A/N- Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Work has been hectic, and I have had complete writer's block-like lately, I've been completely uninspired.
Blank.
Stone dead.
Nothing-and it sucks. But I'd just like to give a quick s/o to kfoll. You've been my most faithful follower so far, and I really appreciate all your feedback. It's helped tons, so this chapter's for you. You're the best :)
"There is no mistake." I felt as though I was standing naked before a thirsty crowd. I could see the hurt looks on their faces as they tried to process what I had just told them. "He's two months old, I'm guessing." I gestured to my stomach. I digressed into the details of that night and explained how sorry I was for bringing this upon them.
By this time Esme had arisen and joined the head of the room with me. She placed a frail hand atop of mine and suddenly I saw the glow return to her face, as if my news had brought life to her rather than the dread I had expected. "We'll get through this." She was the most sincere I had ever seen her. "Together."
Our eyes are in front because it's more important to look ahead than to look back.
Don't dwell on things in the past. Learn from them and keep moving forward.
I ran my finger along the cold metal of the picture frame, a sigh of inevitable nostalgia and euphoria washing over me. We were fourteen years old, our wide pubescent smiles filling the camera's lens. The sky had been painted its infamous baby blue and speckled with puffy, smokes of white, kisses of sunlight peeking off our complementing shades of hair, his sun-streaked bronze and my deep chocolate curls. My arms were wrapped around his neck from behind, molding myself into his body as he piggybacked me into the picture Esme had taken one hot, summer day. My sunburnt, appled cheeks were buried into his unruly hair, and a dim line of freckles danced across the bridge of Edward's sharp nose. I saved his eyes for last, knowing I would fall headlong into their jade-hued perfection. It was one of the few decent pictures that had been saved from our childhood and the only accolade of our relationship that Edward hadn't stored away after Alice's death-after he changed.
I was a dent in his new reputation. I scarred the play boy image he wished to convey. I imagined Lauren Mallory's glossy lips pursed in disgust as she, too, eyed the same photograph neatly placed on Edward's dresser. She would feel conflicted at the thought of us together, wondering whether or not I was true competition or not-whether she should be worried-but quickly reassure herself otherwise as Edward would snake his velvet tongue along her collarbone. He'd pull her away and towards the bed, murmuring how she was the only one who mattered, how she was always on his mind, how he had always wanted to be with her-his usual, well-rounded script. He'd brush butterfly kisses around her face, pecking at her dainty nose, her eyelids, her temples, but as fascinated as she was, her mind would wander to me, to the picture sitting across the room. He would feel her absence, and kiss her harder, pulling them closer together. But when her unsurity persisted, he would stop-only for an instant to bring his lips up to her ear and whisper the three words she had been longing to hear. And with that, she would push me out of her thoughts completely as he worked his way inside of her, letting him take control the way he liked it. Because he loved her, because they were meant to be together, or so she thought-until he made his way around to the next girl.
I clutched my stomach as I felt a small thud against the walls within, a subtle reminder from my little bundle of joy to forget, to let go of once was. I rubbed along my navel and picked the picture from the dusty counter, resentment replacing all tinges of sympathy for myself. I gripped it harder, the sickened feeling in my gut increasing with each passing second. I closed my eyes and thrust the frame into the wastebasket beside the dresser, the shattering of glass wiping away all the painful memories. It seemed that for every good memory I had shared with Edward, there was twice as many bad ones.
Life without Edward left an inevitable feeling of partiality and despair, like an empty cavity had been carved into my heart. After Renee and Charlie's divorce, Edward had always been there for me. He was my rock, my future, my everything. I had once considered him to be the only reason for my existence, the only reason to pursue a life I had deemed unworthy of continuing. He, in a sense, kept my heart beating. I had my whole life set on marrying him and spending an eternity together. I put everything on the line, gambled for my future, and risked it all. And in the end, I came out empty handed with nothing but a few good recollections to suffice. I had lost all I had ever known.
But considering my loss and my current misfortune, I wasn't completely unhappy. Good things came with Edward's absence.
Jacob's POV
Seth leaned back in his chair, stroking at his imaginative goatee. "I'd give her a nine," he whispered matter-of-factly to Jared and Paul sitting on either side of him.
Paul nodded in agreement. "Nine."
