Faded From the Winter
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
Naru-chan: Thank you all those that reviewed! Means a lot to me. Anyway, a somewhat short chapter. But I hope you like it all the same.
Chapter Six: No Point in Waiting
Just to find
A different light a new direction
Move on, move on.
Now the records skipping,
I won't forget, I won't forget the way you said,
Move on, move on
There's no point in waiting.
-Azure Ray, New Years Resolution
Ginny barreled forward, stumbling and falling over her own legs, but she had no control over her body. She couldn't see as the endless tears blurred her vision.
Help.
All she wanted to do was go home and curl up into a ball in her room and escape. The warmth and familiarity was all she wanted. But home was the last place she could go. She couldn't go back there. She didn't know what she was doing and she didn't know where she was.
Someone please help me…
She pressed the doorbell and held back a sob as she barely refrained from pressing it over and over in her desperation. The snow around her had increased. Gone was the peaceful falling. It now seemed to pour down on her. And she wanted nothing more than to be buried underneath it.
"Coming, coming," a muffled voice called with annoyance. However, when the door opened, Dean's eyes widened with concern. "Ginny? What are you…?"
"D-Dean," she sobbed, running into his arms. He welcomed her instantly. "Dean!"
"Shh," he whispered soothingly, stroking her tresses automatically.
"Dean…s-save me!" she whispered intensely, her hot tears streaming down her flushed face. "P-Please…save me!"
"Ginny," he whispered.
"Dean, who was at the – " a loud, cheerful woman's voice broke the moment. Ginny nearly jumped away when she saw herself being looked over by a tall African woman dressed in Muggle clothes, but Dean only held her closer.
"Who was at the door?" many younger chattering voices asked.
"Mom," Dean said, looking at the woman meaningfully. She smiled slightly and turned around and kept the other children away.
"Back into the kitchen, all of you. You haven't finished your dinner yet!"
Ginny shouldn't be here. She knew it deep in her heart. She didn't belong here; she was only being a burden. But she couldn't help it anymore. She had nowhere else to go. She didn't belong anywhere anymore. The place she had felt was meant for her was already occupied.
She felt her knees give out again, but this time Dean was there to support her before she fell. She buried her face deep into his chest as she cried. Tenderly, he lifted her, as if she were nothing but a tiny doll, and shut the door firmly, shutting out the snow. He saw a package lying forgotten on the floor, and he pushed it to the side. Her muffled sobs were the only sound aside from his walking as he carried her to his room. Closing the door behind him, he sat beside her on his bed.
"What happened?" he asked, pressing her head to his chest as she continued to cling onto him.
"They," she choked, her hands tightening on his shirt as she quaked. She knew that her tears were soaking his shirt, but she couldn't care. She trembled so violently, she could barely speak. She didn't want to speak. It already hurt so much to breathe. "L-Lain and H…H-Har... I – "
She couldn't bear to finish that sentence. He waited and let her cry. She hated herself for crying. It showed her weakness and it was what she detested the most. Harry Potter had always been the one to break down all her walls and defenses without even trying. She willed the tears to go away, but it only caused them to spill with more fervor.
"You don't have to say anything…"
She shook her head helplessly. She had to be strong. It was the only thing she had left. It was who she was and she refused to be anything else. So she forced herself to speak the words she that filled her heart with misery. She gritted her teeth against the ringing pain inside.
"He l-…loves her," she strained in a hoarse whisper. She felt him tense. Her shoulders shook only more aggressively at this point. She couldn't erase the picture from her head. "My best friend! And she's pretty and p-perfect and lovely and I – I'll never be the one."
"If he can't see how pretty and perfect and lovely you are," Dean whispered soothingly, yet passionately, "then he doesn't deserve you."
"You're wrong! I'm the one…I-I'm the one that doesn't deserve him. I never have."
