 chapters and we'll get to Blaine.

The next Chapter will be updated on next Friday hopefully if there are no problems so it's time for me to go to bed. Thank you so much for you support so far, I hope to still have in the future.

Please, please, please REVIEW. Don't just read. Feedbacks are greatly appreciated so that I can improve my story as much as I can. Reviews also help the writing process so please help me. Thank you so much. I love you all.