Ok, so I said this one was going to be shorter, but honestly, it's not. Lol It might be shorter than part 1, but I have too many ideas for my girls. So, here is part 2 of Get It Right. Enjoy!
I lied, just finished writing this chapter. Super long.
Disclaimer: Glee isn't mine, but the mistakes are!
Chapter 5
Get it Right, Part 2
No one really slept the night before the competition. It just seemed like before every other competition they had ever competed in, someone would flip out or something would go horribly wrong. This is all they had ever known when it came to performing for New Directions, so they all had fears going into the day.
Santana had packed her horrible blue dress in her old cheerios bag, along with the black combat boots and black leggings. She knew she could pull just about anything off, but this outfit was pushing it. She had her phone in her hand the whole morning, praying for the text that usually came before any type of competition, whether it was for Cheerios or Glee Club.
Her phone finally went off, and even though it wasn't from who she wanted, she still had to smile.
Hello my lovely ladies! We are going to kick ass today! Remember, we don't lose… ever! Muah! xoxo-Q
She and Quinn's friendship had completely fallen apart after the whole her pregnancy/my boob job/taking my top spot/stealing her boyfriend situation. Santana might not like the girl sometimes, but they had been friends since they were kids, nothing could change a bond like that, not even a little bit of drama. This texting the morning before competitions was a tradition they had started their freshman year. Even if they had stayed the night at each other's houses before a Cheerios performance, each of the girls, B, Q, and S, would all send a text to each other, giving encouragement (Quinn), threatening their lives (San), or just being bubbly and nice (Britt). Santana was happy to see that even though so many things had changed, some things were just too strong to break.
Alright bitches. You screw this up, I'm gonna be pissed. Nationals here we come! xoxo- S
She couldn't stop herself from sending it to both girls; it was tradition, and she wasn't going to let this riff between Britt and her change that.
Brittany's phone went off and she read the text from Quinn, smiling to herself because she always forgot to text Q and San until one of them texted her first. She was always grateful that they remembered because she most definitely did not. She sat there, musing over the text when her phone went off again and she saw the text from San. She was grateful that the Latina had texted her, even though she knew it was more because of Santana's love of tradition than her love for her, but she would take what she could get. She responded to both girls in her normal way:
I am so excited right now I could puke a rainbow, a unicorn, and a duck! We're going to NYC baby! xoxo-B
She laughed at how ridiculous her text was, but she knew they'd understand, they always did. Quinn was her first best friend at school and San was the person who knew her better than she knew herself. These two girls were her people, and regardless if she was puking rainbows or rum, they would always be her girls.
Quinn was happy to see that both her friends were writing in plurals, meaning they were not only texting her, but also texting each other. Quinn may act like the only thing that bothers her is Rachel and her unnerving way of getting between Finn and her, but she also worries about San and Britt. They were the inseparable threesome that graced the halls of McKinley. They started out best friends, made cheerios together, and became leaders of that team together. They fought, they made up, they fought some more, but nothing in the world could make Quinn want to see them hurting they way they were right now.
The hazel eyed blonde has known from the beginning what was going on between her two friends. She roomed with them at Cheerios camp; it wasn't hard to put together when you hear them making out when they thought everyone was sleeping. Or the time she walked into the locker room and caught them half naked in the supply closet. She never spoke of those incidents though, because she knew that if the roles were reversed, she would want the same respect from them.
So she would ignore it; ignore them making gooey eyes at each other in glee, ignore it when Santana's hand would graze a little too high up Brittany's skirt, and ignore it when they would disappear at parties together, only to come back looking flushed and whispering in each other's ears, making their faces turn even more red.
But she couldn't ignore this.
She couldn't ignore the way Brittany walked around school like a lost puppy dog, not really knowing where to go or what class she had next. She had to walk Britt to class more times these past two weeks than she ever had in her life, because normally San would be there to do it. She couldn't ignore the way Santana was even more withdrawn from the group and lashing out every chance she got. And she couldn't ignore it when Santana had ran after Brittany the other day in Glee, only to have the blonde come back and looking like someone had just punched her in the gut. She couldn't ignore these things because they were her girls, and she had to look after them.