"Don't say that!" he cried suddenly, his arms tightening around her small body. He shut his eyes painfully. Her head began to swim as the images swirled about her. She couldn't hear him anymore. She couldn't hear anything. She wished she couldn't feel anything either. "Don't you dare say that."
"Save…me…" she whispered weakly, as she faintly heard him calling out to her, before her world went black.
Warm hands…so warm and reassuring…
Ginny felt them touch her face gently before something cool and refreshing was placed against her flushed skin. She wanted to open her eyes and speak, but she found that she couldn't. Her eyes were swollen shut and she simply did not have the strength. She could hear voices, low and hushed, and she struggled to make out the words.
"How is she?" It was a woman's voice.
"Her temperature's a bit better." That was Dean.
"Poor thing, she was drenched through by the snow. I wonder how long she has been in those clothes. Have you already contacted her family?"
"Yes, of course. They wanted to come immediately, but I insisted that they didn't. They probably were close to hexing me, but I stood my ground. I think she just needs some time…away."
Ginny could feel his warm hands take hers. She never knew that holding hands could be so comforting…
"Their owl, that tiny crazy one, it tried to peck me to death! I still have the marks to prove it!" She felt like laughing, but she couldn't move.
"I shall go see if Derek, Kate, and Ann are tucked in bed." She heard footsteps. There was a peaceful silence as his thumb stroked over her hand.
"Well…I better owl them again and tell them she's slowly improving…" She felt his hands leave hers and felt like whimpering.
Don't go…
Sudden flashes of Harry flooded her mind. Harry when he was the lost little boy at the train station, not knowing how to get onto the platform. Harry when her brothers brought him back to the Burrow for the first time, away from his horrible relatives. Harry when he received her love poem. Harry when he saved her from the Chamber of Secrets. Harry in the TriWizard Tournament. Harry with Pavarti. Harry with Cho. Harry. Harry and Lain...
"Don't go!" Ginny reached out and grabbed Dean's shirt. Tears flooded her eyes.
"Ginny," he gasped, quickly turning back to her.
"Don't…don't leave me…" she covered her face with trembling hands, feeling the shame burn through her as the hot tears slipped down her cheeks.
"Ginny, I'm here for you," Dean whispered, taking her hand again. She carefully looked at him. His face and eyes were so full of love.
"Oh no…" she suddenly tried pulled away from him, her tear-filled eyes dancing over his face wildly, but he held onto her hand tightly. "I'm horrible aren't I? I'm so d-disgusting. I c-can't do anything but cry. I've never even told him. The least I could have done was told him. Then I could have finally gotten over him! But I'm such a c-coward!" She gave a strangled laugh, furiously wiping away her tears. "Now I…I'll never be able to…
"But you're not like me. You're so much better…but I'm doing it to you aren't I? I'm causing you pain. I refuse to let that happen!"
She had no right. She couldn't torture Dean the way she was being tortured. She wouldn't even wish this fate on Malfoy.
"Ginny," he whispered her name softly. Silent tears slid down his face.
"P-Please! Please find someone else!" she pleaded.
She didn't want him to leave her. Deep in her heart, she dreaded being abandoned by him as well. She didn't have Lain…and she didn't have Harry. For once, she wanted to be the one safe and loved. But that would be beyond selfish of her to ask him for such a thing. That's why she couldn't have that happen.
"I just can't… I couldn't live if I hurt you…"
"And I can't live without you." He bowed his head. "I don't care if you hurt me! You say you love Harry. Well, I love you. Am I not good enough? Is this a goal that I can never reach? Do these feelings I have for you mean nothing?"
"I could never describe in words how much they m-mean to me."
Dean had always been the one by her side to help her when she was down. He was the only boy she felt seriously cared for her. She couldn't express at all what how much she treasured him. In a way, she felt she would never be able to.
