A/N: Thank you for the feedback I have received. As I said in the summary, this story is heavily based on the song "Unfaithful" by Rihanna. I don't know when the next installation to this series will be, because I'm out of inspiration! I've been trying to make each chapter correlate with a song, and I'm out of ideas for songs. We'll see what I come up with…Thanks again for feedback- it is much loved!!
I am standing in front of the looking glass. Faramir tells me that I look beautiful, and I turn to smile at him, feeling guilty, but not showing it. Over the past few months, I have become quite good at that. I am pinning my hair up (though I know soon that all the pins will be pulled out) and I can feel his gaze on my back. Lately, he has been watching me more often, has become more interested in how I spend my days. A quick glace at his reflection confirms that he is, indeed, looking at me, a sad smile on his face until he covers it quickly. A look passes between us, before he lowers his eyes and all of a sudden my heart jumps into my throat.
And I know he knows.
Now I can feel it in the air; it is between us as he leans in to kiss my cheek. I can feel it there, too; his kiss is different. He knows I am unfaithful. And I know he can read me well enough to know that I read him, as well. He backs away, and I never think to tell him the truth. Just keep hiding from him, lying to him.
Presently, he asks me how long I will be gone, on my walk. I tell him it won't be long, because the air is gaining a chill at this time of night. I didn't have to say this, this lie. He already knows that I am not going for a walk. We both know it. I can see it in his eyes. I can see the pain there that he tries to hide. He will not say anything to me. He will let me go into another man's arms. And I know it is because he loves me.
I put a final pin in my hair, kiss him on the cheek, and turn to leave.
"Eowyn," he calls me. I stop, though I am already mostly out the door. I do not turn, though. I cannot bear to see his face. He continues, "You are my life. I love you." It catches me for a moment, my eyes shutting in self-loathing. He is pleading with me to tell the truth. I cannot.
"I love you, too," and I can't even turn to look at him, just walk out the door, for I know what I will see. He is slowly dying. Every time I leave like this, every time I leave for my "walk," every night I come home late, lying about my findings in the Houses of Healing, it kills him inside. How long has he known? Suddenly, the pain, the guilt, is too much.
I don't want to do this anymore.
I don't want to be the reason why, every time I walk out the door, I see him die a little more inside.
I crumble to the ground, far enough away from the door that Faramir won't hear my sobs.
I am his life, he told me. I don't want to take that away from him. I don't want to take away his life. I don't want to hurt him anymore. How did I not see it on his face? How long as he known? Did I think he was stupid, that he wouldn't know? Suddenly, I realize that I have been the stupid one. I am killing everything I have, everything I love. For what? It is different with Aragorn, true. But there is nothing there. There will never be anything there. Nothing will come of it but hurt; already, there is hurt. I did not want this.
This will be the last night, I promise myself.
I don't want to do this anymore.