So she decided that today was the now or never moment. She had to tell them to stop doing this to each other and to kiss and make up and do whatever else it is that they do because she couldn't stand a bitchy(er) Santana or a sad Brittany.
Ugh, it's fucking hot on this gosh damn bus. The Latina thought as she sat down in the very back seat, furthest away from the whole group. She just wanted to sit and relax and listen to her iPod and try to ignore the babble of excitement coming from the front.
She couldn't help but notice Quinn talking to Brittany; something she hadn't seen happen in a long time. Brittany turned and looked at San, blushed when she got caught, and turned back toward the front. They are totally talking about me… weird, normally that would bother me, now I just don't even want to know. The brunette put her head back on the seat, trying hard to fall asleep, and pressed play on a random song. She had to let out a sigh as the song began, and she forced herself to listen to the words, willing them to make her feel better…
..I miss those blue eyes…
..How you kissed me at night…
..I miss the way we sleep…
..Like there's no sunrise…
..Like the taste of your smile…
..I miss the way we breathe…
..But I never told you…
..What I should have said…
..No I never told you…
..I just held it in…
..And now I miss everything about you…
..I can't believe I still want you…
..After all the things we've been through…
..I miss everything about you…
..Without you…
She feels the seat dip down next to her and is met with a very concerned pair of hazel eyes, but Quinn knows better than to ask. She reaches around to Santana's furthest ear and grabs the ear bud and sticks it in her ear closest to the Latina, listening to the song and grabbing Santana's hand and intertwining their fingers…
..I see your blue eyes…
..Every time I close mine…
..You make it hard to see…
..Where I belong to when I'm not around you…
..It's like I'm not with me…
..But I never told you…
..What I should have said…
..No I never told you…
..I just held it in…
..And now I miss everything about you…
..I can't believe I still want you…
..After all the things we've been through…
..I miss everything about you…
..Without you…
..But I never told you…
..What I should have said…
..No I never told you…
..I just held it in…
..And now I miss everything about you…
(still you're gone)
..Can't believe that I still want you…
(I never should of walked away)
..After all the things we've been through…
(I know, it's never gonna come again)
..I miss everything about you…
..Without you…
She can feel Quinn's eyes on her as the song comes to an end but she can't make her eyes open to meet her gaze. Quinn tugs on her hand and Santana finally opens her eyes and looks at the blonde. She has a questioning look on her face and Santana can't help but smile when she sees her hand in Quinn's. They never had a touchy feely friendship, but Quinn knew when it was ok to do this and when it wasn't.
She knows her blonde friend is looking for answers, but she can't help the question that bubbles to her lips and can't choke them back before spilling over, "Why are you doing this Q? You hate me, you shouldn't care." She feels Quinn's hands lock tighter on hers and she looks up and sees a very motherly looking Quinn Fabray staring back at her. "You two got me through more than you could ever know; if all I can give you is each other, I will do whatever I can to do that." She says it as if it's the simplest thing in the word and Santana can't help but start her immediate apology for everything she had ever done to the blonde.
Quinn holds up a hand and silences her, giving her a simple, "it's ok, I forgive you..." and they move on. They sat like that, headphones still playing a wide range of music, just holding hands and both trying to decide how to continue the conversation. The Latina can't stand the silence any longer and pulls her headphones away from their ears and presses pause on her iPod.
"I love her Q. I love her more than myself, more than Glee, more than Cheerios, more than anything." She takes a quick breath, but she knows Quinn knows all of this, so she continues. "And she loves me back, she told me herself, but she also won't leave Artie for me and it kills me Quinn..." She actually had to take a steadying breath before looking up at Quinn.
