Ta-da! Chapter 5! I tried to get this out as fast as possible! I know, I'm pathetic and I take forever to update but high school sucks! Sorry everyone!

I don't own anything except the knots that I may twist this plot into.

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In my daughter's eyes

I am a hero

I am strong and wise

And I know no fear

But the truth is plain to see

She was sent to rescue me

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How did this happen? My entire life is gone. There was a whole eternity…and then nothing.

I wrapped my arms around myself as a slight breeze rustled the forest. I wondered silently if this was how it felt to have your heart ripped out. Unbeating or not, it hurt. I hadn't had time for this. Not with taking care of Nessie and keeping constant watch for Rosalie. Throw hunting in between and I barely had a moment to myself. Jasper was my rock through it all. It was horrible knowing what he thought about himself, when in reality, he was the best thing that ever happened to me. He had kept me stable, held me tight, and loved me unconditionally ever since I had met him. God, Jasper…

I sat on the hard forest floor, legs pulled tight to my chest. The wind blew once again twisting the leaves around me as I traced small letters.

'B. E. L. L. A.'

My sister. All that was left of my sister. Somehow, out of these four names, I couldn't decide which one hurt more to see then the rest. My soul had taken a violent beating and I wasn't really sure if I could fix it this time. My soul… I was beginning to wonder if there was any of it left at all. How could there be?

It was all boiling up inside me, my sadness, my hurt, my anger. Rocking forward and landing on my knees, everything came out at once, screaming that one, unanswerable question.

"WHY?!" I stood and ripped a thick tree from the ground tossing it to the other side of the clearing with a loud bang. I dropped to my knees, once again in front of the stones. Dry sobbing and choking, I desperately clutched at my sides; trying to hold myself together, much like Bella had years before. Before they came – before my life was destroyed.

'This is what was meant to happen.' I lectured myself. If this was meant to happen then the only question was why. Was there some kind of rule that stated you could only live in happiness for so long until something heartbreaking happened to you? No, not heartbreaking, soul-shattering; because even if my heart had been beating, it couldn't possibly have hurt this much.

That was where I sat for the next three hours. Tracing and re-tracing the only part of my life that had ever come so close to claiming my sanity.

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"What's wrong dear?" Carlisle whispered. Autumn was clearly coming and the view from our window was a swirl of browns, reds, and fading greens. Alice had been gone for hours and I was worried. As if Carlisle could read my mind he tried to soothe me.

"She's fine. She just needs some time. Believe me, I would know."

With a kiss on the forehead he left me again, to silently watch the storm of colours outside.

___

Alice was gone all night and well into the morning. Esme was so worried and I couldn't think of anything to say except 'She'll be back. I promise.' I wasn't quite sure what else to say. I knew where she was. I knew exactly where she was. I also knew that I wasn't going after her. I wouldn't let Esme or even Jasper go either. She needed her time, just as everyone else needed theirs. Time alone, to think and sort out her mind. She had been so busy lately with watching everything at once and taking care of Renesmee. I had told her that Esme and I would be glad to give our help at anytime but she replied with 'I'm fine. Really, it couldn't be going better.' and walked away. I wasn't sure how to handle it anymore.

How do you help someone who refuses they need help?

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I shut the door quietly behind me as I shed my coat and tossed it over the nearest chair. I threw my shoes haphazardly to the side after pulling them off, heading straight into Jasper's open arms. His scent was overwhelming as he wrapped his arms around my waist. That unique smell, like roasted almonds and cinnamon, felt amazingly safe, like home.

I breathed in deeply, never wanting to let go of that smell. But, all good things come to an end. Not forever of course, but for now there was something I had to do. Jasper understood immediately.

"She's been waiting all morning." He whispered into my hair. I sighed, knowing that it had to be done, no matter how much I tried to avoid it.

"What if she won't – if she doesn't…?" My voice came out small and weak. It came out exactly how I felt. I was scared. I was terrified, of that little girl upstairs. I was so worried about her opinion of me. So worried that that small angel would decide that I wasn't worth her love, which, at this point, I doubted I was. I was so scared that I would do wrong by her. That I would never be able to live up to the image of a mother for her.

