"What happened?" Dean demanded as he lifted Sam by his forearms. Sam winced as Dean's hands covered the bruises left behind by Jake's unforgiving grip. "Dean, inside," Sam said weakly as he nodded toward the door of their room. Dean's eyes were frantic as he took in Sam's taped wrists and bleeding forehead. He quickly unlocked the door and ushered Sam inside.
The room didn't feel the same as it had when Sam had left that morning. He looked around with sad eyes. It looked the same. He wondered if everything would look different now.
"Ok now what the hell happened?" Dean asked after he had removed his jacked. His hands were on Sam's shoulders, but they soon moved down to his bound hands. Dean's touch was gentle and made Sam want to cry. "Dean," he said brokenly not really wanting to say anything else. He looked up at his brother and couldn't stop the few tears that made their way down his cheeks. A small sob escaped his throat as he thought weakly I don't want to do this.
Dean moved Sam over to the kitchen area where he procured a pair of scissors from a drawer. "Hold still," he said as he brought the scissors between Sam's hands and began to cut away the tape. Sam drew in a sharp breath as the tape spilt and his wrists were freed. Dean's touch remained careful as he peeled the tape from Sam's now bloody wrists, while he watched Sam for a reaction.
Sam put off telling Dean as long as he could. He remained silent as his brother cleaned and bandaged his wrists and applied antiseptic to the cut on his head. Despite Dean's attempts to get him to talk Sam's mouth never opened.
Now he had no choice. Dean had sat him down on the side of one of the beds while he sat on the other. Sam tried to avoid Dean's eyes but found himself wanting to look to see the comfort there. "Sammy, you need to tell me what happened," Dean probed gently as he took one of Sam's hands in his own. He felt somewhat helpless and looked down at Sammy's hand. His brother was shaking. Something seriously bad had happened to his Sammy and he intended to find out what.
Sam took a deep breath before recounting the awful events. "Max and I went to his place, and he thought his dad wouldn't be there. When we got inside, it turned out his dad was home," he had to stop as the emotions tried to crush him under their weight.
"Come on Sam, what happened? Did Max's dad do this?" Dean asked fretfully.
Sam nodded slowly, not looking at Dean. He seemed to curl into himself and Dean felt a strange sensation in the pit of his stomach. "Sam what did he do?" he asked, but he found he no longer wanted to know.
Sam grimaced and turned his head. The younger boy squeezed his eyes closed and started to shake with silent sobs. Dean felt the panic grow in his chest as he asked again "Sammy what did he do?"
He wanted so badly to reach out to Dean, but at the same time he wanted no one to ever know about what had happened to him. He never wanted to be touched again. He risked a glance up at Dean and the concern in his brother's eyes made him reply. "He knocked Max out," he started and then took a deep breath. Dean put a hand on his knee to comfort him but Sam jerked away.
Something was very wrong. This went beyond abuse, and that scared Dean to no end. He watched with sickening dread as Sam locked his legs together at the knees. Dean tried to remember to breathe as he realized what must have happened. Be strong, he needs you right now. "Sam…did he….did he touch you?" he asked with great difficulty. Sam looked up at him and had never looked so young to Dean. He nodded sadly with disgust in his eyes.
Dean felt the bottom drop out. He had never felt it before, but he felt it now. A swooshing feeling went through his chest as his mind tried to comprehend what had been revealed. His heart pounded wildly in his chest as he took deep breaths. He looked at Sam, at his Sammy, and what he saw there made him break. Fearful eyes filled with tears of utter agony looked up at him with regret. Those eyes tried hard to hide a pain that went so deep he could feel it inside, tearing him apart.
His Sammy had been raped.
Sam watched as Dean reacted to the revelation. It hurt to tell him, but he knew that Dean had to know so he pressed on. "He hit me, taped my mouth, and my hands…" he rubbed the bandages on the hand that was held by Dean and stared at it intently.
Dean leaned forward, looking Sam straight in the eye. "Sammy, where did he touch you?" he asked gently and watched as Sam's eyes widened ever so slightly.
"He…he…" Sam started but found he couldn't finish. Dean nodded in encouragement "it's ok, just tell me baby. Where did he touch you?" he asked not taking his eyes off of Sam's. Sam looked up at Dean's choice nickname. He hadn't called him that in years.
"He was inside of me."
It slipped out unchecked and once it was out there, both brother's broke in its wake.
Sam screwed up his face and brought both his hands up to cover it. Tears fell like rain down his flushed cheeks. No taking it back now. No pretending it was all a nightmare. It was true…it had been real. Sam unconsciously started sobbing from the loss of his secret. He wanted it to go away and never be mentioned or talked about again. He wanted to be where he was yesterday, blissfully unaware of the cruelty of humans. His shoulders shook as he cried and he leaned forward, hating that Dean had to see him like this but glad he was there.
Dean sat still emotions boiling over, eyes filling quickly. Sammy had been raped. The fact that his little brother had been brutalized while he was passing notes in detention made Dean sick. He watched as Sammy folded in on himself and shook with sobs. Dean tried to push past the shock he felt to be there for Sam, but he was having a hard time with it.
Sammy was his…well, his. He had belonged to Dean ever since he was placed in his arms as an infant. Sure dad was there and very much their father but in retrospect, Sammy was his. His brother, his best friend, his. This wasn't supposed to happen. Dean felt it as if the pain Sammy endured was his own. He just couldn't wrap his head around the fact that his baby had been raped.
He had never felt his heart break before. No girl had ever gotten close enough to him to create a break when her presence was gone again. No harsh lesson had ever brought tears to his eyes. No hateful fight had ever brought him to his knees. But this, this was different. This was world ending, mind numbing reality and Dean found he nearly couldn't deal with that.