Quinn reaches up and pops her on the back of the head, "Well duh she's not going to leave Artie for you, you big dummy! You completely cut yourself off from her and didn't even let her explain anything to you!" Santana tried to explain that she has to let Britt go so she won't be so miserable all the time, only getting her a quick sneer from the blonde next to her. "You're only miserable when you're without her you know," Quinn states matter-of-factly as she stands up to move to the front, but before she got too far away, she turns to the Latina and says, "and by the way, she told me herself, 'she misses you more'…"
Santana could only watch as Q sat back down amongst everyone in the club. She had to laugh at herself a little as she started sifting through memories of her and Brittany's random late night texting conversations that always ended the same way…
I miss you already! –S
I miss you more though! –B
I really don't think that's humanly possible. –S
I promise, it is, because, not only do I miss you more, I also love you more. –B
Now you've gone off the deep end. I love you more and I miss you most.-S
These conversations would go on for hours, both girls usually giggling uncontrollably as they would read the response to their last text. Finally one of them would either fall asleep or cave in and cut the conversation off so neither of them could win the word war. Santana couldn't help it as her fingers found her phone and she was typing the familiar words into the text, not really sure if she wanted to do this or not, but also not able to stop herself.
I miss you the most.-S
Brittany's heart was in her throat as she swung around and glanced at the Latina who had her headphones back in and was staring out the window. She couldn't help but stare as a small smile graced the brunette's lips, and even though it wasn't a happy smile, Brittany knew a good song must have just come on from the girls' iPod. She was bobbing her head with the music and looked like she was rapping and Brittany could only shake her head as Santana really got into the rap and was doing her 'ghetto hands' that she does when she really gets going. At the exact moment Brittany started laughing, Santana turned and looked at her; she was mid rap apparently, but couldn't help the smile that spread across her face when she saw Brittany laughing at her.
San turned back to the window though almost immediately after catching herself smiling at Brittany. The blonde felt a fist tighten in her stomach and felt like she might be sick; she got car sick sometimes, but B knew this was just a reaction to seeing Santana so happy then so sad at the same time. Brittany doesn't know what made her do it, but she got up, and with almost everyone's eyes on her, she slowly walked back to the closed eyed Latina.
She sat down next to San and was praying she wouldn't pull away from her or tell her to leave. Santana felt the seat dip again and almost rolled her eyes thinking it was Quinn, but was stopped short when she saw a different blonde sitting next to her. It wasn't her hazel eyed friend; it was the blue eyed beauty that took her breath away. She looked at her for a moment then put her head back onto the seat and closed her eyes.
Brittany knew she could stay, and she leaned and grabbed an ear bud from San's ear, put it in hers, and laid her head on the Latina's shoulder. They sat there for a second, neither of them as much as breathing, until she felt Santana link her pinky with hers. She nestled in closer to her best friend and was grateful that they didn't need to talk about all this right now; they were just going to enjoy the moment of feeling each other close again.
The song 'Pretty Wings' came on and Brittany could feel Santana turning her head to look at her; she was scared to open her eyes, but she did anyway. This was their song; this was the song they would drive around listening to for hours and it brought back so many good moments between them. Santana pulled B off her shoulder and wrapped her arms around her, nestling the blonde into the crook of her neck and breathing in her scent. This song had a much different meaning for the two of them at this moment, but they could do nothing, they were at the mercy of that iPod playlist…
..Time will bring the real end of our trial.
..One day there'll be no remnants,
..no trace, no residual…
..No feelings within ya,
..One day you won't remember me…
..Your face will be the reason I smile,
..But I will not see what I cannot have forever…
..I'll always love ya,
..I hope you feel the same…
She felt Santana's quick intake of breath and couldn't help but squeeze her pinky, hoping with all hope that this song wasn't going to rip them apart when things were feeling better again…
..Whoa, you played me dirty, your game was so bad…
..You toyed with my affliction,
..Had to fill out my prescription,
..For the remedy…
..I had to set you free..
..Away from me,
..To see clearly the way that love can be,
..When you are not with me…
..I had to leave,
..I had to live…
..I had to leave,
..I had to live...