"She will." Jasper promised gently. He untangled his arms from me and gave me a slight nudge towards the stairs, nodding encouragingly.

I headed up the stairs quickly, trying to overcome the nervousness. Slipping quietly through the door, I pressed it shut slowly and turned to face Renesmee. She was sitting on the floor, back facing the door, colouring. Her hand dropped suddenly, crayon falling next to her as she spoke softly.

"I was right." A small teardrop hit the page. I took one step forward.

"Right about what princess?" She sniffed a little bit before shifting over to grab her teddy bear beside her, still not turning to look at me.

"You don't want me, do you?" Her voice was strained and broken. I was stunned. Renesmee began to shake and cry; what had I done to this little girl? I strode over and sat beside her, quickly scooping her up into my lap and wrapping my arms around her tiny frame. She wiggled and struggled before clutching on to my shirt and digging her fists into my collar. Burying my face in her hair I whispered to her.

"Oh, baby, I'm so sorry. I should have never left this morning. Renesmee, princess I want you more than anything in the world. There is nothing in the whole universe that I would trade for you. Not one, single thing. I love you so much honey."

"Then why did you say I'm not yours?! You said that you're not my mommy! You don't want me!" she shouted miserably. I thought about what Jasper told me. A child's definition of 'parent' is based very loosely. I wasn't quite sure how to approach the subject but I was running out of options.

"Ness, honey, what is mommy?" She blinked away a few tears and stared up at me, clearly confused. Okay, so maybe that wasn't the best wording.

"Okay, let's see here, what do you think a mommy is? Is a mommy someone who feeds you and gives you clothes? Is mommy a person that you look up to? I don't quite understand what you think about it princess." I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She squinted her face in thought, concentrating for a minute. She kept a fixed stare on her fingernails while she spoke.

"Mommy is someone who loves you. Mommies can't always get food and clothes but they try their best because they want their kids to grow up and be mommies and daddies too. They give you a band-aid when you fall down and they tuck you in to sleep and play hide and go seek with you. A mommy is the best thing in the world because they love you no matter what and they take care of you." I blinked in astonishment at this little girl who seemed to have the entire idea of motherhood completely figured out.

"Is that it? What if you have a different kind of mommy? You see the kids who get adopted?" She nodded her head, understanding that I meant children like her, children who had been orphaned.

"What about them? Do they still have the same mommies?"

She nodded her head again. "They still have their mommies though, because they came from their mommies tummies. But then, when they go to a new home, they get another mommy because even though it's not their real mommy they still love them and their new mommy takes care of them and gives them band-aids and all the things that mommies do! So it's the same!"

I smiled slightly. She was so innocent. She had the world completely figured out in her young mind; even when most of it didn't make sense. There were still parts of her logic, fragments of thought and understanding, which probably made more sense than anything an adult could come up with. The innocence of a child is what made the difference.

"I guess it's a good thing you told me what a mommy is then. I was confused for a little bit honey. I love you so much, but I didn't think I was a good mommy for you. What do you think?"

She giggled quietly. "I think you're the perfect mommy!" she stated, burying her head in my shoulder. "You even smell like the perfect mommy!"

Her eyes were shining with glee and I couldn't help but grin back at her.

"I do, do I? Well, you smell like the perfect little girl!" She squealed as I tickled her sides. This is what it was to be a mother. This kind of love; the kind you couldn't find anywhere else. This was my little girl.

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And, somewhere down the hall, Jasper grinned silently to himself. Things were still far from perfect. They still could never be whole. But, they were healing. That was the most they could ever ask for; even when the scars were left behind.

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Gah! Finally done! Not the whole story of course, but this chapter at least. I now give you all permission to hurt me for not updating in FOREVER, and to top it all off coming out with a crappy chapter. I promise I'll try harder next time guys.

Song Used:

In My Daughter's Eyes – Martina McBride