12 Days of JayTim
He Keeps Me Warm

Jason's lips form a thin line as he sits in the extremely uncomfortable chair beside the bed. His hands are nothing but tight fists that turned his knuckles fleeten white as they rested upon his thighs. He felt his chest constrict as the younger man began to cough violently again, and all Jason could do was pray that no red would splatter pale skin and white bed sheets again. Last time that happened, Jason was all but forced out of the room because Tim couldn't breathe, and he wasn't allowed back inside for an entire day. He wasn't exactly the best company to have around for that large span of time.

But he was here now, and the most he was doing was holding his breath and hoping that the younger man didn't just keel over and die. Jason didn't think he'd be able to live with himself after that. His eyes never left Tim's frail figure, and he quickly searched Tim once his lungs decided to give him a break. There weren't any blood splatters on the sheets, his nose wasn't bleeding, and his breathing didn't seem too bad. And Jason let out a quiet, relieved sigh at that.

He can't help being so wound up about Tim. Ever since that kid walked into the café that one day seven months ago, he had completely changed his life. They'd exchange witty comments and snarks here and there over the counter with the occasional flirt because that's just how Jason rolled. And the red hue that always colored Tim's cheeks were enough to make him happy for the entire day. Jason even started buying him a coffee now and then because the boy always religiously came at least once a day, if not twice. Then their friendship began to develop amongst iced chai lattés and frozen hot chocolates.

And how were they supposed to know that Tim would be diagnosed with Leukemia three months later?

It was a shock to them both. They both thought that Tim was just keen to nosebleeds due to cold weather; it was autumn, after all, and the warmth of the summer was slowly giving way to chilly winds. But Tim would always get these awful bruises everywhere, especially on his back, and he wouldn't know where they came from. He scared the living piss out of Jason when he just passed out when they were taking a walk. He was talking to Jason, and then all of a sudden, he was on the ground and completely unconscious. Jason had been so in shock that he nearly forgot to call 911.

Tim had come to in the ambulance, and there was fear in his eyes because he didn't know where he was, where they were going, or who these people were. And this is not a common scenario that he wakes up to, and Jason, who had been allowed to ride in the ambulance, grabbed the hand that didn't have anything connected to it.

If it hadn't been for Tim who had requested for Jason to be with him, Jason would have been left in the hospital hallway for who knows how long. After all of the blood work they ran Tim threw, he had looked so tired, but he smiled weakly at Jason and thanked him. That is, until a nurse took out a very large and menacing needle that was about the size of his forearm. Tim immediately began to have a bit of a panic attack because that was a freaking long and thick needle. Jason had offered to hold his hand, but what he got was a death grip of a hug around his neck as the nurse inserted the needle that went through his hipbone to collect bone marrow. And from how tightly Tim had held onto him to the surprised yelp, Jason would say it had hurt like hell.

It was a huge pain in the ass too after Tim was diagnosed because he was instantly quarantined and Jason had to go through extensive procedures in order to make sure he was clean enough to see Tim. But Jason always put up with it because he didn't want to be the reason Tim got worse, and he needed to be there for Tim.

Because no one else ever would be.

Tim had parents, sure, and the only reason why he is able to stay in this hospital without a bill is because the rich bastards are paying it. But they never came to visit him. All they did was send the hospital the money and that was that. They really didn't care. Tim didn't have very many friends either. Just a few, but he didn't want Jason to call them.

So all Tim had was Jason, and damn it, Jason promised himself that he'd do this right. Promised both himself and Tim.

And here they are now. Tim's lost a lot of weight since he's first been admitted, and his voice is all raw and gritty from the chemo. He's gotten so sick that the acid's damaged his throat. Jason nearly cried when the boy's hair started to fall out because it's just plain sad. Tim had asked him to shave his head so it wouldn't be so messy. Jason had loved his hair. Simply adored it because it was so easy to play and mess with, and it always smelled nice. And now it was gone.

Jason would just glare at the IV bags that held the chemicals because they were just making Tim so sick along with the pills he had to take. Jason even found it hard to believe that the shit was even helping him. But damn Tim always gave him a weak smile and said "it's going to be okay."

And you know what? It's not.

Jason is so worried about Tim because he's afraid that even if he blinks, Tim will be gone. Tim's been bed ridden for five months, and he can tell it's killing him. Jason's not even sure on how Tim even has the strength to smile at him and lie to his face. It's not going to be okay. Tim's going to die, and Jason is certain that Tim knows this.

And Jason just wants to scream. To scream at him and yell and blame him for it all. For falling in love with him only to have some stupid disease slowly rip him from his grasp. He just wants to lie down and cry.

All because Tim's going to die.

So Jason just pushes himself away from his chair so abruptly that Tim looks a bit taken aback, like he thinks Jason's just going to leave. Jason even saw the brief fear in his eyes. But then Jason just came closer and hopped up into the bed, lying on his side so he wouldn't be pushing Tim or obstructing any wires.

"Jason?" Tim asks quietly, a bit nervously because this is strange, yet there's just a small hint of amusement there. "What are you doing?" Jason responds by carefully wrapping his arms around him and moving so Tim can use the older boy's chest as a pillow.

"It's called snuggling," Jason huffed, but he pressed a soft kiss to that smooth head, and he tried not to shake a bit at how wrong that entire thing is. He keeps his lips there, and he closes his eyes. "Tim, I know."

"Know what?" he asks with a soft huff that was meant to be a light laugh, but he thinks he already knows the answer to that question. Jason inhales deeply, eyes still closed as he tries to make his words come out smooth and not shaky.

"Tim, it's okay. No one's going to judge you. I know you're scared." I know you have no hope. I know that you know you're going to die. Whether it be months from now or a few years. I know.

"I'm… I'm not scared," he said, though his words held a small tremble, and Jason could feel his fingers lightly curl against his chest. Tim was absolutely terrified.

He'd never even gone on an actual date before. He's never been in a relationship before. He had never been as happy before he had met Jason. And now, he's not even sure he can do any of those things or see Jason smile again. So he began to cry silently into the warm chest, starting with a choked, hoarse sob that just escalated to those silent sobs that would result with a coughing fit, and they both knew it.

But he knew that the best part of the entire thing was that Jason would never tell a soul about what had just happened, and he would continue to hold him long after Tim fell asleep.