Brittany could feel the tense set of Santana's shoulders as they both listened to the song with new ears. She wanted to throw the iPod out of the buses window, knowing that this one song was ruining her first peaceful encounter with the Latina in a week…
..If I can't have you,
..Let love set you free to fly your pretty wings around…
..Pretty wings, your pretty wings,
..Your pretty wings, pretty wings around…
..I came wrong, you were right…
..Transformed your love into lie…
..Baby believe me, I'm sorry I told you lies…
..I turned day into night…
..Sleep till I die a thousand times…
..I should have showed you,
..Better nights, better times, better days…
..And I miss you more and more…
..If I can't have you…
..Let love set you free…
..To fly your pretty wings around…
..Pretty wings, your pretty wings, your,
..Pretty wings, your Pretty wings around…
When the song was over, the Latina's arms were no longer around her. Her pinky had come out of Brittany's grip sometime during the song, and she knew she was being dismissed. Their moment was over. As Brittany got up to go back to the front of the bus, she couldn't help but whisper in the direction of Santana, 'I miss you the most'. As she walked away, she could have sworn she heard a 'not possible' whispered back to her.
When New Directions finally arrived at the competition site, you could feel the nerves pouring out of them. Some were nervous because this was something that had never been done before; original songs can be a death sentence if done wrong. Some were just nervous because it was a competition, and some, well only one, weren't nervous at all.
Santana loved this stuff; she lived and breathed competing. When she was a Cheerio, she would be the one marching up and down in front of the troops, telling them it was 'do or die' time, looking more like Braveheart than a high school cheerleader. This is when she missed being a Cheerio the most though; the sound of a crowd, the nerves of those around her, the heightened senses she seemed to possess when she knew it was all on them to take home a W. These were the things she missed. She saw Q walking next to Brittany, and even though she didn't want to, she knew they had one more tradition to keep before heading inside.
She walked up and grabbed Quinn's elbow and spun her around, in turn making the taller blonde turn with her. Q's eyes widened for a moment before realizing that they would follow through on their rituals, regardless of how things were between them all. Brittany looked a little scared, so San gave her a small smile and said her line first, "Why are we here?"
The two blondes recited back to her in perfect sync, a small smile playing on their lips, "Because we're the best."
"And why are we the best?"
"Because we work the hardest, run the fastest, and yell the loudest."
"And what will that get us?"
"The Win."
With that, Santana walked around the two girls and headed inside. She felt a knot in her throat as she did so, but she couldn't force herself to go back to her friends. She wanted to get this day over with, regardless of how happy she was to be here.
"I can't believe she still did that!" Brittany pretty much screamed in Quinn's ear, the taller blonde bouncing around her, not able to contain her excitement after what had just passed between the three girls.
"I'm tellin' ya B, she'll come around. Just give her some time, she's a stubborn ass, we all know that." Quinn couldn't help but laugh at her blonde friend as she started pulling her inside.
Brittany could barely control herself as she sat in her spot next to Artie in the crowd. He could see her excitement, but he thought it was because of the competition. So he just linked their hands and marveled at how beautiful she looked when she had a full smile on her face. It was a smile that had been missing for a couple of weeks and he was grateful that it had come back.
The first group came on and Brittany couldn't help but think it was a little strange to sing a song about Jesus, especially since it had been Coach Sylvester's team. I mean, she freaked out on us for singing about religion in Glee and here she is doing a whole show number about it? Brittany didn't pick up on everything, but this truly had her confused.
The New Directions sat through the Warblers routine and Brittany couldn't control but grin when Kurt started to sing. She loved the songs and it made her more relaxed hearing songs that she knew. Plus she was happy to see that Kurt was fitting in so well with his team; it made her feel better to know someone was getting things figured out for themselves.
Santana couldn't help but look at Brittany during the song Candles that the Warblers sang. '…All the games you played, the promises you made, couldn't finish what you started, only darkness still remains…' She knew what she needed to do, she just didn't want to. She knew that even if she couldn't have Brittany in the way she wanted, she still needed her. She just wasn't sure if she could do the whole 'just friends' thing; she didn't know if things could ever be normal.
Because she couldn't figure out any of this, she decided to just enjoy the moment. The Warbler's were singing one of her favorite songs and she just let go; and for the first time in a long time, she was smiling and singing and dancing, and for once, not thinking about anything but having a good time.
