We ended up walking to Buck's, and as soon as we got there, I just felt ready to pass out and go to bed.
But, of course, I had to change Johnny's behaviour.
We knocked on the door, waiting for somebody to open it. We waited and waited.
"Have you been to Buck's before?" I asked, wanting to start a conversation with him.
"Yeah, just to visit Dally. Only went upstairs though. Can't stand downstairs man. It's annoying as hell down there. Hey sugar, you want some tequila?! Well, the only thing you should be wanting is me! Or Hey baby, you want to turn me on like the way Buck turns on the stereo for Hank Williams? Lordy, the whole place is gross man. Do they have something like that in the country?" Johnny asked me.
I was too busy laughing to answer his question and soon he joined in. We laughed out loud for a few minutes before sighing.
"I don't know why you guys always asking about the country. It's the same thing as the city just more quieter and more boring," I answered, after wiping a tear from my eyes from laughing too much.
Johnny looked at me for a few minutes before casting his eyes downwards, his bangs falling as he did so.
"The country sounds better to live in. You may have came here not knowing a clue what we have to do to survive this town. Pony, Soda and Darry's parents died a few months ago, if they had lived out of the city, they would have survived, you know. And Darry would have get to go to college and not work hard too much at such a young age. Steve's old man doesn't give a hang about him, yet always bribes him with some Green so he could forget about him treating Steve like -Bit's dad left him at a young age, Dally's parents, I don't even know what they do to him that made him heartless and cold. My parents, man, they hate the shit out of me. I always sometimes wonder when they're going to love me back like I do to them. But it's just a dream that they will,"
"The reason why we talk about the country like it's such a big deal is because we're just wondering if you go through the same problems we go through in the city. Are you hated by the Socs or hated by the people who were suppose to love you?" Johnny looks away from me then, and stares at his hands. He's lost in thought so I let him continue.
"Is it much nicer in the country, where there is no problems that have to face at all? I don't know, man, I always wanted to live in the country to get away from the problems, the Socs and just everything in general," he looks at me then and sighs. I feel dreadful for all the greasers had to go through because when I think about they have all these problems and and burdens they have to carry with them.
Johnny looked up at me and sighed sheepishly, now realizing that I was here all the time listening to everything he said.
I think this was the first time he ever spoke like that. All loud and confident in himself. The rant made him seem powerful, not the kicked puppy that I read about in the book.
What changed?
"You know what? This is the second time I ever came open to someone. I don't even know you and yet I feel like you're the person I can trust beside the gang. I don't know. Just forget about the rant, please, for me man?" Johnny said, placing his hand on my back. I looked at him and gave him a reassuring smile to let him know that it was all good.
"I wish you were like this more often," I told him as soon as I saw Buck coming towards the door.
Johnny looked at me and gave me a crooked smirk. From the way he did it looked like he's never smirked before.
Buck Merril looked like a stereotypical cowboy who always wore those high wasted pants and big ass boots and always rode a Mustang horse to the Grocery Store just to pick up two big bottles of Whisky.
"What you boys want?" he asked. He was the first one in Tulsa to not acknowledged my new presence which is fine by me. I almost hated the attention they give to the new guy of Tulsa.
Almost.
"Is Dal here?" Johnny asked, the shakiness in his voice was visibly shown.
"Nope. Went out somewhere. You guys want to come in and wait?" he asked, smiling and showing his crooked teeth.
Ew...
"N-"
"Yeah sure, thanks man," I quickly said, not letting Johnny finish what he was saying.
We quickly went inside and Buck showed us the room Dally sometimes stayed in. We sat on the now cigarette burned bed. How Dally was comfortable sleeping here, I had no clue.
Taking out a packet of Kools Cigarettes, Johnny handed me one but I shook my head.
We should be downstairs partying instead of bumming around like goofs in a room with a cigarette burned bed. I sighed and stood up, making my way downstairs. I felt footsteps slapping loudly against the white tile floor and turned around, seeing Johnny trailing behind me.
"Wait up, man! Where you going? Thought you wanted to see Dal,"
I smiled, ruffling up his hair, his bangs falling, covering his eyes that shown nervousness, something I never seen before.
"We're going to wait for Dally. By partying,"
In a few hours after a party, I feel something weird inside the deepness of my stomach, 'The After Party Effect," I would like to call it. It's that weird feeling between the mixture of happiness and longing after a huge party. That's what I felt.
During those hours at the party, not only was Dallas pissed at us that we had to run out of here, but Johnny started to open up more and was acting a bit more like me, not quiet but not loud either.
Like he would talk for a long time about a topic but then stop after we finished discussing about it. I want to be able to tell him that if he continued like this, Ponyboy would fall in love with him.
But, I somehow manage to forget that this isn't 2017 where no matter who you are, you can fall in love with anyone as long as you don't hate them.
But, in this alternative outsiders world it's 1967. And the "love is love no matter who it is" thing isn't accepted freely.
In 1967 being gay meant that the people could do whatever they wanted to you. 'Correction' methods, arrest, murders, lynching, and the point where all the pain and suffering you endured because you were gay made you want to hurt yourself even more than what the people did to you was sickening. Just a few years prior, segregation was legal and whites were allowed to do whatever the hell they want to 'coloured' and get away with it.
The thoughts of this was sickening and I kept on swaying on my feet like a drunk because of it.
Johnny looked at me and placed a hand on my shoulder, something that I would usually brush away from everyone I knew but not him.
"You okay man?" he said and looked at me with concern.
I nodded not really in the mood to say what was in my mind a few moments ago.
We passed by a much worse neighbourhood than Ponyboy and Johnny's and I realized that there was more 'coloured' people there. They didn't give out glares and swears at us whenever we pass by them. Instead they gave out this 'fearful' vibe, like they were scared of us. It was like we're holding tear gases and baseballs bats, instead of switchblades and smoke packets.
Johnny looked over at me confused about what's why seemed troubled, but I pretended to ignore it.
"How come we're here?" Johnny asked me. I shrugged, trying to think of a reason why we came here in this neighbourhood the first place.
"Johnny, is this a quicker way to reach your neighbourhood?" I asked him.
"No? If we continue, we get to Pony's place in 20 minutes. By walk," Johnny replied, continued to walk, not minding at all the 'coloured' people who were now giving us a glare. I stopped trailing behind him and sat down on the curb, taking a few deep breaths. Johnny didn't seem to notice that I wasn't trailing behind him.
On my fourth breath, I suddenly heard a soccer ball rolling downwards across the road towards me. It landed the curb with a small thud. I looked up and saw four 'colored' boys, looking straight at me, they looked scared as if I was going to hurt them brutally just for playing soccer. I looked over at them and smiled, yelling "Is this your ball?".
At first they don't reply but silently shake their heads. I smiled at them, and kicked the ball sideways so one of the boys could catch it. I also saw Johnny running behind me, probably realizing I wasn't following him.
"Let's play ball," I yelled at Johnny and ignoring his puzzled look turned around. After a few more minutes Johnny joined us and we made teams of three.