Sam's throat hurt from the cries that spilled out but he couldn't stop them. He slid off of the bed and onto the rough carpet on the floor. This was not happening, not to him. He never thought anything like this would ever happen to him, but it did, it has. He felt Dean's arms slide around him and pull him towards that warmth that Sam so easily melted into. He moved as close to Dean as he could but never took his hands off of his face. He didn't want to reveal himself to the world just yet and so he stayed there, his face in Dean's chest, his big brother's arms wrapped around him, holding him still.
"Oh god, Sammy," Dean breathed as the pain of the truth hit him hard. Why did this have to happen to Sam of all people? Sammy who smiled at strangers, Sammy who got straight A's and helped others with their work, Sammy who always had to be helping, making dinner, cleaning weapons, offering comfort. Sammy who had been so innocent. "I'm sorry kiddo," Dean found himself saying as he rested his head atop his baby brother's.
Sammy only cried harder at Dean's whispered apology and tried yet again to get even closer to his brother. "Shh, Sammy, it's…." he couldn't say it. It wouldn't be true anyway. This is not ok. "I'm right here," he offered instead and knew that that was a promise that would be kept. He wasn't leaving Sammy ever again.
"Dean," Sam said in despair as he lifted his head off his brother's shoulder and took his hands away from his face. His eyes were puffy and his throat was sore but something hurt more just then. Dean's eyes were filled with tears that refused to spill over and his body was trembling. Sam looked at him for a moment before putting his arms around him. He hugged Dean this time, trying his best to offer comfort and strength that he didn't have right now. "It'll be ok Dean," he said in the strongest tone he could manage.
Dean took a deep breath before taking Sammy by his forearms and gently pushing him back. He looked carefully at his baby brother, his baby, then sighed. There were things to be done. Things that couldn't wait.
"Sammy, I have to call dad," he said gently, not knowing how Sam would feel about the fact. Sam turned his head away as more tears of anguish made their way down his already wet face. "Sammy, I have to, we have to get you…checked out. I need to take you to the hospital baby. I'm sorry but…I don't know how to fix this alone." The small admission made Sam turn back to him with a slightly more composed look. He nodded but didn't say anything as Dean got up and extended a hand to Sam. Sam looked at it for a second before taking it, allowing himself to be pulled to his feet.
He had no idea how long he and Dean had been sitting down there, crying with each other, but it felt like only minutes. He thought back to this morning when he had waved goodbye to Dean before going to school. It had been the longest day, and it was only 5:30.
"Ok just sit tight for a sec," Dean said as he gently pushed Sam down to sit on the end of the bed. His hand lingered on Sam's shoulder for a minute before he pulled away to find his cell phone. Sam watched him with a lost look on his face. He didn't know what to do anymore, and the feeling of just existing without purpose saddened him even more.
Dean dialed dad's number with shaking fingers as he looked at Sammy. This would be the hardest thing he ever had to tell his dad. God I hate this, this whole thing shouldn't be happening. "Dean?" his father's voice asked over the phone and Dean jumped at the sound of it. "Yeah dad it's me, look…" he took a breath then looked at Sam. His little brother had gone slightly pale and his lower lip was trembling. Dean turned the phone away and addressed Sam, "Sammy? I'm just gone talk to him in the kitchen ok?" he asked in a soft voice. He didn't know how Sam would feel about being far from Dean and he wanted to make sure. Sam nodded then turned his attention to his damaged wrists.
Once in the kitchen Dean made sure to speak more quietly so Sammy wouldn't hear. "Dad, something happened. Sammy went over to Max's and his father was there, and…" he had to take a breath before he admitted this to his father. "Dean what? Is Sam alright?" John asked angrily as worry gripped him. Dean sighed in defeat, "he was raped dad."
The silence was palpable and heavy and for a moment Dean wondered if he would drown in it. Then he heard something that brought that sting back to his eyes. His dad was crying, and trying unsuccessfully to hide it. Dean bit his lip as the sounds died away. "Dean I want you to take Sammy to the hospital, I'll be there in a few hours," his dad said in a shaking voice and then he hung up.
Dean clicked his phone shut and squeezed his eyes closed. This was all too much, how was he supposed to do this? How was Sammy doing this? Thinking about Sam, he turned back to his brother who sat unbelievably still on the bed where Dean left him.
Dean walked over to him slowly and watched as Sam looked up at him. The look in those green orbs made Dean's chest ache. "What did he say?" Sam asked in a rough voice. Dean kneeled down in front of Sammy and put a hand on his knee. This time Sam didn't jerk away. "He said to take you to the hospital, he's on his way," Dean replied all the while watching Sammy's face. His brother nodded then closed his eyes as a single tear fell. Dean brought his hand up slowly to wipe it away. Sammy was hot to the touch and Dean wondered with panic if something was wrong…inside.
"Come on, we gotta go," Dean said softly but firmly as he stood up. Sam stood slowly, wincing as he did so. Dean felt rage then, how dare that asshole break his brother like this. He took extra care in handling his little brother as he lead Sam back out into the rain.
The weather seemed completely appropriate now.
He opened the passenger door for Sammy then shut it again when he was inside. His legs shook as he got in the driver's seat next to Sam. The boy felt different. He looked like a wild animal that wasn't ready to be tamed and Dean found himself just staring for a moment. Sammy seemed to sense Dean's distress and moved closer until he was right up against Dean's side.
Dean sighed, thankful that Sam was still allowing himself to be touched. He gently put an arm around Sammy's shoulders and swallowed when he felt them shaking. "I'm right here," Dean whispered as he pulled Sam closer to him. Sam sighed tiredly and rested his head on Dean's shoulder while Dean pulled out of the parking lot. His face felt stretched and tired, like crying had taken all that he had out of him. He bit his lip and wondered if he'd ever smile again.