Brittany knew they were going to be heading backstage soon, and she wanted to catch Santana's eye before they did. They usually would talk to each other before any competition, but it wasn't like before, this wasn't something her, Quinn, and San did together, this was strictly between her and the Latina. She didn't see her at all as they took their places on each side of the stage. She was kind of worried that the Latina had gotten lost and would miss the show, but before she could freak out, she felt a nudge on her shoulder. She looked over and her heart soared.
Santana was standing on her right, just staring out at the stage. Rachel was about to walk on so they didn't have a lot of time. They didn't say anything to one another for a few moments, just stared at Rachel. Finally, Santana looked up, ran a finger over Brittany's cheek, whispered 'good luck' and turned to walk to her spot behind Mercedes. Before she could get far, Brittany had grabbed her hand. Screw pinkies, I need the whole hand! The blonde yelled inside the confines of her own mind.
Santana stared at her for a second, trying to figure out what she was going to say, but the song started and Rachel was singing. Brittany was staring at her with a look that could only be described as heartbroken. The blonde turned to face the stage, but kept a firm grip on the Latina's hand…
..What have I done? I wish I could run…
..Away from this ship goin' under…
..Just tryin' to help, hurt everyone else…
..Now I feel the weight of the world is…
..On my shoulders…
..What can you do when your good isn't good enough?...
..And all that you touch tumbles down?...
..'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things…
..I just wanna fix it somehow…
..But how many it times will it take?...
..Oh, how many times will it take for me?...
..To get it right…
..To get it right…
The blonde squeezed her hand, trying to convey all of her thoughts and emotions into the simple gesture, turns once to look at her best friend, and then walks out on the stage…
..Can I start again, with my faith shaken?...
..'Cause I can't go back and undo this…
..I just have to stay and face my mistakes…
..But if I get stronger and wiser…
..I'll get through this…
..What can you do when your good isn't good enough?...
..And all that you touch tumbles down?...
..But how many it times will it take?...
..Oh, how many times will it take for me?...
..To get it right…
..So I throw up my fists…
..Throw a punch in the air…
..And accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair…
..Yeah, I'll send out a wish…
..Yeah, I'll send up a prayer…
..And finally, someone will see…
..How much I care!...
Thank God for Mercedes or Santana would have missed their cue to walk out on stage. She saw Brittany, who was all smiles, singing behind Rachel. She couldn't help but notice that the smile was wrong; it was the smile B did when she was trying not to cry.
..What can you do when your good isn't good enough?...
..And all that you touch tumbles down?...
..'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things…
..I just wanna fix it somehow…
When Brittany turned to take her place between Santana and Mercedes, the Latina couldn't stop herself from grazing the blonde's hand as she walked by…
..But how many it times will it take?...
..Oh, how many times will it take for me?...
..To get it right…
..To get it right…
'Damn, Rachel just blew that out of the water.'
That was all the Latina could think as the song ended and the crowd was on its feet.
They ended up winning the competition, which they all knew they were going to after they finished 'Loser Like Me'. It was pretty much a perfect day; and watching Sue punch that lady in the face was also a very big highlight. Santana was back on the bus just reminiscing about all their wins and losses as a team and couldn't hold back a smile when she saw the boys dancing in their seats. The day was pretty much perfect she said to herself as she reached for her iPod.
She was looking around at her friends and happened to catch Brittany looking at her. She was starting to wonder how long this fight between them was going to last. She knew it was her fault just as much as it was Brittany's, but they both had a lot of pride and were not going to give into one another. Just then, Santana realized that she needed to swallow that pride if she ever wanted Brittany back in her life.
She heard her name being called out, which interrupted the internal conversation she was having with herself, and looked up. "I'm having a party tonight! And no worries Mr. Schue, no alcohol, promise!" It was Puck, and apparently she was being told she had plans for the night. "We just need to celebrate, and if we can't drink on a Saturday night, we all might as well hang out together!" Santana nodded her head, agreeing to be there, and went back to her iPod, silently hoping that Brittany hadn't made other plans.
