A/N: I am getting pretty good at writing dream sequences… and I apologize for the cliffhanger!

For midnight, four words- you are absolutely right.

Rin jumped and scrambled to her feet at the sound of a tiny knock on her door, her face falling nearly instantly as she realized it had only been a foot's length above the floor. She slid the shoji open to find a small tray of food for her. She sighed softly. She hadn't had dinner, but after the day she'd had, she wasn't sure she'd ever eat again. She carefully picked up the tray and put it inside, hoping perhaps her appetite would return at some point. Then she looked at the still-open door. Swallowing thickly, she made up her mind and strode out with far more confidence than she felt.

Sesshomaru was still sitting on his own futon, head in his hands, curled in on himself like a kicked pup. The last sound he wanted to hear in that moment was a soft, timid knock at the frame of his door. He wanted to ignore it, or to tell her to go away- because of course it was Rin, the one person on the face of the earth and in all the seven hells he couldn't face ever again. He would face his bitterest enemies, a thousand times over- he would take any wound, no matter how painful- rather than face her after what he'd done. But he knew it was wrong to hide from her, and it would solve nothing. He dragged himself slowly to his feet and took the longest walk of his long life to the door- about two meters.

In the time it took Sesshomaru-sama to answer the door, Rin had nearly completely lost her nerve. She wanted to flee back to the safety of her own room, but the moment the door slid open, she knew she had made the right choice. He looked terrible- there was no light in his eyes anymore, and he had a wretched frown such as she had never seen on him before. She gasped softly in dismay and concern.

Why was there pity in her eyes? Why would she pity a monster- why wasn't she afraid of him? Or angry at him? That, Sesshomaru would be able to understand. But not pity. She should hate him for his lack of self-control, and his inability to protect her as he had promised to do. But instead she was concerned for his welfare?!

"I…I wanted to apologize, milord," she said in a tiny voice, looking down now, bowing her head. "I should not have gone alone to the market. I put myself in danger. I'm sorry." She heard a soft, shocked gasp, then felt a warm and extremely gentle, almost shy, hand on her cheek, encouraging her to look up once more.

"Rin…" he murmured softly, almost unable to speak. "no…don't…don't say sorry. You did nothing wrong today." It was he who had done everything so wrong- so, irreparably, wrong. He could see no way to make it up to her all the days of her life. Rin took the hand gently from her cheek, but did not let it go for several moments. She looked deep into the golden depths of his eyes- gold that seemed solid and cold with self-loathing now, not warm and inviting as they should have been. Her cinnamon eyes asked the questions her bravery would not allow her to put voice to- why? What had happened? Did that mean what Rin desperately wanted it to mean? Did he truly desire her, or was it all an unfortunate accident?

He saw the yearning and questions in her eyes, but the only one he could read correctly was the most obvious, and the one to which he had no answer. Why? Why did I let it happen? Why couldn't I control myself when it was always so easy before? Countless women have tried me and I never had the least problem- and now this. He forced himself to look away from her penetrating gaze after several long moments, pulling his hand away and letting it fall limp to his side. "you should rest, Rin- I must also. I will stay near the manor for your protection, but do not call on me again until the moon waxes to half, for your own safety." He swallowed thickly again, head turned away from her in shame and despair. Rin looked down as well and he heard her shuffle slowly away. He did not move until he heard her door slide shut once more.

After listening to Rin cry herself to sleep in worry, Sesshomaru curled himself back into a ball, making a bit of a nest of some blankets to replace his moko, which he had not gotten back. He finally fell fitfully asleep as the waning crescent showed in the sky, surrounded by bright stars.

"how could you have been so irresponsible?" a voice asked him. Sesshomaru opened his eyes, but was surrounded by nothing but blackness on all sides, completely alone.

"I…I never meant for anything to happen," he defended himself softly. "I did everything in my power to avoid it."

"clearly you did not," the voice continued, growing higher in pitch and more familiar. "or you would not be standing before me in such disgrace."

His mother was standing before him- it was she who was speaking to him. "Mother, I swear it was nothing short of an accident- a lapse in judgement!" he insisted, stepping a little closer.