"Hell no. That's Cullen trash. Three at the most," Jared chimed in, not caring enough to keep his voice lowered. Mr. Berty cast a glare in our direction before demanding that he stop disrupting class. Another warning and he'd find a spot for himself in detention. He pretentiously apologized for his behavior but continued in conversation with his friends. He had become so accustomed to Berty's scoldings that it no longer phased him. Common courtesy as he would say though I wasn't exactly sure how the two related.
I glanced away from my screen just long enough to catch sight of the timid brunette sitting across the room and recognized her as Isabella Swan. She wasn't gorgeous, wasn't ugly. Her dark chestnut hair was pulled into a loose ponytail, several thick strands of hair curtaining her long heart-shaped face. Her matching colored eyes were deep and sunken in as if she hadn't slept for weeks and her skin was a glowing ivory, that seemed pale compared to her darker features. She looked like a hundred other girls at Forks High except for two things: She wasn't wearing any trace of make up giving her an au natural beauty and she was drowned in hideous baggy clothing which did nothing to conceal the muffin top of fat above her waist. I found out later than she wasn't overweight; it was a baby bump.
Nine, I mentally agreed.
More than once throughout the rest of class, I caught myself glancing over at her, curious as to why I hadn't really noticed her before. There was something attractive about her that most girls didn't have, but I couldn't quite point it out. Jared was the one to call me out on it, "Quit staring, man. It's creepy." He nudged my arm. "Why don't you go over there and work some of your magic?"
I playfully slapped his shoulder, wagging my head at his childishness, my eyes never leaving her. Maybe I will...
Bella's POV
O me, what eyes hath Love put in my head,
Which have no correspondence with true sight!
Or, if they have, where is my judgment fled,
That censures falsely what they see aright?
If that be fair whereon my false eyes dote,
What means the world to say it is not so?
If it be not, then love doth well denote
Love's eye is not so true as all men's 'No.'
How can it? O, how can Love's eye be true,
That is so vex'd with watching and with tears?
No marvel then, though I mistake my view;
The sun itself sees not till heaven clears.
O cunning Love! with tears thou keep'st me blind,
Lest eyes well-seeing thy foul faults should find.
-Sonnet 148
My head felt heavy as I racked my brain for some possible meaning to Shakespeare's twisted verse. I stared harder at the assignment before me, the words on the page blurring and bouncing off the page. I tried tuning into Edward's clever state of mind. He would have been able to pick apart each segment and have the entire sonnet deciphered in a matter of moments.
I tapped my fingers against the wooden lunch table and took a deep breath. My body tensed. Focus. Just focus, Bella. You can get through this.
I scripted every thought that came to mind, hoping I'd be able to somehow piece it all together into one uniform idea later, but my concentration was broken by the overpowering mixture of cheap cologne and cigarette smoke. I wrinkled my nose in disgust before realizing that the horrendous odor belonged to none other than the repulsively unattractive Mike Newton who had taken the empty seat beside me. Edward's seat.
He blatantly threw his arm over the back of my seat, the revolting stench increasing and making my stomach squirm. "Sup, Bells?" He popped the 'p' at the end and flashed his most alluring smile, revealing a set of unevenly yellowed teeth. It made me wonder why other people thought he was so mesmeric, and recalled hearing Jessica say that he was good in bed. Not that I would ever want to find out for myself.
I motioned to my work. "Uh-just English homework. It's pretty difficult." I cringed at inability to carry a regular conversation with him. He would probably mistake my disinterest for nervousness.
He sunk in closer, pretending to be roused by British Literature. "Oh, yeah. Shakespeare rocks. Really passe, classy, romantic."
I scooted toward the end of my seat, putting some distance between our bodies. "I guess."
He scratched behind his ear and pulled me back to him so that our faces were only inches apart. "Speaking of, homecoming dance is this Friday, and I was just wondering if you would like to go with, um, me. Would you be into that?" He pulled a yellow rose from out of his jacket pocket and held it before me.