A few hours later, Brittany was driving to Puck's with a car full of people. Artie was in the front and Sam, Mercedes, and Kurt were in the back. They had invited Blaine, but he was still kind of torn up about losing; not Kurt, Kurt was so happy for us he could barely contain himself. "And oh my god, when Rachel started singing that song, and even though I hate to admit it, I could FEEL it. Like, not in a 'I wanna throw up' sort a way either!" Kurt sighed out. He was missing all of us, Brittany could tell, and this was his way of showing it; by coming to their celebration even if his team lost.
They got to Puck's a little later than everyone else, so the party was in full swing when they walked in. The music was turned up and virgin margaritas and daiquiris were being passed around the party. Everyone looked like they were having a good time, and when she glanced over and saw the raven colored hair of her best friend, she had to take a quick breath and turn away before anyone saw her blush.
Santana was in a little black dress, well above the knee and low cut between her still very new looking breasts. She had on a pair of bright red heels that most girls, plus Kurt, would swoon over and her legs looked like a supermodels. "Damn San, lookin' all hot for me?" Sam said, standing over Brittany's shoulder as he looked at Santana. The Latina looked up and locked eyes with Brittany before looking at Sam, "Well duh baby, who else would I want to look this good for?" She got up, brushed past the blonde, and grabbed Sam around the waist.
The blonde boy wasn't used to this type of affection from Santana, so he decided not to comment and brushed some hair out of her eyes. She had a goofy grin on her face as she leaned in to kiss him; 'oh, she tastes like a vodka bottle.' Sam thought as he pulled away from his girlfriend and finally noticed how glassy her eyes were. "You've been drinking; and not the fake stuff either. You're drunk." He accused as he unlocked her arms from his neck.
"M'not." Scoffed the Latina as she looked up at him with a stubborn set to her mouth.
"Oh really? Then why do you taste like a mixed drink and an ashtray?"
"Dunno, m'not drunk though. Hmmm just tipsy." She blurted out and then almost fell over onto the couch. "'Kay, maybe I am a wittttle bit drunk. That's otay though, more fun."
Sam rolled his eyes and looked at Brittany with a 'help me' gaze and the Latina noticed. "Oh right, like she'll be able to help you out. She hates me, but, I got'sa secret." The Latina was leaning in toward Sam's ear now, "I don't hate her at allllll. But shhh, don't tell her, 'kay?" Santana thought she had been whispering, but really she was saying it loud enough for the blonde to hear. Sam glanced at Brittney with a small hint in his eye of understanding, but wasn't going to ask any questions.
Sam didn't love Santana like he loves Quinn. He and Santana had pretty much started dating just to get back at Quinn, but now he was starting to realize maybe it was more than just Quinn that Santana was trying to make jealous. He looked at his girlfriend then back at the blonde, not sure what he could say, but before he could even open his mouth, Brittany was making a break for it.
Brittany pushed her way passed the Latina, into the kitchen and out the back door. She couldn't do this with the brunette right now. She couldn't handle anymore drama from a drunken Santana. She stepped out into the night and leaned against the railing of Puck's deck. She just needed the fresh air to clear away the last of her blush and the thoughts that were racing through her head at what the Latina said. She knew Santana missed her just as much as she missed Santana; when they were on the bus, when they were out front of the competition, right before B went on stage, and after when she caught Santana looking up at her. All of these things proved that Santana still wanted to be near her, even if it wasn't in the way either of them wanted.
She was brought from her daze when the back door swung open and a drunken Santana was stumbling toward her. The brunette threw her a nasty look and pulled a pack of cigarettes from the top of her dress. She pulled one out and lit it, not looking at the blonde when she took a huge hit off of the cigarette. Brittany hated when she smoked, it made her taste all wrong; it made her not taste like cinnamon gum and the distinct taste of Santana herself. She wasn't trying to think about the taste of Santana, something she hadn't had in awhile, so instead she leaned back against the railing just watching the Latina smoke, trying hard not to say anything but also not holding back the look of disgust on her face as her best friend puffed away.