"Then do you think you could ever love me? If you could just try…and if you think you ever could…I'll wait for you. I'll wait forever for you. If I knew I had the chance…"
"Dean…" she choked, wrapping her arms around him now. She closed her eyes as she felt more tears escape. "I want to. I want to love you so badly… You make me forget… for moments, you make me forget… Does that mean I can love you? Is it a sign? I want it to mean it so much, but I don't know. I just don't know anymore. I'm scared… I'm so scared that whenever you're with me, you'll wonder. You'll wonder where my mind is, where my heart is. I don't think I could do that to you. I can't. You're too good for me."
"Please…let me be with you. Nothing else matters! You need someone and I'm more than willing to be that someone."
She closed her eyes, and Harry flashed in her mind again. No…she couldn't think of him anymore. He wasn't hers to think about. He was Lain's.
Ginny entwined her fingers with Dean's. "You know I like you. I just hope…I hope that's enough…"
"It's enough… It's more than enough."
"Are you sure you're all right?" Dean asked again worriedly. He wrapped her scarf carefully around her neck as his eyes searched her face again.
"Don't worry," laughed Ginny, affectionately placing a hand on his arm. "You said yourself that my fever's all gone now."
"But – " he insisted, brushing aside her short hair from her cheek.
"It's fine. I'm fine," she said firmly. Then she smiled reassuringly at him, covering his hand with hers and pressing it against the side of her face. "I'll see you after Christmas, okay?"
"Okay," he said grudgingly, but returned her smile. He let his hand fall away. "Thank you."
"What are you thanking me for?"
"Thank you for coming to me." He lifted her hands and pressed them to his lips.
She looked up at him before she leaned upward and softly kissed him on the cheek.
"Thank you so much," she whispered in his ear as she wrapped her arms around his neck. His arms came round her as well. "I know it seems like I only came to you because I needed someone to save me, but it's not like it could have been just anyone. You're so much more than that. Don't worry. I won't be sad anymore."
She began to pull away when he stopped her.
"Oh, wait, you left something behind!" She frowned at him curiously as he jumped back into his house. She stiffened when he came back out, carrying a small parcel. She took a deep breath before she took it from him.
"Thank you…" she whispered before she took a step back and, smiling a small smile, Apparated away. She felt the familiar pulling of her naval and a pop in her ears. When she opened her eyes she was in front of the Burrow. Taking a deep breath, she walked up to the door and opened it.
It was warm inside. She felt the heat wrap itself around her. The smells were the same… the clock still ticked…everything was still the same. Just as she had left it. Yet everything was different. Everything had changed. Nothing would ever be the same.
"Ginny!"
Lain leapt forward and tackled Ginny into a huge hug, causing Ginny to stumble back to regain her balance.
"Lain? What's wrong?" Ginny asked.
"Oh, Ginny, I'm so glad you're back and you're better now!" Lain jumbled. Her face was buried in Ginny's shoulder. "I have so much to tell you!"
"Do you?" Ginny asked softly as she smiled weakly at her friend.
"Harry…he said he'd go out with me," Lain whispered, beginning to cry. Her arms tightened around Ginny's neck. "He said he'd go out with me for real!"
Ginny heard her heart beat madly, but prayed that Lain couldn't hear it. She held back the tears that welled up in her eyes. She had to be strong. She had to survive. No more sadness. She had promised Dean she wouldn't be sad anymore. Now she would look toward her future, without Harry.
"Congratulations…!" she laughed watery. In the corner of her eye, she saw Harry standing at the doorway, watching them, but Ginny ignored him as she buried her face in Lain's blonde hair. The weight of her package – his gift that he was never going to receive –seemed suddenly too great.
"And you!" said Lain suddenly. "You were at Dean's! You two are an official couple now, aren't you? He's so good to you!"
"Yes," Ginny said, feeling Harry's gaze bore into her. She finally looked up and their eyes connected. He was smiling at her, so she smiled sadly back. "Yes…"
Forward. Go forward. Run as fast and hard as your legs can take you into a new world – a new life. And don't look back.
I am very pleased to say, however, that with this chapter I'm done with the past and now moving into the future. The main plot is going to start. I'm so excited!