"spare me, Sesshomaru. I should have known you would take after your worthless father sooner or later the moment you brought that brat into my domain." She pointed, and suddenly they were both standing in the throne room of his mother's palace. He looked behind him, where she was pointing, already somewhat knowing what he would see. His heart ached to find Rin kneeling on a cushion, wrapped loosely in only an underlayer with no sash, with an orange-haired InuYoukai woman kneeling beside her- a midwife by the black teardrop marking on her forehead. His mother had intentionally ordered the woman to examine the human girl in full view of any who might want to watch the condemning proceedings- luckily no one else was around. His heart fell more as he looked closer at Rin in those few precious seconds, and saw the faint roundness of her stomach, not concealed by her inadequate clothing.

"well? Have you nothing to say for yourself or your 'mistake'?" his mother prompted in a snarl, forcing him to turn back to face her, suddenly angry at the indignity. It must have been January- Rin was shivering in the cold without the layers she should have had to keep her warm. He wanted desperately to cover her and wrap her in his moko to protect her from the chill, but knew better than to turn his back on his mother for even an instant, not even to help the woman who was obviously carrying his child. But oh, how he would find a way to make them all pay for this.

"no, I have nothing to say, for there is nothing to say. Leave Rin be- she has no part in this."

"it is your duty to produce an heir worthy of the lands you will inherit!" his mother shouted at him, baring her fangs. "you know your duty and the laws, Sesshomaru. Your pet human has everything to do with this, and you are a fool if you think either of you will go unpunished!"

He heard Rin whimper in fear behind him and clenched his fist, baring his fangs in return. "our union was an accident," he insisted in a low growl.

His mother's eyes narrowed and she looked down her nose at her son. "then you should have no trouble doing what must be done," she said simply.

He frowned at her complete change of attitude, wordlessly asking what she meant. The Lady Mother simply gestured to Rin with an open hand. "just kill her and be rid of the bastard pup. Else it will be all your lives, as the law demands." He heard Rin gasp sharply behind him and turned slowly to her. Now she did look at him in terror- a look he had never wanted to see in her eyes. He stepped closer to her and the midwife stepped away. Then he gently lifted Rin to her feet, fixing her underlayer properly, and wrapping the tail of his moko gently around her for warmth. He turned back to his mother.

"no."

Sesshomaru sat sharply up in his futon, breathing hard. The night was well over half gone and he sat shaking softly, holding himself up with trembling arms. He did not dream frequently- in fact, he didn't really dream at all. And that had been so vivid…he looked toward the wall his room shared with Rin's, hearing her slow, peaceful breathing as she slept deeply, untroubled by nightmares.

What if it were true? It was possible- though the Running wouldn't start until the day after tomorrow, perhaps he was already in season enough to father a child. Rin was not in heat either, yet, but would that matter? Would any of it? It seemed only fitting that the Kami themselves would punish his lapse of good sense. He would lose her, or he would die with her, if she were with child. His mother was right, he knew the laws. They forbid mating with humans and having hanyou children. The penalty for discovery was death for the human, exile or death for the InuYoukai, and if the child were already born, often death for them as well. The law had caused the extinction of an entire clan of InuYoukai over a millennia ago in a horrible, bloody coup. Sesshomaru knew that someone as involved as he was, as the heir and lord of the western lands, would never be able to keep such a secret. If Rin came to carry his child- there was no way of knowing for a few more weeks- he would be the direct cause of her death, sooner or later. He clenched his fists. What good was he? A momentary slip in his careful control- it would have been better if he had cut her throat than do what he did, he thought bitterly.

He forced himself to think of something more positive. Perhaps she was not—he could barely think the word—pregnant, after all. Neither of them had been fully in heat, after all, and he knew enough to know that was required. He simply had to keep his distance and make sure that was the case. Perhaps it would be safer to send her away for now? But the thought repelled him. He needed to protect her, even from himself, but he could not bear the thought of her leaving for any reason, even her own safety. She had made him weak, it seemed. He held his head again, staying awake and thinking until the sun rose on the last day of September.