"What?" Santana shot at her when she realized she was staring.
"I didn't say anything; don't get shitty with me because you're drunk and being stupid." Brittany shot back.
"I'm sorry, excuse me?" Santana had walked up to where Brittany was standing, exhaling a stream of smoke toward the blonde who immediately moved away and waved her hand in front of her face. The Latina just laughed and took another long drag off the cigarette then threw the butt out in the yard.
"Why can't you just be sober for one weekend?" Brittany asked her as she sat down on the swing. "I mean, you're drinking because you're pissed, not because we won. If me being here makes you drink then I'll leave." She was about to get up until Santana slid into the space next to her, keeping far enough away to avoid touching.
"I don't drink because of you, don't flatter yourself B." The Latina spat out before taking another swig off the beer she had been holding. "I drink because of me and how pissed off I am. Drinking makes me feel better, because I don't have anything else that makes me feel good."
Brittany knew that comment was directed at her, but decided to ignore it for now. She wasn't going to try and have a conversation with a drunk Santana, it never seemed to end good. They either ended up yelling at each other or having sex, and neither of those two things would make it better. At the thought of sex with the brunette, Brittany had to try to stop the burning feeling in her stomach and between her legs that she got when she started thinking about ripping off Santana's clothes and… STOP Britt.
Santana seemed to sense Brittany's feelings because she moved closer to the blonde and started drawing patterns on her exposed thigh. "Good job today, by the way," The blonde said, trying hard to ignore the hand, "You sang really well." She took a deep breath when she felt the brunette leaning into her neck and whispering "You too" in her ear before taking her earlobe in between her lips. Brittany literally shivered from the contact and she felt the hand on her thigh tighten before continuing the draw its patterns.
She didn't want to do this to herself; she knew she could lean her head to the side and kiss the Latina's lips and they could dash off to her house and no one would be the wiser. She knew she had these options, and yet, she also knew she had to stop it. "San, please, just stop." And she pushed the brunette away, readying herself for a furious Latina. She felt Santana move away from her; she watched as the brunette walked to the railing and slid down onto the deck.
She couldn't help but groan a little as she got up and went to sit on the ground by her best friend. She didn't know if San would push her away or not, so they just sat there; neither of them touching each other, no words being spoken, while Santana cried. She looked up at the blonde a few times, trying to find something in her eyes that made her believe they'd be ok, but Brittany wouldn't meet her gaze.
Ugh, I'm so pathetic, she won't even look at me… Santana was trying to think clearly but the alcohol and head change she got from the cigarette was making her mind fuzzy. She kept crying, not really sure if it was the rejection from the blonde or just the feeling of being so alone that was making her so weak. Finally, the silence was too much, and all she could say was how sorry she was.
She almost laughed at Brittany's expression, because she looked so confused at the simple words she had just spoken; she decided she needed to elaborate. "I'm sorry for coming on to you, I'm sorry for being a bitch when I'm around you, I'm sorry for always trying to ignore you, and I'm sorry that I'm not sorry for loving you."
She wasn't planning on saying the last part, but since she was apologizing, she figured she'd get it all out. Brittany was staring at her again, her mouth hanging open, obviously not sure if she should even try to comment on the last part. Instead, she let out a whoosh of air and grabbed the Latina's hand, pulling it into her lap and wrapping her other hand around them both.
"I'm sorry that you think I'm choosing Artie over you, for making you think that you were second on my list." The Latina was about to interrupt, but Brittany silenced her. "I'm sorry that I love you and it's not enough right now. I'm sorry that I want to be with you so bad that it hurts and that I'm not able to be with you…. And, I'm sorry…" Santana looked up, waiting for the rest, but when B looked like she wasn't going to continue, she asked, "And what B? I can tell you weren't finished… what else?"
Brittany was scared to death to say the next words, but she had to say them. She had to let Santana go because if she doesn't, San will never know who she truly is. Her mom's words were ringing in her ears... "When she figures it all out, she'll be over the moon to tell you…" She looked over at her best friend; she met brown eyes so deep you could fall into them, a face that Brittany couldn't even find the words for because it was her everything. She could feel Santana's hand in hers, and she tightened her grip, hoping beyond hope that she would hear her out.