I reached for words, mumbling out several excuses, hardly making any sense. The thought of us paired together the entire night, bodies pressed together as he clumsily whirled me around the room, apology after apology for stepping on my toes, his sweaty palms stroking along my open, bare back...The speculation was agonizing to even consider. No matter what I would say, he would counter back. I think I'm going to sit this one out. ("It's your senior year. You can't miss it!) I have a ton of homework I need to catch up on. ("Screw that. I'll get someone to finish it for you.") I don't know how to dance. ("That's okay. I'll show you.") It's not really my scene. Plus, somebody might try and spike the punch bowl. I'm trying to cut back on alcohol. (A blank incredulous stare)
I exhaled, prepared to give in to his invitation. I didn't have a justifiable reason not to go with him, seeing as no one else had (or would, for that matter) ask me. "I'd love to-"
"But she's going with me." An olive skinned hand snatched the rose from Mike's grip and twirled it between two fingers. "Sorry, man."
I turned to the Quilette Indian beside me, Jacob Black-I recognized him from my English class. His presence was welcoming and innocent, a relief compared to Mike's distasteful persona. It was something Alice would have called TTH-or trying too hard. He was far more attractive than Mike as well. His ebony hair was shortly cropped so that it just brushed the tips of his ears and shadowed some of his narrow forehead. His facial features were deep and chiseled into his dark, russet skin, making him look far older than seventeen. His perfect cupid bow lips were curved into a seductive smile, revealing a perfect set of pearly teeth, a flawless contrast to dark countenance. However, it was his eyes that had me enraptured, his pure almond eyes that were the most golden shade of brown, like melting liquid bronze. He was beautiful.
Almost as beautiful as Edward...
Jacob nodded to me, silently offering me to play along if I wanted to. "Y-yeah, sorry, Mike," I stuttered. I wasn't a very good liar. "I grabbed a hold of his free hand as if to emphasize my point. They were warm compared to Edward's ice cold, clammy touch. I mentally filed this contrast under Things I Don't Miss About Edward. "I'm going with Jake."
His eyes narrowed, searching between the two of us. He's not buying it...I panicked but the feel of Jake's lips against my hand caused me to loosen up, to fall back into his body. I wondered if he had ever done this before, or if this kind of scheming came naturally to him. The latter, I assumed.
Mike's adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed down his defeat, his lips forming a tight light line. "Oh okay." He stood up from his seat, ignoring my questioning gaze. "Later."
When he was out of earshot, Jake burst into a hearty laughter. "Did you see the look on his face! Priceless!" He removed himself from me, the warm tingly feeling dissipating.
I let out a breathless giggle. "You just saved me. Thank you."
He offered his most sincere smile. "Anytime." His eyes held mine before drifting down to my assignment. "How's it coming?" He adjusted his seat and our knees bumped, his thigh resting against mine he was so close. I felt self-conscious as he began to skim through my side notes. He was one of the best in the class, and had probably breezed through this already.
"You just need to break it down into smaller pieces." I could feel his breath against my face, a warm cinnamon-y aroma. Everything about him was comforting, approachable. "Figure out what each word could represent." He pointed to 'sun' first. "What could that mean?"
I started listing off everything that came to mind: Brightness, wisdom, revelation, knowledge...
He applauded me when I hit the mark, and encouraged me when I missed. This went on for the rest of the lunch period, and for the first time in a long time, I was enjoying myself, enjoying his company, the easiness of what he had to offer. When the bell finally rang for the next class, I found myself slightly resentful, wanting more time.
He re-positioned his back pack on his shoulder before standing to his feet. He towered over me (He had to be at least 6' 7") and I noted the crevices in his shirt, revealing a muscular built underneath. "I'll see you around." He swept his hand along my stomach as if parting with my child, acknowledging that he knew about him, pronouncing that he didn't care. He winked at me before heading out the door. It took me a second to recognize that I had been holding my breath the whole time.
A/N- And there's your twist, my loves: I introduce you to the glorious Jacob Black. I just had to! You couldn't possibly think that I would let Bella go through this pregnancy without a father figure in the picture, could you? And in all honesty (Don't judge me, Edward lovers), but I have always preferred Jacob a little bit more than Edward (gasp!). But don't fret! The story is not over yet. I have many more surprises in store!
Also, I would once again like to encourage all of you to leave your ideas in the drop box below! While I do have a few ideas about where I want to go with this story, I would like to get some more feedback. I've gotten great responses so far. Keep 'em coming.
Review! :)
x my-wolfee
Reviewers get to attend homecoming with Jacob :)