"Please let me get everything out before you get mad or try to leave or anything ok?" She looked at Santana who could only swallow deep and nod her head. "Ok, I'm sorry, but I have to let you go. I don't want to lose you, please don't think that's what I mean. I mean that I need you to find yourself, without me, because that's never happened before. When you used to go on summer vacations with your family, you always would take your cousins and I would be left here by myself. I got to learn about who I was San, but you, you've always had someone with you. You've always had me or Quinn and I honestly don't think you've ever learned to just be comfortable with just being by yourself."
She glanced at Santana, whose eyes were now turning a bit cold. Brittany knew she was losing her, and fast, because when her eyes do this, it makes it impossible to read her face, so the blonde quickly continued. "I just think that maybe you and I should take a break from each other. We've been hanging on so tight that we've forgotten what it's like to be our own person. San, you need to figure out who you are."
"I know who I am!" Santana almost shouted as she tried to rip her hand from Brittany's, but B just tightened her grip. She was stronger than Santana and she knew she could keep her there until she finished talking.
"I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to answer me honestly." She said it softly and Santana was still struggling, but Brittany just sat there, waiting for her to stop. "If I said that I would break up with Artie and that I wanted you," that got her attention she thought, "on Monday, would you stand in front of the entire school and tell them I was yours. That I was all you ever wanted and that we were dating and that our relationship is real. Would you be able to walk down the hall with my hand in yours and kiss me at our lockers and sing to me in Glee? Would you be able to do that?"
Santana was staring at her, wanting with everything in her body to scream 'yes' and lead the parade to tell Artie he was single, but she couldn't. She was scared to death of what the peons at school would say, and the power they had over her only made her feel weaker.
"No Brittany, I wouldn't be able to do that yet…" She added the 'yet' to let Brittany know she was seriously going to work on herself, to figure out who she was and what she wanted.
She could see the blonde's face fall just a bit and she couldn't help but crawl up to her knees and sit in front of her best friend. She took her face between her hands; she loved the way Brittany's creamy skin looked laying in between her caramel colored fingers and leaned in and pressed a small kiss to her lips. "When I figure this out, I promise, you will be the first to know." She says as she presses another kiss to the blonde's mouth.
Brittany looked up with tears in her eyes and couldn't help but grab Santana's wrists and pull her hands from her face. "I know…" she whispered. She slowly got up, knowing she needed to say one more thing.
"San, this week, at school and stuff, I don't want us to not be ok… I know we're fighting and stuff, but can things just be ok? Just, maybe not back to normal, but at least can we not intentionally try to hurt each other anymore?" Brittany was nervously playing with her hands, not able to look at Santana because she wasn't sure how she would be answered.
She felt a finger under her chin and she was once again staring into brown eyes. "I can't promise that I won't be distant, because I don't think I can be around you without wanting you, but I won't be mean anymore. I know I've been a bitch all week, so yea, we'll be ok."
"You promise?" the blonde asked as Santana turned to walk away. Santana turned around and for the first time in a week found herself smiling and sounding hopeful,
"I promise."
Alrighty guys, another chapter done! So, like I said, this was supposed to be shorter than the earlier one, but no, it wasn't. I just had a lot to get out. Not sure when I'll update again, my boo is coming in town this weekend, so I'll be pretty much pre-occupied.
He'll bring me flowers, I gotta be nice and pay attention to him some too! ;)
Anywho, hope you enjoyed it! Let me know what you think! I love people's ideas, and anything you guys wanna give me could easily be put in here! Thanks guys! You're the best!
-Kat
P.s. First song on the bus was 'I never told you' by Colbie Caillat. And even though I didn't write it in, I picture Santana rapping along with some 'BeuGhetto' by Ali & Murphy from the Saint Lunatics. The second song, when B and San were listening together, was 'Pretty Wings' by Maxwell. The last was of course, 'Get it Right' from Glee. xoxo